Return to Grace

by Bethany Surreira

  “We’ll order when you come back. Thank you,” Sara said. She was all business tonight, and this poor guy hadn’t stood a chance. He walks away like a puppy with its tail between its legs before turning back to Sara. Thank goodness I ordered beer.

  Sara and I were the same age but we couldn’t have been more opposite if we tried. She was the daughter of a high-powered attorney and a politician and had a trust fund bigger than most people’s entire household salary. She came from old money and attended only the best schools in the city. Her first apartment was a penthouse on the Upper West Side.

  I was a lowkey country girl, and Sara was a high-maintenance city girl and didn’t care who knew. She carried her socialite ways into the office, and it only enhanced the projects she worked on. The only similarities between the two of us were our insane work ethic and pure hearts of gold. And judging from the way she treated this poor boy, I knew the news of Karen securing the position Sara had wanted was weighing heavier on her than I had originally thought.

  “Okay, then. So this is how tonight’s going to go?” I asked.

  Sara scoffed at me and popped a pretzel into her mouth. She chewed on it as if it had offended her in some way.

  “Look, I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but it’s completely unnecessary to gawk at a patron. Come on, man! I’m just trying to get some dinner, a couple of drinks, and some good conversation. Is that too much to ask?” she spit out.

  “Nope, carry on,” I said. I knew it wouldn’t end well if I tried to rebut, so I kept my mouth shut and let Sara do the talking.

  Sara smiled at me with her famous I-can-do-this-all-night grin. Please, do not let this be a long night, Sara…

  “So, I want to talk to the board about a promotion. Or at the very least, a higher level of clientele. I’m really annoyed that Karen was offered the position and no one even bothered to ask me. I know we talked about it already this morning, but I can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve been working for Cameron for almost four years. FOUR!” Sara shouted.

  “I know, I’m so sorry,” I told her. “Is it even worth talking to the board, though? Do you think you can schedule a meeting with Cameron? Instead of losing your shit, just let him know you’re interested in moving forward in the company. Maybe he has other plans for you. I get that he’s kind of an ass, but he might have something else up his sleeve.”

  “Here you go, ladies,” a young, blonde waitress said, placing a basket of fries, a pitcher of beer, and two beer mugs on the table. “On the house. Enjoy.”

  “Wait, what?” Sara asked.

  “Our friend over there is a little embarrassed. Either that or he’s afraid you’ll kick his ass and get him fired,” the waitress replied, nodding over to the waiter who took our order.

  “Oh my gosh, Sara! Look what you did,” I said and laughed. This wasn’t the first time she intimidated someone like this, and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last.

  “Shit. Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? Free beer and fries from scared boys? No wonder my dating life is such a joke,” she said, looking back to the waiter who was half-hidden behind the bar. “Tell him thank you, but I know how hard you guys work for your money. I appreciate the gesture, but we’ll pay.”

  “I’ll let him know,” the waitress said with a smile.

  Sara and I giggled and watched the waitress give the waiter the message. The color drained from his face, and he rushed back into the kitchen.

  “I guess that made it worse,” I said to Sara, and started scarfing down my fries. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until they were brought to the table.

  “Shut up,” she said, swatting at my arm. “We can’t all be perfect like you.”

  “Oh yes, that’s me. Leah ‘Perfect’ Abernathy. Glad you finally realized that.” I laughed.

  “Can we change gears and talk about you for a minute or five?” Sara asked.

  “Yeah, of course,” I said with a mouth full of fries. “What’s up?”

  “Josh,” she said flatly.

  “Here we go again. You’re the one who introduced us and now you have a problem with us dating? After two years, mind you,” I said.

  “Okay, first off, I’ve known him almost my entire life and he’s just barely more mature than he was in the twelfth grade. Second, I thought it would be a fun fling for you. I never thought it would last. I mean, you two hated each other at first. I was mortified when we all went out and you literally sat there and scowled at him for the entire two hours we were at the bar. I’d never seen you take so many shots of whiskey. I thought for sure I was gonna have to carry you home.”

