Always Desire

by James, J. P.

“Security? This is Neil Woods. I have a problem out on the balcony that needs to be handled.”

  Victor hisses. “You can set your shitty guards on me, but they won’t be able to protect you from Don Hunt. I’ll throw him on your ass so fast, you get whiplash.”

  Milo’s eyes go wide at the mention of the mobster’s name. He gasps and stares at me and then at Lancaster. The wild terror on his face makes me take a comforting step toward him, but he backs away.

  Damn, this asshole has really scared him. I turn back to Victor Lancaster.

  “Don Hunt isn’t your attack dog, Lancaster. And even if he were, none of you assholes frighten me.”

  “If that’s true, then you’re dumber than I thought,” Lancaster sneers.

  Suddenly, two burly security guys appear on the balcony and go to Lancaster without a word. They each grab an arm and begin to drag him away. His heels scrabble against the floor, but the security guys have him held tightly between them. “Next time I see you, you’ll be begging me to make a deal,” he shouts over his shoulder.

  Yeah, right.

  People are staring at the spectacle he’s making of himself, but he obviously doesn’t care. I turn to Milo to apologize for Lancaster’s behavior, and mine too, but all I see is his frozen expression. Without saying a word to me, he starts to walk away.

  Panic flares inside my chest like a forest fire about to burn my whole world down. What do I do now? Clearly, Lancaster’s gotten to Milo. Is the damage done, or do I still have a chance?

  23

  Neil

  The moonlight is bright overhead but freezingly cold. It reaches into my chest and turns everything inside me to ice.

  But no, I can’t let that happen. I don’t know why Milo’s turning away from me now. It can’t just be Victor Lancaster’s weak attempt at making me look like a bad guy; something else has to be going on.

  “Baby.” I reach his side in three long strides, grab him by the wrist, and reel that lithe into my body. “What’s going on? Why are you trying to walk away from me?”

  He’s not listening, though. With a sharp cry, he twists in my hold and tries to get away from me. “Let me go!” My grip tightens on his arms without hurting him. Like a madman, he hisses and snaps, shoving against me. “Neil, stop! Just let go!”

  “No. I can’t.” I hold him tight, unwilling to let him get even a foot away from me. “Not until you tell me why you’re so upset. Let me fix this.” He’s pressed against my chest, so I can feel the wild beat of his heart as well as his heaving breath.

  “The only way you can fix this is to go back in time and not cheat on me!” he sobs, finally collapsing against my chest. “Oh God! I shouldn’t be this upset. I shouldn’t. It’s not like you and I are in a relationship or anything exclusive like that.” A hiccup bursts out of him, and tears flood his cheeks. He takes a deep breath and then another, obviously trying to calm down, but by the trembling in that taut body, I can tell that any little control he has is about to disappear fast.

  “Milo, baby. Calm down. Don’t let yourself get so upset.” My voice is low and soothing, trying to prevent what looks like an impending panic attack.

  But his trembling only intensifies as his voice rises higher and higher. “You’re right. Why should I be upset when we’re only friends with benefits anyway? All you did was use me for – I don’t know, for whatever it is you want, and now you just don’t want me anymore.” The breath starts whistling from his mouth, a high and terrifying sound.

  What? What is he talking about? But he whirls on me with accusing eyes.

  “Why did you flirt with all of those women right in front of my face?” he demands. It looks like a part of him is dying inside. “I mean, I know you’re bi, but who was that blonde from last month you were cozying up to in Manhattan? Who’s the redhead you were practically salivating over out there tonight? Why do you have me in your house if I don’t mean anything to you? Do you want to just move these women in and move me out?”

  My heart starts galloping right along with his. If I don’t stop his panic attack, he’s going to make himself pass out or worse.

  My poor toy boy. He has no idea what he means to me.

  “Milo.” I wrap one arm tightly around him to prevent him from moving too much more, and then I curve a hand around the back of his neck. His skin is hot, and there’s sweat beading at the hairline. “Come on, my songbird. You have to breathe. Calm down just a little bit for me.”

