With Every Breath

by Everhart, Allie

  "It's a bigger deal than she's making it sound," Travis says. "There were fifteen applicants and she got the job. I'm really proud of her."

  My heart warms hearing him say that. He's my biggest supporter, and the reason I even applied for the internship. I didn't think I'd get it so I wasn't going to apply but he made me. Just like Amy would if she were alive. She was always pushing me to do stuff I didn't think I could do.

  "I love you," I tell Travis.

  He smiles. "I love you too."

  My phone dings with a reminder. "We need to go soon. I told Aunt Nora we'd be there around one." I look at Amy's stone. "Your mom's taking me shopping for dresses today while the guys stay home and watch football."

  "I'll go with if you want me to," Travis says.

  "You can't. It's bad luck. You're not supposed to see it."

  "That's not true. That's a myth."

  "Maybe so, but I still don't want you seeing it. I want it to be a surprise. But I'm going to take a picture and show it to Amy. Oh, and I want to show her the cake." I look back at Amy's stone. "Aunt Nora took me cake tasting last weekend. Amy, you would've loved these cakes. I ended up picking the triple chocolate layer cake, which would've been what you would've picked if..." My voice trails off.

  I'm handling her death a lot better now but when I think of something like her wedding, which she'll never get to have, I tear up.

  "Chocolate fan, huh?" Travis says to Amy, pulling me closer. "Seth was too, which you already know, but did he tell you that one year he stole all my Halloween chocolate and blamed it on the neighbor kid?"

  "He did?" I ask, wiping away my tears. Travis always does this. He sees my sadness and helps me through it, usually with humor.

  "Yeah, the little bastard hid it under his bed and told my mom he saw the neighbor kid steal it from my candy bag."

  "How'd you know? Did someone find it?"

  "My dad did. He saw the wrappers peeking out under the bed. Seth had to give it all back, including his own." Travis smiles. "I don't even like chocolate that much but I liked watching him do my chores for a week as punishment."

  I laugh. "You should've shared your chocolate with him."

  "I would have if I'd known he'd someday lead me to you." He pulls me into his side and kisses my head. "I would've given him anything he wanted."

  Now that some time has passed since we learned about Seth and Amy, I really do think those two led us to each other. I don't know how, but I think they played a role. Travis is exactly who Amy would've picked for me and Travis says the same about Seth picking me. And I know Amy chose that night on the bridge, that moment, for Travis and me to meet.

  I felt Amy's presence that night. I thought she was there to encourage me. To help me be with her. But that wasn't it at all. She was there to stop me. Just as I was about to jump, I suddenly remembered her necklace. The thought just popped in my head and made me go back to the car. And then Travis showed up.

  I don't think that's a coincidence. Even if it was, I find comfort in thinking Amy coordinated it all so that's what I'm choosing to believe.

  "We have to get to your mom's house," I tell Amy, “but we'll be back next weekend. Aunt Nora wants to go check out locations for the reception. She's all worried we won't get one reserved in time. You know how she gets." I smile. "Like when she signed us up for dance classes three months before they started? Or when she made us get prom dresses six months before prom to make sure we had the best selection? Yeah, she hasn't changed."

  "We really need to go," Travis whispers.

  "Okay." I kneel down to her stone. "I miss you, Amy." I run my finger over the rose carved in her stone. She loved roses, which is why I always leave one here whenever I visit. "I'll see you next week."

  Travis and I walk hand in hand back to the car.

  "She seemed more talkative than usual. Don't you think?"

  I smile. "She's excited about the wedding. Just like me. And Aunt Nora. She might be more excited than all of us combined."

  "Yeah, you might be right." He opens the door of the truck and I hop up into the seat. He buckles me in and kisses me. "You okay?"

  He always asks me that after we visit her.

  "I'm good." I kiss him back. "Let's go. Aunt Nora will freak out if we're late. She has appointments at the dress stores."

  My aunt is beyond excited about my wedding. She'll never be able to help Amy with her wedding but she gets to help me, which is a huge deal for her. She keeps thanking me for letting her help but I'm happy she's part of it. She's the closest I have to a mom and we've repaired our relationship this past year to the point that she almost feels like a mom. In fact, I accidentally called her that last weekend when I was here to taste cakes. She got all teary eyed and gave me a hug. It was one of those moments I never thought would happen. I really did think she hated me all those years.

  "Hey, kiddo," Uncle Ray says when we get to the house. He gives me a hug before I'm even through the door.

  "You can probably stop calling me kiddo," I joke as I walk past him into the house. "I'm not a kid anymore. I'll be a married woman soon."

  "You'll still be a kiddo to me." He smiles at Travis. "Ready for the big game?"

  "Been waiting all week."

  "How about a beer?"

  "Sounds great. Need any help?"

  "Nah, I can get it," he says walking to the kitchen.

  Travis leans down and kisses me. "Have fun today."

  "I will. You too." I sniff the air. "Smells like Aunt Nora made food for you guys."