  “I was nervous. He’s a good guy and you know it,” I defended him.

  “Oh, I’m not disputing that. I’m just saying I think your relationship is one of convenience and not love. And I think you know it, too. I also think you’re not the least bit upset at me for pointing it out,” Sara said, then took a big gulp of her beer.

  “I could never be mad at you, and I do appreciate you looking out for me, but I’ve already told you that this works for us. I don’t understand why you get so upset with him about things,” I said. Sara’s words had started to hit home, and I found myself defending him instead of being truthful with my own feelings.

  “Leah, I get upset because I know your worth, and you deserve to be loved so much harder than this. A relationship should never just be comfortable. There should be fireworks and intensity, good and bad. You call me first when anything happens to you. You don’t tell him anything he doesn’t need to know. All of that is a huge problem. This is a man you say you love, and yet you tell him the bare minimum. He’s basically just a friend with benefits who has the same career goals as you.”

  “What the fuck, Sara? Who cares if we don’t see each other or talk to each other every day? He’s a driven man and has his sights set on becoming a partner. I support that fully. I have big dreams, too.” I continued to defend him because I felt bad he wasn’t here to do it himself, but even as I said the words, they felt hollow.

  “Stop defending him! You just hit the nail on the head and you don’t even realize it. He has his sights on becoming a partner in his law firm, but he doesn't show you that he has his sights on becoming a partner in your relationship. Tell me something, Leah, and be honest. Are you in love with him?”

  “Of course I am,” I said quickly. Sara stared hard at me until I sighed. “At least, I think I am. I thought I was until this interrogation started.”

  “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. Okay, well, maybe I am a little,” Sara said, causing us both to laugh. “But in all seriousness, you deserve better. Not because he’s a bad guy, but because he’s not your guy. You deserve someone you can’t bear the thought of being away from. Don’t lose sight of what you really want because of what you have right now.”

  I started tearing up. I hated how well this bitch knew me. Sara was almost always right when it came to giving me advice—and vice versa. I grabbed a napkin and started blotting away the tears that were falling from my eyes.

  “I thought this dinner was supposed to be about you, and that you’d be the one bawling your eyes out,” I said, throwing my tear-soaked napkin across the table.

  “Yeah, well, things change,” Sara said and threw it right back.

  We finished our food and drinks and paid the waitress. The poor waiter from the beginning never came back to our table, keeping his distance by focusing solely on the other side of the restaurant. Leave it to Sara to make a poor boy buckle at the knees without even realizing it. I popped a final fry into my mouth and grabbed my bag.

  “One more for the road?” Sara asked with a laugh.

  “Hey, we paid for it,” I replied as I struggled to get the zipper up on my jacket. “That was fun. We should do it again soon.”

  “Yes, we should,” Sara agreed. “I always forget how much I love this place.”

  “Mmm, shepherd’s pie. I could eat it every single day.”
>
  “You’re so weird, Leah.”

  “You love me anyway,” I replied, and stuck my tongue out. “See you tomorrow?”

  “I took tomorrow off. Mental health day, AKA I’m going to the spa with my mom. Early Christmas present,” Sara told me.

  “Very nice. That’ll be fun. Tell her I said hello,” I responded.

  “I definitely will. She asks about you all the time.”

  “Your parents are so kind. All right, my love, I’m gonna head home. Text me tomorrow.”

  “Night, babe.”

  We parted ways and I walked home while Sara hailed a cab. Unless I had no choice, I’d always choose to walk through the park over riding in a cab. The smell of the winter air was my favorite, and it always reminded me of walking to town as a little girl. Snow on the horizon in any city always made me happy.

  3

  “Ugh!” I groaned, and smacked my alarm clock, pulling the covers back over my eyes and praying this was a dream. “It’s too early for this.”

