He extends his hand to her.
“I’m Angelo, Cathy’s boyfriend.”
Did he just say boyfriend? Wow! We kind of have been chugging along without labeling our relationship. I’ve been fine with that. We love each other. But to hear him claim me makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Zoe gives me an elbow in the ribs and winks at me.
Meanwhile, the nurse struggles not to frown. I see a tinge of jealousy in her pale, blue eyes.
She smirks. “Yes, sir, I know who you are. It’s nice to meet you.”
Huh?
Zoe gives her a cold stare.
I glare at her. Bitch, how the fuck do you know my boyfriend? You’d better wait until I’m six feet under before you make your move! Or, I’ll still come haunt your skinny ass!
Zoe and Angelo both go and stand off to the side.
“Follow me, we need to get your weight first.”
Oh fuck! I don’t want Angelo to know my exact number. I don’t even want to know. God, I need to quit this. What the hell difference does it make?
I step on the scale. She slides the metal beams around.
“151.”
I get off of the thing so fast that I almost fall. Angelo is right there to catch me. My heart is beating fast. I have put on some weight. But truth be told, I expected it to be worse. I practically binge ate my way through Italy, and I haven’t even touched a salad since I’ve been back home.
The nurse leads us into an exam room and takes my blood pressure. Then, she leaves, closing the door behind her. The three of us are alone. Angelo holds my hand again and looks at me with those hazel eyes of his.
“You’re so strong and brave, going through this.”
“I’ve never really thought of myself as strong or brave, but thank you.”
“I’m serious. You’re a trooper.”
“He’s right, Cathy.” Zoe strokes my hair.
I don’t deserve either of them. All of a sudden, my headache isn’t so bad, but my back is still killing me, and this hard plastic chair doesn’t help a damn thing. I shift around in my seat.
“You alright?”
“Just my back, that’s all.”
“I’ll massage it for you tonight.”
“I bet you will.”
Zoe rolls her eyes.
I smile, looking forward to his touch. And his kisses and so much more. No amount of pain could stop me from wanting to fuck him. The man is just that amazing in bed!
There’s a knock at the door. The noise snaps me out of my fantasy. No more daydreaming about Angelo’s cock. I have to face the music now. I wonder how much longer I have before I slip into a coma.
“Come in!”
The door opens. Dr. Patel stands there, he looks super annoyed. But then he notices Angelo and turns to him. “Mr. Massarone. This is an unexpected surprise.”
What? “Dr. Patel, this is my boyfriend, Angelo.”
Damn, it felt good to just blurt it out. Boyfriend! Yes, this handsome, amazing man is all mine for as many months as I have left. It kind of sucks that I’m about to die, but at least I’ll die one happy fucker.
Dr. Patel looks at me briefly and then shakes hands with Angelo.
“Good to see you Doctor, I’m trying to take good care of Cathy.”
“Me too doctor,” Zoe says and shakes Dr. Patel’s hand.
Dr. Patel looks just a little uncomfortable, “I wish you’d told me you were coming Mr. Massarone, we would have—”
“I’m just here for Cathy, Doctor.”
I look to Angelo then to the Doctor. “You two know each other?”
“Mr. Massarone is one of our most esteemed benefactors.”
“Huh?”
Angelo taps my butt and says, “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Zoe’s eyes turn in to saucers, “You’re Angelo Massarone? Of Massarone Construction? Massarone Enterprises? That’s you?”
What the fuck is going on? Angelo’s famous?
“Cathy! He’s billionaire!”
“What? No!” Not my Angelo.
“Now’s not the time, Zoe,” Angelo says like a stern parent.
My boyfriend is a billionaire?
Dr. Patel turns to me, he really looks pissed. “Well, while it’s not surprising you didn’t know that and I suppose it’s going to make this all the more awkward for me, let’s proceed. Cathy, I must’ve left you a hundred messages. I even came to your home, I don’t know what prompted this sudden visit, but since you’re here, how are you feeling?”
Zoe turns to me.
“Sudden visit?”
Even Angelo looks at me in a funny way.
Oh crap, the cat’s out of the bag. I turn to Dr. Patel, “really shitty, to be honest, Doctor. This is the worst it’s been, and I know it’s just the beginning from everything I’ve read online, but—”
“That’s really interesting Cathy. Really, really interesting, considering the fact that I’m the doctor here, and you’re the patient, because what you know, isn’t as much as my medical degree. Nowhere near, in fact.”
Angelo steps right up in Dr. Patel’s face. “I think that’s a little uncalled for, doctor.”
“Oh do you? Really?” He laughs, it’s cynical. I can’t really tell, but it seems I may have fucked something up.
Dr. Patel straightens his coat and steps behind his desk with a raised brow and just a hint of frustration.
“I don’t know what assumptions the two of you have been laboring under, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that they’re wrong.”
Hmm. “What do you mean, doctor?” This is very, very weird. Why is Dr. Patel acting like such a dick? I’m the one who’s dying over here.
