No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12)

by Chelsea Thomas

  Teeny shuffled us into the booth and sat beside me. “Pretty awesome, right? This hungry girl breakfast is going to score me some big votes. You two have already voted, right?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “And you’ve already asked us. A lot of times.”

  “We can’t eat all this food, Teeny,” Miss May said. “Not unless you want to roll us out of here.”

  “In a wheelchair? On a gurney? In a body bag?” I asked.

  “Not sure yet,” Miss May said. “But this amount of food is crippling.”

  “It’s fine, you don’t have to eat it,” said Teeny. “Just tell other people what a good deal it is. Maybe I’ll bring more visitors into the restaurant and I can score some extra votes. All this food is under ten bucks. Isn’t that a steal?”

  “Teeny.” I put a hand over my eyes. “How much money are you losing on these hungry girl breakfasts?”

  “About ten dollars.” Teeny took a big bite of pancake. “That’s what they call a loss leader in the advertising industry. I take a loss on my hungry girl breakfast but it brings more people in and I can sell my more expensive items. Like anything other than a hungry girl breakfast.”

  “But most of your entire breakfast menu is on the table. Why would anybody buy anything else?” Miss May took a bite of a piece of bacon. “Good bacon, though. Nice and crispy.”

  “I know how you like it,” said Teeny. “Just say thank you and let me worry about the business decisions.”

  Miss May held up a hand. “Thank you. Really. I’m sure we’re both happy to be your guinea pigs.”

  “Pig is a good word for it,” I said. “Speak for yourself, by the way. I’m confident I can finish this whole breakfast. I just won’t eat for the rest of the week. Like a bear, before hibernation.”

  Humphrey poked his head up from the next booth. “I finished my hungry girl breakfast in fifteen minutes. Loved every morsel.”

  “So the hungry girl breakfast isn’t only for girls,” I said.

  “Of course not,” said Teeny, “It’s 2021. All my breakfasts are equal opportunity.”

  “How’s the investigation going, ladies?” Humphrey asked, sipping his coffee.

  “Confidential, as always,” said Teeny. “In fact, let me see you take your hearing aid out so I know you’re not eavesdropping on our top-secret conversation.”

  Humphrey made a big show out of reaching into his ears and pulling out his hearing aids. Then he gave us a cute little thumbs up and plopped back down into his booth.

  I poured myself a glass of orange juice from the gallon pitcher Teeny had left on the table and took a sip. “Humphrey’s right. We should talk about the investigation.”

  “I want to talk about your steamy romance with that Japanese business man,” said Teeny. “He had the hots for you, Chelsea.”

  “He wasn’t Japanese, first of all. Second of all, he did not have the hots for me. He was annoyed by the setup and so was I. I’m not looking for love. I already have it.”

  Teeny and Miss May exchanged a wide-eyed glance. Teeny looked back over to me. “I’m sorry. You just say you already have love?” Teeny pronounced the word love with extreme emphasis.

  I groaned. “I’m not saying I’m in love with anyone. Just saying I don’t need more romantic interest. No one’s in love, OK? Stop looking at me like that. You’re harassing me.”

  I swallowed. Was it getting hot in Grandma’s or was I hotly uncomfortable talking about my relationship with Wayne? Things had gotten off to a bit of a bumpy start, what with all the murderers and everything. But the truth was, I liked Wayne. I always had and I didn’t want to jinx anything.

  “Let’s change the subject before Chelsea gets too hot and bothered. You know how she sweats,” said Miss May.

  I put my hands flat down on the table. “That’s it. I don’t want anyone talking about my sweat but me. And I don’t want myself talking about it anymore either. Everybody sweats. It’s normal. Why do I have to talk about it all the time? Do I have some kind of brain disease where I’m obsessed with sweating? It’s weird. And I’ve had enough of it. From this point forward I’m never going to mention my sweat again.”

  Teeny giggled. “You’re talking about sweat so much.”

