Pretty Monsters

by Kimberly Carrillo

  "You're a scary motherfucker," Ford observes.

  Ted just shrugs. "I can be." He points at Sin. "I've got nothing on him though. I had to make sure Blackthorne's ghost wasn't there for me."

  Poor Amber watches the entire exchange with a trembling hand in front of her face. "I don't know you at all," she whispers.

  A bit of the more familiar Teddy peeks through. "Yes you do. I was forced to be that guy, but I don't want to ever be that again."

  He turns back to face Sin and Lucien. "I know what it's like to be coerced to do things you don't approve of. You might not trust me now, but I swear to you, I am on your side."

  Sin and Lucien exchange a look, and seem to have an entire telepathic conversation. Sin finally addresses Teddy, "One chance. Cross me and no one will ever find you."

  The threat doesn't phase Teddy at all. "I'd expect nothing less.”

  Everyone stands around in stunned silence after Teddy’s confession. I’m still trying to reconcile the two versions of him myself, and this world of darkness and monsters is less of a shock to me than any of our new friends. I can’t help but think that both sides of him are true. He is a lovable goofball, but that undercurrent of violence is also part of him.

  Sin silently steps away to go change out of the clothes covered in dust from the drywall. I follow after him, needing a moment to reassure myself he’ll be coming back to me, and not just physically.

  When we make it to the top I see that there’s a bathroom with at least the bare essentials already installed. It’ll need walls for privacy, but for now there’s a place to shower. I’ll definitely be using the toilet downstairs though.

  Sin stands rigidly in the middle of the open space. I make sure he hears me coming before I wrap my arms around him from behind.

  “I’m filthy,” he sighs. I don’t think he is talking about the dirt covering him.

  “I don’t care.” Not about the dust or the state of his soul.

  “I’m overlooking things,” he murmurs.

  Moving around to face him I see real fear on his face. He’s trying to pull away from me again.

  “If you are thinking that we can’t be together because of this you’re going to piss me off.”

  “Can’t you see it? There’s a trained killer who’s been around us for the last week, and I didn’t see it. I can’t miss things, Raven. If I do it’s you who’ll pay the price.”

  “Haven’t I already shown you that I can take care of myself?”

  He shakes his head. “Not against these guys. I won’t risk it.”

  “Don’t do this,” I beg. He’s reduced me to fucking begging and it’s pissing me off even more.

  “I need to get ready,” his voice is flat. He’s turning back into the ghost I first met.

  “Sin don’t–”

  “Go downstairs, Raven.”

  “Fuck you,” I seethe.

  “You already did.”

  I can fight for him, with him, but I won’t fight him to love me. Without another word, I walk away from him. Every step I take hurts.

  26

  Instinct

  Sin

  The moment she walks away from me I want to beg her to come back. I can't though. It isn't fair for me to hold on to her when doing so makes me miss what should have been obvious. It will be hard not turning to her, she's under my skin, hell she's my fucking soul. She's also a distraction, and I can't lose focus now. If I do, it could get us all killed.

  Losing Raven isn't an option. But you did just lose her, my brain supplies. I rub the ache in my chest. At least she'll be alive and free. Loving someone means sacrifice. I'd do anything for her, even leave her if it keeps her safe.

  I shower and change quickly, fighting the urge to scrub my skin raw in the shower. Every moment I spend in the same building as her makes me want to chase her down and apologize. I can't though. She'll understand some day, or maybe she won't, but she'll be safe so I can learn to live with it.

  Dressed in black military pants, boots, and a sleeveless hoodie, I go downstairs to Ted. I've hidden a gun in the waistband of my pants. I usually prefer to make my kills look like accidents, but I'm hoping we can grab Jess without anyone dying.

  Raven isn't in the main part of the gym when I make it down. Ford gives me a disapproving glare and stalks off to the shooting range. Probably joining Raven.

