by Eva Haining
“Fucking hell. How could someone do that?” I hold her a little tighter as if it can change the past.
“I don’t know. I guess they were desperate. So, I was moved around a lot, but apparently, I had colic as a baby and screamed the house down. No one wanted to adopt the screaming baby. When I was around five years old, I was put in a foster home where I met Johnny. We bonded immediately, and although we were eventually separated, we kept in touch. He was always looking out for me, and when I ended up in a group home where the girls regularly beat the shit out of me, Johnny came and got me.”
“Is he older than you?”
“Yeah. He’s got five years on me. He took me in and tried to keep me out the system those last few years. Now and again, I’d be on social services’ radar, but the second I aged out, we got an apartment and started working crappy jobs to buy a guitar.”
“So, were you guys dating?”
“Never. When I say he’s my brother, I mean it. I’ve never seen him that way, and he’s never been into me like that.”
“Is he going to put me through my paces? That’s what brothers do, right? They interrogate the boyfriend.”
“You calling yourself my boyfriend now?” She gives me a sly wink, but there’s truth in her words. She wants me to answer, and I’m happy to oblige.
“Hell, yes. You told me you love me. You’re mine now, girl.” She wriggles in my lap, her demeanor suddenly becoming more serious.
“I have one question for you, and I need an honest answer, not what you think I want to hear.”
“Go for it.”
“Were you in love with her? Maisie. You were clearly affected by seeing her and Jasper together at the ranch. Looking back now, I can see that you were really cut up about it when I was here for their wedding.”
“I thought I was on my way to falling in love. I’d had a huge crush on her in high school and never said anything. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Now, I can promise you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn’t in love with her. Not even close.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t lie to you, Belle. Today only served to cement my feelings for you. Waiting around for the perfect moment and the perfect scenario is so fucking wrong. There’s never going to be a perfect time to fall in love. I’m scared shitless that you’re going to go back to LA and be swept up in the fame and fortune of it all.”
“I don’t care about that stuff, Knox. Honestly, I’d give it all up tomorrow for you. For us.”
“And that’s exactly why I would never let you do it. It’s my bullshit baggage to deal with. I’m done letting it hang over me like some dark-fucking-cloud. We get one life, one shot, and I want it to be with you. The whole kit and caboodle. Are you in?”
“Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“I’m going to go ahead and take that as a really disturbing yes.” She throws her arms around my neck, crushing my windpipe, but I don’t care. At this moment, the burdens of the day fall away, and I know this is the real deal.
Belle is my happily ever after.
Sixteen
BELLE
“I don’t want to go.” I sound like a petulant kid who doesn’t want to leave the jungle gym.
“I’m going to come out next week and spend some time with you. It’ll fly by. I just have some things to take care of here with the farm, the new center, and Kirby. I want to be around to help him in any way I can. I know he’s got to get through this with the kids and come out the other side in some form… a shadow of his former self… but I want to support him however I can, especially while Janey is still in the hospital. He’s always been good to me.”
Knox has a sensitive, softer side to him that I don’t think many people see. He’s the anchor in a storm. Steadfast and sure, and oh so mouthwatering.
“I get it. He needs you more than I do right now.”
“I’ll be with you before you know it, and you can show this hometown boy the sights and sounds of the City of Angels.”
“I’m excited to have you at my new apartment. We can christen all the rooms together.”
“Dang, girl. You’re obsessed with my cock.” A sly grin spreads across his handsome features.
“That and a few other things.” He leans in, pressing his lips to my neck, letting his tongue dart out to tantalize my senses.
“Like what? My fingers?” He trails his hand between my legs, his fingers ghosting a caress where I want them most. “Or my tongue?” He licks the seam of my lips, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my core. I find myself in a haze of desire, having to put some distance between us to let my brain come back online.
“All of the above. But most of all, I’m obsessed with that sweet heart of yours you keep under lock and key.”
“Not for you, Belle. You get the key, the padlock, and every beat of the dang thing from here on out.”
“Can I steal that line for a song? That’s poetry in motion right there.”
“Girl, I bust out my best line for you, and I don’t even get a kiss? That’s cold.” I love his laugh when he’s being playful, especially at the moment with a dark cloud hanging over the whole town.
“Sorry. Everything is a song when I’m around you. You’re like my ultimate muse or something.” He bites his bottom lip as he steps back, pulling his white t-shirt over his head and dumping it on the floor.
“Do you have time for a little extra… inspiration… before you leave?”
“Now, who’s got a one-track mind?”
“Every track leads to you, Belle. So, are you jumping on board for a quick ride, or are you going to leave less than satisfied?”
Fuck. He makes me weak at the knees every damn time.
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” He chases me down the hallway to the bedroom, and I’m more than willing to be caught. I like sex as much as the next girl, but Knox makes me feel like a nymphomaniac. I want him, any time, night or day, even if we’ve just spent hours making each other come until we’re tangled in the sheets, talking about silly stuff. One look and I’m a goner.