  I flung my blankets off and stepped out of my warm bed. Why had I agreed to breakfast? I ferociously rubbed the sleep from my eyes and made my way to the bathroom to shower and get ready. I usually loved meeting Josh for breakfast before work, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was starting to think that maybe Sara had been right about our relationship. At the same time, I was worried her feelings might be influencing mine. Whatever my feelings were, I needed to figure them out. This was my relationship, not hers.

  The hot shower was exactly what I needed to help wake me up. I let my hair air dry while I got dressed and did my makeup. Luckily, I already had my outfit laid out, as it was the day of the biggest meeting of my life thus far. Once my hair was dry, I ran a curling iron through it quickly. Perks of having thick hair was that it curled quickly and lasted all day. I threw my pumps into my bag, slipped on my winter boots, and locked my apartment door. I was ready for coffee, and lots of it.

  “Hey, Walter,” I said as I hopped off the elevator.

  “Well, good morning to you, young lady. Where are you off to this early?” he asked.

  Walter was the sweetest man. I couldn’t imagine having any other doorman to greet me every day. The way he knew, and genuinely cared about, each and every person who lived in this building was refreshing.

  “Just off to a quick breakfast with Josh before we head to work,” I answered, smiling back at him. It was nice having someone concerned about me.

  “Well, you two love birds have fun. Stay warm out there,” he said and held the door open for me.

  As I stepped out onto the busy street, I noticed the hustle and bustle was at full force, even this early in the morning. After seven years, that was the one thing I still hadn’t gotten used to about the city. Everything was just so fast.

  I glanced at my watch and realized I didn’t have time to walk this morning, so I had to take a cab. I didn’t have to wait long, as one appeared right at the curb in front of me. Hmm. A good omen?

  “Holly’s, please,” I told the driver as I put on my seatbelt and settled in for the drive.

  The cab pulled up to Holly’s at six fifty-eight, and I could see Josh waiting for me at a booth and looking down at his watch. His eyes met mine when I walked through the door.

  “Hey, babe,” Josh said when I settled in across from him.

  “Hey, Josh. Have you been here long?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “About five minutes or so,” he said coolly before sipping his coffee.

  I noticed there was only one cup at the table, and asked, “You didn’t think to get me a coffee?” The annoyance in my voice hung in the air.

  “Sorry, I didn’t know how late you were going to be,” he said flatly. “You’re never on time, so I didn’t think it’d be a problem.”

  Stunned to silence, I wondered where the hell that came from. I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. It was just a cup of coffee. And he was right, I was always late to everything except work.

  “Earth to Leah,” Josh said and waved his hand in front of my face. “I’m sorry, but it’s just a coffee. I can order you one now.”

  “Sorry, I was just…thinking about the meeting later,” I lied. “A coffee would be great, thanks.”

  The waitress came over to the table as soon as Josh’s hand went up. He ordered me a coffee, then pancakes with sausage for both of us. I wanted eggs, but whatever. I was too tired and annoyed to correct him, and there wasn’t anything pancakes couldn’t fix, so, why not?

  “So, babe,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about Christmas. What do you say we go to my parents’ in the Hamptons and celebrate with them?”

  “Actually, I kind of already have plans. Christmas Eve is a Saturday this year, and it happens to fall on the Saturday that my dad comes to see me. I can always meet you there on Sunday morning, though,” I told him.

  “Why don’t you call him and ask him to come up on Friday instead? It’s a short drive from Connecticut; I’m sure he won’t mind. We can leave right after you have dinner with him and then we can spend Christmas Eve at the country club with my parents. There’s a huge Christmas Eve gala, so pack a formal dress. It’ll be great.”

  “Josh, it’s Christmas Eve!” I exclaimed, disgusted by his offer. “I can’t just switch it on him last minute and expect him to be okay with it. I’m not okay with it. Besides, he works Fridays, which means he wouldn’t even get here until at least eight at night. I don’t want to rush through my dinner with him and then send him driving back home that late.”

