I laughed a bitter laugh. “You know, in some ways, I think that's what I was trying to do too.”
“What's that?”
“Get away from my parents. I wanted to find myself, become more than just the princess.”
“Did you?”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “I thought I had.”
I got up quickly, turning my face away so that he couldn't see. Then I remembered that Leo had only brought in half the number of bags we usually had. Over my shoulder I said, “So I take it you're staying in another room tonight.”
He crossed the room and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Honoré, I'm so sorry.”
I shook him off and walked into the bedroom. “Thanks for bringing up my bags, Leo. Please show yourself out.”
I closed the door behind me.
“Honoré,” he pleaded, and I covered my mouth with my fist to keep from responding. A rogue tear slipped down my cheek, but I quickly brushed it aside.
I had let my guard down with this man, and I was being shown how foolish I’d been.
It amazed me how quickly my walls went back up, and even though I was dying inside I held my shoulders back, held my head high and reminded myself that regardless of everything else, I was the princess of Martinovia, and I would survive this.
28
Leo
It’d been three weeks since I said goodbye to Honoré.
Since I tried to say goodbye.
She wouldn’t let me, and I couldn’t blame her.
I behaved like a complete shit, and I didn’t expect she would ever speak to me again.
Which was why I was watching through binoculars for her in the building across the street from her lawyer’s office like a crazy freaking stalker.
I was fucked up, and I knew it.
But I had no idea how to do anything different.
The last thing I wanted was for Honoré and me to end our marriage.
I lifted the binoculars, keeping my eyes trained on the building across the street.
She’d come inside in a minute. I knew this, because I just watched her enter the building from the street.
“Hey, how long do you think you’re going to be, man?” my realtor friend, Stan, asked, pacing the floor.
“I don’t know. Just give me a few minutes and come back.”
“I hate to leave you here, but I’ll get us some coffee. I’m not supposed to just let you be here alone…”
I waved him away. “Come back in about thirty minutes, and quit worrying. Nobody’s going to give a shit that Leo Barnes was in their vacant building. If they knew, they’d insist I stay longer.”
“You’ve got a point there. You want some coffee, anything?”
“No. Go.” I knew Stan was trying to help. He did get me into this building, but all I wanted was to be left the fuck alone.
I found an old office chair and rolled it across the floor, wondering if there was any way possible Honoré would see me across the street stalking her like this.
That was crazy. She had other things on her mind today. But that wasn’t to say that her security detail wouldn’t notice me. They had probably already made me. The only reason I hadn’t been knocked to the ground and handcuffed by those fuckers was because they probably knew I was just a harmless piece of shit.
And that was how I felt. Like an ineffective, dumbass, stupid son of a bitch for letting my bitch of a mother get over on me one last time.
Over the past two weeks, I hadn’t drawn a lot of sober breaths. My brother, hell I should call them half-brothers, even though now it seemed I wasn’t at all related to Eduardo, so what the fuck?
He was still a brother to me, and he was the one who found me passed out on the beach a couple of days after I broke things off with Honoré.
Fucking Mommy Dearest sent him.
She knew I wouldn’t answer her calls, but I had forgotten that every member of our family was on this app that could see where you were at all times. So it wasn’t that difficult for Eduardo to find me.
Since then I deleted the fucking thing, but Eduardo came and got me off the beach and took me back to his place.
His wife, Chloe, is a freaking amazing cook and a nice person to boot. Apparently, she and the Padre have had to sober up drunk assholes like me in the past.
I swear Chloe might have cooked me back to health, or at least sobriety. As I watched her cooking shows all day, I became a huge fan. Then when she came home, I had requests from her shows. I thought it might irritate her, but instead, it seemed to really make her day. And that, in turn, made Eduardo happy.
So I’ve been crashing on their couch for the last few days, trying to get my act together.
The day before yesterday I did the same thing Honoré was about to do—sign our divorce papers at the law offices of Butler, Rice, and Young. After I left that day, I noticed the “for lease” sign on a building across the street. I contacted Stan and asked if I could look at the building. He thought I was in the market, so when he found out I just wanted to stalk my soon-to-be ex-wife, I promised him a nice dinner for his trouble.
Originally, I hoped Honoré and I would be together in a room signing the papers. I fantasized about changing my mind and begging her not to go through with it. But Honoré and her security had requested that we not go in to sign our divorce papers at the same time. It would alert the paparazzi, they said. That was their objection to having me and Honoré in the same room together.
That sucked because I wanted to see her so bad I could taste her.
I decided that I’d tell Lucinda to fuck off. I wouldn’t work for her no matter what. My new lawyers said she could tie me up for years in court, but I now realized it would be worth it if I could just be with Honoré. Now that I saw what life was really like without her, I’d give it all up for her—my career, my money, everything.
