Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2

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Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2 Page 84

by DoctorHepa


  With the mimic gone, we get on with the plan, which may or may not be necessary anymore based on what happens at the pit.

  For a strategy I’d made up on the fly, I thought it was pretty clever. I suspected most people would have thought that, too.

  Had it worked.

  Instead, I suspected most of the viewers were instead thinking to themselves: Yep. That idiot was crazy. He jumped right into that portal. Not a surprise he got killed in such a gruesome manner. It was only a matter of time.

  All of this ran through my head as I tumbled into the trainyard, spinning painfully next to the glowing mantaur.

  A massive pair of red eyes gleefully focused on me. The mimic. Its mouth yawned. Teeth appeared.

  The world froze.

  Music started to pulse. This was heavy metal. A deep, pulsing, bass-driven chugga-chugga-chugga.

  Ahh, fuck, I thought.

  A framed graphic of my face splattered into the air. The words Death Challenge! Stamped onto my face, with blood running from the words.

  Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a treat for you today. It’s the death of a celebrated crawler, Crawler Carl, brought to you live! Who will be the lucky monster to kill him? Who will it be?

  On the right, we have one of this floor’s most infamous monsters! A lost soul, some say. The current crawler-killer champion of the floor, with over 23,000 deaths attributed so far. The apex predator of her world, the voracious, the insatiable, the grand impersonator supreme! It’s a city boss! It’s a level 90 Mimic Rex!

  The mimic’s portrait slammed into place as the real mimic howled, its train-sized tongue whipping out of it and arcing toward me.

  The world froze again.

  But will she get to Carl fast enough? On the left, we have nothing short of a god, and while we’re all familiar with Grull, this is the Dungeon Crawler World debut of Grull’s sponsor. Coming to you for the first time ever, once thought dead, thought abandoned by his family, shunned by society, but ready for his comeback. It’s the host of Death Watch Extreme, it’s Prince Maestro of the Skull Empire!

  “What the shit?” I muttered as two more portraits slammed onto the screen with digital explosions.

  The first was of the Maestro. The hair-covered orc sneered down at me.

  The world remained frozen. In my periphery, far beyond the edge of the trainyard I saw movement. It was Donut astride Mongo, galloping full-tilt toward us. She was still far away, and she had dozens of ghouls and minions between her and me. Half were frozen in place, the other, closer half moved toward her. She fired missile after missile at them.

  No, I thought. Stay the fuck away. You’re just going to die, too. I tried to send a chat, but it wouldn’t let me.

  The portrait of the Maestro became animated for a short moment. It was an interview with him. “Yeah,” he said, his condescending voice echoing oddly throughout the trainyard. “People thought I was on that ship, but my brother had already brought me into the dungeon.” He laughed. “Like I’d be stupid enough to be vulnerable like that. You gotta try harder next time, worms. The Maestro ain’t going down that easily. Oh, and rest well, mom.”

  The second portrait was that of Grull. He was a black-skinned, overly-muscular minotaur-like beast, but with a horse’s body. A centaur with the head of a big, pissed-off bull complete with a golden ring in its snout. He held a smoking, double-headed axe.

  Frozen on the ground next to me, the mantaur cracked in half. Steam burst forth. It was the only movement in the frozen area of the trainyard. I knew in order to be summoned, Grull had to emerge out of a “vessel” which meant he would pop out of the body like a chick from an egg.

  The two portraits, of the Maestro and of Grull merged, forming a single picture. The god now had a distinctly Maestro-like face. The portrait sneered down at me from the air.

  War God Grull. Level 250. Sponsored by Prince Maestro of the Skull Empire.

  Warning: This is a deity. He is invulnerable on this floor.

  This god has been involuntarily summoned to this location. Summoning rules apply.

  The child of Taranis and Apito, Grull, the god of war, is one of the few trueborn heirs to the Celestial Ascendency. But with an angry streak as long as a horse’s cock, Taranis worries his son may not be the best choice to rule the heavens. Plus his worshippers tend to be donkeys and other equine-themed creatures. It’s a bit unsettling, even to a god.

  Grull cannot die. But even if he could, would it really matter? At level 250, he could level this entire floor in a day.

  I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.

