I finish the rest of my breakfast and, for once, I don’t scramble to clean up right away. I’m always so worried about bugs, but I could care less which critters come crawling out of the walls. As a matter of fact, I just might become a hoarder.
I can accomplish that before my judgment day. All that’s missing is some petrified cats and about twelve stacks of newspapers. I can’t help but smile through my tears. I’m getting more ridiculous by the second.
All of this time alone in my own thoughts is unhealthy. I need to get out and do something. But I just don’t have it in me. I head back to the living room and turn on the TV.
I land on back-to-back episodes of one of the Housewives reality series. These women have on so much makeup that if you poke their faces with a toothpick, they wouldn’t feel a damn thing. And not to mention that through the Botox … anger, joy and sadness are impossible to distinguish.
Speaking of sadness, this shit doesn’t get my mind off of anything. But I keep on watching. There’s nothing else for me to do. Except the one thing that I keep trying to avoid.
It’s not even noon yet, and I decide that I need some scotch. Hell, it’s five o’clock somewhere. I pour a bit in a glass and look outside. It’s raining harder. I’m glad I stayed home.
I change the channel. It’s been so long since I’ve watched daytime television that I forgot the kind of stuff that’s on. I stop at an episode of a court TV show about some guy who owes back-payments of child support.
Then, I turn the damn thing off and pace the floor. I probably should have gone in to work today. If I wasn’t half-drunk, I’d get in my car and drive there now.
Staying at home with nothing to do all day was not the way to go. But being back in my gray office inside the gray building isn’t all that appealing either. There’s only one place I want to be … in Angelo’s arms again.
I can’t help but wonder about his girlfriend. How long has he been seeing her? Is this a serious thing? A casual thing? Are they in love? I dread the thought of the last question.
Yesterday, Zoe insisted that I’m in love with Angelo, and I pushed back immediately. But deep down inside, I know what I feel goes beyond any emotion I’ve ever experienced. Is this what love feels like?
I look down at my empty glass. More scotch would be wonderful, but I need to pace myself. I shouldn’t be overdoing it, especially heavy alcohol. Not that I’m obsessed with following the instructions on a stupid bunch of headache pills, but these meds wreak havoc on my digestive system when I’ve had one too many.
Like now! I head to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and hold my stomach. Within minutes, it smells like a port-a-potty at the state fair. I flush away the foulness that came out of my body and wash my hands.
Then, I take a very long shower. I take my time, using up a half a bar of soap. When I’m all clean, I step out and towel off. No more booze today. I’ll just have to soldier through it somehow.
It’s almost as if time has come to a halt. I think about texting Zoe to let her know I stayed home from work, but I know she’s going to ask a zillion questions that I don’t feel up to answering, like, It wasn’t just the tequila, was it?
No. Of course it wasn’t just that. We both know the reason. The man on the motorcycle who’s as good as gone. I’ll never look at a Harley Davidson the same again.
***
Around six o’clock, I’m starving again. I contemplate ordering a pizza, but it’s hard to imagine eating that after tasting the real thing in Italy. I settle on Chinese food. I call and place my order. I wonder if going to China would ruin that for me too? Nah.
I watch a few minutes of the news and change the channel. World affairs make me sicker than the scotch, and without the joy of a buzz. I check out a home improvement show about a couple remodeling their house.
They’re smiling so hard that I want to throw something at the screen. I remember what it was like to have a taste of that happiness. Here come the tears again.
There’s a knock on my door. This is great! The delivery man is gonna see me in my emotionally distraught state. Well, I’m too hungry to concern myself with self-pride at the moment. I make my way across the room.
“Just a second!”
I grab my wallet and pull out a few singles for a tip. I wipe my eyes and open the door. And there he is. Angelo! He looks like a dream come true, right down to his black leather jacket.
I blink hard. These hallucinations are something else. Is that really him? Wait! Is he delivering Chinese food now? What the hell is going on? But he stands there empty handed. I’m confused. I manage to smile. “Hi …?”
I say it like a question. I feel like a total idiot.
“Cathy, I … I wanted to talk to you, and … can I come in? It’s raining.”
“Oh, of course. Of course you can come in. Yeah, come in. Please!”
He follows me inside. As usual, he smells great. And I feel terrible because I know I must look like a total mess. But that doesn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around me and holding me so close, just like he used to.
It feels so good. More tears fall. But these are happy tears because I never thought I’d see him again or touch him again. Oh God!
“Angelo, I thought about you so much since … I don’t even know where to start. I wanted to call you back, really I did. But then when I finally went by your place, I saw you with your girlfriend, and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“My girlfriend?”
“Yeah. She was a short brunette. I saw you guys walking out of the apartment building and …”
“You must mean Rachel.”
“How long have you two been …”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“It’s just a friends-with-benefits situation?”
“No.”
“Old booty call?
“No.”
“Paid entertainment?
“Cathy!” He smiles and shakes his head no.
“She’s my buyer. She found me a ’51 Vincent Black Lightning and brokered the sale. That’s all. There’s nothing going on between us. ”
“Oh. What’s a black lightning?”
