by Eva Haining
“Well, I’m sorry that I seem to be everything you don’t want in a woman.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Do you know what, Knox, I’m pretty tired, and I think it’s probably best we don’t continue this conversation right now. If you don’t want to do long-distance or date someone ‘famous,’ which I’m not…”
“It’s only a matter of time.”
“Let’s call a spade a spade, Knox. This is about Maisie. It always comes back to her.”
“No, it doesn’t. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Really?”
“You’re right. Maybe we should leave this conversation alone for tonight before either of us says something we’ll regret in the morning.”
“Good night, Knox.” I hang up the call, wondering how it escalated so quickly. I’m starting to feel like loving someone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship when your lives are going in such different directions.
Sunday morning came and went without fanfare, and I boarded a flight to Milan. Tonight we’re playing to a packed stadium, and as I stand in the wings, waiting to go on, I think of Knox. This is our first gig since that night in Houston when Johnny collapsed, and the wheels were set in motion for a life-changing moment for me.
Knox and I have been chatting via text the past few days, ignoring the argument we had the other night, but it’s there in all the little silent moments. When I get back from this trip, I’m going to Kingsbury Falls.
As the crowd roars to life, I forget all of my problems, if only for tonight. Running out onto the stage, electricity courses through my veins as we take our places.
“Hello, Milan!” The place erupts in wild applause. The girls are screaming Johnny’s name, chanting as he slides his guitar strap over his head. I’m suddenly hit with a flashback of the last time we were on stage together, and it throws me for a loop.
The second my eyes lock with his, he gives me that knowing smile, crooked and a little bit wicked. I can tell he’s nervous, but he always puts me first, and this is no different. He gives me the strength to push through and relish this moment.
“It’s great to be here with you tonight. We’re excited for the upcoming release of our debut album.” Another roar and my heart beats wildly in my chest. “Tonight, you’re going to be the first to hear some of our new songs. I hope you like them. We’re Beyond New York, and this is “Knoxville Stole My Heart,” which is going to be our first single.”
David counts us in on the drums, and the moment I sing the opening line, I’m completely lost in the music. My instincts take over, and the thrill that used to be my ultimate high has me feeling like I can fly.
Johnny is on fire tonight. We all are.
As I sing my heart out with words of love for the only man I’ve ever truly been in love with, I wish that he were here to hear it. Things might be tense between us right now, but we’ll figure it out. I’m not going to lose him over something as arbitrary as distance, and when he hears this song, he’ll know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that in my heart, he’s the one.
Seventeen
KNOX
I’m speechless, completely and utterly floored. I wanted to surprise Belle by showing up in Italy. What better way to show her I want to support her career? I’ve never done the romantic gesture thing before with a girl, and I hope she’s excited to see me. Standing in the crowd, I hear the words of their song—her song—about me.
I fall in love with her all over again as her words ring out in this open-air stadium. I’m surrounded by a sea of people holding up their phones with the flashlight on, listening to my girl sing her heart out. Pride blooms in my chest, and I know I have to do whatever it takes to make this work. She was born for this.
Every word from her lips is perfect, and the way she moves across the stage, commanding every inch of it—it’s hot as hell. Belle is fierce when she’s performing to a crowd this size. Sexy doesn’t even come close to how she looks up there.
Her only tell is the fact that she keeps shifting her gaze to where Johnny is playing on the left side of the stage. She’s worried about him, and rightly so. The last time they were on stage together, he was in bad shape, and I had to fight my way through a much smaller crowd than this to get to her. Just thinking about that day makes my chest constrict, remembering how desperately I wanted to protect her.
Tonight, she doesn’t need anything from me. She’s flying high, soaring, spreading her wings with a majestic melody, and it’s stunning to witness.
Johnny text me the other night and told me when they would have a full day to sightsee. That day is tomorrow, and it’s in Florence. They’re supposed to hop on the tour bus right after this gig, which is where I’ll be waiting for her. He’s a good guy, and he obviously loves Belle, or he wouldn’t have bothered to get in touch with me.
I spend the next hour mesmerized by my girl as she rocks the stage. Anticipation coils deep inside me, desperate for a kiss, a caress, anything that means she and I are sharing the same space. Johnny told me what song would signal that I should head for the tour bus, and as they start to play, the bass reverberates in my chest, the thumping beat driving me toward her.
It feels like hours as I wait on the bus, hidden in the back so I can jump out and surprise Belle. In reality, it’s only been thirty minutes, but add that to three weeks of not seeing her, and those minutes drag on.
Loud laughter approaches outside as I crouch behind a little booth seating area on the bus. I could pick her laugh out in a crowd any day of the week. As the door opens, I hear Johnny.
“Ladies first. On you go, Blue Bell.”
I listen for her steps, and when I’m sure she’s on board, I stand up. “Hey, girl.”
She squeals at the sight of me, her voice hoarse from a long gig. As she launches herself toward me, a thrill runs through me.
“Oh my God. How are you here right now?” She throws her arms around my neck and kisses me as if her life depends on it.