  “That was the last time,” I said. “Open and shut. Now. Let’s talk about the investigation. Johnny’s dad claims that Johnny is in Japan. And Jack certainly FaceTimed someone named Johnny who looked like he was in Japan. But what if they were all in cahoots with Todd? Is that possible?”

  Miss May shook her head. “I don’t think so. The family was being honest. You could tell by the looks on their faces. And the circumstances you just suggested are too far-fetched, even for one of Teeny’s shows.”

  “Nothing is too far-fetched for one of my shows.” Teeny took a big bite of buttered toast. “But I agree. The Smiths were telling the truth.”

  “That means no one in Ethel’s family is a legitimate suspect in Todd’s murder. They didn’t know Todd was scamming Ethel, so they don’t have any motive in this case.” I took some more pancake and soaked it in syrup. “So Todd was stealing from Ethel and he didn’t even get killed for it.”

  Miss May stroked her chin. “Somewhere down the line, maybe Todd did something even worse to someone else. If he was willing to steal from an old lady, what other horrible deeds might he have committed? There’s no telling how evil Todd was. Therefore, there’s no telling how many people out there might have wanted to see him dead.”

  “We don’t need to go down the rabbit hole just yet,” I said. “We still have a few suspects we’ve already identified who definitely hated Todd. We just need to find those people and talk to them.”

  Teeny nodded. “Like Amy’s boyfriend. Sounds like he was furious when Todd stole the lease from Amy. Poor Amy. That boyfriend must be a real hot-headed trash heap of a man. I can’t believe he took off on Amy like that in their shared RV.”

  “I can,” I said. “Reminds me of something Mike would have done. Except Mike thought he was too classy for RVs. Isn’t that ridiculous? Who’s too classy for a rolling hotel?”

  Miss May put her hand on mine. “Let’s not get sidetracked.”

  I nodded. “I know. It’s just sometimes I think about Mike and I get angry all over again.”

  “So it sounds like we need to find Amy’s boyfriend and talk to him,” said Teeny. “Find out if he has an alibi.”

  Miss May nodded. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  Teeny pushed a big plate of pancakes away from her and toward the center of the table. “I’m so full I don’t think I can eat another bite.”

  The pancakes had maybe three bites taken out of them. I shook my head. “So you can’t eat your own hungry girl breakfast?”

  Teeny shrugged. “I guess I’m not a hungry girl.”

  32

  Leafing Through Clues

  “Is it just me or are there already more leaves on the trees than there were last time we hiked out to find Amy?”

  I spun around and scanned the forest. It seemed every tree out there had been decorated with tiny green sprouts overnight. And there were more birds chirping. And the sun was a bit warmer on the back of my neck.

  Miss May stopped walking and took a big drink from her water bottle. “No, you’re right. It’s greener out here, and more lively. Isn’t that so exciting? I love spring. Everything comes back to life.”

  “Except Todd,” said Teeny. “I hope.”

  Miss May chuckled. “I don’t think we’re going to have to deal with any zombies. We’re not those kind of mystery detectives.”

  A little bunny skittered across our path, paused and then darted into a bramble. I smiled. “Did you two see that? It was a tiny little bunny. I think it was a baby bunny! An early birth.”

  Teeny and Miss May exchanged their ‘Chelsea’s crazy’ look, then turned back to me. “You spent too much time in the big city, little miss,” said Teeny. “Yes, that was a bunny. And there will be more bunnies. But if we stop to fre
ak out every time we see a bunny, we’ll never catch the killer.”

  “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “You two are no fun. That bunny was cute.”

  “You’re right,” said Teeny. “I’m sorry. I also love to look at bunnies. Let’s name that one Pettigrew.”

  “Deal.” I turned and resumed marching down the hiking trail, toward Amy’s camp. A while later, we spotted the first signs of Amy’s shelter. Smoke rose from her fire pit and we could hear the sound of Amy singing along to her portable radio on the wind.

  As we crested the hill near Amy’s camp, the whole place came into sight. It had been developed nicely since our prior visit. Amy had constructed a massive stone fireplace where her little fire pit once stood. She had built a big log bench to replace her stump seating. And she had fortified and expanded her little cave with more additional sticks and what appeared to be moss.

