The O'Ruddy: A Romance

by Stephen Crane

  CHAPTER XXXIII

  Once more I went to my bed, but this time with my clothes off, for ifthere was to be a conference with the Earl and the Countess at theManor House, not to speak of the chance of seeing Lady Mary herself, Iwished to put on the new and gorgeous suit I had bought in London forthat occasion, and which had not yet been on my back. I was so excitedand so delighted with the thought of seeing Lady Mary that I knew Icould not sleep a wink, especially as daylight was upon me, but I hadscarcely put my head on the pillow when I was as sound asleep as anyof my ancestors, the old Kings of Kinsale. The first thing I knewPaddy was shaking me by the shoulder just a little rougher than awell-trained servant should.

  "Beggin' your pardon," says he, "his lordship, the great Earl ofWestport, sends word by a messenger that he'll be pleased to haveaccount with ye, at your early convenience, over at the Manor Housebeyond."

  "Very well, Paddy," said I, "ask the messenger to take my complimentsto the Earl and say to him I will do myself the honour of calling onhim in an hour's time. Deliver that message to him; then come back andhelp me on with my new duds."

  When Paddy returned I was still yawning, but in the shake of ashillelah he had me inside the new costume, and he stood back againstthe wall with his hand raised in amazement and admiration at the gloryhe beheld. He said after that kings would be nothing to him, andindeed the tailor had done his best and had won his guineas with morehonesty than you'd expect from a London tradesman. I was quietlypleased with the result myself.

  I noticed with astonishment that it was long after mid-day, so itoccurred to me that Lord Strepp must have had a good sleep himself,and sure the poor boy needed it, for it's no pleasure to spend lifeunderground till after you're dead, and his evening in the tunnel musthave been very trying to him, as indeed he admitted to me afterwardthat it was.

  I called on Father Donovan, and he looked me over from head to footwith wonder and joy in his eye.

  "My dear lad, you're a credit to the O'Ruddys," he said, "and toIreland," he said, "and to the Old Head of Kinsale," he said.

  "And to that little tailor in London as well," I replied, turningaround so that he might see me the better.

  In spite of my chiding him Paddy could not contain his delight, anddanced about the room like an overgrown monkey.

  "Paddy," said I, "you're making a fool of yourself."

  Then I addressed his Reverence.

  "Father Donovan," I began, "this cruel war is over and done with, andno one hurt and no blood shed, so the Earl--"

  At this moment there was a crash and an unearthly scream, then a thudthat sounded as if it had happened in the middle of the earth. FatherDonovan and I looked around in alarm, but Paddy was nowhere to beseen. Toward the wall there was a square black hole, and, rushing upto it, we knew at once what had happened. Paddy had danced a bit tooheavy on an old trap-door, and the rusty bolts had broken. It had lethim down into a dungeon that had no other entrance; and indeed thiswas a queer house entirely, with many odd nooks and corners about it,besides the disadvantage of Sir Goddard Oxenbridge tramping throughthe rooms in two sections.

  "For the love of Heaven and all the Saints," I cried down thistrap-door, "Paddy, what has happened to you?"

  "Sure, sir, the house has fallen on me."

  "Nothing of the kind, Paddy. The house is where it always was. Are youhurted?"

  "I'm dead and done for completely this time, sir. Sure I feel I'm withthe angels at last."

  "Tut, tut, Paddy, my lad; you've gone in the wrong directionaltogether for them."

  "Oh, I'm dying, and I feel the flutter of their wings," and as hespoke two or three ugly blind bats fluttered up and butted theirstupid heads against the wall.

  "You've gone in the right direction for the wrong kind of angels,Paddy; but don't be feared, they're only bats, like them in my owntower at home, except they're larger."

  I called for Tom Peel, as he knew the place well.

  "Many a good cask of brandy has gone down that trap-door," said he,"and the people opposite have searched this house from cellar togarret and never made the discovery Paddy did a moment since."

  He got a stout rope and sent a man down, who found Paddy much morefrightened than hurt. We hoisted both of them up, and Paddy was asight to behold.

  "Bad luck to ye," says I; "just at the moment I want a presentable ladbehind me when I'm paying my respects to the Earl of Westport, youmust go diving into the refuse heap of a house that doesn't belong toyou, and spoiling the clothes that does. Paddy, if you were in a sevenyears' war, you would be the first man wounded and the last mankilled, with all the trouble for nothing in between. Is there anythingbroken about ye?"