  The description ended. The portraits all disappeared with a strobing explosion, sprinkling onto the ground like glitter. It was like we were at a goddamned monster truck rally. We were still frozen. The music got louder, faster.

  The god has the obvious advantage here, ladies and gentlemen, but the Mimic has the speed, the minions, and the head start. Who will win? Will Carl die screaming? What will be left? Get your bets in now because.

  Here.

  We.

  Goooooooo!

  The world unfroze just as light burst into the air from the mangled mantaur body. The mimic tongue lashed at me, fast as a whip, slapping into the still-forming god, tossing it aside. It flew through the air, rocketing away from me.

  I rolled and slammed onto the last item in my hotlist. I applied my potion of Invisibility just as the tongue smacked into the spot I’d been.

  Dude! Where’d you go? You are invisible for 30 seconds. (Your Intelligence X 2)

  Fucking hell, I should have put more points in that damn stat.

  The mimic roared in anger. It—she—belched, and a fetid stench washed over the trainyard. A mass of the mouth minions burst forth, chattering. Each one was the size of a rhinoceros. They fanned out, several coming toward me.

  At the same time, far to my left, trains and rocks and hunks of metal exploded outward as the god formed, rising higher and higher into the air until his head was halfway to the ceiling. I cowered as debris showered around me. On my map, a pulsing and spinning red star appeared, spinning in circles like a buzzsaw.

  One of the minions cried out as it was splattered by a falling rock. The gore sprouted legs and rushed back toward the mimic.

  Grull screamed, his voice as loud as one of those alarm traps. He held the gigantic axe in the air. The handle looked to be a living oak tree, and the metal head of the axe moved, as if it was made of still-molten metal. He swung it up over his head, the axe trailing smoke. The top of the weapon seemed to clear the roof of the chamber by inches. He swung down, hitting nothing. He swung the axe a few times, as if testing the weight and heft of the weapon, which was the size of a goddamned passenger jet in his meaty hands.

  The front part of Grull himself stood about four stories tall. Huge. Imposing. Terrifying. Yet, he still seemed small. As if this was a miniature version of his true form.

  The mimic, I realized, was still bigger than the god. But it didn’t matter. It was clear who was stronger.

  “Here piglet, piglet,” a deep, rumbling voice called. “You can’t get away from me this time. I’ve been waiting for this.”

  I got up to run along the back wall, away from the god and away from the city boss.

  Donut: CARL! CARL! WE’RE COMING!

  Carl: Donut. Get the fuck away from here. Bring the cart closer and bring that goddamned mantaur. But don’t come into the trainyard. I’m going to angle around and try to run out.

  Donut: THE TRAINYARD WALLS MAGICALLY CAME BACK, BUT THEY’RE ONLY HALF VISIBLE. IT’S LIKE THE BOSS BATTLES ON THE FIRST FLOOR. I THINK YOU CAN GO IN, BUT YOU CAN’T COME BACK! YOU’RE STUCK IN THERE. I SAW ONE OF THE MINIONS GO IN, BUT THEN HE COULDN’T COME BACK TO GET ME.

  Fuck. Fuck.

  The tongue smashed onto the ground twenty feet in front of me, throwing me off my feet. A train car split in half, parts showering everywhere. A pair of the g
iant mouths made gargling noises as they shuffled forward on their millipede feet. I was about to be cornered, despite being invisible.

  Carl: Okay. Forget about me. Continue with the mission. Don’t risk the cart. You need to get the bomb into the abyss. Brandy will walk you through setting the Nightmare up to explode. After, go to Elle and Imani. They’ll take care of you.

  Donut: DON’T BE AN IDIOT, CARL. THAT’S NOT FUNNY.

  Grull cleaved down with his axe, hitting the ground. The entire world shook. He was facing away from me, but I flew off my feet. The ground all around where he hit buckled and tore up, like it’d been struck with a meteor. The shockwave hit me, and it felt as if I’d been hit with a train. I hit the ground, bounced off the wall, and tumbled and rolled. I hit the edge of a portal. One of the portals the named trains used to go back to the loop. My heart leapt, but only for a moment. The portal was turned off. All of the trainyard portals were off.