  It might be a little too late for that, though. He’s nearly hyperventilating, and shaking hard enough that his dress shoes sound like they’re tap dancing against the floor.

  Damn. Should I call an ambulance? Or maybe call his best friend Carla to play interference?

  Making a quick decision, I sweep the young man up into my arms and take him over to a nearby garden bench. In my lap, he’s still trembling, but I alternately rub his back and hold him tight, calling him my sweetheart and the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

  It feels like forever until he calms down enough to stop trembling. But he does relax a bit, and his breath slows. Milo presses his damp face into my neck, and I feel the fluttering of his eyelashes against my skin. His warm breath puffs against my throat.

  “Neil?” He sounds confused, but from the way he’s clinging to me, I can tell that he’s reached the other side of his panic attack.

  “I’m here, baby.” My hand strokes down his back. “Are you ready to listen to me now?”

  “Are you going to say something that’s going to hurt me?” His voice is small and tentative.

  My heart clenches. “No, my songbird. Not if I can help it.”

  “Okay,” comes his small voice.

  “Let me explain, alright sweetheart?” I keep going even though he doesn’t tell me to go ahead. “Yes, you have seen me flirting with these women, but it was and always has been only for work.”

  “Work?” He sits up in my lap, and my heart breaks at the sight of his red, tear-stained face.

  “Yes. Unfortunately, flirting is all part of the job. It helps smooth the negotiation process, especially in a setting like this. My clients expect to be wined and dined before they sign on the dotted line.”

  “These women are your clients?” He looks confused.

  “Yes, they are.”

  “But I thought you only dealt with billionaires.” A frown wrinkles his brow.

  I take the chance and tease him a little bit. “Don’t be so sexist, my sweet. Women can and do make plenty of money. Millions, billions, trillions, and more. You may not see a lot of them showing off their fortune in magazines, but they’re out there. So yes, I flirt with them, but they don’t mean anything to me. And most of them know that. It’s just part of the game.”

  “Oh.” The nonplussed look slowly leaves his eyes. Milo wipes the tears from his face with his fingertips. “I didn’t realize that. I guess I always thought billionaires were men. Old, young, tall, short, but always men.”

  With the handkerchief I keep in my jacket pocket, I finish mopping his face. “Nope, not always. And these women, no matter how much money they have or how beautiful they are, don’t compare to you. At the end of the day, at the end of the negotiation, my heart is always with you, the man I love.”

  Milo gasps as if I’ve just told him the tooth fairy is real. A constellation of stars lights up in his eyes. “You love me?” he asks in a tremulous voice.

  “Of course I do.” A deep breath expands my chest as I think long and hard about the truth before letting it fly free. “You stole my heart the moment I saw you sitting there at that piano long ago. How could any man not love you?”

  The explosion of happiness in Milo’s eyes makes me go warm all over as I pull him in for a sweet kiss. After all, this man means the world to me, and after our little misunderstanding, I’m ready to give him everything.

  24

  Milo

  Neil loves me. I can’t believe it.

  My hands curl into his jacket in shock,
as if my body knows and accepts this miracle.

  “I love you too, Neil. I just can’t believe you feel the same way I do.” His words erase every single piece of doubt I’ve had about him and our relationship. Reflexively, I take his hand, and he squeezes mine gently.

  “Speaking of,” he begins softly, dipping his head low so that our eyes meet at the same level. “Am I right in assuming that you want a ring, a family, and the whole deal?”

  I gasp. How does he know?

  Then I bite the inside of my cheek. It doesn’t matter how he found out. The point is that he knows now. He just asked me point blank, and I won’t lie to him.

  After a long moment, I nod. “Yes, I would, Neil. It just … it would mean so much to me.” My voice is thick with emotion, and the billionaire’s lashes drop low over his eyes for a moment. I catch my breath. What’s he going to say now?

  Strong fingers drift up to stroke my cheek and down the side of my neck. He’s so impossibly tender with me, but I can’t stop the flutter of nerves in my belly.

