No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12)

by Chelsea Thomas

“Your children are adults. They can take care of themselves.”

  “You think that makes it any better? Neither of those have held down a job for longer than six months in their lives. What am I supposed to do, kick them out on the street? That’s what Todd wanted.” Eve took a moment and gathered herself. “But he’s gone now. Todd is no longer in either of our lives. To me, that’s payout enough. I no longer have to live with that burden of a human being and neither do you. Can’t we both just count our blessings and move on from this ugliness?”

  Emily stammered. “I suppose you have a good point. I guess money isn’t going to help me heal from the way Todd treated me. But maybe making peace with you will.”

  “Exactly,” said Eve.

  “I’m going to need the night to think about this,” said Emily. “But I understand this must all be hard for you. I’m not a bad person. I don’t want to make a grieving widow suffer.”

  “Oh thank goodness,” said Eve. “So you’ll drop the suit?”

  “I don’t want to make any commitments. But—”

  “But you’ll drop the suit!” Eve squealed with joy. “Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. I’ve had to tinkle for the last ten minutes of this conversation. Will you excuse me for a second?”

  “Sure,” said Emily. “But—”

  “Thank you again,” said Eve. “You’re an incredible young woman. I wish my own daughter was one tenth as kind as you.”

  The wheels in my mind turned as I watch Eve head off toward the bathroom. From the sound of it, both Eve and Emily hated Todd more than they had let on in our conversations. Both women despised the man and felt abused by him. Both, therefore, were strong suspects.

  I couldn’t decide which woman was the more likely killer. But I had a strong feeling there was at least one murderer staying in the hotel along side us that night. And I didn’t like that one bit.

  24

  Home Improvement

  I got back up to the room and found Teeny and Miss May once again laying in bed watching home improvement shows. They both sat up when I entered.

  “Finally. How did it go?” Miss May climbed out of the bed and gave me a hug. “We were worried about you.”

  “It doesn’t look like you were worried.” I pointed at the ruffled covers on the bed, where Teeny continued to lounge. “It looks like you picked up where we left off this afternoon.”

  “Miss May was worried,” said Teeny, “not me. I turned on the HGTV so she could calm herself down. And it worked! Also, I ate all four of the pillow chocolates. Sorry about that but you know I don’t do well without my desserts.”

  “That’s fine,” I said. “I ate a whole loaf of bread when I went back down.”

  “So what happened down there?” said Teeny. “Did you learn anything? Did you talk to them?”

  I shook my head. “I never planned on talking to them. My goal was to eavesdrop. And that’s what I did.”

  Teeny muted the television and swung her legs over the edge of the bed to get a better look at me. “That’s my girl. Master of disguise. Sultan of surreptitious sleuthing. What did you find out?”

  “Sultan of surreptitious sleuthing,” I repeated. “I like that.”

  “I told you. I’m great with obliteration.”

  “Alliteration,” said Miss May. “Let’s stay focused here. Chelsea, I already corrected Teeny on your behalf. So now tell us what you learned.”

  I obeyed Miss May’s command and catapulted into a detailed retelling of my mission down in the dining room. Teeny and Miss May listened with rapt attention. Neither asked a single question, nor did they interrupt once. So I concluded by saying, “I now yield the floor to questions.”

  “Thank you for yielding the floor, Your Honor,” said Teeny. “I have a question: would you describe the look in Eve’s eyes as ‘bloodthirsty’ or ‘sinister’?”

  “She already said she wasn’t looking at Eve,” said Miss May.

  “Fine. Would you describe the sound in Eve’s voice as ‘bloodthirsty’ or ‘sinister’?” Teeny asked.

  “Neither of them sounded bloodthirsty. It was all cordial, for the most part.”

  “So Emily wasn’t angry either?” Miss May inquired. “It sounds like she would have been pretty worked up if she was mad enough to sue Todd for whatever he did.”

  “I just don’t think Emily gets that mad,” I said. “She was upset, sure, but in a very calm and rational way. I don’t think she’s going to go through with the lawsuit. And I don’t think she killed Todd, either.”