  "Good. I'm starving. And your aunt's a great cook."

  "I know. I'm trying to get her to teach me some stuff so we don't starve once we're married."

  "Hey! I know how to cook."

  I roll my eyes. "A grilled cheese sandwich is not cooking."

  "Travis, you want a sandwich?" Uncle Ray yells from the kitchen. "Nora made barbecued beef."

  "Sounds good!" he yells back. "Be right there."

  He goes in the kitchen.

  "Skye, are you out there?" I hear Aunt Nora yell from down the hall.

  "Yeah, I'm here!"

  She appears, walking fast and stopping right in front of me. She hugs me. "I'm so excited about today! I can't wait to see you in those dresses!"

  "Yeah. Should be fun!"

  She glances down. "How was your um, visit today?"

  "To see Amy? It was good. I told her about the dress shopping. And the cake."

  Aunt Nora nods. "Good. I'm glad you had a nice visit."

  She still has trouble talking about Amy but she's working on it. She's still seeing a counselor, the same one she's been going to since the accident. I'm seeing one too. It didn't help me before but it's helping now. Sometimes Travis goes with me and we talk about both Amy and Seth.

  "Oh, I wanted to ask you about Thanksgiving," Aunt Nora says.

  "What about it?"

  "Do you think you could come a little earlier than two? I thought it'd be fun for us all to watch the parade. You know, like we used to?"

  When Amy was alive, she'd make us all gather around the TV and watch the parade. She was the only who liked it. She more than liked it. She loved it, which is why Aunt Nora, Uncle Ray, and me all agreed to sit there with her while she watched it.

  I don't want to sit through another parade but if it makes Aunt Nora happy, I'll do it.

  "Yeah, we can be here for the parade," I tell her. "Or maybe we could come here the night before, if that works."

  Her eyes light up. "That'd be wonderful! I could make my famous chili for dinner and then maybe we could play cards."

  "Sure. Let's do it."

  She's so happy she's beaming. I probably should've checked with Travis first to make sure he was good with it but I know he will be. He likes Aunt Nora and Uncle Ray. They've become as much his family as mine, especially since he doesn't have any family left. Plus, we won't see my aunt and uncle as much when we move.

  Travis and I are planning to move sometime next ye
ar. I'll graduate in May and the wedding is in August so it won't be until after that but we're already starting to plan it. He's going to put the business up for sale next summer and we'll use the money from the sale to hopefully buy a small house wherever we end up. He thinks he might call up his boss at his old job and see if he could work there again. If so, we'd only be moving a few hours away, which is what we both want. We don't want to be too far from my aunt and uncle and we still want to be able to visit Amy and Seth's graves, and the graves of Travis' parents.

  "Still here?" Travis asks, walking back to the living room holding a plate full of food.

  "Yeah, we were just going."

  "Hi, Travis," Aunt Nora says. "I see you found the sandwiches."

  "And the potato salad," he says. "And the brownies."

  She smiles. "Good. Enjoy."

  She loves cooking for people, and Travis eats a lot, which makes her like him even more.

  "The shoes!" she says. "I forgot the shoes!" She races down the hall to get them. We bought my wedding shoes weeks ago because she insisted they were perfect. She wants me to try them on with the dress.

  "So for Thanksgiving," I say to Travis, “I kind of told Aunt Nora we'd come here Wednesday night instead of Thursday afternoon. You okay with that?"

  "Of course." He lifts his plate up. "Means more of your aunt's food."

  "Believe me, you'll get plenty. Way more than you can eat. She always makes a ton of food at Thanksgiving."

  Aunt Nora appears again. "Got the shoes!"

  "Have fun you two," Uncle Ray says, munching on chips as he walks to his recliner, a plate in his hand.

  We dress shop all afternoon and actually have a good time. I was worried Aunt Nora would try to take over, like she always does, and try to make me get the dress she wanted instead of what was more my taste, but she didn't do that at all. I found one at the third store we went to that I absolutely love and she loved it too. I just wish Amy were here to see it.

  We're back by five and Travis and I take off to head home.

  "So you like the dress?" he asks.

  "I love it. But shopping for it was harder than I thought."

  "Why? You knew what you were looking for and it sounds like you found it."

  "That's not what I meant. Finding a dress wasn't hard. Shopping for it without Amy was the hard part."

  "How'd your aunt do?"

  "She was trying to pretend it didn't bother her, but then I started crying in the dressing room, which made HER cry, and then we were both a mess."

  "I'm sorry." He reaches over and takes my hand. "Why didn't you call me?"

  "I didn't need to. The crying didn't last long. We just needed to get it out and after that we were fine."

  Hs slows down as we approach some flashing lights. "What the hell is this?"

  "I don't know. Looks like the road is closed."

  "Seriously? For what? They don't do road construction in November."

  A guy in an orange vest walks up to us.

  Travis rolls his window down. "Road's closed?"

  "Yeah. Car accident. We need to shut down the road until it's cleaned up."

