No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12)

by Chelsea Thomas

  “I can’t believe you touched that clump of hair,” said Miss May.

  “Me neither. It was so…oily.”

  “What do you think we should do now?”

  I let out a deep exhale. “I don’t know. But I still need to find something to wear.”

  6

  Who, What, Wear

  I settled on a green dress with white polka dots. Technically, yes, it was my lucky dress. And it was my favorite dress. But I didn’t choose it for those reasons. I chose it because it was a warm night and the little green polka dotted number was one of the few dresses I owned.

  I paired the dress with a gauzy white cardigan in case it got chilly. I also wore black peep toe heels and a dainty gold necklace Miss May had gotten me. The necklace had a simple, elegant chain with a rose pendant dangling at the end and it fell perfectly at my collarbone.

  When I went downstairs to head out for the evening Miss May was about to bite into a big, juicy hamburger. When she saw me, she lowered the burger and smiled. “What a beautiful girl. Walk the catwalk, do a spin move.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not walking the catwalk for you, Miss May.”

  “Fine. But will you just twirl? You know I like a good twirl. I never wear dresses so I have to live vicariously through you.”

  I held my arms above my head like a ballerina and twirled in the kitchen. Miss May beamed. “Gorgeous. And you look comfortable, too. That’s important.”

  “I am comfortable,” I said. “Wearing this dress feels like wearing nothing at all.”

  Miss May looked at me over the edge of her glasses.

  “Not like that, Miss May. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

  Miss May laughed. “Have fun. Tell Teeny I said hi.”

  “I still can’t believe Wayne wants to take me to Grandma’s for this date. It’s so…familiar.”

  Miss May shrugged. “It’s the best restaurant in town. That’s about to be confirmed by popular vote.”

  I pulled into the parking lot in my sky blue pickup to find Wayne waiting outside. When he spotted me he hurried over, opened the driver’s side door, and helped me out of the truck.

  “Chelsea. Hey. Wow. Beautiful dress. You look like an Irish maiden about to drink water from a fresh spring.”

  I scrunched up my face. “You’re just describing a TV commercial you saw for Irish soap.”

  Wayne turned up his hands. “It was a good commercial. It stuck with me. And you do look like that girl, for real. Are you ready to eat?”

  “Always.”

  Teeny rushed forward to greet us as soon as we entered the restaurant. “Finally. You’re here. When I saw that Wayne had made a reservation for two I knew he was going to be bringing you here. Hi, Wayne. You made the right choice picking this restaurant for your date.”

  “Hey, Teeny. Best restaurant in town.”

  “Yeah, yeah, thanks for saying so, but have you voted on it?” Teeny asked.

  “Whole department has,” Wayne said. “You got this thing locked.”

  “Don’t jinx it. Come on, let me show you to your table.”

  Wayne leaned forward and whispered something to Teeny. She shot a furtive glance in my direction then nodded as Wayne spoke.

  “Do you two have something up your collective sleeve?” I said.

  “Just a good dinner,” said Wayne. “That’s all.”

  Teeny led us all the way through the dining room and into the adjacent party room, which was usually closed for events.

  “Where are you taking us?” I asked with a playful lilt.

  “You’ll see,” said Teeny. “Don’t be a sleuth right now. Just enjoy your date.”

  “Smart lady,” said Wayne.

  A few seconds later, Teeny pushed open the door to the party room and Wayne and I stepped inside. All the tables had been cleared out except for one, which sat in the center of the room under a spotlight.

  There was a nice linen cloth on the table, along with fine china and silverware, and romantic music played through the speakers.

  I smiled. “Wayne. You arranged all this? I was wondering why you wanted to go to Grandma’s for a nice dinner.”

  Teeny stomped her foot. “Hey!”

  “You know what I mean, Teeny,” I said.

  Wayne looked down. “Yeah. Teeny was super helpful. She set the whole thing up with me. Even helped me pick the music and the special menu.”

  I looked over at Teeny. “Special menu?”

  Teeny pointed over to the table. “Sit down, sit down. You’ll see.”