  “Why not?” Teeny asked. “He threatened her and verbally abused her countless times. She sued him for emotional damages. He found out he was being sued. He probably laughed in her face like a jerk. So she killed him. It all checks out to me.”

  I sat on the bed and pulled off my shoes. “For one thing, I don’t agree with that logic. Yes, Emily had been wronged by Todd and we know that she sued him. But I think the fact that Emily sued Todd is proof that she couldn’t have killed him. Murderers don’t sue people, they murder them.”

  “I think they can do both,” said Teeny.

  “Hold on,” said Miss May. “Chelsea has a point. In all the investigations we’ve conducted, we’ve come across a lot of killers. And not a one of them thought about society in quite the way everyone else does. Killers don’t try to solve problems within the systems that have been created. They’re somehow too arrogant for that, or too angry, or too unconventional. The only solution a killer ever sees is killing their enemy. Not a single killer we’ve apprehended is the suing type.”

  Teeny stood. “That doesn’t mean litigious killers don’t exist. Once, on an episode of Jenna and Mr. Flowers, this exact circumstance arose. It was a feud between two business partners. One partner sued the other. The lawsuit didn’t work. So the first guy killed the second with a cinnamon stick.”

  “But in your example the two men had a history it sounds like,” said Miss May. “There were years of resentment that had been brewing, tons of disputes about how to run the business probably, stuff like that. I can see how a situation like that might lead to murder, but I don’t think Emily and Todd had that kind of history at all.”

  Teeny paced back and forth, stroking her chin. Suddenly, she turned back to me. “So Emily agreed to drop the suit, right?”

  I nodded. “More or less. She said she was gonna sleep on it, but she seemed to feel bad for Eve.”

  “Is it possible Emily lied?” Teeny asked. “Maybe she said she was going to drop the suit but actually she’s going to double the amount of legal pressure she’s putting on Eve.”

  “I suppose that’s possible.” I stood and paced beside Teeny. “But Eve was compelling in her argument, and Emily didn’t seem like she was lying. She seemed like she no longer saw the point in suing a dead man or his broke family.”

  Miss May pointed at me. “I think you just said the magic word.”

  “Broke?” I said.

  Miss May nodded. “Yeah. From the sound of it, Eve and her adult children were left penniless by Todd. Seems like the family was struggling financially, even before Todd died. And although Todd might have thought a predatory loan shop in Pine Grove would solve the family’s financial woes, maybe Eve disagreed. Maybe Eve has seen this pattern play out before. The family saves a little money, Todd opens a stupid business and they go bankrupt. Maybe Eve got sick of watching that cycle repeat itself. So she made what she saw as a more sound business decision.”

  “She killed Todd for the insurance money,” I said.

  Teeny gasped. “That has to be what happened. Life insurance money. I always forget about that. There’s not a lot of life insurance stuff on Jenna and Mr. Flowers, but you’re right. Todd’s death could have been a big payday for Eve.”

  “That would also explain why Eve was so desperate to get Emily to drop the lawsuit.” I turned to Miss May. “Life insurance takes a long time to pay out if foul play is suspected in the death, right?”

  “It can t
ake months if foul play is suspected,” said Miss May.

  “There’s obviously foul play suspected in Todd’s death. So if Eve gets a life insurance pay out, it’s not going to happen for a while, until the mystery is solved,” I said.

  “So Eve needs Emily to drop the suit now, while Eve is still broke,” said Miss May, continuing my thought. “Because if Emily is still suing Eve when Eve gets rich from that payout… Emily might be able to make a play for that money.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “As it stands now, there’s no reason for Emily to sue a broke family. But there’s far more reason to sue a family that just inherited a large life insurance claim.”

  “So Eve or one of the kids might have killed Todd for insurance money.” Teeny shivered. “Pretty cold to kill your own husband or father.”

  Miss May looked out the window. “People do all sorts of crazy things when their backs are up against the wall. We barely talked to Eve or her children. Maybe they’re just cold enough to murder a member of the family.”

  “If that’s true, there would be nothing stopping them from killing a trio of unsuspecting amateur detectives, either,” I said.