  Travis tensed up the moment the guy said 'accident'. He glances at me, then back at the guy. "Everyone okay?"

  "Just minor injuries but three cars were involved. Made a mess of the road."

  "There's no way around?"

  "No, you'll need to take the outside loop and cross the bridge."

  Now I'm the one tensing up. I haven't gone over the bridge since the night I met Travis. I haven't even driven past it and neither has he.

  "Can we wait?" Travis asks the guy. "How long are you thinking it'll be closed?"

  The guy shakes his head. "Can't say. Could be hours. It just happened."

  Travis nods. "Okay, thanks."

  Travis turns around and we head the other way. "You want to go somewhere? Kill some time until it's open?"

  "No. Just take the other way."

  "Skye, I'm not in any hurry. We can just wait."

  "I can't avoid it forever. Just do it."

  "You sure?"

  "I'm tired of being afraid of it. It's just a bridge."

  "It's more than that." He glances at me. "We don't have to do it. We can get back on the interstate and drive to the next town and wind our way back on the side roads."

  "That'll take too long and it's out of the way. Just take the bridge."

  He slows down like he's about to turn to get on the interstate, but then keeps going straight, his speed back to normal, and we drive in silence until we get there. Two cars are on the bridge and fly past us going the other direction. I'm jealous that to them, this bridge has no meaning. No significance. It's just a bridge like any other.

  "Go," I tell Travis as he stops just before the bridge. "Before someone comes up behind us."

  Looking back, I don't see anyone but I just want to get this over with.

  Travis slowly drives forward, then speeds up a little as we cross. Oddly, I don't feel sick or panicked and I'm not shaking. My heart is beating fast but other than that, I feel okay.

  "Wait!" I say as he reaches the spot.

  "Skye, we're not stopping. It's dangerous."

  "Please. Just pull over and put your hazard lights on. I won't be long. I promise. I just have to do this."

  "Do what?" he asks, slowing down.

  "Stop the truck. Please."

  He pulls over and puts it in park. "Skye, what are you—"

  I hop out of the truck before he finishes whatever he was saying. I walk slowly to the edge, just like I did that night.

  "Skye, stop!" I hear Travis yell, panic in his voice as he races toward me.

  "I'm okay," I assure him.

  He stands next to me, holding his arm out in front of me like a barrier between me and the guardrail.

  "Travis, you don't have to do that. I'm not jumping."

  "I know you're not but I don't want you falling."

  "I'm not going to fall." I take a step forward.

  "Skye, no." He grabs me, pulling me back. "It's too close. You're scaring the shit out of me."

  "Then go with me. Step up to the rail."

  "We're not touching that fucking rail. Now either tell me what the hell we're doing here or I'm hauling your ass back to the truck."

  My hand rises to my neck and I run my finger along the smooth chain, then along the silver heart.

  "I want her to have it," I say.

  "Have what?"

  "This." I turn and show him the necklace. "It was hers. I gave it to her. She gave me one just like it. When we bought them, we promised that no matter what, we'd always be there for each other. That night when you found me, I was bringing it to her.” I look down at the river. “I wanted her to have it. To know I'm still here for her, and always will be."

  "Why here? You could bring it to her grave. We'll take it next time we go."

  "No. It needs to be here. Her body is at the grave but this is where she left her heart. Here. In this town. With Seth." I rub the silver heart between my thumb and finger. "It needs to be here."

  I hear Travis sighing behind me. "Okay, but I'm holding onto you. And you toss it. Don't lean over."

  I nod and he wraps both his arms tightly around my waist. "Two steps forward. That's all we're doing, okay?"

  "Okay."

  We take the two steps. His hands are around me so tight I almost can't breathe. Or maybe I can't breathe because my heart's pounding so fast as I stand here, just inches from the metal rail, the raging river just below.

  "Skye, what are you waiting for?" Travis asks as a strong gust of wind blows. He holds onto me even tighter. "Just do it."

  I take the necklace off. Then I hold it up, my arm reaching just past the guardrail.

  "I love you, Amy. I always will." I drop the necklace and watch as the wind takes it and lifts it up. Then it drops. Down, down, down...until it hits the river, disappearing in the murky water, the current carrying it away.


  Travis pulls me back a few feet, then lets me go but gets a tight grip on my hand. He looks at me but doesn't ask if I'm okay like he usually does. He knows I'm not okay. This bridge? Her necklace? The river just below us? It all brings back memories I'd like to forget but never will. I can't. Those memories are part of me now.

  "Let's go," I tell him.

  We walk back to the truck and he helps me into my seat, then goes around to his own.

  As he drives away, I hear Travis quietly say, "I felt him."

  I don't have to ask what he means because I felt him too. I never even met Seth but I felt him there today.

  "He's with her," I say.

  When we're safely off the bridge, Travis pulls over. He turns and takes my hand. "You don't have to worry about her. And I don't have to worry about Seth. They're not alone. They have each other."

  I look at him. "And so do we."

  He softly smiles. "Let's go home. We've got a life to start."

  From the Author

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