  Amy turned off her portable speaker and waved as we approached. She was happy and perky, as usual. And the smile on her face pleased me.

  “Hey, ladies. Welcome back to my humble abode. I hope you’re here to tell me you’ve caught the killer. Please, take a seat.”

  We all got comfortable on the benches around Amy’s fireplace. Amy sat down across from us and leaned back. “So what’s up?”

  “Well, we’re here to talk a little bit about the investigation,” said Miss May.

  “But before we get to that,” I interjected, “I need to say I love what you’ve done with this whole area. So chic for a makeshift forest camp. This fireplace looks like it belongs in a grand old lodge.”

  Amy laughed. “It’s primitive masonry. Two full days to find the rocks and stack them. But they all fit together like a puzzle so the fireplace built itself. I had to make sure to get the chimney right because you need to have the right slope, so the smoke goes out instead of billowing in the fireplace itself. It was a challenge, but it turned out alright.”

  “It sounds tough,” I said. “I can barely make a fire with those plastic wrapped logs you get at the store.”

  “It’s not so hard. You should try some time,” Amy said.

  “Your little cave shelter looks awesome too,” I said.

  Amy looked over her shoulder. Her shelter was a large, rectangular structure settled into the side of the hill that looked to be built only from sticks and moss. She smiled. “Thanks. I’m lucky because it’s getting warmer at night and not colder. But I still insulated all the cracks with moss to keep the heat in and the rain out. There’s another little fireplace in there. But that’s just to keep me warm at night. This one outside is kind of for show. And for cooking. Anyway, what’s up? We can keep chatting about my spot but to be honest your presence makes me a little nervous. Did someone else die and do you think I killed them?”

  Miss May looked over at me. I gave her a nod to indicate that we should tell Amy the true reason for our visit. But neither Miss May nor I needed to speak. Because Amy inferred everything.

  “Oh. You’re here about Zach. I thought your investigation might come to this. I got a little weird when Zach came up during your last visit. And you already suspected him then. So you’re back to find out more.”

  “You’re good,” said Teeny.

  “And you’re correct,” said Miss May. “You have any idea where he might be?”

  Amy shrugged. “He said he was going to Harriman State Park to camp and ‘think,’ whatever that means. That park is at least a hundred square miles. He’s going to be deep in the forest by now.”

  “I can’t believe the guy stole your RV just to go live in the woods. Why wouldn’t he leave you the RV?” Teeny said.

  Amy threw up her hands. “Who knows? That’s a lot like him. We split the cost of the RV but it was in his name. So there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  “Ugh,” I said. “Men.”

  Miss May leaned forward. “Amy. You know this guy better than anyone. You think we might be onto something here? I know it might be upsetting for you to think about. You were upset last time we brought this up. But do you think Zach… Could he have been…”

  Amy twisted up her mouth in thought. “It’s been a little while since I saw you last and I’ve been thinking about this. You’re right. I had a strong reaction when you accused Zach last time. But the girlfriend never thinks her boyfriend is the killer, right? And she’s usually wrong. So I’m going to say yes, it’s possible. I hope Zach didn’t kill Todd but I can’t rule it out.”

  I furrowed my brow. “You’re so…upbeat about it.”

  Amy took a deep breath and let it out. “To survive in the wilderness you need endless optimism and positivity. If you spend three days fishing without catching a single fish, you still need to be confident you’re going to get a fish your next time out on the lake. If you get down on yourself or your circumstances, you will starve to death. I don’t want to starve to death so I stay positive. When bad things happen, I take them in stride, I accept them and I move on. Joy and positivity are a choice.”

  I shook my head. “You’re inspiring. You need to write a book.”

  Amy laughed. “Thank you but I’d rather be grooming cats and dogs, believe it or not.”

  “I believe it. Animals are almost always better than people,” I said.

  “And they’re always better than boyfriends,” said Amy.

  “Don’t say that, Amy,” said Teeny. “There’s room for animals and boyfriends in life. I believe that.”

