Return to Grace

by Bethany Surreira

  “Thanks, Tammy. Leah and I already know what we want, but Josh over here might need some time,” my dad teased Josh, which was becoming quite the habit.

  “Not a problem. I’ll have Justin come over with waters and coffee, and he can take your order whenever you’re ready,” she said with her signature smile. “Josh, you take all the time you need.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “Is everyone in this town so genuinely nice?”

  “Yes,” the three of us replied in unison before erupting into laughter.

  “I’m not understanding how you could ever leave this place,” he said, which made me sad.

  Seven years ago, I thought I was running toward something. I knew I wanted to go to NYU and get a degree that would bring me to a great job. I wanted more than this small town could offer. Looking back at everything I’d done and accomplished, I realized I was actually running from everything I had known. I was scared I was going to end up stuck, but I was never willing to try to do both. If only I weren’t so stubborn, I might still be with Caleb. And I almost certainly would still have my mom.

  Justin rounded the corner with our coffees and waters, then took our orders. My dad ordered the western omelette with home fries. I ordered my favorite breakfast dish of all—two eggs over easy, extra runny, on top of corned beef hash, with a side of French fries and rye toast. I didn’t care what anyone said—small town diners have the best corned beef hash, and I’d debate anyone on that until my last breath.

  “How are you so tiny? You eat like a sumo wrestler,” Josh said and laughed at my order.

  “Hey, I like to eat. Sue me,” I responded with a wink.

  The food came out in no time, and we all dug in like it was the last supper—or breakfast. I couldn’t tell you why, but the food tasted like home. There was nothing that compared to breakfast at this diner with my dad. Nothing. And it was at that very moment, I vowed to never take it for granted again.

  “So, Josh,” my dad began. “I’ve been thinking about Christmas. I wanted you to know we’d love to have you stay with us if you don’t have other plans.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he said, then looked directly at me as if to ask for my permission.

  Permission granted. “It’s fine by me, Josh. I think it would do you some good to have a home-cooked Christmas meal here in Grace Valley. We can head back to the city on Monday,” I said, answering his silent plea.

  “I don’t know what to say. This is so kind of you both,” he said.

  “Say yes,” my dad told him. “The more the merrier.”

  “Yes. I would love to spend Christmas with you both. And Gnocchi, of course.” He laughed. “Thank you.”

  We finished eating and were getting our things together to head back home when my dad asked if he could take me somewhere.

  “Why don’t I head over to the bakery and pick up the cookies and the cake?” Josh offered.

  “That’s mighty kind of you, Josh,” he said, handing him some cash. “Do you mind swinging by the butcher while you’re out? I ordered the Christmas roast, and it’s already paid for.”

  “Sure, no problem. You guys take your time, and I’ll just meet you back at the house, then.”

  “You two are so weird,” I said, looking back and forth between them. “Where are you taking me, Dad?”

  “You’ll see,” he said and led me out the door.

  The town green was still covered in lights and decorations, and it would stay that way until the new year. Even this early in the morning, you could see the magic this town held. My dad led me around the side of the building and around the corner to the back entrance of his grocery store. I hadn’t set foot in here in seven years, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I had used that door.

  “What’s going on? Why are we here?” I asked him.

  “I want to show you something, but we need to go in from the door in my office.” He spoke without looking at me.

  When we got into his office, he stopped at his desk and opened the drawer to get something. He pulled out a set of keys and walked to the door I had always assumed was a storage closet. He must have noticed my confusion because he looked at me and said, “This is the door that connects the grocery store and the building next door.”

  He motioned for me to go through the door and he quickly followed. The hallway was bright, the walls painted tan on the bottom half and white on the top. The floors were dark gray linoleum that matched the metal doors. It was odd that the hallways between two stores were so well taken care of, but knowing it was my dad who owned this entire building made it a little more believable.