“Same way you did… on a plane.”
She holds me tight as if I’m going to disappear at any moment. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I wanted to surprise you. So… surprise.” I cup her face in my hands, pressing a softer kiss to her lips. “I missed you.”
“God, I’ve missed you so much, and I hate that things have been weird between us.”
The guys from the band start making kissy noises.
“I missed you, honey bun. Oh, I missed you more, schmoopsie poo.”
“Y’all need to shut up now.” Belle is irritated by them, but I don’t give a shit. I’ve got my girl in my arms, and that makes me the happiest cowboy on the planet. I breathe her in, the smell of her perfume invading my senses.
“We’ll shut up as long as you two don’t go at it like rabbits on the drive down to Florence. This bus has zero privacy.”
“Because I’ve never had to listen to any of you shagging some groupie before?” I can’t help but laugh. Hearing her use the word ‘shagging’ with her Louisiana accent sounds hilarious.
“Where do you even sleep?” This is my first time on a tour bus.
“I’ll give you the quick tour. This is the sitting area, two feet behind you are bunk-bed cubbies, and the toilet is at the back. Done!”
“Bunk beds?”
“Not the glamorous rock and roll digs you envisaged?”
“Something like that.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder, pulling her tight to my side.
“Yeah, life on a tour bus is about as far from glamor as you can get, especially when you’re the only girl. And tonight, it’s you and me taking shifts for the bed and the smallest couch known to man.”
“I flew halfway across the world to see you, there’s no shift work going on. I don’t care if I need to sleep standing up, you’ll be in my arms.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ve missed falling asleep next to you.”
“Barf, Blue Bell. Y’all are sickeningly loved-
up.”
“Don’t let him fool you, Belle. He facilitated this little visit.” Her face lights up as if she just got the stamp of approval from her brother.
“You did?”
“Fuck me. Rehab must’ve made me soft. I’m going to bed. Keep your moaning, groaning, and sweet nothings to a minimum, at least until I fall asleep.” The others follow suit, leaving us to catch up.
First thing’s first, I want a proper hello kiss without prying eyes. Sliding my fingers into her hair, I hold her steady, letting my lips stop just shy of hers. I can feel her breath becoming labored as her pulse quickens with anticipation.
“Good surprise?”
“Kiss me, Knox.”
“Good or bad?” I love the way her body molds to mine in perfect harmony.
“Amazing.” My lips crash down on hers, hungry for much more than I can have tonight. Her tongue twists and tangles with mine, her nails digging into my back.
I need to stop, or I’m going to take her right here, right now, for everyone to hear. As much as I want to lose myself in her, I won’t share her pleasure with anyone. When I pull back, she fights me, greedy for more. It takes every ounce of self-control I have to step away.
“Girl, one more kiss, and I’ll lay you on that table and spread your legs. As much as I want to, I’d have to kill your bandmates if they heard how you scream my name when you come. It’s fucking glorious and only for me.”
“God, Knox, you’re not helping my libido calm down when you say stuff like that.”
“Don’t worry, as soon as I get you to the hotel, I’ll make good on it. Over and over and over again.”
“You better.” She takes my hand and leads me to the small seating area. “I can’t believe you came to Italy… for me.”
“I’d travel to the ends of the earth for you, Belle. Why do you think I got on a plane and flew over five thousand miles?”
“To get lucky?” Her voice is playful, but I feel a sudden urgency to set the record straight.
“I hate this long-distance shit, and it’s only made worse when there’s tension between us. I came all this way because I wanted you to know that it’s not just about sex.”
“So you don’t want to get in my pants while you’re here?”
“Okay, let’s not be ridiculous.” I give her a sly wink.
“Thought so.”
“Let me be serious for a minute. Get the heavy shit out the way.”
“Did you fly all this way to break up with me?”
“Fuck no. That would be the most expensive break up in history.”
“True.”
“Ever since you asked about what we have being all about the sex, which is seriously amazing, best sex of my life, but it bothered me. I thought you knew that I love everything about you. Not just your pleasure. I want your pleasure and your pain. The highs and the lows. All of it.”
“I want that, too, but I feel like we’re in such different places in our lives right now, and I don’t know if love is enough to overcome those things.”
“Yeah, it would be easier to date someone who isn’t traveling the world. And I’m sure it would be easier for you if you dated a fellow musician who understands your world.”
“I…”
“Just let me finish. I was practicing on the flight, and it all sounded great in my head.”
“Sorry.”
“I need to say this, and you really need to hear me. I do not have feelings for Maisie. Yes, my male ego was bruised when she dumped me, but what I thought I felt for her is nothing compared to how I feel about you. I want to build a life with you, Belle. I don’t know what that looks like at the moment, but life is fleeting and circumstances change. It’s tough right now, but it won’t be this way forever.”
“Really?” Why does she seem so bewildered by my declaration?
“Do you think so little of yourself that you can’t believe for a second that I want you? I am not playing games, and I’m not bullshitting you. You and me, I want it to work.”