“It’s a motorcycle. Listen, Cathy, I really miss you. But when I didn’t hear back, I thought you needed your space and then …”
“It’s not that at all. I … I was gonna tell you that. Angelo, I’m sick.”
“I know. Zoe told me.”
“What?!”
“You have a really good friend, Cathy. She went out of her way to track me down, and seeing as how she didn’t have much to go on, it’s amazing that she did. She told me everything.”
“I have no idea how she found you and I’m a little pissed that she did that, but it got you here, so I can’t complain. Wait, how did she find you?”
“She said she tried social media first, but when she realized that with only a first name it was impossible, she went to The Bar and described me to everyone who works there. She told them it was life or death. The manager finally relented and called me. If that hadn’t have worked she was going to steal your phone next, but don’t tell her I told you that. Listen … Cathy, I want to be with you no matter what.”
Tears stream down my face.
“Whatever time you have left, I want to spend it right here with you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
There’s so much I want to say. This is, without a doubt, the happiest moment of my life. But before I can get the words out, Angelo pulls me close and kisses me.
His lips on mine make my whole body tingle. He runs his fingers through my hair as his tongue explores every crevice of my mouth. I’ve never wanted any man so badly.
There’s a knock at the door.
“Damn, that’s the Chinese food I ordered.” I turn and shout. “Come back later!”
A man’s voice calls back. “Later?”
“Yeah! I’m busy!”
Angelo laughs, as he literally picks me up off my feet and lays me o
n the couch. He climbs on top. We keep on kissing. He works his way down to my neck and plants more kisses along my collar bone. He reaches up my shirt and flicks his thumbs over my hard nipples.
Hell, I could come just like this. Damn, I forgot how good it was between us. He pulls down my sweat pants, and I smile.
“It’s a long story, but I’ve put on a few pounds.”
“Cathy, you’re beautiful.”
He caresses my stomach and kisses my belly button. I moan as he works his way down my body. Too bad I’m not wearing sexy underwear, but he doesn’t seem to mind, as he pulls off my gray granny panties.
He buries his head between my thighs, licking my clit and fingering my pussy. I moan and grab his head. Oh God! It feels so amazing. I can’t hold back a second longer.
“Angelo! Angelo! I’m gonna cum!”
He doesn’t stop working his tongue, as I climax. I look down at him and smile.
“Let me taste you.”
He pulls his handsome face away from my wet pussy and stands up. I anxiously rip his clothes off. I run my fingers all along his muscular body and grab his cock. I stuff it into my mouth like it’s my last meal.
He grunts and moans. “Fuck! Cathy!”
He’s getting louder and louder.
“I need to be inside you, Cathy!”
I slowly take my lips away from his stiff cock and lie down on the couch. I spread my legs wide as Angelo slides into me. He fills me up so good, and I can’t help but scream. I grab his back.
I look deep into his eyes, as he thrusts harder. It feels electric, like my body is on fire! He works up a sweat.
“Cathy … Cathy, fuck! Cathy, I love you!”
I can tell he’s serious and not just saying this in the heat of the moment. I pull him closer to me and touch his handsome face. I want him to know that the feeling is more than mutual.
“I love you, too!”
“Damn! You feel so good!”
“Oh God! I’m gonna cum again!”
And like magic, we climax at the same time. Within seconds, my pussy is awash in his juices and mine. It’s perfect. We’re both out of breath, as he slowly pulls out of me.
We lay in silence for a moment. I’m still trying to take in everything that just happened. He flashes a wide smile.
“You know I meant it, right? I really do love you.”
“And I meant it, too. I love you so much, Angelo. I sent away Kung Pao Chicken for you. I’m so glad you came.”
“Me too.”
“I’m not just talking about that, even though the sex is always great with you.”
“I know what you meant. Cathy, you should have just told me.”
“You’re right.”
“Promise me you’ll tell me everything from now on, no matter what it is. I want to be right here for you.”
Have a good time, good time! Damn it, Freddie!
Chapter Twenty
The past few weeks have been incredible. Having Angelo back in my life is a dream come true. We haven’t spent a single night apart. Either I’m at his place, or he’s crashing over here. He’s been pampering me so much, it’s just amazing. Breakfast in bed, dinner at the fanciest places … if he has to work he sends me to spas and other awesome things. I asked him if he could afford all this stuff because he really seems to be overdoing it. I know he loves me, but he shouldn’t be blowing through all his money because he knows I’m not going to be around forever. Whenever I ask he just tells me, “don’t worry about it.”
And … by the way, I love his townhouse! This is the first time I’ve dated a guy whose place was nicer than mine—even though I technically hate my place—there’s just some unwritten rule that guys never keep better spaces than women do. So, yeah, things are pretty fantastic.
Unfortunately, my symptoms have been getting worse. These migraines just won’t go away, but the fatigue I initially felt seems to be all but gone.