He doesn’t even look at me, he turns from Zoe to Angelo, making eye contact with them both. “The last time I saw Cathy, I was trying to explain to her that with the information I had at that time…that she might have Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. Might. I tried to tell her that the chances were highly unlikely and that because of the nature of the disease, there are often false positives, but I was obligated to give her all the information and that what was necessary was to run more tests so that we could get to the root of what the real issue was. I don’t know how much of that she actually heard but she stormed out of here with me chasing her through the parking lot. I have been like a stalker trying to get in touch with her. A few weeks ago I finally just gave up. I haven’t seen her till today.”
Oh fuck. Zoe looks at Dr. Patel, then to me, then to Dr. Patel.
Angelo breaks the silence. “So what are you saying doctor?”
“I’m saying that she’s not going to die. At least not from Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. She doesn’t have it. She never did.”
What did he just say? I’m going to live?
Suddenly there’s crack on my left cheek and it’s instantly on fire. I’m dizzy. I think I hear Zoe’s voice. “YOU DUMB BITCH!” I see her face, she’s rabid! Her hands are around my throat and then I’m on the floor. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?? YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO THE DOCTOR! THIS WHOLE TIME YOU WERE LYING TO ME! YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE DISEASE KILLING YOU! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”
She’s shaking me. I think she’s really trying to kill me! I can’t breathe. Why won’t anyone stop her? WHY?!
“Z-o-e…p-l-e-a-s-e…AIIIR!!”
I see Angelo trying to pull her off me but she won’t let go, she’s like a fucking ninja right now! She has the strength of ten men! Finally with one good tug, Angelo yanks her off and she stumbles back before she lands on her ass.
I hear Dr. Patel from somewhere, “PLEASE CALM DOWN, ALL OF YOU!”
Angelo is looking at us like we’re crazy. “What the hell is wrong with you two!”
I’m going to live!
I look over at Zoe and tears are streaming down her face. I can’t help but laugh at all of this, but my throat hurts. That bitch nearly did kill me! I laugh anyway. I cough and sputter too. My throat feels raw.
Z
oe crawls over to me, for a second I’m still on my guard but then we’re huddled in a ball on the floor, crying and laughing. Then I feel Angelo hugging us both, he’s laughing too. I’m going to LIVE!
Oh god, I’m going to live. Oh! And my boyfriend is a billionaire! Angelo kisses me, there’s even a tear in his eye. I’m going to live. Zoe kisses me, not like that! Just on the cheek. We’re on the floor for a minute till I hear Dr. Patel again.
“This is good news everybody. It’s great news, I know it must’ve been very trying thinking you’re terminal for so long, but if you’ll all take your seats, we’re not out of the woods yet.”
Angelo helps us both off the floor. Zoe and I wipe our faces as best as we’re able and the three of us sit down.
Dr. Patel looks at his chart and takes a deep breath.
“Cathy…you may, now listen carefully this time—you may have something called Pseudotumor cerebri. I’ll need to do some more scans to confirm.”
“What the hell is that?” My windpipe is cracked, I swear.
“It’s a pressure inside of your skull that mimics a brain tumor.”
“So, I have a brain tumor? Oh God!” What the actual fuck?
“No, you may actually have all of the symptoms without the tumor itself.”
“I’m still confused. What’s gonna happen to me?”
“Your headaches will continue, though they may abate on their own. It can be very serious or it could just go away by itself. Now this is just an educated guess, but looking at your chart and your weigh-ins—”
Here we go with my fucking weight again.
“—well I don’t know what diet you’ve been on—”
Zoe gives me a look, “That fucking diet! I told you!”
Dr. Patel gives her an impatient look.
“Sorry doctor.”
“Well this diet might have been a precipitating factor. Sometimes these things are the cause. Look, we’ll still need to run some more tests, but in my opinion, I would say that it’s a combination of stress and weight fluctuation and also perhaps eye strain. Sometimes when people recover the weight they’ve lost, the symptoms disappear. But, like I said, we need to do some tests. Are you experiencing any pain in your neck, back or shoulders.”
“Yes, my back is killing me!”
“Worst case scenario, your vision may also become blurred and patients with this are at a risk for blindness. But with proper treatment, that can be avoided. This is not a death sentence, Cathy. But you might need surgery. In all likelihood, with some lifestyle adjustments, we can take care of everything.
I sob. Relieved. I’m not gonna die! Dr. Patel keeps talking, but I can’t even focus on what he’s saying. Angelo wraps his arms around me. Zoe squeezes my hand. I’m overwhelmed.
I wipe my tears away and turn to Angelo.
“Do you think you can love someone who has…” I look back at Dr. Patel. “What’s it called again?” It comes out as more of a croak.
He turns to Angelo. “Pseudotumor cerebri.”
Angelo touches my face.
“How many times do you have to hear me say that I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care what you have, you’re stuck with me. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Awwww, I love you too,” Zoe says, “sorry for choking you.”
I smile at her and shake my head. I’m still trying to process that I’m going to live! After months of planning for certain death, I hadn’t even entertained the thought that I might be around. And best of all, I have love in my life. It took the threat of my imminent demise to teach me how to live. Wow. That’s actually pretty intense! Oh! And, my boyfriend is a billionaire!