  "Every leg and arm I've got is broken," he whimpered, but FatherDonovan, who was nearly as much of a surgeon as a priest, passed hishand over the trembling lad, then smote him on the back, and said theexercise of falling had done him good.

  "Get on with you," said I, "and get off with those clothes. Washyourself, and put on the suit I was wearing yesterday, and see thatyou don't fall in the water-jug and drown yourself."

  I gave the order for Tom Peel to saddle the four horses and get six ofhis men with swords and pistols and blunderbusses to act as an escortfor me.

  "Are you going back to Rye, your honour?" asked Peel.

  "I am not. I am going to the Manor House."

  "That's but a step," he cried in surprise.

  "It's a step," said I, "that will be taken with dignity andconsequence."

  So, with the afternoon sun shining in our faces, we set out from thehouse of Brede, leaving but few men to guard it. Of course I ran therisk that it might be taken in our absence; but I trusted the word ofLord Strepp as much as I distrusted the designs of his father andmother, and Strepp had been the captain of the expedition against us;but if I had been sure the mansion was lost to me, I would have evadednone of the pomp of my march to the Manor House in the face of suchpride as these upstarts of Westports exhibited toward a representativeof a really ancient family like the O'Ruddy. So his Reverence and Irode slowly side by side, with Jem and Paddy, also on horseback, adecent interval behind us, and tramping in their wake that giant, TomPeel, with six men nearly as stalwart as himself, their blunderbussesover their shoulders, following him. It struck panic in the villagewhen they saw this terrible array marching up the hill toward them,with the sun glittering on us as if we were walking jewellery. Thevillagers, expecting to be torn limb from limb, scuttled away into theforest, leaving the place as empty as a bottle of beer after a wake.Even the guards around the Manor House fled as we approached it, forthe fame of our turbulence had spread abroad in the land. Lord Strepptried to persuade them that nothing would happen to them, for when hesaw the style in which we were coming he was anxious to make a showfrom the Westport side and had drawn up his men in line to receive us.But we rode through a silent village that might have been just sackedby the French. I thought afterward that this desertion had a subduingeffect on the old Earl's pride, and made him more easy to deal with.In any case his manner was somewhat abated when he received me. LordStrepp himself was there at the door, making excuses for the servants,who he said had gone to the fields to pick berries for their supper.So, leaving Paddy to hold one horse and Jem the other, with the sevenmen drawn up fiercely in front of the Manor House, Father Donovan andmyself followed Lord Strepp into a large room, and there, buried in anarm-chair, reclined the aged Earl of Westport, looking none toopleased to meet his visitors. In cases like this it's as well to begenial at the first, so that you may remove the tension in thebeginning.

  "The top of the morning--I beg your pardon--the tail of the afternoonto you, sir, and I hope I see you well."

  "I am very well," said his lordship, more gruffly than politely.

  "Permit me to introduce to your lordship, his Reverence, FatherDonovan, who has kindly consented to accompany me that he may yieldtestimony to the long-standing respectability of the House ofO'Ruddy."

  "I am pleased to meet your Reverence,
" said the Earl, although hisappearance belied his words. He wasn't pleased to meet either of us,if one might judge by his lowering countenance, in spite of mycordiality and my wish to make his surrender as easy for him aspossible.

  I was disappointed not to see the Countess and Lady Mary in the room,for it seemed a pity that such a costume as mine should be wasted onan old curmudgeon, sitting with his chin in his breast in the depthsof an easy-chair, looking daggers though he spoke dumplings.

  I was just going to express my regret to Lord Strepp that no ladieswere to be present in our assemblage, when the door opened, and whoshould sail in, like a full-rigged man-o'-war, but the Countessherself, and Lady Mary, like an elegant yacht floating in tow of her.I swept my bonnet to the boards of the floor with a gesture that wouldhave done honour to the Court of France; but her Ladyship tossed hernose higher in the air, as if the man-o'-war had encountered a hugewave. She seated herself with emphasis on a chair, and says I tomyself, "It's lucky for you, you haven't Paddy's trap-door under you,or we'd see your heels disappear, coming down like that."

  Lady Mary very modestly took up her position standing behind hermother's chair, and, after one timid glance at me, dropped her eyes onthe floor, and then there were some moments of silence, as if everyone was afraid to begin. I saw I was going to have trouble with theCountess, and although I think it will be admitted by my enemies thatI'm as brave a man as ever faced a foe, I was reluctant to throw downthe gage of battle to the old lady.

  It was young Lord Strepp that began, and he spoke most politely, aswas his custom.