  Miss May nodded. “From here on out we proceed with extreme caution.”

  25

  Family Feud

  We pulled up to Todd and Eve’s house the next morning around 10 AM. We had all gotten volcanic body scrubs a few hours prior, so I had enjoyed a feeling of relaxation for much of the drive. But when we arrived at Todd’s, my neck tightened and I felt the beginnings of a tension headache at the base of my neck.

  There was a huge pile of clothing and miscellaneous items piled near Eve’s mailbox. A sign near the stuff said “free stuff.” Another sign, about a foot a way, said, “Warning. This stuff belonged to a dirt bag.”

  I pulled past the piles at a slow cruising speed then parked at the top of the driveway. As soon as we piled out of the car, Eve exploded from the front door out onto the yard, lugging a garbage bag that teemed with more stuff. She had a lit cigarette in her mouth, and she was so determined she didn’t even see us standing there.

  We all stood and watched as Eve dragged the bag to the curb and dumped it out alongside the rest of Todd’s stuff. When Eve turned back toward the house and saw us she jumped back, surprised.

  “My goodness, you three scared me. What is wrong with you? We already have one dead member of the family this week, you want to cause another one? You almost gave me a heart attack. And I’ll tell you what, if Todd owed you money, you’re not going to see a penny. I don’t have it. Buzz off.”

  Eve stormed back inside the house and slammed the door behind her. Teeny clasped her hands together. “Well she’s in a good mood. Maybe we should come back another time when she’s not tossing all of her dead husband’s stuff in the street in a fit of rage. Just a hunch, but I’m not sure she’s in the mood for company.”

  “We can’t wait for another day,” said Miss May. “We need to talk to Eve as soon as possible. Whether we like it or not.”

  Eve spilled out of the house carrying a flatscreen TV. She charged past us, stopped a few feet short of the pile, then threw the TV toward the end of the driveway. I heard the screen shatter upon landing and winced. It looked like a perfectly good television. Not anymore.

  Eve charged straight up to us and crossed her arms. “I told you three to leave. I don’t have your money or your drugs or whatever it is you’re after.”

  “We’re just here to offer our condolences.” Miss May pulled an entire apple pie from her large purse. That was one of her signature tricks and it rarely failed her. “Todd’s an old…friend. Remember? We came to look for him once before, and you uh…didn’t know his whereabouts. Anyway. We’ve all lost people, too. So we understand how hard this can be. Here. We have pie.”

  Eve dropped her cigarette and snuffed it out with her foot. “What kind of pie?”

  Eve’s living room was piled high with more of what I assumed to be artifacts from Todd’s life. Ancient sports trophies, old movie posters, a broken pair of skis, you get the picture. The place was a mess. It smelled like smoke and coffee. I did my best to suppress a cough.

  “You’ve got a lovely home,” said Miss May.

  “Save the false flattery for someone who believes in fairy tails,” said Eve. “I grew up rough and tumble. And I know this isn’t a far cry from rough and it’s even closer to tumble. It’s a dump and it’s disgusting. And I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

  “Looks like it’s got good bones to me,” said Teeny. “I love the moldings and…the moldings.”

  “These wood floors are beautiful, too. They look original to the home,” I said. “I worked for a long time as an interior designer. Wood floors like this are tough to come by. And these are in great condition.”

  “The floors are fine, considering how slovenly my family is,” Eve snarled. “Is that what you mean?”

  “No. Not at all.” I gulped. Eve was aggressive and defensive. Not a good combination.

  “I was admiring the floors as well,” said Miss May. “It’s a miracle they have so few blemishes considering that you raised your two children here.”

  “Moved here after they grew up.”

  “I see,” said Miss May. “How are they, anyway? It’s so much quieter today than it was last time we visited. Are they doing alright?”

  “They’re both in their room, sitting quietly and writing depressed poems about their beloved, dearly departed father.”

  Miss May’s eyes widened. “Oh. They are?”

  Eve scoffed. “Of course not. Those ungrateful twerps are out at the bar or something. They take after their father like that. What’s with the questions, anyway? You’re prying and you should be pie-ing.”