  I can't think about the fact he's going to be able to comfort her now, or I'll lose my shit. Another distraction I don't need.

  "Ready?" Ted asks.

  I nod. Together we head outside and climb into his car. It's a standard, silver sedan. The kind you see on nearly every street in America. It doesn't stand out, which I realize is exactly why he chose it. Ted's entire persona is crafted to blend in, and it works.

  There aren't any cameras in the parking lot of the Fallen Angel, but Ted still sticks to the shadows in the parking lot and pulls around toward the back. We cut it close, only arriving five minutes before Lucien said she would be leaving work.

  Ten minutes pass, and there's no sign of her anywhere. Finally, she emerges from the building. She's jittery, obviously needing her next fix. I'm not sure what she's on, but it's already taken its toll on her in the short time she's been gone.

  Most strip clubs have a bouncer who walks the girls out to their cars. I'm ready for it, but no one else follows behind her.

  "Which car is hers?" I ask Ted.

  "She doesn't have one. I think she walked here."

  If that isn't a commentary on how little she values her life, I don't know what is.

  "See if you can get her to come with you to the car," I suggest. It would be better if she comes willingly, not that she has a choice. She's coming with us if I have to knock her out and shove her in the trunk.

  He morphs into the other version of himself right before my eyes. And people think I'm a sociopath. At least I don't present a false face to the world.

  Ted smiles and says something to her I can't hear. She returns his smile and follows him to the car. I've moved over to the driver's side because I can't risk her trying to get out if she recognizes me from the bar.

  Once she's in the backseat he closes the door, and I engage the child locks while he jumps into the passenger seat. Jess catches my eye in the rearview mirror and tries the handle over and over.

  "What's going on, Teddy?" she says in a pitiful childlike tone.

  "We're going to get you some help," he says, oozing that false nice guy schtick.

  She pouts. "I don't need help, and I don't want to be around him."

  "Tough shit," I grumble and step on the gas.

  Jess fights to stay in the car the moment I pull up to the gym. "I'm not letting that psycho take me into some abandoned warehouse. That's how women end up dead."

  She doesn't recognize the change in Ted, or rather the unveiling of who he really is. All she sees is the lovable jokester she's always overlooked. I could take lessons from this guy, which is scary as fuck.

  "You'll stay out here with me though?" he asks, cocking his head to the side and studying her.

  "Of course, I trust you, Teddy."

  "You shouldn't," he clips out.

  "Teddy?"

  He clinches his jaw, and the mother fucker seems to grow. The slouched posture and permanent smile disappears, and left in its place is a stranger.

  "You don't know me, Jess. Not really. So let me ask you again, are you sure you're willing to stay out here with me? There aren't any street lights. No people around for blocks. I don't need the empty warehouse. Look around, do you see anyone coming to save you?"

  Jess licks her chapped lips, and she starts to shake. Perhaps it's out of fear, but I'm starting to believe she's on something. "Teddy, this isn't like you," she says in a baby soft voice.

  "Actually, this is the most real I've ever been with you. So what's it going to be? Are you staying out here with me, or are we going inside?"

  For a moment I am afraid he actually means her harm, but I see h
e's using fear to propel her inside on her own so neither of us have to risk her getting hurt by forcing her to go in.

  "I'll go," she whispers. This time when a shiver racks her body I'm almost certain it's from fear.

  When we walk inside and she sees everyone else she relaxes, that is until she spots Lucien. He steps forward, and she steps back.

  "Adam? What are you doing here?" she asks.

  He shakes his head. "My name is Lucien Blackthorne, and we have to have a talk."

  "I–Why?"

  "Have you watched any tv today?" he asks.

  She shakes her head, and mindlessly scratches her arm. "N–No. I wasn't feeling well this morning, then I had to work."

  In other words, she has been coming down from whatever she's been on for at least a day and needed the tips in order to score more.

  Jen moves between them and takes Jess's wrist in her hand. "We've been worried about you. We're going to get you some help."