  Teeny bustled back out to the main restaurant. Then… Wayne and I were alone together.

  I felt suddenly nervous. My pulse throbbed in my neck. My ears turned pink and warm. I had so much I had wanted to talk about with Wayne but I couldn’t manage to utter a single word.

  I decided to focus on my surroundings. The lighting was perfect. And there was fresh Italian bread and olive oil on the table, along with a bottle of red wine. It was all so nice, I felt like I was at a café in Tuscany or Paris.

  Wayne poured me a glass of wine, using excessive care not to drip any wine off the lip of the bottle.

  “Are you happy? Is this nice?”

  I nodded. “This is nice. You did good.”

  “Teeny helped a lot.”

  “Just take the credit,” I said with a grin.

  “OK,” Wayne said. “It was all me. I did it.”

  “Wow, such a lack of humility,” I said.

  “I can’t win.” Wayne chuckled.

  Teeny poked her head back into the party room. “How’s it going in here? Seems flirty. You know, this reminds me of the steamiest episode of Jenna and Mr. Flowers I’ve ever seen. Jenna and Mr. Flowers don’t get romantic. That would be totally wrong. Really jumping the shark. No, actually, Jenna meets a distinguished real estate magnate while she’s shopping for broccoli at the market. She and the magnate have a lot of cute banter about the broccoli. Apparently, he hates it. But she’s convinced that he’s just never tasted broccoli cooked right. Long story short, turns out the real estate magnate was a killer and Jenna had to put him behind bars. They had a sweet little date just like this one before he went away for life. Enjoy your dinner.”

  Wayne and I laughed and slipped into easy conversation. He told me about what had been going on in his week. We talked about how Wayne grew up in the Bronx. And we got into a little more detail about my life, both before and after the death of my parents.

  Miss May and Teeny knew my life story so well. It was good to talk to someone who was still learning about me. And it was nice to learn more about Wayne. He grew up with dogs named Spot and Rover, by the way. I thought that was so funny! Spot and Rover are such classic dog names. I didn’t know any dogs had ever actually been named that.

  “I had to use those names,” said Wayne. “Spot had tons of spots. And Rover was always wandering around, digging stuff up. The dogs named themselves!”

  After about twenty minutes, Teeny emerged carrying a large silver platter. “And now you will be served your main course. A dish many have heard about but few have tasted. Cuisine so exquisite that it’s rarely cooked except for the most special occasions. Chelsea’s favorite…”

  I sat up and widened my eyes. “Is it…don’t tell me…it can’t be…”

  Teeny removed the lid from the silver platter with a flourish. “That’s right! It’s Teeny’s almost famous baked ziti. Fresh mozzarella, San Marzano tomato sauce, creamy ricotta, and fresh basil from my garden. Enjoy.”

  Teeny placed the dish on the table and hurried out. I shook my head, amused and overwhelmed. “I can’t believe Teeny made this baked ziti. You don’t understand. She hasn’t made this in like a hundred years. And it’s so good.”

  Wayne smiled. “I asked her to make your favorite. Glad she delivered.”

  “I wonder if this was the dish she was perfecting. I bet it was.”

  “You want to try some?”

  I nodded. Wayne scooped up big se
rving of baked macaroni from the dish and unloaded it onto my plate, then he served himself an even bigger portion. Wayne grabbed his fork and was about to dig into his pasta when I reached out and stopped him.

  “Wait!”

  Wayne froze.

  “This is gonna sound crazy,” I said. “But I think we should eat this baked ziti at the exact same moment. The experience should be shared.”

  Wayne nodded. “Makes sense to me. You wanna count down, or should I?”

  “Wait, wait, wait. First, get a good bite,” I said. “You need to have a little bit of every element. Don’t get just pasta or just cheese. And make sure you have enough sauce, the sauce is key. Maybe like, part of a basil leaf too.”

  Wayne assembled his bite. So did I. Then I counted down from three, and on zero we both ate.

  Wayne close his eyes as he chewed. “This is incredible. I mean, I’m from New York City, so I’ve had good Italian food. But this is beyond good. It’s sublime.”

