Racehead

by Daya Daniels

  He smiles. “Overflowing.” He says the word as if he’s skeptical. Frankly, I don’t blame him since I never believed any of the crap anyone told me after my madre died either. They would’ve said anything to stop me from bawling.

  “Yes, overflowing, like an active volcano that spews out love instead of hot lava.”

  Banks laughs. “Lava?”

  “Yes, lava.” I grin. “Besides, you both have me.” I slant my head to the side. “You guys so both have me.” It’s a promise.

  The cynical expression returns to his face. “And you promise you aren’t going anywhere?”

  I throw my hands up in the air. “Where would I even go, Banks?” I’ve never been too eager about leaving the state of California. I’ve never even been to Vegas! All I ever do is work and race, race and work, and that schedule is never altered.

  He giggles. “I don’t know.”

  “Where would I go?” I nudge him with my shoulder.

  He smiles.

  And I get all lost in his big sad eyes and accept I have a new friend.

  “Where?” I lean into him.

  With his head of messy hair hanging low, he shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe you’ll become a big racing superstar one day and forget all about us.”

  “How could I ever forget about you, Banks, or about V?” I tickle him. “You guys are like my besties. Do you remember how Ash always says that there are three people you never forget in life?”

  Banks chuckles. “Yeah.”

  I arch my brows, waiting.

  With his hand open, Banks counts on his fingers. “You never forget the people who helped when you needed their help most. You never forget the people who left you when you needed them most. And you never forget the people who are your home. And the people who are your home are the ones you ride or die for.” Banks does a funny Ash impression, moving his hands all over the place.

  I crack up laughing.

  “And the people you ride or die for would do the same for you…or something like that Ash says.”

  “And you guys are my home. So, I could never forget you. No way. Never.” I fake-punch him in the shoulder.

  “Can you promise me that, Nevada?” His eyes are hopeful.

  “What?” I put my most serious expression on and pretend I don’t know what he’s getting at.

  “You’re like our family now. We’re a family. I like having you in my family.”

  “I do too, Banks. I love being in your family.” Pulling him into my side, I press a kiss to his temple. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Vashti

  I’VE BEEN DOING THIS for weeks…

  Tonight, I had driven by here five times already before hopping out of the Cuda and finding the perfect spot to hide. Popping a buttery kernel in my mouth, I keep focus on the house across the street with narrowed eyes.

  It has three stories, a chimney, a manicured front lawn that’s full of rose bushes and perfectly-preened hedges and a two-car garage.

  It’s immaculate.

  The home is far different from the cramped apartment I lived in with my mother and Banks back in Assam.

  This house is like a billion times better.

  A woman stands to the sink.

  Blonde. Slim. Wearing all black like she’s just come from a funeral.

  My stepmother…

  An old woman pushes around a vacuum far behind her.

  The maid…

  My stepmother laughs when she glances over her shoulder then faces forward once more. Two kids, who are maybe seven or eight years old, sidle up next to her. She dips down to allow them to kiss her on the cheek.

  My half-siblings…

  The third kid, who I’m certain is around ten years old, kisses the woman next.

  It’s a boy with the same dark hair and brown eyes as Banks. Only he looks a bit different. Maybe more like the woman standing in front of the window. I groan at that.

  Nevada slips the box of popcorn out of my hands and tosses a few kernels into her mouth. She edges closer to me on the thick branch of an oak tree where we’re perched beneath the cover of darkness.

  I chew frantically but stay focused on all the action happening in that kitchen window.

  “How often do you do this?” Nevada’s are suspicious slits.

  “All the time.” I chew away. “Thanks for coming.”

  “No problem.” With a sigh, she makes herself more comfortable on the solid branch, kicking her feet, allowing her boots to tap the branch as she swings her legs. “You know this is stalking, right, V?”

  I toss a popcorn into my mouth. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Okay.” Nevada bobs her head.

  The air is warm. The crickets sing. And far above we have an incredible view of the Mars as it glows insanely red distant light years away.

  It’s beautiful out here.

  So peaceful and quiet.

  We wait a while for something to happen. Normally around this time, the occupiers of that home sit down to the table and have dinner together. They laugh. They talk. They always look so fucking happy as the maid serves them their food.

  People always look happier when you’re on the outside looking in, don’t they?

  Makes me wonder what really goes on inside those four walls.

  I search and wait.

  I seek him mostly.

  “Does he usually come home this late?” Nevada leans in.

  “No, not usually.” I check my watch. “He must’ve had something to do after work today?” I shrug, eat and keep watch like the dedicated voyeur I’ve become since setting my sandals on US soil.

  “Vashti.” Nevada’s grays are soft as she regards me.

  I brush my hair off my shoulder and groan when I realize just how much my ass is hurting from sitting on this hard bark for as long as we’ve been. “Yeah.”

  She bites her lip and looks at me strangely. “I know I’ve never asked…I guess I was hoping you’d just tell me yourself.”

  I blink rapidly.