  Carl: Goddamnit, Donut. I’m fucked. Go. Get out of here before he sees you.

  My health was in the red. I took a potion. I turned from the wall and ran along the tracks, running between a pair of named engines sitting cold. I could see the glowing walls of the trainyard, a quarter mile away. To my left, Grull loomed, slowly turning. The mimic’s tongue lashed into the air.

  I had but seconds left on my invisibility. I contemplated just staying here, between the trains. I was hidden. But for how long?

  A shadow appeared, blocking the exit between the trains. It was one of the mouth things. Huge, slobbering. It was a giant mouth of sharp, needle-like teeth and nothing more, an impossible piece of anatomy.

  Jabbering Jibber-Jabber. Level 35.

  This is a minion of the Mimic Rex.

  Have you ever gone to one of those buffets? One of those absurdly-cheap, all-you-can-slop-into-your-gullet affairs? The price is suspicious. The instant mashed potatoes taste like they’re cut with sawdust. The meat is gray. The surrounding neighborhood is awash with missing cat flyers. You know what I’m talking about. You go, you feed, and as you leave, having gorged yourself to the point of oblivion, you can’t help but hate yourself and think: This is it? This is what life is? A trip from one trough to the next?

  The Jabbering Jibber-Jabber is the reanimated mouth of those who frequent such places. They hate everybody and everything and want nothing more than to feed. They are in a constant state of pain, and the only thing that alleviates this agony is the act of feeding. Anything it eats is instantly broken down and converted into stored energy, which it returns to its master after it has fully stuffed itself.

  Warning: this monster is a splitter. If killed, there is a chance one or more smaller versions will appear.

  Fucking hell, I thought. The monster didn’t see me, but it was just standing there, snapping its mouth up and down like an alligator. The invisibility notification started to blink.

  I kept running. I pulled an impact-detonated hob-lobber and jumped and rolled, leaping through the side of the monster’s open mouth like I was a trick poodle jumping through a hoop. I continued on my way and dove to the ground, covering my head as the Jibber-Jabber chomped down on the hob-lobber in his mouth. He exploded, showering body parts everywhere. None of the pieces got back up.

  “There you are, Piglet,” Grull-Maestro growled. The words were as loud as the end of the world. I’d put a good distance between us, but he was still terrifyingly close. He turned to stride toward me. The mimic was in the way. He cleaved down with his axe, splitting the monstrosity in half, as if it was nothing. A cleaved-in-two mountain of flesh appeared, slopping guts and strange organs and liquid everywhere.

  All around, all the remaining minions looked up into the air and screamed.

  I pulled a smoke curtain and tossed it. I started spamming the smoke curtains in every direction, filling the area as much as I could as Grull casually stepped through the gore of the mimic. The centaur god dragged his axe on the ground. All around him, the enraged bereft minions launched themselves at the god’s legs. He ignored them, occasionally stomping them down.

  He lifted his axe, and I knew what was coming next. It wasn’t going to hit me, but it would hit close. Close enough to kill me. My Protective Shell spell wouldn’t help me this time. But I did have one last trick.

  I slammed the potion. Mordecai’s Special Brew.

  It gave me almost-invulnerability for thirty seconds. But I wouldn’t be able to take another potion for ten hours.

  Gold-Standard! Your healing is super accelerated!

  A thirty-second timer appeared.

  The ground underneath me buckled, and I flew into the air as if I’d been launched from a fiery catapult. I crunched hard against the wall of a train. The shockwave caught me, slamming me again. I felt my back shatter, blowing into hundreds of bits over and over, all while getting healed again and again.

  Grull, who couldn’t see me in the smoke, stepped right on top of me with his back leg. I cried out in pain as the flaming horseshoe pressed me deep into the ground. My pelvis shattered as I flattened. My head missed the edge of the horseshoe by inches. Again, I was healed.

  The whole world shook. A new achievement appeared big on my screen, but I was in too much screaming pain to read it before it fell in with the others into the folder.

  Grull kept walking. He slammed his axe down again. I remained on the ground, waiting for the shockwave to hit. A train car rolled across the yard, bowling right over me, flattening me once again. Again, I healed. I gasped and gasped, unable to catch a breath.