  "I took the liberty of sending for you, Mr. O'Ruddy, and I thank youfor responding so quickly to my invitation. The occurrences of thepast day or two, it would be wiser perhaps to ignore--"

  At this there was an indignant sniff from the Countess, and I fearedshe was going to open her batteries, but to my amazement she keptsilent, although the effort made her red in the face.

  "I have told my father and mother," went on Lord Strepp, "that I hadsome conversation with you this morning, and that conditions might bearrived at satisfactory to all parties concerned. I have said nothingto my parents regarding the nature of these conditions, but I gainedtheir consent to give consideration to anything you might say, and toany proposal you are good enough to make."

  The old gentleman mumbled something incomprehensible in his chair, butthe old lady could keep silence no longer.

  "This is an outrage," she cried, "the man's action has been scandalousand unlawful. If, instead of bringing those filthy scoundrels againstour own house, those cowards that ran away as soon as they heard thesound of a blunderbuss, we had all stayed in London, and you had hadthe law of him, he would have been in gaol by this time and notstanding brazenly there in the Manor House of Brede."

  And after saying this she sniffed again, having no appreciation ofgood manners.

  "Your ladyship has been misinformed," I said with extreme deference."The case is already in the hands of dignified men of law, who aremightily pleased with it."

  "Pleased with it, you idiot," she cried. "They are pleased with itsimply because they know somebody will pay them for their work, evenit's a beggar from Ireland, who has nothing on him but rags."

  "Your ladyship," said I, not loath to call attention to my costume,"I assure you these rags cost golden guineas in London."

  "Well, you will not get golden guineas from Brede estate," snapped herladyship.

  "Again your ladyship is misinformed. The papers are so perfect, and sowell do they confirm my title to this beautiful domain, that themoney-lenders of London simply bothered the life out of me trying toshovel gold on me, and both his lordship and your ladyship know thatif a title is defective there is no money to be lent on it."

  "You're a liar," said the Countess genially, although the Earl lookedup in alarm when I mentioned that I could draw money on the papers.Again I bowed deeply to her ladyship, and, putting my hands in mypockets, I drew out two handfuls of gold, which I strewed up and downthe floor as if I were sowing corn, and each guinea was no more than agrain of it.

  "There is the answer to your ladyship's complimentary remark," said Iwith a flourish of my empty hands; and, seeing Lady Mary's eyesanxiously fixed on me, I dropped her a wink with the side of my facefarthest from the Countess, at which Lady Mary's eyelids droopedagain. But I might have winked with both eyes for all the Countess,who was staring like one in a dream at the glittering pieces that layhere and there and gleamed all over the place like the little yellowdevils they were. She seemed struck dumb, and if anyone thinks goldcannot perform a miracle, there is the proof of it.

  "Is it gold?" cried I in a burst of eloquence that charmed evenmyself, "sure I could sow you acres with it by the crooking of mylittle finger from the revenues of my estate at the Old Head ofKinsale."

  "O'Ruddy, O'Ruddy," said Father Donovan very softly and reprovingly,for no one knew better than him what my ancestral revenues were.

  "Ah well, Father," said I, "your reproof is well-timed. A man shouldnot boast, and I'll say no more of my castles and my acres, though theships on the sea pay tribute to them. But all good Saints preserve us,Earl of Westport, if you feel proud to own this poor estate of Brede,think how little it weighed with my father, who all his life did nottake the trouble to come over and look at it. Need I say more aboutKinsale when you hear that? And as for myself, did I attempt to layhands on this trivial bit of earth because I held the papers? You knowI tossed them into your daughter's lap because she was thefinest-looking girl I have seen since I landed on these shores."

  "Well, well, well, well," growled the Earl, "I admit I have actedrashly and harshly in this matter, and it is likely I have done wrongto an honourable gentleman, therefore I apologize for it. Now, whathave you to propose?"

  "I have to propose myself as the husband of your daughter, Lady Mary,and as for our dowry, there it is on the floor for the picking up, andI'm content with that much if I get the lady herself."

  His lordship slowly turned his head around and gazed at his daughter,who now was looking full at me with a frown on her brow. Although Iknew I had depressed the old people, I had an uneasy feeling that Ihad displeased Lady Mary herself by my impulsive action and mybragging words. A curious mildness came into the harsh voice of theold Earl, and he said, still looking at his daughter:

  "What does Mary say to this?"