Epilogue
It’s been a few months…six to be exact. Life is totally different. Going through something like what I’ve been through really makes you stop and reevaluate things.
The first thing that happened after we walked out of the doctor’s office that day is that I realized I was pretty close to broke.
I’d maxed out a lot of credit cards and ate in to a sizeable chunk of my savings. I literally stopped in the parking lot and said, “fuck.”
But then I said, “screw it,” because it was all for the best. New Cathy is way better than old Cathy so I decided to run with it. I didn’t quit my job immediately—I will eventually—but I ended up moving in with Zoe, even though I stayed at Angelo’s place most of the time anyway. I could’ve just moved in with Angelo straight away—he did offer, he even said not to worry about my debt—but I thought we should probably date a little while longer before taking that step—yes, he’s a billionaire, but I ain’t no gold digger—by the way, the sex is still out of this world, I swear we just keep getting better at it!
I started going with Zoe to yoga and I got in touch with my spiritual side. I think that when things start getting away from you—the way it did with me—life has a way of forcing you to correct things. It forces you to see what’s really important.
Sure, it’s important to have goals and chip away at things on a daily basis, we should always be trying to be better—at whatever it is that we’re passionate about, but it’s also important to be present and not plan so much—so much that we do it at the expense of the moment. It really is all about moderation.
That attitude of “If I just fix this one thing, then everything will be alright,” is total B.S.
See? I’ve even cut out the swearing so much. (Ssshh, I’m just pretending)
My point is that everything isn’t going to be okay if you just fix that one thing. That’s because there’s always going to be another thing to fix, and that’s okay—just don’t fixate on it. See what I did there?
Realize that everything is okay right now. In fact, everything is probably great. It’s human nature to want more because if you stop moving forward, you’re standing still…and that’s just not the way that we’re built…but you have to smell the roses along the way. Be good to yourself.
Go on and have that piece of cake, not the whole cake…but, have a piece. Then afterwards, go and do something fun with someone you love, go play catch in the park, maybe Frisbee, maybe yoga, maybe skydiving … heck even if you just take a walk and enjoy being outside.
Know what I’m saying?
Well, enough with the preachy stuff. Maybe I’ll write a book about my experience.
Anyway, I did eventually move in with Angelo, he’s sitting next to me right now and we’re back at Dr. Patel’s office. My last round of tests have come back and I’m expecting a clean bill of health.
“It looks like everything is back to normal, Cathy. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it looks like you’re probably going to outlive us all.”
“So definitely no surgery then?”
“You don’t have to worry about that, like I said before, lifestyle changes can get most things under control. Most conditions don’t come out of nowhere, there’s always a root cause. Your blood test did show something else though.”
“It did?” What the fuck? Well I guess I can get off that preachy ass high horse I was just riding.
“Cathy, you’re approximately three weeks pregnant.”
“What?! But … I haven’t even missed my period.”
Angelo grins and kisses the side of my face.
Dr. Patel tilts his head and pushes his glasses up on his nose.
“Our blood test can show pregnancy a few days after ovulation. And the blood test is the most reliable way to know for sure, and there’s no doubt that you’re expecting. Congratulations.”
“Wow!”
Angelo’s hazel eyes light up.
“I’m gonna be a dad?”
Dr. Patel nods.
“Yes. In three weeks, we’ll be able to hear the heartbeat.”
I’m so happy! I’m going to have a baby with the most beautiful man in the world!
“But, Dr. Patel, what about my condition? Will it affect the baby?”
“No. And it’s not hereditary. As far as
we know right now, that’s all a thing of the past, you should have a fantastic pregnancy.”
I take a deep breath.
“But of course, pregnancy is its own beast to tackle so…there’s that.”
“Of course.”
“And by the way, your back pains are probably going to come back, but that’ll be from the pregnancy. I suggest you splurge on a really good mattress.”
My heart pounds. Angelo holds me closer to him.
“Aren’t you glad I came with you today, little mama?”
I smile through my tears. I’m so choked up that I can’t talk. I wipe my eyes, as I nestle into his strong shoulder. This is truly the happiest day of my life, and I know that there’s more happiness ahead for me. A fucking buffet of good times!
Dr. Patel hands me a slip of paper.
“Here are the meds I want you to pick up at the pharmacy and please start on a prenatal vitamin right away. And don’t forget to eat plenty of foods rich in folic acid.”
Angelo nods. “Don’t worry, doc. I’m going to make sure Cathy has everything she needs.”
When Angelo and I leave the doctor’s office, I’m on top of the world! I know it’s all because of the euphoria in my soul. We step out into the sunshine.
My life has been bent and twisted in all directions like a soft pretzel. This has really been a hell of a year. I almost don’t know how to act.
In the middle of the parking lot, Angelo wraps his arms around me and steals a kiss. He looks deep into my eyes. I never want to let him go.
Oh my god! We’re not married! I have to start planning the wedding. It’s going to be the most awesome fucking wedding EVER! I have to call Zoe!
Oh fuck, here we go again, start the theme music…I’m out!
One more time Freddie!—Have a good time, good time!
THE END.
Dieting Makes Cathy Crazy Page 17