  Katia: Shut up and listen. Run back toward where the portal brought you in. We’re sending help through.

  “You can’t hide, meat,” Grull said as I jumped to my feet. Despite the blasting music, his voice cut through it all. I once again rushed along the wall, leaping over tracks and burning bits of rubble. Don’t think. Just run. The billowing clouds, unfortunately, clung mostly to the ground here. It was enough to cover me, but it didn’t impede Grull’s view of the trainyard. “Isn’t it just delicious?” he continued, apparently undisturbed by the smoke. “You can’t even hurt me. Even if you tried to use that magical bolt my cunt of a sister wasted on your friend, it wouldn’t work. You’re not strong enough yet to hurt me. I have a dozen ways to kill you, but I want to pick you up and crush you in my hand. You’re nothing. Your planet was nothing, and after this season is over, nobody is ever going to remember or care there was even a society here. Every single one of you pathetic worms will be forgotten. All of your lives and all of your history will be for nothing.”

  He rumbled in pain, and I looked over my shoulder, shocked at what I saw.

  A second icicle bounced off the god’s head. He grunted with annoyance as Elle shot by, rocketing past him like a bullet. He swiped at her, coming so close I feared she’d tumble from the air. At that same moment, I saw both of the trains barreling toward us. The portal cart rumbled forward on one of the colored-line tracks, and the Nightmare, further behind, chugged toward us on the employee track. I had no idea if anybody was driving either. Neither would reach the trainyard for a good thirty seconds. Neither was on a track that would come anywhere near the god.

  Elle passed by Grull one more time, again coming dangerously close. I had no idea she could fly that high or that fast. Grull opened his mouth, and a blast of heat shot forth, missing her by inches. The gust of magic was like a death ray. It melted everything in its path. Jesus. It tore through the trainyard, turning trains and awnings into slag. Elle rocketed across the trainyard, landing atop a stopped train that had derailed near the massive gate entrance, a good third of a mile away. When she landed, she stood next to a familiar figure.

  Me. It was me.

  It was, of course, Katia changed into me. But holy shit, even at this distance, I could see she’d done a good job. I stood there, cloak flowing, heart-covered boxers and all, both hands in the air flipping off the god. Katia turned and jumped off the train and disappeared as Elle took back to the air.

  Grull
screamed in rage and moved to pursue.

  If he’d been even casually following my feed, the trick would be obvious. But the Maestro wasn’t a smart dude, and everything was moving so damn quickly now.

  Carl: What the fuck are you doing, Katia?

  She didn’t answer.

  Li Na, Li Jun, Donut, and Mongo suddenly appeared in front of me, emerging out of the solid wall. They’d transferred into the trainyard via the portal cart, which was still barreling toward the trainyard. They must have all jumped in front of it. They all tumbled to a stop, all staring with awe at the pulsating remains of the mimic, which looked like a jello mold that had been dropped upside down.

  “Goddamnit I told you to stay away,” I cried, running up. My invulnerability ran out.

  “You’re welcome,” Donut said as Mongo screeched in greeting. The Maestro continued to gallop in the other direction. At any moment, he’d realize he’d been tricked and come back this way.

  “Well, what the hell are we doing now?” I asked. There were still a good two minutes left in the Maestro’s summoning. That was plenty of time to kill us all.

  Then I saw the almost-human-sized figure on the ground, struggling and wrapped in chains.

  “Holy shit, what the hell?” I said.

  But I understood, then.

  * * *

  Donut: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

  Li Na shrugged. “Similar concept with what you did with that gnoll. I had to waste a few healing potions to keep him alive.”

  Li Jun looked ill, but he said nothing.

  It was the second mantaur, but only his top torso and head. He’d been removed from his horse body at the waist, and his top two sets of arms had also been lopped off. She’d healed him after each amputation, ensuring he’d remain alive.

  “He’s much easier to handle this way,” Li Na said matter-of-factly. “And now we can throw him into the portal instead of risking another accident.” She looked up. The portal cart came barreling into the trainyard, Zhang at the controls. He moved perilously close to the back of Grull, but the god didn’t turn. He had given up on his earthquake attack and was now melting through the other side of the trainyard with his heat breath.

 

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