  The old woman could not keep her eyes from the gold, which somehowheld her tongue still, yet I knew she was hearing every word that wassaid, although she made no comment. Lady Mary shook herself, as if toarouse herself from a trance, then she said in a low voice:

  "I can never marry a man I do not love."

  "What's that? what's that?" shrieked her mother, turning fiercelyround upon her, whereat Lady Mary took a step back. "Love, love? Whatnonsense is this I hear? You say you will not marry this man to savethe estate of Brede?"

  "I shall marry no man whom I do not love," repeated Lady Mary firmly.

  As for me, I stood there, hat in hand, with my jaw dropped, as ifSullivan had given me a stunning blow in the ear; then the old Earlsaid sternly:

  "I cannot force my daughter: this conference is at an end. The lawmust decide between us."

  "The law, you old dotard," cried the Countess, rounding then on himwith a suddenness that made him seem to shrink into his shell. "Thelaw! Is a silly wench to run us into danger of losing what is ours? He_shall_ marry her. If you will not force her, then I'll coerce her;"and with that she turned upon her daughter, grasped her by her twoshoulders and shook her as a terrier shakes a rat. At this Lady Marybegan to weep, and indeed she had good cause to do so.

  "Hold, madam," shouted I, springing toward her. "Leave the girl alone.I agree with his lordship, no woman shall be coerced on account ofme."

  My intervention turned the Countess from her victim upon me.

  "You agree with his lordship, you Irish baboon? Don't think she'llmarry you because of any liking for you, you chattering ape, whoresemble a monkey in
a show with those trappings upon you. She'llmarry you because I say she'll marry you, and you'll give up thosepapers to me, who have sense enough to take care of them. If I have adoddering husband, who at the same time lost his breeches and hispapers, I shall make amends for his folly."

  "Madam," said I, "you shall have the papers; and as for the breeches,by the terror you spread around you, I learn they are already in yourpossession."

  I thought she would have torn my eyes out, but I stepped back andsaved myself.

  "To your room, you huzzy," she cried to her daughter, and Mary fledtoward the door. I leaped forward and opened it for her. She paused onthe threshold, pretending again to cry, but instead whispered:

  "My mother is the danger. Leave things alone," she said quickly. "Wecan easily get poor father's consent."

  With that she was gone. I closed the door and returned to the centreof the room.

  "Madam," said I, "I will not have your daughter browbeaten. It isquite evident she refuses to marry me."

  "Hold your tongue, and keep to your word, you idiot," she rejoined,hitting me a bewildering slap on the side of the face, after whichshe flounced out by the way her daughter had departed.

  The old Earl said nothing, but gazed gloomily into space from out thedepths of his chair. Father Donovan seemed inexpressibly shocked, butmy Lord Strepp, accustomed to his mother's tantrums, laughed outrightas soon as the door was closed. All through he had not been in theleast deceived by his sister's pretended reluctance, and recognizedthat the only way to get the mother's consent was through opposition.He sprang up and grasped me by the hand and said:

  "Well, O'Ruddy, I think your troubles are at an end, or," he cried,laughing again, "just beginning, but you'll be able to say more onthat subject this time next year. Never mind my mother; Mary is, andalways will be, the best girl in the world."

  "I believe you," said I, returning his handshake as cordially as hehad bestowed it.

  "Hush!" he cried, jumping back into his seat again. "Let us all lookdejected. Hang your head, O'Ruddy!" and again the door opened, thistime the Countess leading Lady Mary, her long fingers grasping thatslim wrist.

  "She gives her consent," snapped the Countess, as if she werepronouncing sentence. I strode forward toward her, but Mary wrenchedher wrist free, slipped past me, and dropped at the feet of FatherDonovan, who had risen as she came in.

  "Your blessing on me, dear Father," she cried, bowing her head, "andpray on my behalf that there may be no more turbulence in my life."

  The old father crossed his hands on her shapely head, and for a momentor two it seemed as if he could not command his voice, and I saw thetears fill his eyes. At last he said simply and solemnly:--

  "May God bless you and yours, my dear daughter."

  * * * * *

  We were married by Father Donovan with pomp and ceremony in the chapelof the old house, and in the same house I now pen the last words ofthese memoirs, which I began at the request of Lady Mary herself, andcontinued for the pleasure she expressed as they went on. If thisrecital is disjointed in parts, it must be remembered I was alwaysmore used to the sword than to the pen, and that it is difficult towrite with Patrick and little Mary and Terence and Kathleen andMichael and Bridget and Donovan playing about me and asking questions,but I would not have the darlings sent from the room for all thewritings there is in the world.

  * * * * *