By the time we resurface, it’s a mad dash to the airport, so I don’t miss my flight, and as I wrap my arms around Knox’s waist one last time, I breathe him in, wishing I could stay a little longer.
“Okay, I’ve really got to go now. I’ll see you next week, right?”
“Yes. I’ll be there. Stop worrying and go finish your album already.”
I steal one last kiss before heading through security. “I love you, Knox.”
“I love you, too. Now go before I drag you back to my truck and chain you to the bed at the farmhouse.” A thrill runs through me at the thought of being tied to Knox’s bed.
“That’s not an incentive to leave.”
“Girl, I love the way your mind works. Now go and call me when you land.”
I usually love airports, but today feels different. Instead of going toward somewhere new, I feel like I’m leaving my home behind. I’ve never felt tied to a place or person other than Johnny, and that’s different. It’s not about Kingsbury Falls or the farmhouse—Knox has become home to me in such a short space of time. Tragedy has a way of making the little things seem meaningless.
“Yes, yes, yes!” Stuart is jumping up and down outside the recording booth. “This song is going to be a hit, I can feel it.”
Johnny is out there high-fiving him like a total goober. I feel like a goldfish, and everyone is staring at me in my bowl. The producers, the band, and Stuart are looking at me like I’m Midas or something. Contrary to popular belief right now, I can’t turn everything I touch to gold.
“Belle, I could kiss you right now. This Knoxville song is going to make us all very rich.” I’m not feeling it today. Knox was supposed to fly out here last week, but he called the night before, telling me he had to be there for some crisis with the new therapy center venture he’s doing with Mad and Jax. I understand he has obligations and a business to run, but I’m disappointed that we seem to
be falling at the first hurdle of a long-distance relationship.
“Are we done?” Another track down, six more to go.
“Yep, time to go out and celebrate. Drinks are on me.” I stare at Stuart with a ‘what the hell are you saying’ expression. Johnny is standing right next to him, and the last thing he needs is to be out in bars surrounded by alcohol and drugs.
“I think we’ll give it a miss, Stuart.”
Johnny is quick to interject. “You don’t have to stay in on my account, Blue Bell. I’m big enough and ugly enough to take care of myself for a few hours.”
“Not happening. Takeout and Pepsi is just fine with me.” I hang my headphones on the microphone stand and head for the door. When I get to their side of the glass, Stuart practically manhandles me to sit down.
“You have to listen to this. I don’t think you realize how amazing this song is. Why aren’t you more excited, Belle? This is what we’ve been working for. This is it, baby!”
“Firstly, please don’t call me baby, it sounds super creepy when you say it like that. And second, I am excited, but I’m also exhausted. I’ve been in that recording booth ten hours a day for the last four days. I really just want to go home and crawl into bed.”
“I’m not opposed to that method of celebration either.”
“That’s not happening again. How many times do I have to tell you?” I can’t be overly annoyed at him. He and I were fuck buddies for a few years. Whenever we’ve been single, we hooked up because it was easy. He’s made a few remarks about hooking up since I got to LA, but I’m not interested anymore. I never was particularly interested in anything other than stress relief when it came to him. I’m not sure why. He’s a good guy and a great manager, but I never saw him as anything more than a physical distraction.
“Fine. Do I still get takeout?”
“Sure, but you’re buying.”
“Some hostess you are. I need to buy my own dinner, and I don’t get any sex at the end of the night. You’re getting a two-star review on Yelp.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
Johnny can tell my head’s somewhere else on the cab ride back to the apartment. “You going to tell me what’s up?”
“I’m fine.”
“No offense, but that was the worst attempt at fine. My NA meetings manage a more convincing ‘fine’ than you.”
“I’m just bummed that Knox couldn’t come out here for the weekend. Again.” He and I have been passing like ships in the night over the past few weeks. He came out that first weekend, and I’ve been back to Kingsbury Falls once, but we’re currently sustained by FaceTime calls and some questionable screenshots! He’s lucky I trust him not to leak pictures of me to the press. That would be horrific when the album hits.
This weekend was supposed to be our chance to reconnect before I have to go on a short tour in Europe. It’ll be weeks before I get back and can spend some time with Knox. I can’t be mad at him because he’s doing what he needs to do for his career right now and is really supportive that I’m doing what I need to as well.
When we get back to the apartment, Johnny, Stuart, and the others dig into pizza and Pepsi while I slink off to my room to call Knox. Laying down on my bed, I wait impatiently for his face to appear on my screen. When he finally does, my heart skips a beat at how impossibly rugged and handsome he looks, fresh from the shower.
“Hey, girl. Are you lying in bed right now?” Holy crap, he looks hot with wet hair and rivulets of water dripping down his abs.
“Yeah, and you’re supposed to be in it with me.”
“I know, I know. You know I want to be there with you. All this stuff with the new Mustang/Knox venture is more time-consuming than I thought.”
“I get it. I just miss you.”
“I miss you, too. So, tell me about your day.”
“Only if you drop the towel and let me ogle you while I’m talking.”