  Wayne was right. The cheese was perfect. The pasta was made fresh that day. The dish couldn’t have been better. “I know what you mean,” I said. “And it’s crazy because Teeny’s not even Italian.”

  “A good cook can make food from any nation,” said Wayne. “That’s one of my fundamental beliefs.”

  I laughed. “I like that. Do you have any other fundamental beliefs?”

  “Hmmm. I kind of just invented that one.”

  “Well if you had to guess at your other fundamental beliefs…what would you say?”

  Wayne shrugged. “Innocent until proven guilty? Family first. Always do what’s right. And the Knicks will return to glory once again.”

  “That’s a beautiful list, Wayne. Spoken like a true cop from New York.”

  “What about you?”

  “I agree with a lot of that. I don’t know. I’m not that familiar with the former glory of the Knicks, but I’m sure you’re right about that.”

  “Oh yeah! You and sports don’t mix. I almost forgot the end of our last investigation. You were… really out of your element.”

  “That’s true,” I said. “But I’m willing to watch the Knicks if you’re willing to teach me about basketball.”

  “Sounds like a dream come true to me. But first I’m gonna need to hear more of your fundamental beliefs.”

  “But basketball!” I said.

  “Yeah right.” Wayne wipes his mouth with his napkin. “I’m not letting you get away with basically saying ‘ditto’ to my list.”

  “Well. I think family is important. I guess…general kindness. Love of animals. Justice.”

  “Justice is a good one.” Wayne looked up at me. Our eyes met.

  “I feel like there’s more,” I said. “I don’t know. It’s hard to sum up all your fundamental beliefs over baked ziti.”

  “Well, we don’t have to stop talking yet. I was thinking I might take you for ice cream after dinner,” said Wayne. “If that sounds good to you.”

  “Ice cream!” I shrieked like a little kid. “I mean, yeah. Sure. Sounds fine. I’m cool with that. For sure.”

  Wayne chuckled. Teeny poked her head back in to see if we were finished and to get her well-deserved praise. Then she backed out one slow step at a time, grinning as she eavesdropped on our banter.

  As we walked over to the Cherry on Top, a feeling of overwhelming fullness overtook my body. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I ate about seven to ten thousand calories of baked macaroni at dinner.

  Every bite felt so good going down. But there I was, thirty minutes later, sweaty, nauseous, and feeling gross.

  I had noticed that Wayne didn’t eat as much as me during dinner and to be honest, I had judged him for it. What kind of man can’t eat three days worth of calories in one sitting? But as we approached the ice cream shop and he described the sundae he was ready to order, all I could think about was lying down or maybe even having to vomit.

  “You go inside,” I said. “I need to call Miss May real quick. There’s an apple thing I just remembered. Apple emergency. I’ll be right in. I’m just gonna stand in this fresh air for a minute and talk about apples.”

  Wayne looked concerned. “You OK?”

  “Totes. I’m mega cool. Funky fresh.”

  Wayne laughed. “OK. I’ll see you inside in a couple minutes.”

  As soon as Wayne entered the ice cream shop, the feeling of nausea overtook me. I rushed over to the vacant unit beside Cherry on Top and pressed my forehead against the cool, clean glass. I held my head there for a few seconds, trying to cool down and steady my stomach.

  After a little bit, I started to feel better. But when I opened my eyes, I saw something inside the vacant unit that made me feel ten times sicker than I already was…

  7

  Business is Dead

  A body was sprawled inside the vacant storefront. The man was on his back with his arms spread out to the side and his legs bent at odd angles. The guy almost looked like the cartoon image of a person or, more specifically, a murder victim. Like he was already prepared for the chalk outline.

  I knocked on the window a few times to make sure the man wasn’t asleep. Worth a shot, right? But the guy didn’t move. He didn’t even flinch. And I knocked loud.

  I cupped my hands around my eyes and tried to get a better look inside the empty unit. That’s when I noticed that the dead man was Todd, the predatory loan shark.

  I took a step back from the window. My heart pounded in my chest and in my temples. I sucked in a deep breath to steady myself. I clutched my hands together to keep them from shaking.