  He walked down the hall and began to unlock another door. I noticed a small sign above the peephole with the letters LCA. My mother’s initials. He opened the door and walked into another office identical to his minus all the paperwork.

  “Are you expanding?” I asked him, not sure why he would need to do that.

  “Patience is not your strong suit, is it, pumpkin?” he teased. “This was your mother’s place. We were fixing it up to become her art studio.”

  “Her art studio? I don’t understand. She was an Italian teacher.”

  “Yes, she was, but as you know, she was enjoying making her pottery, and she had gotten very good at it. She would come here every day after work and make something. She always had so many projects going on at once, and she was so happy in here. She was going to offer classes to the children in Grace Valley,” he told me.

  My eyes welled with tears as I took in everything he told me. That was so like my mother, and I wasn’t at all surprised, but I was saddened by the news. The more he spoke of it, the more I realized that none of these children were going to get to experience this with her. It was hard enough knowing I had lost my mother, but I had forgotten that an entire town had just lost one of its most special residents.

  “What do you plan to do with the space now that she’s gone?” I asked him, afraid of what his answer might be.

  He looked at me and then around the room at all the artwork she had created. I didn’t know how long she had been at it, or how she had ended up here in the first place, but it was magnificent. I always knew my mother was creative and talented, but I never could have dreamed she would have been able to create all this.

  “I haven’t given it much thought, but for now, it stays just like it is,” he said matter-of-factly. “This place was her pride and joy—after you, of course—and I can’t put all her things away and rent it out. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”

  I could see his eyes start to fill with tears. I didn’t want to pressure him or make him feel worse, so I let him be for a minute. I walked around and touched everything I could in an attempt to feel her again. She was in there with us; I knew it. I also knew what this place would become, but I let it sit in the back of my mind and set my attention back on my dad.

  “I think keeping it as it is sounds wonderful. It’s a nice place to sneak off to when you need a minute to think or want to be close to her. Maybe one day you’ll find a different use for it, but for now, I think she’d want you to leave it, too.”

  He pulled me in for a big hug, and we stayed like that for a while. I made a mental note to come back here every time I visited so I could spend some alone time in the place my mom felt the most comfortable. I had hoped that being in there would cause some of her creativity to rub off on me and help me with my own job. I had so many ideas but wasn’t sure how to execute them. Cameron made it clear I was the right person for every job he put me on, but I still wasn’t confident of that myself. I had a lot of work to put in to become the best, but I knew I was up for the challenge.

  “Are you ready to get out of here and start putting the house together for Christmas?” I asked my dad. “The fact that there’s no Christmas tree is really bringing me down. I doubt Dooley has any left, but I do know mom has the fake one she used to put up on the porch. We could always use that as a last resort.”

  “I’ll call him on the walk home,” h
e said. “But don’t think this means you can become the parent.”

  “Okay, Dad.” I laughed and we locked up and started walking back home.

  29

  Christmas Eve was always one of my favorite nights growing up. Partly because I was able to stay up really late to make it to midnight mass, but also because the town put on a show every year. It was short but always ended with a live nativity scene. One year, there weren’t any babies in town, so Dooley tried to hop into the scene and be baby Jesus—diaper and all. It was hysterical. He was the type of man you could always count on for a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, or in this case, a Christmas tree.

  I slipped my arm through my dad’s and rested my head on his shoulder. Looking at him and actually seeing him as an individual had so much more meaning than looking up to him as a child. For the first time in years, I could see how quickly his age was creeping up on him. That wasn’t to say he looked old because he looked amazing for a man in his fifties, but I could see how life, specifically recent events, had taken a toll on him. He looked down and smiled before placing a tiny kiss on the center of my forehead. Forever a daddy’s girl.

  “Are you gonna call Dooley or what?” I teased.

  “Yes, boss,” he said, saluting me like a soldier.

  I giggled as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Dooley’s number. It was nice to see him happy again despite the week we had just been through.

  “Hey, Dooley,” my dad said. “I need a favor.”