“So do I.”
“Then we will. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. And can we stop talking about our smokin’ hot chemistry like it’s a dirty word? We’re both young and hot, and our bodies were made for each other. It doesn’t mean I value your mind or heart any less. I love you, Belle, and if that song you sang tonight is anything to go by, you love me, too.”
Her face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning. “You heard it?”
“I saw the whole show.”
“Did you like it?”
“Girl, like isn’t the word. I was in awe of you. You were born for this, Belle. The fact that you wrote such an amazing song about me, about us, it just completely floored me. I wanted to scream louder than any of the groupies screaming for Johnny, but I didn’t think you’d be too pleased if I went all fangirl on you.”
“I meant every word of that song, Knox. You’ve changed my life, which seems crazy after such a short period of time and the small number of days we’ve actually gotten to spend together.”
“There in the crowd, I really saw you. Your passion and what drives you in this life you’ve chosen for yourself. You were fierce but so ethereal, and your voice… your voice is so fucking beautiful. I felt like I was hearing you for the first time, like I didn’t grasp just how much music is ingrained in every fiber of your being.”
“No one has ever put it so eloquently before or even really understood what all of this means to me. I love it… writing, creating melodies and harmonies, performing. I used to love traveling, but lately, I find myself missing a certain someone, and it doesn’t have the same shine it used to.”
“Then let me worry about that side of things. You focus on this. Enjoy every minute. You’ve certainly earned it. I’m so proud of you, Belle.”
“I can’t just let you shoulder the burden of making this relationship work.”
“I’ve got broad shoulders, girl. I can handle it.” I pull her down onto my lap before caressing my lips over hers in a ghost of a kiss. “We’ll make this work, and you’re going to be a household name.”
“How long can you stay?” Her hands begin to roam, knowing every line of my body.
“I have to leave the day after tomorrow. Johnny said you have a full day to sightsee in Florence, so I figured this would be my window of opportunity to spend some time with you.”
“You came all this way for twenty-four hours with me? You’ll spend as much time traveling back and forth. And what about the farm?”
“I’d fly around the world twice for a day with you in one of the most romantic cities in the world. As for the farm, I’ve got it covered. Stop worrying so much. Relax and tell me more about the album. Any other songs on there about me?”
“If I tell you, your ego is going to be too big to get off the bus.”
“Bingo. Your lack of confirmation is enough.”
She shoves my shoulder before burying her head in my chest. “Ugh, when you dump me, I’m going to regret my song choices for the debut album. I’ve turned into that sappy girl I’d usually mock.”
I run my hand over her hair. “You’re not sappy. In fact, I would say you lack the sappy gene. You shouldn’t blame yourself for being drawn in by my southern charm. It’s irresistible, I get it.”
“I hate you right now.”
“That’s not what your lyrics say. If I’m to believe them, I stole your heart, and just for the record, I plan on keeping it. There isn’t going to be a ‘when you dump me’ moment. Not from me. So, stop fretting, and tell me about life while we’ve been apart. Have you painted your apartment Barbie pink yet?”
“No, I decided on a very manly gray. I reserve the pink for you,” she says with mischief in her eyes.
“Nice. Don’t think I didn’t find the little square you painted in the corner of my closet. Really? You couldn’t resist, could you?”
She bursts out laughing, amused by her devious little self. “I was wondering how long it would take you
to notice. I was hoping it would be when I was there visiting. I wanted to see your face when you saw it.”
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my phone and bring up a picture. “Will this do?”
She grabs the phone, smiling as she sees me making some ridiculous face in a selfie next to the offending patch of pink. “Why didn’t you send this to me? This is epic. I love it.”
“I only found it when I was packing my bag to come here. Otherwise, I would have.” She stares at the picture with such love in her eyes.
“You’re too cute, Thomas Knox.” She snuggles back in at my side, and I relish the comfort of having her safe in my arms. I’ve missed this, just chatting and laughing with her.
“You’re pretty cute yourself. So can I hear the other tracks that you wrote in my house?”
“I don’t have them downloaded onto my phone yet.”
“But you have a guitar. Serenade me. What’s the point in having a sexy rock star for a girlfriend if she won’t sing for me?”
“For the blow jobs? I’m good with my mouth.” She has that look in her eye, and I wish I could take her up on the offer. I have to adjust the semi I’m now sporting.
“Dang, girl. You can’t say shit like that when we’re on a bus full of guys.”
“They’re asleep.” She runs her hand over the front of my jeans. “I can be quick.”
“Your driver isn’t asleep.”
“Yep, he’s very much right, Belle. I’m wide awake, and I really don’t want to hear your boyfriend when he comes. I’m down for threesomes, but not when I’m just listening to all the moaning and groaning.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Sorry, bro. I promise I’ll keep it in my pants.”
“Fine. I guess I’ll sing you a few songs then.” She reaches for her guitar and settles herself down on the small table across from where I’m sitting.
“Can you play that Knoxville song first?”