  “But what actually happened to your mother?” She exhales. “I know she died and everything but—”

  I look away from her and focus back on the house that’s full of life. “She had a stroke one day. She hadn’t been feeling well leading up to it but was never sure why. She went out to work one day and collapsed there. The next time I saw her, she was unconscious in the hospital, then she died. It happened quickly. Within three days to be exact.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, thanks, me too.”

  Nevada shakes her head. “I’m sorry for asking. I guess I—”

  “What made you think I would tell you if you didn’t ask me?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know, honestly. We talk about everything else.”

  “Yeah, we do.”

  “So, I guess I just thought you’d mention it, V.”

  “I don’t like talking about it.”

  “Yeah, I understand. I don’t like talking about my own either. I hate that I lost her. And I fucking hate that Syd continues to smoke even though madre died of lung cancer.” She sighs. “I don’t get into it with her though. But, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Syd too.”

  “You won’t.”

  Nevada smiles.

  When a car rolls along the quiet street, I stiffen and twist my fingers into the hem of Nevada’s T-shirt. A white BMW M3 pulls up to the massive gate outside the home. It opens then the vehicle meanders up the driveway and parks in front of the fancy house.

  I dip my head low, mouth gaped, still holding onto the kernel in my hand.

  Vijay exits his car, slams the door and strolls to the front door where he punches in a code. He’s dressed in his usual three-piece suit and holding a brief case.

  “Is that him?” Nevada whisper-yells.

  “Yeah, that’s him. That’s my dear old daddy.” I frown.

  “Oh.” She examines my face. “You look like him, V.”

  Vij
ay disappears into the house, then shows up in front of the kitchen window where he kisses my stepmother more than a few times on the lips. My skin crawls. Then, they sit around the table, hold hands and say a prayer. The maid serves each one of them and soon their plates are full, then they eat.

  I clear my throat of nothing.

  “Are you okay?” Nevada’s face twist.

  I toss the kernel into my mouth and gesture with my hand. “Yeah, I’m cool.” I look back at the house. “I’m totally over this whole thing. All this bullshit, Nevada. I hate the man who lives in that fancy house across the street with his perfect family and new shiny kids.”

  “Are you sure?”

  My eyes bulge out of my head, if they truly could any more than they already are. “Yeah, yes, of course. I don’t care about them, Nevada. Why do you ask anyways?”

  “Well…” She looks around then back at me, frowning. “We’re up in a fucking tree.”

  Tucking a thick section of hair behind my ear, I sigh.

  “We’re up in a tree watching them, like it’s movie night, V…”

  “I know.” I keep my voice that’s laced with shame low.

  “Why don’t you just go over there and knock on the door?” She smiles sweetly.

  “I would never do that.” I slap a palm on my thigh. “I mean, should I have to? That asshole over there knows Banks and I are here in California now. Shouldn’t he be the one to come and find us?”

  “Yeah, probably, but…”

  “But what…” My cheeks get hot when my eyes fill with tears.

  “But, people are assholes, V.” She sucks her teeth. “I’m sorry to say that but it’s the truth. If you don’t go and knock on that door one day, you might find yourself up in this tree for the next twenty years.” She chuckles. “These oaks are hard to climb I’ve heard once arthritis starts eating at your bones.”

  I snort back a laugh.

  “I say we go over there and kick the door down.” Her smile is deadly sweet.

  Craning my neck up to the sky, I sigh. “No, no way.”

  “I’m not judging you, V, not at all. I’m just saying I think you should think about it, that’s all. If you want your answers, you just might have to be the one to ask the questions.”

  “Yeah, I know.” Sitting forward, I narrow my eyes on the police cruiser that stops next to where the Cuda is parked far away from this tree.

  Nevada growls. “Jesus Christ on a chariot, some people just never fuck off, do they?” She slaps a hand on the tree branch.

  Sherriff Abs steps out of the police cruiser and speaks into her two-way radio. She eyeballs the license plate of the car, then peeks in the windows using her flashlight to see.

  “We should get going anyways. It’s late.” I scoot along the tree branch. “What is she doing?” I swing my neck left then right and attempt to get a good vantage point.

  Nevada purses her lips. “It’s Friday night. It’s late. It’s a pretty badass car.”

  “Oh, right?”

  “She doesn’t expect it to be in The Valley…”

  We make our way down the tree and dash across someone’s backyard before we make it to a corner of the block that’s bathed in darkness.

  My breaths are rapid as we jog down the sidewalk, hand in hand, making our best attempt to not be spotted. Nevada stops and yanks me down with her when she lowers into a squat behind a parked car. Sheriff Abs’ cruiser rolls on by.

  “This is crazy.” I cover my face with my hands, feeling like a super-secret agent.

  “What’s crazy?” Nevada’s expression is fierce. “Hiding behind a parked car?”

  “Yesssss.”

  “We were just up in a tree!” She giggles.

  Good point.

  I laugh too, then my knees begin to shake with the uncomfortable pose.

  Nevada leans against me.

  Then, we both crash to the pavement laughing like hyenas. I shift on top of her and press a kiss to her lips, touching her warm cheek. “Thank you for coming here with me tonight. I know it’s weird and crazy and I think, illegal.”

