CHAPTER 7?
Next some old woman drops her dentures in the dookie and mugs it up! That’s right
an elderly woman kisses some guy with fake crap stained teeth. The morons are the woman and also anyone she catches with her dentures. I actually saw this one in person, it was hilarious. Me and Dave were on the train and some woman who was 85 if she was a day, drops her teeth and gums in the flusher. She comes out and announces her teeth and gums are stained. Without so much as a whiskey swig, she pulls them out and puts them back in her mouth. Oh the humanity! It was gross, but what was worse is I swear she started kissing people.
I almost got it but thank God for my ability to duck and cover. Also, Dave warned me she was headed straight for me. I pulled some poor fool in my way so he got a full lip lock. Ugh. Better him than me though. Aren’t human shields great? Haha, unfortunately she did get Dave, one half of the self- proclaimed idiot police. Someone used him as a human shield. Poor Dave had to drink vodka till he puked to get the taste out. In sympathy, I took a bottle of Jack Daniels bourbon and chugged until I also puked. I actually hate alcohol with a passion, but for a friend I would drink. So she’s going around acting like a fool, laughing about how many guys she kissed. All I see are people getting the hell out of her way. It was hilarious. She sneak kissed about 20 men. Of course, I laughed at most of the fools who got it, but felt sorry for Dave. So then he gets over it and laughs too as he watches her wander the train kissing people. She kissed a few women by mistake, which even she thought was gross.
Of course, everyone said eww gross that old woman just kissed me and her breath smells like it is covered in shit. I gently inform them that her dentures were covered in the stuff . So then the fools who got kissed decided to try to stop her from claiming any more victims. It doesn’t work as she is fast for an 80 something year old person. Eventually she stops when she realizes she missed her stop due to her insane desire to mug it up after the dentures were soiled. Of course she flips out. Then me and Dave get off at Boca station, and she follows us saying I have my eye on you Dave. Apparently she liked kissing him the most. She gets back on and tries to kiss the conductor of the train.
He is then tempted to throw her onto the tracks like the rest of us were. Instead he bursts into laughter, pulling some other poor soul in the path of those foul choppers. The guy almost dies of disgust and promptly looks around for some beer to clean his mouth with. I’ve got the only one left, and I wander into school high as a fucking kite, oh wait I mean drunk as a skunk. I do that more often the more I hang with Dave, bad influence I guess. It is his fault for getting kissed, and my feeling sorry for the guy haha. Again, I get away scot free for being wasted in FAU classes. I then go off to raise hell on my way home.
By then I sober up some and run into Dave who wants to laugh about what happened. Of course, he caught it all (except for his passionate embrace with the stain lady) on tape for the whole world to see. Of course we planned to broadcast it on FAU resources since it would be amusing. We later decided that making money off of this would be better and we will sell copies of this after the book. What do you think, is fools a good name? I might edit it to get Dave’s lips pressed against the stain lady haha. Nah, I couldn’t do that to him, that would be embarrassing. I go back and we see the lady waiting for the train, of course, Dave runs like hell, I don’t blame him. I would run too, wait actually I did, I like having my breath clean, haha. We run to a dead end, and in desperation I sacrifice Dave to save myself from the horror.
Well she just busts out laughing and we run past her. She tries to corner Dave and for a second I think man she’s going to get him again, but then I go back and say if you want him you’re going have to go through me first. Of course, she took the challenge but then she got very sick feeling. I, of course, asked if she was ok. Dave just ran away. I called the ambulance from my cell phone, feeling sorry for her. It turned out she became ill from her dentures being crud infested. So she goes to the hospital and they give her drugs to fight her infection. Of course I go to visit her when she can have visitors. She waves at Dave saying hello handsome winking and waving. I make fun of him doing the same thing. He throws up after she does that.
The next day….. (drum roll please)she was at it again. Dave and I ran like hell on seeing her. I shouted I’m too young and handsome to get kissed by her,
Fools Page 9