The Pride of Howard County

by Kevin Bachman

  Chapter 21

  Lucky and Muncie liked this new lady a lot as she was a push over for treats. All they had to do was give her the big ole sad eyes and she would say, “Oh all right,” and give them another biscuit. Abby’s return to the farm was an emotional experience. The anxiety she felt as she and John were driving along the gravel road of Howard County dissolved when they pulled into the drive. Strangely, she immediately felt like she was home. The trees were bigger; the house wasn’t the mansion she remembered it to be but yet familiar. She stood on the freshly mowed lawn overlooking the wide open memories of her childhood. The bad times she had held onto for so many years were now being replaced with what would surely be happier memories.

  Abby had come to accept she would never forget the day and the image of Luke laying in her father’s arms after the accident but had come to understand that remembering the pain and feeling the pain are two different feelings. Her only regret was not allowing herself to discover this earlier.

  Gus came home from the hospital a few days later. He was now steadying himself with a cane and although he would never be the man he was before his recovery was steady.

  Lucky was so happy to see Gus she was beside herself when Gus stepped from the truck and Gus was just as happy to see her. She shadowed him for a couple of days never letting him out of her sight. And now of course Muncie had earned himself much higher status on the farm since it was he who had saved both men from the Piney. Muncie now had Superdog status yet he seemed to be able to maintain the humility to be the same big brown dog he had always been. When the local newspaper ran an article about the whole affair Gus insisted Muncie get the credit he deserved and so the article was entitled, “DOG SAVES THE DAY.” Like a proud father John cut the article out of the paper and filed it away after reading it a dozen times.

  Father and daughter spent many hours catching up. At first it was Gus who did most of the talking. He started out talking about the heat and drought of nineteen eighty or the flood of ninety three. But before long he was talking mostly about Grace and what a wonderful woman she had been.

  Abby leaned forward in her chair at the kitchen table and listen intently. She ached to know her mother and asked many questions about her. Gus said over and over, “Abby, she would have been very proud of you and the work you’re doing. Your mother was always doing something for someone else.” Abby thought of the anguish she’d put her parents through and Gus could see it in her eyes. “Little girl,” he’d say, “There ain’t nothing you ever done that made your momma love you any less.”

  Abby asked questions about her grandparents and Gus talked openly of his life and relationship he’d had with them. “Little girl,” he’d say, “Your grandma was a good woman and deserved better, just like you.” Abby realized how her grandmother’s world had paralleled her own as two women who had fallen into abusive relationships.

  Abby talked to her father about her life, the bad yearsand the good years and how she was sorry for the pain she caused him and her mother. “Dad, I know I have not been a good daughter and I feel an enormous amount of shame about that.

  “Now you hush little girl” her father would say as he confessed that after the accident he had all but abandoned his family.

  Gus reflected on how he’d done almost exactly the same thing to his family that his father had done to his. Their tragedies had been different, one’s was a war, the other a child’s death and yet their responses to these tragedies were nearly the same. Each man had encompassed himself in his own universe of silence and isolation.

  The father and daughter strolled around the farmyard as the old farmer explained the best he could the pain he’d felt when Luke died.

  “Dad, I remember seeing the tears streaming down your face at Luke’s funeral and again later when you, Mom and I sat in front of Luke’s little casket at the burial.” Abby explained to her father how she had felt responsible.

  It was now possible for Gus to put all the little pieces together and understand why it was Abby had taken the path she had. He was able to understand why she had abandoned herself and abandoned her family. The guilt he had felt for being an absent father began to dissolve as he gathered the once hidden past from his daughter. For the first time, they allowed themselves to talk about the silence after the accident, what it meant and more importantly, what it didn’t mean.

  Abby held her father’s arm as they strolled the gravel road, she picked the wild daisies and when they got to the bridge over the Piney, threw them into the river and the two would watch as the current swept them downstream and eventually out of sight.

  On some level, Gus could relate to John and Abby’s addictions. After the accident Gus himself began drinking whiskey to quiet the guilt in his head. He’d drank a little before he’d met Grace and some while they were dating but after they married pretty much gave it up until the accident. Grace was aware of his increased drinking but figured he had a pretty good excuse. She had to admit to herself the idea of getting drunk sounded good although she never did. She just made sure she told Gus she loved him and kept her faith that God would deal with Gus in his own way.

  Gus had always known that Abigail was paying too high of a price for her brother’s death. He felt sorry for her and for a while tried to pay extra attention to her. He could see she was descending into a quiet and lonely world of being an only child on a farm. Gus knew she missed her brother. He had not only killed his and Grace’s son but he had also killed Abby’s brother.

  Eventually he gave into the temptation to disappear into his work. He’d let Abby’s mother heal their daughter figuring he’d just screw things up even worst than it already was. Long days of farming and retreating into evenings of drinking from his bottle of whiskey he kept stashed in the barn became his salvation.

  One spring day after the long dark winter of Luke’s death, Gus was taking a drink from his bottle when Grace appeared in the doorway of the barn. She was wearing a flower covered sun dress and stood there barefooted with both hands on her hips. After a moment she walked up to Gus, stood before him for a few seconds and as Gus lowered the bottle she slapped him hard across the face. This was the one and only time she had ever struck her husband. Gus never for one second thought of hitting her back. He knew what she was telling him. She was telling him she needed her husband back. She was telling him Abby needed her father back and she was telling him the last thing his wife and daughter needed was another Cecil Rogers. Tears were on his wife’s cheeks as she took from him the bottle and poured the remaining whiskey into the dirt. She and Gus embraced as they cried one last time for the loss of their son.

  Abby loved the feel of the grass beneath her bare feet as she walked around the farmyard; she wore one of her mother’s big floppy hats to keep the sun from burning her pale skin and she’d discovered a closet full of her mother’s sun dresses. She delighted in feeding the chickens little pieces of bread or pieces of an apple.

  While John was out in the fields and Gus was resting, Abby explored the barn and gave the horses handfuls of grain. Lucky, Muncie, and she walked down the well worn path to the Piney. The dogs plunged into the now slow moving river and swam around in circles. They thought it was grand fun when the woman removed all her clothes and skinny dipped in the cool waters of the Piney with them and they didn’t mind at all when she splashed them with water.

  Three weeks of paradise on the Pride of Howard County went by and Gus was well onto his way to recovery. Abby had stayed as long as she could but eventually needed to get back to her work. But never again would she stay away from the farm. She left with hugs and kisses and knowing her father was in good hands. She told her father she loved him and he told her the same. They embraced sealing the deal.

  Abby knew John was more than just a farm hand; her instincts told her he had a special place in her father’s heart. It seemed as if somehow, they had become a family.

  As she was leaving, Lucky and Muncie ran alongside her car for a while as if they
were trying to say something. Abby felt like crying as she watched them in her rear view mirror and whispered “I love you too.”