  No matter how many dead bodies I found, it never felt normal or natural. It always felt scary and sad, even if the victim was a hate-able dog bone of a person. And, almost always, the discovery of a dead body was accompanied by the feeling of danger.

  What if the killer was still nearby?

  I spun around and pressed my back against the window to get a better view of my surroundings. An upbeat pop song played from nearby speakers at the ice cream shop. The peppy sound made my morbid discovery even creepier. Like the happy music was taunting me from afar.

  But other than the sound of that music, downtown Pine Grove was quiet. There were no pedestrians in sight. No mysterious cars were parked across the street, watching me. And there were no dark figures lurking in the shadows.

  My scanned the area for clues but couldn’t spot anything out of the ordinary. Then a footstep crunched from nearby. I gasped and spun around.

  It was Wayne, holding two big ice cream cones. “Did I spook you? Sorry. I’m lighter on my feet than I look. I opted for a cone instead of a sundae. I got you one too.”

  “Dead… Dead… Dead is…”

  Wayne took a step toward me. “Whoa. What’s going on? You OK? Your eyes are like dinner plates.”

  “Dead body.”

  Splat. Wayne dropped the ice cream cones, which would have been funny if not for the circumstances, and his hand immediately went to the weapon on his belt. He stepped closer to me and scanned the area. “Are you OK?”

  I nodded. Wayne got close to me and assumed a protective stance. Yes, it was an attractive moment for him. But I had more important things to focus on. Like the dead body.

  “What happened?” Wayne asked. “Did you see anything?”

  I shook my head. “No one’s around. I haven’t spotted anything suspicious out here.”

  “Hold on a second,” said Wayne. “Have you been out here snooping for clues by yourself? I’m a cop! I was ten steps away at the ice cream shop. Why didn’t you come and get me?”

  I cringed. It was true. I hadn’t thought to call out for Wayne. Frankly, Miss May and I had solved all the murders that had taken place in Pine Grove thus far. Wayne had been helpful on some of our investigations, but I didn’t feel like he was more of an expert than I was on cracking cases and solving crimes. Miss May and I were better detectives than him. That didn’t seem like a nice thing to tell your date. Or the police officer at a crim
e scene. So I went with a white lie. “Sorry. I was on my way to come find you. I think I was in shock. I’m glad you came out.”

  Wayne wrapped me up in a hug. Maybe I had been shocked. Because when he pulled me in close and I rested my cheek on his chest, I felt comforted me in a way I didn’t know I’d needed. “It’s OK. We’re safe. I’m gonna call for backup.”

  “No,” I said, without thinking.

  Wayne stepped back from the hug and looked at me. “No I can’t call for backup? That’s protocol. I’ve gotta report this to Chief Flanagan.”

  I looked down and then cast a glance back up at Wayne, trying to look a little flirty. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t call her at all. But maybe you and I could scope out the scene of the crime first? Seems like a fun date for an amateur sleuth and a hot detective.”

  “Chelsea, seriously? You want to turn this murder scene into part of our date?”

  “OK. Forget it. I thought it could be fun.”

  “Murders are never fun,” said Wayne.

  “I know. Forget I ever said anything. Call Flanagan. I’ll get Miss May to pick me up. Good luck with your investigation.” I took out my phone to pretend to call Miss May. Was I pouting? Maybe a little. Was it working on Wayne? I couldn’t tell…

  Wayne reached out his hand to stop me. “Wait. Maybe we can take a quick look around. But you can’t tell anyone.”

  I nodded, feeling proud that I had utilized my feminine wiles to great success. Miss May and Teeny would be proud of me too. “Should we see if we can get inside?”

  Wayne nudged the front door to the vacant unit with his elbow. It opened a crack. He pushed a little harder and the door squeaked open. He stepped inside the vacant unit, holding the door open for me. I entered.

  Wayne’s posture changed as soon as we entered the space. His body language shifted, from guy on date to action movie star. His right hand rested on his gun. His eyes darted around the room. His left arm stretched in front of me protectively.