Just like before, Angelo’s presence is medicinal. His smile and his touch make me forget all about this stupid disease. And he’s been so supportive just like he promised.
The night he dropped by my house was the beginning of something that I needed so desperately. And I have Zoe to thank for all of this. Thank God she went behind my back and did the exact opposite of what I was so scared to even attempt.
I stand in the middle of my living room. It’s Thursday afternoon. I haven’t gone to work all week. Fucking Angelo has basically become my full-time job, and the truth is that I don’t want to waste another moment in that gray office.
I’m going to put in my official resignation soon. Money is gonna be tight without a paycheck coming in every two weeks, but I’ll just blow through the rest of my savings. I’ve planned it out. As long as I don’t live past nine months, I’ll be fine.
And if I happen to beat the odds then my landlord and my bill collectors can kiss my big, sick ass! There are so many things I’m dying to explore, and I’m so glad that Angelo will be at my side for this journey; the final chapter in the ballad of Cathy Andrews.
My life is like a book that started out boring as hell and then got super exciting and really sad at the end. I guess I’m fine with that. I’m gonna do more living in the next few months than I have in over thirty years on this planet.
My phone rings. It’s Angelo. I answer immediately.
“Hey, you!”
“Hey yourself. I’ll be there in a few. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to …”
“Stop it. I’ll be there in ten.”
“Alright.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
I hang up the phone. I’ll take any excuse to see Angelo, but I really wish he didn’t insist on accompanying me to my appointment with Dr. Patel. The whole thing is just too emotional. I’d rather deal with this shit alone.
But it’s not up to me anymore. Angelo can be so strong-willed, and he really wants to be there for me. So it feels like I had no choice but to go along with it. I haven’t seen Dr. Patel since the diagnosis, but I’ve decided that I want to be around for as long as I can … for Angelo and for Zoe. She’s going to meet us there too.
I won’t lie, I’m afraid of how things might change between us. So far, all he knows about Creutzfeldt-Jakob is what pops up in a Google search. I haven’t gotten into the gory details of all these symptoms. That’s very intentional on my part.
I don’t want him to treat me like some porcelain doll, or worse yet, some charity case. I know I have to open my heart more and be vulnerable but that doesn’t make it easier. And the fact that I’m dying adds another layer of complications.
I hear the roar of a huge engine outside. I grab my purse and head for the door. With each step, my back burns. My head is spinning. It’s panic and anxiety. Angelo is standing next to a sleek looking Audi that I’m sure I’ve seen in one of those Marvel movies. I make my way over to him. Damn he looks so handsome, but I couldn’t smile right now if I tried.
“Cathy? You alright?”
I shake my head no.
“What is this and where did you get it?”
“It’s an R8 and it was just laying around, so—”
“Just laying around huh? Fine, keep your secrets, I’m in no condition to ride a motorcycle right now, so four wheels is a lot better than two—wherever you got it. Thank you, baby.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. This was the slowest thing I could find though.” He winks at me.
Angelo helps me into the passenger’s seat. I moan like a senior citizen in one of those Life Alert commercials. God, my head is really killing me—literally. I hope Dr. Patel can prescribe some stronger meds. Vicodin sounds lovely.
Angelo gets behind the wheel and the fancy doors come down on their own. Wow. He starts the engine and it growls to life like a rocket-ship before he takes off down the st
reet.
“Cathy, I’m glad you’re going. You look like you need to see a doctor.”
“I look that bad?”
“Not at all. You’re beautiful, baby. You know what I mean.”
I smile a little. He runs through a yellow light. It makes my heart skip a beat.
“Slow down …”
“Sorry. You know how I drive.”
I know he’s not just talking about his motorcycle either. But as seductive as Angelo is, I can’t even think about sex right now. I’m just trying my best not to cry.
Even though I don’t want to admit it, I’m glad he’s here. There’s no way I could drive myself to the doctor’s office right now. This headache is so bad I don’t even think I could walk!
“Turn left at the light.”
“You got it.”
“Angelo …?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for doing this.”
“You never have to thank me. I wanted to. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”
I take a deep breath. I can see the sincerity in his handsome face. Despite the way my body feels, my heart couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t ask for a better man.
Angelo parks in the lot and helps me out of the car. I feel a little bit better as we approach the building. We ride the elevator upstairs and get off. Zoe is already there in the waiting area, we all hug before I sign in.
Angelo, Zoe and I sit down next to the magazine rack. They’re on either side of me. Each of them holds one of my hands. I’m so glad they’re here, but I’m equally terrified. Based on my symptoms, I know there’s gonna be bad news today.
The petite nurse opens the door. She glances over at me and then her eyes settle on Angelo. I know exactly what she’s thinking; how did I land a guy like this? Well, fuck her and her fucking thoughts.
“Cathy Andrews!”
The three of us get up and walk to the door.
She grins at Angelo. “Hi.”
Seriously? Is she actually trying to hit on him? Has she no shame? But then again, I probably would too. Angelo can’t help it that he’s so damn attractive.
Dieting Makes Cathy Crazy Page 16