  Jess snatches her wrist away. "I don't want your help. I'm sick of watching all of you with your perfect lives. None of you give a shit about me. Just let me go."

  "So you can go to your dealer? What are you on, coke, heroine, or is it meth?" Ted chuckles. "Yeah, I'll bet that's it. When's the last time you used?"

  She looks down, confirming his guess. "Yesterday," she mumbles.

  "She needs rehab," Jen says after another round of shaking takes over Jess.

  Lucien crosses his arms. "She needs to stay the fuck away from people. You're a nurse, right?"

  "Yeah," Jen sighs. "This is less than ideal."

  "So is being murdered by my father. I'd say this is definitely the lesser of the evils we get to choose from."

  "I don't want to go to rehab. I just need a little to take the edge off," Jess insists.

  Ford scoffs and leaves the room. Raven follows after him, and my teeth clench. I know I pushed her away, but I'm not going to fucking watch her turn to him for comfort.

  "I've got this," Jen says, watching Raven. "Go."

  Lucien stops me by putting his hand on my shoulder. "I know you think you fucked up. We didn't see Ted for who he really is. That isn't all on you. I need to focus. Don't go throwing away what's good in your life."

  I shrug his hand off. "You haven't spent much time around him though, so you didn't miss shit. Don't you see that a slip like that could get her killed?"

  "She's my sister, fucker. You don't get to feel guilty about everything. And. She's. Fucking. Fine. Not to mention that we just gained one scary ass mother fucker as an ally."

  "I can hear you, you know," Ted says and rolls his eyes. "Look, I know I kinda shook things around, but I'm on your side. I didn't like being used as a weapon or a tool in some fucked up criminal war, so I understand. Besides, I like Raven."

  I glare at him and he holds his hands up. "Chill, killer. I don't think of her like that. She's like a little sister. There's something about her that makes you want to protect her, even though I'm sure that girl's spine is made of steel."

  I tip my head and follow Ford and Raven. The short walk through the building isn't long enough to help me figure out what I'm going to do. My mind is still conflicted when I push through the door to the shooting range.

  Ford paces back and forth while Raven tries to comfort him.

  "I need to get out of here for a while. I can't watch this. It's too much." There's a thread of pain in his tone, which can only be caused by the experiences he's had growing up with an abusive alcoholic.

  "It's not safe," I intrude.

  He turns towards me, his brown eyes wild. It's a look I recognize. One that begs to be released from a cage. "When has it ever been safe? That's never been the world I grew up in, or you. I'm not in any more danger than I'd be on any other day. My face hasn't been broadcast all over the news. I'm just going to go to grab some clothes and some air mattresses. It's better than watching a friend battle addiction."

  Several arguments come to mind. He's right, the world isn't always safe, no matter who you are, but he's also wrong. There are demons hiding in the dark and they're circling all around us.

  "I see your mind spinning, but I can take care of myself. You weren't the only one who grew up fighting. I've got my phone." I step aside and let him move past me out the door.

  "Raven, we need to talk."

  She scoffs. "I think you've said enough." Stepping around me she moves to the door.

  My mind might be conflicted, but the rest of me knows not to let her go. Before I think about it, I grab her and pin her against the wall.

  Struggling, she tries to jerk free of my hold. "Stop," I demand.

  "Go to hell. I'm done with this shit. You're all over the place, and it's making me dizzy."

  "You're still mine. I'm not letting you go."

  Her eyebrow curves up, and she stops trying to wiggle free. "You aren't letting me go, you're pushing me away."

  A growl of frustration rips from my throat. "Everything is spiraling out of control. If I let things slip you could die. I can't survive that."

  "You don't make any sense. You said I'm yours, but you treated me like I'm a whore. Is that what you want? For me to be your whore? Because you sure as hell didn't treat me like I'm anyone special."

  My nostrils flare and the urge to lash out overwhelms me. I try to shove it down. "I told you I was going to be bad at this."

