The sun and sand called to me, and I spent my days walking on the beach, listening to music, and writing.
I believed that subconsciously I was inspired by my former husband.
All those times he took off to write, scribble down his emotions, commit them to paper.
I wanted to try it for myself.
At first it was just me journaling my thoughts. Jotting down my feelings about the things that transpired between Leo and me. He might write love songs, but I found that I enjoyed writing our love story.
After the first couple of weeks, I decided to change a few things and write something of a romance.
What started as a lark turned into an actual novel.
Once I began writing I couldn’t stop.
The characters jumped off the page and told me what to do, what to write. Their story was dying to come out. It was definitely inspired by my love for Leo, but I gave these characters a happy ending.
When I was finished, I set it aside and didn’t think anything else of it.
Weeks later I happened to mention it when Jennifer came for a visit.
“Oh my God. You should publish it under a pen name and become a famous romance author.”
“I’m famous enough.” I laughed.
“You don’t need the money either,” she conceded. “But still, how fun would that be?”
“Well I guess I could put out some feelers, ask people if anybody knows a publisher.”
“You don’t even need a publisher anymore. You can just publish online yourself. I have a cousin who writes cozy mysteries. That’s what she does. If you want, I can put you in touch with her.”
“Sure, but don’t tell her it’s me. Let’s make up a name.”
Jennifer agreed, and we spent the better part of an afternoon tossing around different pen names until I finally settled on one I liked.
The progress of the book was off and on.
I’d work on it between reading everything I could get my hands on about gestating and throwing up twice each morning.
I planned the baby’s nursery at the palace, shopped online for the layette, took long walks on the beach in my maternity bathing suit, and ate as healthy as possible. Mother had gotten me a chef to assure her that the baby and I were getting the best nutrition.
Most days I thought if I ate any more kale, I might gag yet again.
Overall, it was a happy time.
I missed Leo, tried not to think about him or what could have been, though my book made that hard.
I actually understood why he did what he did.
His mother had caused him an enormous amount of grief, and I knew that he needed to separate from her.
I was trying to bring myself around to the idea that it was all about that and not me.
I needed to believe that going forward because one day I would have to introduce him to his child. That day was coming soon, but I still couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone and tell him.
It was selfish of me, but whenever I tried to make a plan to tell him, I chickened out and told myself I’d think about that the following week.
But for now, I enjoyed cocooning and healing my heart.
And I hoped that was what Leo was doing as well.
Occasionally, I would have a weak moment and search for him on the Internet. Or pull up his Twitter account.
I saw that he had gone to a couple of third world countries with Eduardo, Dynassy, and Bridger on some of their charity missions. That sounded like a good thing for him to get away from being a famous celebrity and find himself.
I hoped he was well, but I never reached out to him, and he never reached out to me.
So I continued gestating in my own little world where I felt safe and secure taking care of my baby.
30
Leo
Six months had passed since I’d seen Honoré.
Six long months.
When our marriage ended, I was lost as fuck.
I embarked on a couple of months of self-destructive behavior, drinking too much, doing risky shit like driving race cars, jumping out of airplanes, and diving off cliffs.
Anything that sounded like it might be fun, but where you could also wind up erased from the earth—I was into it.
That phase left me a broken-down wreck—my body mostly. My soul was still depressed over losing Honoré.
Then Eduardo suggested I join him on one of the trips for one of their charitable organizations.
I agreed because I didn’t have anything else to do.
I’d gotten the freedom from Lucinda that I sacrificed everything for, and I didn’t know what to do with it.
Talk about a painful smack in the face.
I gave up a relationship that meant everything to me, for essentially what felt like nothing.
Working with Eduardo and the organization that he ran with Dynassy and Bridger, I had a chance to get away from my usual crazy world and just be me. I spent time helping them scout locations for some of their wells, and in the process I had the opportunity to meet people who didn’t care about social media, or what the media termed “success.” Their focus was feeding and sheltering their families.
I came away with a renewed sense of family.
There was no place in my life for Lucinda, but I developed a new appreciation for my siblings.
During that time, I thought I might get over Honoré. In many ways I hoped I would.
But I still woke up every day missing her, wishing we were together.
Which was why I came to France.
It hadn’t been easy tracking her down. I wound up contacting every crew member we’d had on Honeymoon with the Royals who I saw her connect with.
I finally spoke to one woman, a wardrobe assistant, who told me she didn’t know where Honoré was, but she did have the number for one of Honoré’s stylists who worked at the palace. She said they’d spoken a couple of times to coordinate fittings.
When I finally reached the girl, whose name was Marie, I explained who I was and why I wanted to speak with Honoré. She hesitated, then asked me how long it had been since I’d seen Honoré. I told her it had been almost six months and that I really needed to see her.