  “Just concerned,” said Miss May. “Is the kitchen this way? Let’s get you a slice of pie.”

  Miss May took a couple steps toward the kitchen. Eve blocked her path. “How did you say you knew Todd?”

  “Just from around town,” said Miss May.

  Even narrowed her eyes. I sensed we might not have much longer to visit in Todd’s home so I decided to be more proactive in my detective work. “I’m sorry. I need to use the bathroom. Where is it?”

  Eve nodded down a long corridor. “Down the hall. Second door on your left. Double flush if you’re making a number two. Todd was supposed to fix the plumbing before he died. Add it to his list of failures.”

  I set off down the hallway as Eve, Miss May, and Teeny disappeared into the kitchen. Within seconds, I found myself alone in the corridor. I nudged a door open with my toe. I looked in the first room. It was a bedroom. There was an open suitcase on the bed, overflowing with women’s clothes. I stepped inside and looked at the tag on the old, brown luggage. The suitcase belonged to Eve. That’s weird, I thought. Why would Eve be living out of a suitcase in her own home?

  “Bathroom’s down the hall, I said.” Eve entered the room, scowling.

  I stumbled back. “Oh. Sorry. I get confused real easy. Like…a blind dog. Just always bumping into stuff, you know?” Have I ever mentioned how good I am under pressure?

  “Good to know. Like I said, bathroom’s down the hall.”

  “Thanks,” I said, walking back toward the hall. “I love that suitcase. I was just checking out the brand. It’s so cool and vintage. I would love one for myself. Did you go on vacation recently?”

  Eve shook her head. “Yeah. Marriage vacation. First Todd and I took a trip together to the rocks. Then Todd took a solo trip to the doghouse. I went to a doghouse of my own in some ways, I guess. Anyway, whatever. I was gone for a couple months but I came back to make things right. Then, soon as I’m back in town, Todd starts disappearing for days at a time. Then he had to go and get murdered. So much for couples’ therapy.”

  I did my best to feign surprise. “Murdered? Is that the official diagnosis? I had heard… It sounded to me like there wasn’t any sign of a fight or anything. At least that’s what people have been saying.�
��

  “Report came back from the cops. The big lug was poisoned. Isn’t that ridiculous? What kind of coward murders a man by poison?”

  “Crazy, yeah. I’m so sorry. This must be so hard for you. I can’t imagine how stressful this whole situation is.”

  “You talk too much,” said Eve, narrowing her eyes. “I don’t like you. I don’t like those other ladies, either.”

  I swallowed. “We’re just trying to be good friends.” I gestured down the hall. “You said the bathroom is this way?”

  “Make it quick.”

  I nodded, then headed off down the hall. I could feel Eve’s eyes boring a hole into the back of my head. It took all my willpower to avoid turning back and looking in her direction. I reminded myself of Lot and his wife, although I wouldn’t have minded if Eve turned to salt.

  I heard a heavy footstep behind me in the hall, then another. I clenched my fists.

  I wondered…

  Could this be it? Did Eve murder Todd? Was she about to murder me too?

  Chapter 23 — You Want the Good News or the Bad News?

  Good news: I didn’t get murdered in the bathroom.

  Bad news: when I got back to Eve’s kitchen the tension was so thick you could have cut it with a butter knife.

  Eve slammed the kitchen table with her fist. The plates on the table rattled. “I knew I couldn’t trust the three of you. You’re slimy. I could tell from the beginning.”

  “No one calls me slimy but myself,” said Teeny. “And there’s no one on earth who’s less slimy than the three of us. We already told you, we’re here to help.”

  “You’re here to question me as a suspect in the murder of my own husband. How is that helpful? You’re making me wade back through the trauma of Todd’s death, you’re digging up bad emotions, and you’re treating me like a killer. And the only thing you have to help soften the blow is apple pie? Not even whiskey or gin? Not cool.”

  I entered the room with a gentle clearing of my throat. “Hi, everyone. Miss May… Seems like you told Eve about our little hobby?”