But after talking it through with Chloe and Eduardo, I realized I had destroyed what I had with Honoré. Choosing some beef with my mother over my relationship with her—that wasn’t the way you treated the person you loved, and if I claimed to love her, well, I’d look like a jackass.
She’d never be able to trust me again after what I did to her.
And even though I knew that, something inside me refused to let her go.
I had to see for myself if she would really sign the papers. That was why I was here.
Part of me hoped that deep down inside she loved me enough to fight for what we had.
I lifted the binoculars to my eyes again. This time I had an up close and personal view of the Butler, Rice, and Young conference room, and in walked the love of my life.
She looked stunning in a red suit. I wasn’t sure if you’d call it a power suit, but whatever the hell it was, she looked incredible. That was my wife, and I’d let her go. Hell, I pushed her away with both hands.
My hand itched for something to drink. I considered texting Stan and asking him to get me a six-pack, but I couldn’t stop watching Honoré long enough to set down the binoculars.
She was surrounded by four of her goons. One of them I didn’t recognize. Perhaps he was her attorney.
Then the door opened again, and in strode Dynassy. What the fuck?
She sat next to Honoré, and I watched as my bride picked up a pen, scrawled what I assumed was her name, and ended our marriage.
It felt like a gut punch. Just before I took the binoculars away from my eyes, I saw Honoré and Dynassy embrace.
What was my sister doing there?
At first, it felt disloyal to me for Dynassy to be there supporting Honoré. It made me feel like my family was even more splintered than before, but then I realized Honoré was part of our family. She was a Barnes.
I’d brought her into our family, made her a Barnes, and I only had myself to blame for taking away that status.
Honoré was the victim here. She deserved Dynassy’s support. At least more than I did.
I wasn’t abso
lutely sure that Honoré would’ve stayed with me if I hadn’t broken up with her, but if I had it to do over again, I would do everything in my power to make her happy.
If only Lucinda wasn’t such a freaking manipulative, power-hungry, controlling bitch.
If only I wasn’t such a fucking pussy.
By the time Stan got back, I was ready to go.
I now had an image of the love of my life signing our divorce papers burned in my memory forever, and I only had myself to blame.
As we walked down the back steps to Stan’s car he asked, “So what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t fucking know, man.”
“Gonna write some music?”
“Nah. Fuck music. Fuck performing. Fuck everything.”
“Man, you’ve got it bad. I never thought I’d see Leo Barnes this wigged out over a chick.”
“She’s not just a chick,” I muttered under my breath.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.”
And that was how our marriage ended.
29
Honoré
“I can’t believe it ended like that.” My friend Jennifer sat next to me at lunch, sympathy pouring out of her.
“Well it is was awful, but it’s what I signed up for.”
I had only been back in Martinovia for a few days when Jennifer contacted me and wanted to get together. Wanting to wallow in self-pity, I put her off and put her off, but the third time she asked, I decided I needed to go or risk upsetting my friend.
Ever since I had returned from Los Angeles I hadn’t wanted to do much of anything. I forced my social secretary to cancel all of my appearances except for one at a Children’s Hospital because I couldn’t bear to disappoint the kids. But everything else—ribbon cuttings, minor speeches, I refused.
My parents didn’t seem to think there should be any problem. The marriage itself had solved their concern over me losing my virginity, and even though a divorce constituted a dark spot on my record, it was better than if I had been de-flowered like a groupie by a rock star in a swimming pool without the benefit of marriage, so they chalked it up to being a learning experience and expected me to know better in the future.
It was their intention to find me a suitable match when the time was right. Not exactly an arranged marriage, more of a suggested one. However, the last thing on my mind was finding someone new.
My heart was utterly broken after losing Leo.
He had become like another part of me, and it felt like a limb had been cut off.
We’d gotten to the point of finishing each other’s sentences, anticipating each other’s needs.
But obviously that wasn’t enough.
Wanting to change the subject, I asked Jennifer, “Whatever happened to that drummer guy that we met the night of Leo’s concert?”
Jennifer rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, he was so hot. I mean, it was just a fling. Lasted for a couple of weeks. He turned out to be a big man whore. Surprise, Surprise.”
I smiled. It was good to get out of the palace. I had to admit this was a good idea Jennifer had to go out for lunch.
“So tell me what it’s like to be on reality TV. Where did you go? I want to know all the cool things you did.”
I regaled her with stories from our honeymoon. She was most interested in the bubble hotel, which was pretty spectacular. And I found myself wishing we had pictures. But then I realized that even better than pictures, we had the whole thing on video.
It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was going to have to relive my entire relationship with Leo on film. I could avoid watching the show, but I didn’t have the self-discipline to do that. I would be watching every episode, glued to every frame, watching to see if I could’ve done anything differently that could’ve given us a different outcome.
I knew that Lucinda and her dirty tricks were the main reason Leo gave for separating from me, but I would always wonder if there wasn’t something I could have done to keep him from leaving me.