  “Babe, come on, he’ll totally understand! You can both leave work early and meet somewhere for a quick dinner. You can even buy him a train ticket if he doesn’t feel like driving late at night. If you pack everything beforehand, it’ll be a breeze to get to the Hamptons by nine. And I really want to wake up on Christmas morning with you. Think about how romantic it will be to have our morning coffee on the balcony overlooking the Atlantic Ocean,” he said, his doe eyes sparkling at me in pure manipulation.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said, knowing I had no intentions of doing so. I’d never choose Josh over my father.

  “Here are your pancakes, dears,” the waitress said, cutting through the tension only I seemed to notice.

  The pancakes smelled delicious. But I quickly learned I was wrong; there were some things pancakes couldn’t fix, and a shitty, one-sided relationship was one of them. We ate in silence until the waitress came back over to refill our coffees. At least the waitress thought of me.

  “What’s up with you today?” he asked. “You’re really on edge.”

  “Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous about my meeting with John. I really need this to go well.”

  “I understand,” he said, all business as he looked at his watch. “I better get going if I want to get to the courthouse on time.”

  “I’ll get breakfast today,” I offered, and placed a twenty-dollar bill on the table before he could object. “You can leave the tip.”

  “Sounds good,” he replied, reaching out his hand to help me out of the booth, sloppily tossing a ten-dollar bill on the table.

  I waved thank you to the waitress as Josh rushed to the door. I quietly followed him out, not interested in any chitchat. We stood on the sidewalk looking at each other in silence for what felt like hours.

  When Josh’s Uber finally arrived, he asked, “Do you want to join me? The driver can drop you off on the way to the courthouse.”

  “Thank you, but I think I’m going to walk. I have a couple of hours before John arrives, so I think I’d like to get some fresh air. Good luck with the deposition,” I said and kissed him goodbye on his cheek before quickly turning on my heels in the opposite direction of my job.

  I glanced back at him and saw he was standing there holding the car door open. I could feel him staring at me as I walked away, so I waved and kept walking. You could cut the tension with a knife.

  This couldn’t keep going on. How had I fooled myself into thin
king this was right for me? I hate you, Sara.

  “Good morning, what can I get for you today?” a cheery voice boomed from the other side of the coffee cart.

  “Morning! I’ll have a large French vanilla latte with extra sugar, please,” I said

  “That’ll be three-fifty,” the vendor said.

  I handed him a five-dollar bill and told him to keep the change. I took in all the sights I could on my walk into the office. I smiled at the group of kids lined up outside the ice rink, no doubt on a school field trip. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw all the young girls fixing their hair under their winter hats, probably hoping to look cute for the boys while the wind whipped their faces. I wondered if I was like that as a teenager.

  A dog walker struggled with the leashes of five dogs. Every time he untangled one, two more would twist themselves up again. Businessmen and women were on their cell phones, teenagers hustled to get to school before the first bell, and nannies were dropping off their charges at preschool.

  The hustle and bustle of the city excited me. It was the complete opposite of where I grew up, but I loved each location equally. Before I knew it, I was at the main lobby of my office building. I still had about an hour before John arrived, so I had plenty of time to prepare. Once I made it to my floor, I went straight to Sara’s desk to fill her in on the morning’s events.

  “Spill it,” Sara demanded before I could even get my coat off.

  “I don’t know what to do, Sara. I hate to admit you could be right, but it was not a good breakfast. I don’t know if I’ve been blinded by his charm this whole time, or if I always knew what our relationship was and just didn’t care.” I paused, shaking my head sadly. “Lately, everything he says and does annoys me. And get this; he had the nerve to ask me to switch days for my visit with my dad so we could spend Christmas with his parents in the Hamptons,” I spewed.

  “You have got to be kidding me.” Sara gawked. “How could he even think that was an acceptable request? He has to know how important your time with your dad is.”