  “How long have you wanted all this?” Neil asks. He moves his hand around the hard curve of my waist so that it rests in my lap.

  I gulp.

  “Forever, to be honest. Even though I’ve known I was gay since I was a kid, I always knew that I wanted to have the house with a white picket fence and two point five children. Even though gay marriage wasn’t legal back then, I still knew. Is that weird?”

  An elegant finger presses lightly against my lips, stopping the flow of words. “No, sweetheart. It’s totally normal because when you’re with the right person, everything falls into place. Look at me, for example. I used to like being single, but since you’ve been living in my house, I want the same thing too.”

  Slowly, he takes his finger away from my mouth. Instantly, I miss the warmth. One-handed, he reaches into his jacket pocket. “Your timing’s perfect, sweetheart, because I’ve been carrying this around with me for a while. Now, it’s time I give it to its rightful owner.” Neil takes out a blue velvet box, and I gasp at the sight.

  Is he going to—? What kind of—?

  I can’t finish a thought to save my life, but Neil’s already on one knee before me in the gleaming moonlight. Everything looks gilded with silver, and I can barely breathe.

  “Milo Barnett, will you do me the honor of agreeing to become my husband?”

  Oh my God. The breath is stuck in my throat, but I push it out to gasp, “Yes! Yes, Neil, yes!” Tears of happiness roll down my face.

  With a brilliant smile, he slips the ring on my finger. It fits perfectly.

  “With this ring, I promise to always make you feel safe, loved, and completely mine.” His voice is husky and faintly tremulous, as if he’s just as emotional as I am.

  My heart spills out into words. “Neil, I love you so much.”

  The world suddenly shifts as he stands up, lifting me high into his arms. With a high shriek, I grab onto his neck and then press my face into his chest. I close my eyes. This feels like a dream, yet I know it’s real.

  He starts walking, leaving the balcony and moving into the restaurant. Even with my eyes closed, I feel the attention of everyone we pass by. Hey, it’s not often you see a handsome billionaire holding a young man in his arms. But Neil doesn’t care. Conversations break out all through the restaurant, but my fiancé doesn’t hesitate, and through the restaurant and out the door we go. When I open my eyes, I see the valet bringing his car around.

  Soon, we’re in the vehicle, and Neil is driving us away from the restaurant and those curious eyes. All the way home, he doesn’t let go of me, except to shift the gears of his powerful car. In the underground parking garage, he parks the Mercedes and then lifts me once again into his arms. He takes me directly into the private elevator that opens right into the living room of the penthouse.

  “I love you, Milo,” Neil says, still holding me in his arms close to his chest. “I’m going to show you that every day until any doubts you have fall completely away.”

  “I don’t doubt you, Neil. Not anymore.” My lips meet his in a passionate kiss.

  Our mouths make love to each other all the way to the bedroom. Tenderly, he lays me on the bed and then slowly strips off his clothes. Jacket, tie, and shirt are gone. Gradually, he reveals to me his powerful chest, those six pack abs, and the trail of hair leading to his thick and gorgeous cock.

  Arousal ripples through me. I’m so hard that the tip of my dick peeps over my waistband, dying to get at him.

  With a grin, Neil’s hand falls to the button of his pants. His massive erection obscenely tents the expensive material, but he peels away his pants and underwear without touching himself. Moaning at the sight of his stiff cock, I reach for him. But he firmly pushes my hand away.

  “I’m not going to fuck you tonight.” He gives me that familiar wicked grin. “No matter how much you beg.”

  “No.” My mouth is already watering for a taste of him. I can never get enough. “Please.”

  “Hm. That’s what I plan to do, my songbird. Please you until you sing for me.” He tosses aside the last of his clothes and climbs into the bed, slowly making his way up from my feet to my knees and over my abs before kissing my throat and my lips. He smells of masculine desire, of male musk, and faintly of whiskey. “We’re going to go to a sperm bank together,” he whispers like he’s telling me something unimaginably naughty. “Because I want to make sure our son or daughter looks exactly like you. But before then, what do you say we practice shooting sperm together?”