  “I don’t want to be any place else, V.”

  I kiss her once more, reveling in her sweet tongue and her soft lips that speak so much truth to me tonight.

  “I would do anything for you, V. Anything.”

  My heart splinters into tiny little warm pieces at her words.

  I smile.

  And fall in love with this super girl a little more.

  Nevada

  “IT’S BEAUTIFUL OUT HERE.” Vashti leans forward to peer out through the windshield.

  We’re in The Badlands, parked off in a dark spot.

  I’m exhausted, and my ass is sore from our tree stalking.

  The Valley ahead is gorgeous beneath the night sky. A cool wind rushes in through the windows. I sigh on that breeze, look over at Vashti, then gaze up at the twinkling stars.

  “Drive” by The Cars plays on the radio.

  “I’ve never realized that’s Mars.” She laughs.

  “No?” I lift a brow.

  “No.” She giggles. “I guess I’m busy worrying about all the things going on right here on earth to be concerned about the beauty in the sky.”

  “Oh, I look up to the sky all the time. It’s breathtaking.”

  Vashti smooths her hair down.

  “Mars is one of the brightest planets. It’s visible most of the year with the naked eye, except for when it’s too close to the sun.” I stretch out in my seat.

  “Cool as fuck.” She shoves all the takeout containers into the paper bag then folds it up neatly. “I love this.” She gestures with her arms out to the city then to me. “Just all of it.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I sigh and become fixated with the stars once more. They’re scattered glass that’s lightyears away. “When I was a little girl, Syd gave me this book that included all the sports cars I loved. She knew how much I loved racing then, watching it especially. Syd loved it too and was a massive NASCAR fan.” I laugh a little remembering all the fan gear she had and how we’d squeeze into the tiny sofa on Sundays to watch the race. “I loved that book.”

  Vashti laughs.

  “I loved the speed, the excitement and how all the crowds gathered.” I inhale loudly. “I used to race Go-karts as a kid. I lost my first race which isn’t surprising. I was so angry that when I went home I cried and cried and cried to Syd and Madre.”

  Vashti lets out a breath.

  “Even though I had lost, Syd was pissed with me. She scolded me for the decisions I’d made out there on the track that hot day that had almost caused a serious accident. I had almost brought injury to myself, I guess, and to others because I’d unhooked myself from the safety belts. I hated how constricted I felt while wearing them. So, I didn’t. No one knew this, of course. Because if you were deep down in the seats the way they were constructed you couldn’t tell. Syd didn’t know until the race ended and surprisingly she kept it from Madre.”

  “That really wasn’t smart.” Vashti sighs.

  “Yeah, I know it was a dumb thing to do but I was just a kid who was more concerned with winning that I was with safety.” I huff. “Anyways, later that night Syd sat me down in the living room and clicked on the TV. I had no clue what we were watching until the image of Daytona International Speedway popped up on the screen.

  “I remember the chat between the driver and his crew in that replay before it happened. Earnhardt asked: ‘So you got any advice for me here coming up?’ The crew chief said, ‘No, man, I haven’t got any advice for you. Just keep doing what you’re doing.’ Then Earnhardt said, ‘Okay, just wondering.’ And the crew chief said, ‘Cheers, talk to you later.’

  “A few seconds later, in turn four, when Earnhardt was so close to winning that race, the number three Goodwrench car hit the wall. BLAM. It was like my heart stopped with the crunch of the impact, V. I’d never been so jolted in my life.

  “I knew I only raced Go-karts then. They didn’t go tha
t fast but still there was an opportunity to speed a bit. And here was this car moving at more than two hundred miles per hour around a track. I was enthralled.

  “Anyways, wiping tears from her eyes for one of her idols, Syd told me that the safety precautions we have now are there for a reason. And that racing had only become safer for drivers because of accidents like Dale Earnhardt’s and that it was fucking disrespectful to the sport of racing for me not to appreciate that.”

  “You still do reckless things.” Vashti gazes out the window when she says the words.

  “Yeah, sometimes, when I want to win.”

  “But winning isn’t everything.”

  It is when you’re trying to go pro and you need fifty grand to get a car back…

  “Yeah, I know it isn’t.” I exhale.

  I see worry in her eyes mostly, and fear, for me, and I want to kiss it all away and convince her that I am a responsible speed chaser. If there is such a thing…And that I’m not an egotistical maniac who needs to win at any cost. But I just can’t.

  There’s too much at stake.

  Way too much.

  Leaning forward, I pull Vashti to me and press a kiss to her lips and then it becomes hungry. I shove my fingers into her hair not giving her much of a break to breathe.

  These make-out sessions are never-ending and wonderful.

  Often, they happen in the garage or in the car or somewhere out in the wilderness since our living arrangements are less than ideal. So, we make the most of it.

  It all serves as an irritating reminder that we’re both still struggling, still trying to make it in this big bad world and will hopefully, one day, have a place of our own.

  Vashti twists around completely and crawls into my lap, seating her weight on top of me. She takes my hand in hers and admires the fuchsia polish on my fingernails. “It’s pretty.”