“Why?” she asked.
I was so desperate for the information that I blurted out the truth. “Because I love her. I ruined everything between us, and I need to find her and tell her how wrong I was.”
Marie was silent.
“I’ll pay you. Name your price. Just please tell me how I can get in touch with her. Her phone number has been changed, and I can’t reach her.”
“You don’t need to pay me.”
Marie said she didn’t have a number, but she gave me an address where she thought Honoré might be.
The address was that of an elaborate villa that appeared to be the perfect place to house a princess.
When I arrived, one of the security guards recognized me.
He’d worked on our show, and I liked the guy.
“Let me tell Honoré you’re here,” he said in his deep baritone. “She’s out back.”
“Ah.” I stopped him. “Could we maybe not do that? I’d like to surprise her.”
I didn’t tell him that I was afraid Honoré might refuse to see me if she knew I was here.
While he considered my suggestion, I slid past him and around the side of the house.
“You said she was back there?”
The guard nodded, and I could see he was trying to decide if he would get in more trouble for chasing me down and causing a big stink, or not notifying Honoré I was here.
While he waffled, I picked up the pace and disappeared around the side of the house.
Whew!
I found her sitting near the beach, under the shade.
She wore sunglasses and was reading a book, a beach towel covered her lap, and she had a large glass of what looked like lemonade on a small table next to her. The scent of the sea wafted through the air, and I couldn’t help but recal
l the day I took her to that island near St. Lucia and we made love in the ocean.
Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but a few loose strands blew in the breeze.
I didn’t want to startle her, but I didn’t know if I could avoid it.
Instead of walking up behind her and scaring her to death, I changed my path so I would approach her from the side instead.
Any second, she could look up and see me.
My heartbeat quickened, and while part of me was nervous that she might get angry and send me away, a bigger part was so happy to just lay my eyes on Honoré that nothing else mattered.
As I came closer, I willed her to look up.
I wanted her to see me.
And then she did.
As gracefully as if she were expecting me, she lowered her sunglasses and said my name.
“Leo.”
31
Leo
“Hello, Honoré.”
“I hope you won’t mind if I don’t get up. You’ve taken me quite by surprise. How did you even find me?”
“It wasn’t easy. Palace security is no joke, but fortunately there are still people who are moved by true love.”
“True love? That’s how you found me?” She laughed.
It was a sound I’d missed desperately.
Wanting to change the subject, I asked, “What about you? How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine. Getting by.”
I nodded. “You look great.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”
“Yeah, you’re the most beautiful woman I know. Why wouldn’t you look amazing? That little flush of color on your cheeks—it suits you.”
She bit back a smile, like I’d said something funny.
I wasn’t sure what I’d done to crack her up, but I went along with it.
I’d traveled a long way, waited a long time for this moment.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“It did cross my mind, yes.” She put her sunglasses back on, which made her expression harder to read.
“I was so concerned with getting back at Lucinda for lying to me for all those years that I let my hatred for her blind me to what was really important, which is you and me. Every day we’ve been apart I’ve been miserable without you.”
She didn’t say anything, so I kept going.
“I need you, Honoré. You’re everything to me. The one thing I’ve been needing in life was you. I was stupid because I didn’t see how important you’d become to me. I guess I thought I could get over you, but I can’t.
“I’m so fucking glad you came to my concert that night, and that your friend talked you into coming backstage to meet me. Because taking advantage of you in that damned pool that night might have been shitty, but it got you to marry me. And even if it was only for three months, I want you to know those were the best three months of my life. And I’ve had a pretty good fucking life. But you made it better, and without you I’m a wreck. I’m sorry. I’m going on too much, but I just needed you to know that.”
“That is a lot to process.” Honoré swung her legs over the side of the chaise lounge, sitting up. “Let’s go inside where we can talk more.”
Then she stood, and I saw that she had a huge, swollen belly.
A dagger shot through my heart as it occurred to me that I’d so completely lost this woman. That she was now carrying another man’s child.
“Oh my God. When did you? Is it…?”
She laughed softly. That gorgeous laugh I had dreamed about during our time apart.
“Yes, we’re going to have a baby.”
“But … is it mine? Are you sure?”
“It's your baby. There's never been anyone else.”
“Never?”
“Nope.” She reached out a hand, and I helped her waddle to the terrace where we both took a seat in the shade.
“But when?” My mind raced back to all the possibilities.
“I like to think it was at the bubble hotel.”
My jaw dropped. When I recovered from the shock, I asked, “So we’re going to have a bubble baby?”
She rubbed the basketball-sized bump around her middle.