  I squirm against the bed, ready to beg and whine until he gives me his cock.

  “Neil, it’s okay. I promise. You can fuck me. You don’t have to make me come first.” I want him inside me because he always feels so good, filling me with his thick length and finally his hot seed. “I need you in my ass.”

  But he only kisses me once more on the mouth before moving down my body. Deliberately and slowly, his tongue trails a one-way path down my chest and over my abs.

  By the time he settles between my legs with his breath hot against my ballsack, I’m ready to jump on his face, patience be damned.

  “Neil,” I whine and move my hips frantically. The hard tip of my shaft trails against his lips, leaving a stream of pre-cum. He smiles wolfishly and laps it up.

  “Yes, my love?”

  “Please, I—ah!” His mouth covers my cock in one hot motion. The man sucks the head, and I feel it all the way in my core. Lightning strikes of pleasure shoot through me, and I cry out my lover’s name. “Neil!”

  My fingers clench in his hair hard enough that it has to hurt as I moan long and low. His tongue is magic. Fluttering over my little hole and teasing me deliciously while stroking up and down my veiny shaft. It’s driving me crazy. But suddenly the words come bursting out and I can’t hold them back.

  “I love you!” I cry out as he pleasures me. “I love you so much!”

  He groans around my shaft, and then pops off, looking up to meet my eyes.

  “I love you too, pretty boy. So much.”

  Happiness darts through my frame, but suddenly, his fingers are on my nipples, squeezing and pinching. The sensation jolts down into my cock and radiates through my whole body. It’s too much yet also just enough. A scream tears out of my throat, a signal of my ultimate ecstasy. Hot cum erupts from my tip, but Neil’s on it. His mouth is a suction around my shaft, and the man gulps down mouthful after mouthful of bubbly, virile jism.

  “Yes,” I moan deliriously as my balls empty down his throat. “Oh god, just like that.”

  Finally, I finish and Neil pops off my cock, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “That was delicious sweetheart. I’ll never get enough of your seed.”

  “Mmm,” I moan. “My turn.”

  But he won’t let me take control. I’m still panting and shivering from my orgasm when he crawls back up my body. His kiss is flavored with my essence, and I love it. His hard cock presses into my hip,
and I reach out to make him feel as good as he just made me feel. But again, he stops my hand.

  “Sleep now, my songbird,” he murmurs to me between kisses. “Tomorrow, we’ll make time for my pleasure. Tonight is all about you.”

  I want to refuse. I want to suck on his thick and perfect dick and make him come down my throat. But my eyes are too heavy, and my heart is too full.

  “Tomorrow,” I murmur sleepily. “You promise?”

  “Of course, my love,” he says with a slow smile. “We have forever together now.”

  25

  Milo

  Two months later.

  “I told you the happily ever after you wanted is possible with Neil.” Carla walks back from the hallway powder room, looking smug as she dries her hands on the small hand towel she insisted on taking to the bathroom with her.

  Sometimes, my friend is so weird.

  There’s music playing, one of Dinah Washington’s songs that fills the music room with bluesy love and sweet yearning.

  With a teasing smile, Carla throws an obvious glance at the piano, where an engagement picture of Neil and I proudly sits. The photo is framed in platinum and is the only thing on the baby grand. It was a gift from my man, and fills me with joy whenever I sit at it.

  Although I’d told him it wasn’t necessary, Neil pulled out all of the stops once he proposed to me. He told me that since he now knew without a doubt that we felt the same way for each other, it was time to mark the moment with something more permanent than mind-blowing sex.

  Within just a few days of our engagement, he arranged for a professional photographer to take engagement photos of us at Alexandra’s. The owners of the mansion were incredibly gracious and let us use their garden for an afternoon.

  So we posed for crazy and sappy photos, laughed with the photographer, drank champagne, and savored the day together. I was so shocked that Neil had taken time away from work that I left my own worries behind. That day, we just enjoyed being in love.