  Amy smiled. “Me too.”

  “You have tracking skills, right Amy?” Miss May said. “You mentioned you grew up tracking animals?”

  Amy nodded.

  “If we went to Harriman State Park, do you think you might be able to track Zach?”

  Amy looked down. “I don’t know. Sure, I might be able track him. But I just got this place set up. And although I’m trying to remain positive, that means moving on from the whole Zach relationship. Hunting him down in the forest doesn’t feel like the right step for me at this moment.”

  “I understand,” said Miss May. “Completely. But Todd deserves justice and so do the people of Pine Grove. It’s going to be hard for anyone around here to move on if we don’t find this killer.”

  “Miss May is right,” said Teeny. “The people of Pine Grove get all freaked out whenever there’s a murder. But they calm down again once the murders are solved. And usually there’s a party.”

  Amy looked up and met Teeny’s eyes. “I remember the party from the last investigation. It was fun. I don’t want to get in the way of a big, fun party.”

  Miss May nodded. “To be clear, we’re not saying Zach definitely killed Todd. But we need to rule him out. We can’t do that unless we talk to him. And we can’t talk to him unless we find him.”

  Amy closed her eyes and then snapped them open with a determined look. “OK. Let’s do this. But we should wait until first light. That way we can maximize the daylight for our search. I’ll bring my favorite wilderness snacks to fuel us. It’s going to be a long day. You three bring your hiking shoes. And prepare for anything. Zach…can be intense.”

  33

  Wok-ing and Wayne-ing

  That night, Miss May quickly changed into her pajamas and headed up to her room to read. She said it had been a long day, and she was right. I asked her what she wanted for dinner but she said, thanks to the hungry girl breakfast, she wasn’t sure she’d be hungry. I said I’d holler if I was making something and she said she might join me.

  I tried to convince Miss May to read down in the den, by the fireplace, with me. But she wasn’t in the mood. So I was left alone in the farmhouse with the animals. Don’t get me wrong, Steve the dog and Kitty the cat were great company. But the conversation Miss May and I’d had with Amy had brought me back to some bad times with my ex-fiancé Mike, so I craved human companionship in addition to the companionship of my loving little pets.

  I started the evening with a quick visit to our tiny horse, See-Saw. See-Saw had always been a confidant for m
e at stressful times in our investigations. She was calm and stoic and easy to talk to. Besides that, she was cute. Really, really cute.

  When I entered the barn that night, See-Saw was standing there, swishing her tail back and forth, munching on hay. I pulled up a stool beside her and patted her on the back. See-Saw didn’t acknowledge me or even look away from her food.

  “Hey, girl. Long time, no talk. Things have been crazy lately…”

  See-Saw kept right on eating. Her focus was on the task at hand, but I took it as an implicit request for me to continue speaking.

  “Amy’s in a bad situation with her boyfriend. And I guess it has reminded me of some stuff I haven’t thought about in a while, you know…everything that happened with Mike. At least when Mike took off on me, he wasn’t also a suspect in a murder. I don’t think he had anger issues the way that Amy’s boyfriend, Zach, does. I think you’d like Amy. In addition to her grooming skills, she’s into survivalism and animals and she’s super positive, which is cool.”

  See-Saw turned in a circle and nuzzled her tiny nose along my shoulder. I laughed. “What? You want more attention? You want different food? Or do you just want to say hi?”

  See-Saw stomped a tiny hoof. It was almost like she was imploring me to continue but then again maybe, just maybe she wanted me to stop babbling and get to the point.

  “Sorry I’m rambling,” I said. “I guess I don’t need specific advice on anything, really. Just looking for an adorable ear to bend and Steve and Kitty are both sleeping by the fire.”

  I stood and looked out the barn door. Once again, I noticed the leaves on the trees. Spring had a certain magical quality to it, like each new bloom had been pulled from a magician’s hat.

  I also noticed big, bright stars in the sky. That was a huge perk of living in a small town. I got to see the stars. In the city, the buildings and lights drowned out the night sky. Light pollution. How had I managed to live without stars for so long?