We finished our pizza and Jennifer said, “Well, you guys must’ve been pretty happy.”
Her eyes aimed at my middle, and I wondered what she was talking about. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t get mad, but you know how they say people gain the freshman fifteen when they first go to college?”
“Yeah… So what does that have to do with me?”
“Well, they do the same thing when they get married.” She shrugged. “It’s okay. People let themselves go. You know, they’re happy, don’t worry so much about working out. You look great. I don’t mean anything by it.”
Now that she mentioned it, I had noticed my waist getting a little thicker, but I attributed it to too many good meals and not being able to keep with my regular exercise routine while traveling.
But then something hit me like a bolt of lightning. I hadn’t had my period in how long?
“What’s wrong?” Jennifer asked. “I’m sorry. Now I’ve upset you. I really didn’t mean to. That’s just like me, putting my foot in my mouth.”
“It’s not that. It’s just that I’m realizing I’m late.”
Jennifer’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my God. You’re pregnant.”
An hour and a half later Jennifer snuck into my room at the palace with a bag from the grocery store that held three pregnancy tests.
“Thank you so much. You know I could never have bought these for myself.”
“No problem.”
The future offspring of the royal family of Martinovia would definitely be fodder for the tabloids, and that wasn’t something I was ready to deal with yet.
“Have you ever done one of these?” I asked.
Jennifer nodded. “And thankfully there were always negative. But sometimes you don’t want to believe the first result, which is why I bought three. Just to be sure.”
“Good idea. Well, wish me luck,” I said before stepping into the bathroom. My heart was in my throat as I peed on the stick.
I decided to do one at a time. And as much as this whole situation freaked me out, I couldn’t help but picture a mini Leo Barnes running around. The ramifications of a pregnancy now were horrifying, but part of me also secretly loved the idea.
Prior to our marriage, Leo and I had both been tested for STDs, and I’d been given a shot that was supposed to act as birth control, so it never occurred to us that we needed to worry.
That also meant that I was probably just late from the stress of all I’d been through recently. I’d heard that could mess with regularity.
I set the test on the counter and left the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Jennifer fidgeted like a twitchy rabbit. “What does it say?”
“Start the timer on your phone. We need to wait two minutes. I don’t know what it says yet. But I can’t just stand there staring at that thing for the next two minutes.”
“Okay, got it,” she said, fiddling with her phone.
“Now, distract me please,” I said.
But we just sat there staring at each other.
“I’m sorry. I can’t think of anything to say.”
“That’s all right,” I said, wiggling my foot nervously. “It will be over soon.”
“What would you do if…” Jennifer began.
“Don’t ask me that,” I snapped. “It might be negative. You know travel, stress, all sorts of things can mess up your cycle. It doesn’t have to be what you think it is.”
We waited the rest of the time in silence, me staring out the window, and her staring at me until finally her phone chirped.
I popped up and crept into the bathroom. Even before I looked at the little stick, I knew that my life might be about to change. It was a strange feeling, but a feeling of destiny nonetheless.
As I looked down and saw the unmistakable + on the test, I knew it was accurate.
I was pregnant.
A thrill ran through my body.
I was happy.
I was ca
rrying a Barnes baby in my belly. A child who would bind me to that family for the rest of my life.
And while I wanted his father to be a part of that life, that would be out of my control.
I also knew that this baby would be a part of the royal family of Martinovia.
This baby would be my focus now.
Jennifer grabbed my shoulders and peered around me.
“Oh my freaking goodness. You’re going to have a baby. Ziggy Barnes’ grandson!” she squealed.
I didn’t correct her.
Instead, I smiled and said, “Looks like I am.”
* * *
I considered not telling my parents, but when I really thought about it, I knew they deserved to know the truth. Not to mention that if Jennifer noticed, others would too soon enough.
To my surprise, my mother had been quite reasonable, though my father had been disappointed.
They envisioned their first grandchild, a mini prince or princess, growing up with an intact family in the public eye of Martinovia.
I had yet to inform them that I planned to raise my child away from the spotlight as much as possible.
There were only so many shocks they needed to deal with all at once.
At least everyone would know that my child was conceived in wedlock. Leo and I might not be together now, but there was no doubt that the child had been conceived during our honeymoon.
The dates made sense. I actually believed he or she was conceived in Iceland. I would always think of this child as my bubble baby because no matter where they were conceived, that was a memory I held dear.
I knew I had to tell Leo about the baby, but our breakup was so recent, the last thing I wanted to do was have to speak to him. So I put it off, told myself I would tell him later.
Not wanting to grow big and pregnant in front of the paparazzi, I convinced my mother to let me retire to our villa in the south of France for a time. I took a few servants with me, my ever-present security detail, and created a nice little existence for myself.
I wanted to be somewhere that reminded me of my last happy days with Leo.
Royal Wrecker: Barnes Family Romances Book 4 Page 15