My brow furrowed. “Wait, were you even going to tell me about this?”
“Yes, Leo, of course. I just needed some time to get over you first.”
“That's what I'm here to tell you. I love you. I came to beg you to come back to me.”
She frowned. “What about your mother?”
“I don’t care about her.”
Honoré shook her head. “What about your contract and all that?”
“I've got a new legal team, and I'm ready to fight if she comes after me for anything. My attorneys assure me that what happens with you and me going forward is irrelevant to our prior contracts with her. And worst-case scenario in any case would mean I’d end up having to pay her a boatload of money. But if she wants to do that, fuck up her grandkid’s life, it's up to her. But my attorneys seem to think she won't actually go to war with me.”
“I don't really know your mother that well, but from what I've seen she's pretty determined.”
“Not as determined as I am to be with you. To make us a family.”
“It is what I wanted, but I didn't believe it was what you might want.”
“I’m sorry. I hate that I left you with that impression. Honoré, I do love you with all my heart.”
“Perhaps, but things in your family are really complicated, and that's saying a lot coming from my family.”
I held out my hand, reaching for her. I wanted to touch her belly so badly, but I didn’t dare do it without asking her permission first. “May I?”
She took my hand in hers and placed it on her baby bump.
I’d never felt a pregnant woman's stomach before. It felt hard and tight, like there might truly be a basketball in there. But then a strange fluttering rippled under my hand.
“Oh my God. Is that the baby kicking?”
She smiled. “Yes.” My heart filled with wonder.
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“No, I thought I’d prefer a surprise.”
This beautiful woman and I had made a baby together. “When are you due?”
“In about a month.”
“Wow. So in a month we are going to be parents?”
She smiled. “Yes.”
“I'm sorry. I’m acting like an idiot, but this is all new to me. You've had … I guess eight months to get used to this idea.”
“You're right, and now that you're here, I realize I should have told you months ago. I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to keep the baby to myself, but it was really the only way I knew how to cope with losing you.”
Now that the situation was sinking in, I realized it was time.
In one quick move, I got out of my chair and sank down on one knee next to Honoré.
I took her left hand in mine and asked, “Honoré, would you please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me again?”
Her eyelashes fluttered. “Leo, you don't have to marry me just because we’re having a baby.”
“I'm not just asking you because of that. I came here to ask you anyway.” I took a small leather box out of my pocket.
“Are you serious?”
“Deadly. Anyway, I would think your family would want us to get married again, considering your condition.”
“No, silly. Our baby was conceived in wedlock, so the royal protocol seems to think that was fine.”
“I was just teasing, trying to stack the deck in my favor, but that's good to know. I bet the Martinovian people would appreciate it even more if your baby was born in wedlock as well, not just conceived that way.”
“That may be, but I am no longer living for the people of Martinovia. Duty is important, but I also need to make decisions for myself.”
I opened the box and showed her the ring. “And I hope one of the decisions is to be my wife
. This time forever.”
Her hand flew to her mouth, no doubt at the size of the ring.
I spent a fortune and over a month looking for the most incredible ring there was. After all, I had amassed a lot of money over the years. And seeing as my girl was a princess, I thought she deserved a ring that reflected that status.
“Oh my God, Leo, it's gorgeous. Where'd you find it?”
“It's the Cristiella ruby. I had a jeweler in Dubai locate it for me and fashion it into that setting. Do you like it?”
“Do I like it? Of course I like it. Rubies like this are more rare than diamonds.”
I didn’t mention that we should probably have an armed security force around her while she wore it because, well, she already had one.
“The question is, will you wear it? Will you say yes?”
“Of course I will. Yes!” She threw her arms around me and crushed her lips to mine.
The large bump between us was something I would have to get used to, but I had no doubt that I would.
“Okay, so I planned my trip this far, but honestly I didn't presume you would say yes so I didn’t think beyond that. Do you want to plan another wedding?”
She shook her head furiously. “No. Let's go to the local authorities and have them perform the ceremony. My assistant can arrange it and act as our witness.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “Are you sure?”
“Leo, we already had a big, spectacular wedding, and it was lovely. So much of our life has been public, on display. I would actually like for this to be just you, me, and our baby.”
In that moment, I realized that I truly didn’t need all the trappings and money that comes with being a Barnes.
All I needed was this woman and our child. With her by my side, I could take on anything. And as we held each other and dreamed of our future, I felt myself letting go of the anger and resentment that I had been holding in my heart.
There was no place for it. There was only room for the love I had for my wife and my future baby.
32
Honoré
The next day Leo and I went to the French regional office where we were to be married.
Royal Wrecker: Barnes Family Romances Book 4 Page 16