“You drive a hard bargain, woman.” Without hesitation, he whips off the towel and lets me see every inch of him. “Now, tell me about your day.”
“I didn’t think this through. How am I supposed to concentrate when all I can think about is riding you like a bucking bronco?”
“Try. If you do, I’ll reward you with a little show.” He bites down on his bottom lip, and I just melt. “Speak.”
I shake my head to force myself to look away. “We finished a track today. It turned out amazing, and I can’t wait for you to hear it.”
“What’s it called?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Should I be concerned?”
“Of course not. It’s just a song that’s special to me, and I wrote it in your kitchen, so I thought it would be nice to share it with you in person.”
“My kitchen spawned a future hit. I can’t wait to hear it now.”
“Then you better make sure we keep our next date.”
“What’s your itinerary looking like over the next few weeks?”
“Hectic. We’re doing a week around Europe with some band who is crushing it out there. Then, back to LA to finish the last of the tracks, and then a mini tour on the East Coast. I’ll send you a copy so you know which time zones I’m in. It could be difficult to find a window of opportunity to chat when I’m six to eight hours ahead.”
“We’ll figure it out. Have you settled into the new apartment? Last time I was there, you didn’t seem too excited.”
“I like it more now that you’ve been here. It feels more like home now that I’m starting to make memories in it. Plus, you left that Hendrix shirt of yours that I love so much, and it smells of your cologne.”
“Do I wear far too much cologne? Surely, it can’t still smell like me after weeks.”
“It does, and I love it. In fact, I think I’ll sleep in it tonight.”
“Then put it on now, so I can see you undress and slip that hot little body of yours into it. Tit for tat.”
“Does that make your cock the ‘tat?’” He chuckles as he slides under the bed sheets.
“You can call it whatever you want if I’m getting a peep show.”
“Fine.” I prop my phone on the pillow and slowly undress, relishing the fact that he’s watching me with that hungry gaze of his. It’s as if he’s reaching through the screen and caressing me with his warm, calloused hands.
“You could make a grown man weep, you’re so fucking hot.” Just as I reach for his t-shirt, the door to my room bursts open.
“Shit!” It’s Stuart. “Don’t you know how to knock? For fuck’s sake.”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before, sweetheart.” I grab the sheets to cover myself.
“Get out, Stuart.”
“I’m going. Keep your hair on. I just came to ask if you want some pizza.”
“No! Now, get out.” He gives me that sly grin he’s used on me so many times over the years. Normally, I find it cute, but right now, I want to wring his neck. “And close the damn door behind you.”
He laughs as he heads out into the hall. “Sorry, Bells. Be glad it was me and not one of the others. At least I’ve seen you naked a hundred times before.”
Fuck me.
“I don’t suppose you missed all of that?”
“No, I fucking didn’t.” The bite in his tone is unmissable. “Who the fuck was he?”
“My manager.”
“And your ex-boyfriend. At least I hope it’s ex.”
“He’s never been my boyfriend.”
“But he’s seen you naked, ‘a hundred times’ to quote your manager.”
“I travel a lot, and I don’t let guys get close. Stuart was a convenient fuck buddy, nothing more.”
“That makes me feel a whole lot better about the fact that he’s in your apartment, seeing you naked, and I haven’t been able to warm your bed in weeks. This fucking blows.”
“I know, but you have nothing to worry about, Knox. I don’t feel anything for him, and I wouldn’t fall back into bed with him over a few miss
ed weekends away from you.”
“I wasn’t questioning you, I just hate that he gets to be there with you, and I don’t. Plus, I really want to beat the shit out of him now.”
“He’s no threat to you.”
“I know that. I just fucking miss you. When do you leave for Europe?”
“Sunday morning.”
“Fuck.”
“Maybe I can change my flight on the way home and make a stop in K Falls.”
“Don’t mess with your plans because of me. I’ll work something out. Leave it with me.”
“It’s not messing with plans, it is making them.” He doesn’t pass comment on my statement, going back to our factory setting—blazing inferno level chemistry. It doesn’t matter if we’re in the same room or thousands of miles apart. It drives us—consumes us.
“Does your door have a lock?”
“Yeah.”
“Then lock it, now, so I can get that peep show you promised me.”
“Is sex all we have, Knox? Whether it’s in person or on the phone, it can’t be the only thing that works between us.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Well, fuck me. I thought we were past the point of this just being a hot and heavy chemistry. I’m not going to apologize for being attracted to you and wanting you. But to ask if that’s all we are… if you even have to pose the question, we’re clearly not on the same page right now. I love you, Belle. I’m in love with you, and if you were here, or I was there with you, we’d be fucking like bunnies, and I won’t apologize for that.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then why the fuck are you asking if that’s all we are? Haven’t I shown you that I want every part of you. I’ve handed you my heart on a fucking platter, against my better judgment.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I never wanted to have a long-distance relationship. I didn’t want to date someone in the public eye, and yet here I am with my cock in hand while your ex-fuck buddy walks in on you naked. Who’s the fucking chump here, Belle? Cause it sure as hell feels like it’s me.”