  “Let me guess. You need a tree?” I could hear Dooley’s response through my dad’s excessively loud speaker.

  “Told you,” I mumbled and nudged my dad in the ribs with my elbow.

  Laughing, he nudged me back and winked. “You two think you’re so funny.”

  Dooley’s laugh bellowed through the phone, and I knew him so well I could almost see his dimples getting deeper as he threw his head back in laughter. Man, I missed these people and times like this.

  “As a matter of fact, Paul, I have two trees set aside for you,” Dooley told him.

  My dad looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I could see his crow’s feet were a bit deeper than the last time I saw him and wondered if stress had finally caught up to him. I didn’t want him to think I was worried about him, so I smiled and kept walking, not listening to their conversation any longer.

  “So, what did he say?” I asked.

  “That Dooley. He’s something else. He said that, for the past seven years, he’s been setting aside two trees just in case your mom changed her mind and needed one last minute.”

  “Oh, Dad. That is such a Butler thing to do,” I said, tears filling my eyes. “I say it often, but we are so lucky to have all these amazing people in our lives.”

  “What do you say, kid? Want me to walk you home and then I’ll head over to pick the trees up?” he asked.

  “I think I’d like to go with you, if you don’t mind. We can take Josh, too. He hasn’t been to the meadow yet, and I’d love to show him a bit more of Grace Valley before he leaves,” I told him. “I’m sure this is going to be his first and last trip here.”

  “I think that’s a great idea, pumpkin. He can help me load the tree into the truck. This old body isn’t getting any younger, you know.”

  “I’m gonna get you to live near me. I will and you know it!” I told him. I wasn’t ready to leave him, especially alone.

  He just smiled at me, and we continued our walk home in silence, breathing in the scent of winter. When we arrived at our property, I could see the smoke billowing out of the chimney and smiled inwardly at how quickly Josh had acclimated to country living. I never would have thought he would be the type to throw a log on the fire or help carry Christmas trees; he had people to do that for him. But a few days breathing in that country air had changed him.

  “We’re back,” I called when we walked through the front door.

  “I’m in the den with Gnocchi,” I heard Josh call back.

  My dad and I looked at each other and smiled. Of course he was with Gnocchi. Next thing I knew, he was going to try to take him back to New York.

  “Hey, do you want to come to Dooley’s farm with us to grab a Christmas tree? I thought maybe you’d like to see the meadow and all their decorations. They really go all out.”

  “You don’t say,” he teased. “I’d love to go. Sounds fun.”

  “Dad, do we still have the toboggans?” I asked, hoping they were still around somewhere.

  “I think we do in the garage. Do you want to come help me get them down, Josh? If you could help me carry in the ornaments, too, that would be a tremendous help.”

  “When did you start storing Christmas stuff in the garage?” I interrupted. “I thought mom wanted everything in the house.”

  “Your bin is still up in the attic with the rest of the decorations. We only moved a few things to the garage to make room up there. I think she was hoping you would come back and we could store your apartment things up there.”

  I stood there frozen, embarrassed and crushed.

  “Umm, no problem,” Josh cut in and then turned to me. “Are you coming, Leah?”

  “No thanks. I think I’ll stay in here and gather some things. Don’t get lost in there,” I said winking, and shut the door behind them.

  The last place I wanted to be was inside the garage that housed more memories than things. I was just starting to feel normal again, and I didn’t want to end up reverting. I threw on a pot of coffee and started putting some things into a bag to bring to the meadow. A blanket, extra work gloves—Lord knows Josh won’t want to get his precious hands scratched up—a few disposable coffee cups, and a baggie of cookies for Dooley. When the coffee was finished brewing, I poured some into two thermoses and put those in the bag, too. We would definitely need the warmth, and I always needed the caffeine.