  "You weren't wrong," she quips.

  "Fuck, I'm messing everything up. I don't know how to do this, and keep you safe. You push me and challenge me at every turn, and while I can't get enough of it, it's distracting as hell."

  "I'll make it easy on you then," she says and tries to slip out of my grasp again.

  "I don't want to let you go, but I need–"

  "What do you need?" she asks. Her voice becomes husky and low, and if I didn't know how pissed off she was I'd think she was getting turned on.

  "Control. I need to know you'll do what I say, when I say so I can focus on everything else. It feels like most of my concentration is consumed with wondering what you're going to do next."

  "What if I can give that to you?" she whispers.

  I give her a skeptical look. Honestly, sometimes it seems she can barely control herself. I doubt she'd be willing to let me make most of her decisions. Also, I didn't want to dim the fire burning inside of her.

  "Can you do that? I'm a bastard for even entertaining the idea, but it isn't just your safety." How do I explain something I didn't even really understand myself?

  She licks her lips. "What is it then?"

  "There are parts of my past I don't want to burden you with. Ugly things I don't ever want to touch you, and I don't want you to see me differently. But, I haven't always been able to decide how I would be touched."

  Just uttering those words, as little detail as I shared made me feel dirty. Used. I vowed I'd never feel that powerless ever again.

  "Is that why you bound my hands?"

  I nod. Even that was me trying to curb my urges to completely own her. She doesn't deserve that. Her entire life has been under the control of someone else.

  Raven groans, and drops her head back against the wall with a thud. "I'm so pathetic. The feminist in me wants to rail against you and tell you to fuck off."

  "It sounds like there's a but coming."

  She chuckles, but there's no humor in the sound, only resignation. "But, I feel like I'll die if you don't touch me. I can't even muster up the will to deny you."

  "What are you saying?" Can she really forgive me?

  "I'm saying that I'd like to try."

  "You don't know what you're getting into. When I'm stressed I need the release. I use sex to do that, and I'm not gentle."

  "I'd like to try, but on one condition," she begins.

  "What is it?" I stop breathing waiting for her to accept this fucked up situation.

  "It's only me. I meant what I said before, I won't put up with there being other women."

  Running my knuckles a
cross her cheek, I'm surprised by the tenderness I still feel. "I don't want anyone else. I need you to understand that sometimes I'll be cold. Feeling anything is new to me, and I'm still fighting the urge to shut it all off."

  "Then I'll just have to figure out how to help you turn them back on."

  Stepping back, I grab her hand. "Come on. I need to check the trackers on the computer and see if there's any new communications. I'm not letting you out of my sight while the threat from your father is getting closer."

  "Whatever you say, master," she teases.

  I swat her ass, and she squeaks. "We don't need to take it that far. You're mine, and I do need to be in control, but I don't own you. I'd never let you feel like a possession."

  "You're better at this than you think," she comments.

  Smirking, I warn her, "Let's see if you still think that when I tie you up and fuck you later."

  "Mmmm," she hums. "Why is it you think that's a threat?"

  27

  Letting Go

  Raven

  Anger, confusion, lust, and love fight for dominance over my emotions. My pride wants me to refuse him, to turn my back on him and walk away. I think about it, but it occurs to me that all I'd be left with is my pride.

  If I have to sacrifice a bit of my dignity to feel his arms wrap around me at night, to surrender to the bliss only he can provide, then so be it. Anger is a much different and more difficult feeling to push aside. As mad as I am, it still doesn't push aside the love that has wormed its way to the very bottom of my soul.

  I catch up to Sin in the gym, and see Jen and Shane trying to manage the struggling redhead.

  "You don't have a right to keep me here." She scratches at her arms, and it's clear she's been doing it for a while. Deep scratches mar her porcelain skin, some of them deep enough they might scar.

  "We're going to have to restrain her or sedate her. She's causing damage to herself," Jen intervenes.