  My heart was beating out of my chest by the time my dad and Josh came back into the house. I hadn’t been to the meadow in years, and the last memory I had of there was when Caleb and I said our final goodbyes. I wasn’t ready to relive those memories, but I couldn’t live in fear for the rest of my life, either. Besides, today wasn’t about me, it was about my dad and keeping the memory of my mother—and the true spirit of Christmas—alive in our hearts and our home.

  “Trucks warm, pumpkin,” my dad said, looking across the kitchen at me. “You ready or do you need some time?”

  “Sorry, I was just thinking. I’m ready,” I replied and lifted the bag to show him. “I packed some coffee for us.”

  “You two and your coffee. I don’t know how you can drink that much,” Josh said, shaking his head.

  “You should have seen my mom,” I said with a laugh. “She could drink her weight in coffee.”

  “Come on, you two. I’d like to get the tree before New Year’s,” my dad teased, and led the way out of the house toward the truck.

  The drive to Dooley’s was quick but bumpy. I had gotten so used to city traveling I had forgotten what it was like driving around on these roads. Most of them were paved, but the Butlers refused to allow anyone to touch the gravel road that led to the farm from town.

  “It’s part of the Butler Farm charm,” Dooley would say any time anyone suggested a change. I hated to admit it, as I clutched onto my chest as we bounced along, but I did love that rocky little road. Despite quite a few spills, bloodied knees and banged up elbows, I learned how to ride my bike there.

  “Well, I’ll be,” Dooley said, walking out of the barn and throwing a rag over his shoulder. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  My dad rolled his eyes at him and playfully hit him on the side of his arm before closing his window. Dooley laughed his loud, belly laugh and nodded for us to follow him. I grabbed the bag out of the bed of the truck and told Josh to go on ahead and I’d meet them up there in a minute. He obliged and I paused for a moment, taking it all in.

  For the first time, I really stopped and allowed myself to be grateful for e
verything I had been given and for all that was to become. If I had learned anything since my mom passed, it was that time was fleeting and everything happened for a reason.

  I smiled as I looked around and saw the fence sparkling with lights. Becky had truly outdone herself this year. I wondered if she decided to make it bigger and better because mom was gone or if it was just a coincidence, but I loved it. I noticed they added a sleigh to the roof of the barn and somehow made Santa look like he was floating in the air next to it. Leave it to Dooley and Becky to have the horse barn be the main attraction in this tiny town. I laughed to myself and walked up to the barn to meet everyone.

  “Hey, Leah! I didn’t know you were going to come,” Jackie said, peeking her head out from behind the hay bales.

  “Jackie!” I reached out and pulled her in for a big hug. “I didn’t know you would be here, either. I figured you’d be helping your mom with some final Christmas orders.”

  “Yeah, I was gonna help her, but she said this was my last high school Christmas break and to enjoy it. So I’m just hanging around the barn with my dad.”

  “That sounds like a perfect way to spend a day,” I told her.

  I always admired how much of an old soul Jackie was. When the other kids were out partying and getting into trouble, Jackie was at home, hanging out with her parents or helping someone in town with whatever they might have needed. She was so much like her mom, and it warmed my heart to see that, even as she got older, her love of family remained strong. If only I had some of that when I was her age.

  “I brought the toboggan,” I said. “You wanna go for a ride while they put the tree in the truck?”

  “Definitely! Let me grab my gloves. Do you want me to put your bag in the office?” Jackie asked.

  “Sure. I’ll meet you out back.”

  The snow was the perfect powder for sledding. Not too heavy but thick enough that if you were to crunch some in your hands, you could form the perfect snowball with one roll. Connecticut was only one state away from New York, but somehow, even the snow seemed different. The air was still and clear. It was quiet but you didn’t feel like you were missing anything. I glanced over to Josh, who had looked up at the same time, and we caught each other’s gaze. It was getting harder to look at him knowing that once we got back to the city, whatever it was that was happening this week would be over for good. Just as I was about to say something, Jackie came bouncing out of the barn, putting on her gloves. That girl had so much energy!