A Flicker In The Still Forest: From Forest To Flames #1

by K. Lyn Hill

  To say what, he had no idea. Whatever was attacking wasn’t like anything they had ever seen before and it was getting closer. He didn’t have time for petty conversations and sorting out the everchanging emotions of a female. Regardless of what she thought of him, his actions tonight were purely for her benefit, even if she didn’t realize it. Pipe dreams and heroic notions had no place here. Whether she liked it or not, she was to be his wife and provide an heir. It was her duty, which she and Siel seemed to repeatedly forget. If she was to carry his future child to full term, she would need to be in one piece to do so and she seemed so keen on shaking hands with danger unnecessarily.

  It took a few minutes to realize Siel was still spouting useless noise. He sounded more like an annoying gnat flying around in circles. Damien wanted nothing more than to squash it so the buzzing would cease. “If you’re so concerned then you go comfort her. It’s what you’re going to do regardless of what I say.” Bitterness always seeped into his voice when he spoke on this topic. He knew Siel and Aerity were far closer than they should be, if Siel’s hand on the small of her back earlier was any indication of it. Thinking about it infuriated him and distracted him from the important task at hand. Finding the monster responsible for these attacks and stopping his people from starvation with a marriage alliance. As far as everything else went, he would just have to smooth things over after they wed.

  Shoving Siel to the side, Damien stepped around him and ignored the glare that was shot in his direction. He sighed. One thing he would admit was that Aerity’s words had hit him earlier. The thought of having someone to share his burden was more than appealing. He shook his head. No, it was unrealistic. The weight of the crown was his tribulation to bear and no one else’s, even if at times, he felt it pressing down a little too heavily on his head. And if anyone were fit to help him carry his load, it certainly wouldn’t be her seeing as though she was a main cause of his stress lately.

  “Damien, you seem very unconcerned with the fact that you’re marrying her tomorrow. The least you could do is try. Each time you spout your harsh words, it is I who is there for her. You’ve grown far too comfortable with tossing her around like she means nothing to you and yet you get infuriated and jealous in each event that draws us closer. The contradiction is clearly there, even for someone like you.” Nothing Siel said was wrong, just grating.

  “Someone like me?”

  “You have difficulty trusting people, Aerity is the opposite. She will trust until there is cause not to. You would balance each other out if you would stop being such a bloody fool. Go to her tonight. Make it right because you full well know that if you don’t, I will.”

  Damien flinched. He had no doubt in his mind what would happen behind his back if his brother checked on her tonight. There was only so much you could tease a bull with before it charged. So be it. This would be her test. He would let Siel go to her one final time before they wed. Siel said they would balance each other but he needed reason to trust her first. If she could resist his brother out of loyalty, then she would gain his.

  “I need to clean off the filth.” He pointed to his dirty cloths and skin. “Make sure she’s in the right mental condition to wed me tomorrow.”

  Siel sighed but Damien ignored it as he stalked towards his bed chamber. Tonight’s events could be the catalyst that changed everything. And he wanted nothing more than for her to pass his test.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Aerity

  There was no way she was going to be able to fall asleep. After leaving Siel and Damien in the courtyard, she made her way into the gardens. This entire time she thought herself strong but now she realized it was all just for show. Less than twenty-four hours from now, her life would never be the same. Not that she had much of a choice anyway seeing as how she was randomly transported here, but still. This was so much worse. At least with being here, she had gotten to spend her time with Siel. He had made this whole thing worthwhile so far but now her time with him was up. What they were had to change. They couldn't keep going like this. She knew that. He knew that. Yet they remained in their protective bubble ignoring the inevitable. It was headed for disaster faster than they could catch up with it. It would eventually crush them under the weight.

  Sitting down on the bench, she placed her head on her knees and closed her eyes, dragging in a deep breath through her lungs. Her body fought for dominance of her soul and it was tearing her apart. Her heart leapt towards Siel, while her mind nagged at her conscience. The blasted organ ricocheting in her chest did nothing but confuse her. How could she marry Damien knowing what it felt like to be truly loved? She treasured Siel’s company more than words could say but she had tried not to feed into anything deeper for fear of the inevitable heart break in the end. Tomorrow she would marry another and there was nothing that they could do about it.

  Her thoughts ping ponged back and forth until the center of her thoughts broke through the silence. “Hey, are you okay?” Siel took the seat next to her.

  Not lifting her head from her lap, she mumbled into her legs. “I don’t know how I can do this, Siel.”

  He placed his hand gently on her back and rubbed it in soothing circles. “I know it’s hard, but you need to just admit it out loud. Just repeat after me…Siel is the most amazing, sexiest man alive and my deepest desire is that I can be his love slave for eternity and have all of his babies.”

  Aerity let loose a quiet chuckle but it got lodged in her throat. His words echoed her actual thoughts.

  Siel tried again, rambling about hypothetical children. “I think we should have ten of them. Because it’s an even number but 5 of each gender is an odd number. So it’s the best of both worlds. No pun intended.”

  She bit her lip to keep from smiling.

  “We can name the first four Eenie, Meani, Minee and Moe so they never know if we are doing a child rhyme or speaking to them.”

  An unwilling smile finally erupted on her face.

  He kept rambling. “We wouldn’t want to name the other ones Catcha, Tiger, Bytha, and Toe because, well, that would just be silly. So I say we just do Jack, Jill, Joe, John, Jainy and Jasper, because that would be awesome.”

  She glanced up at his pause, noting the sadness masked behind the amusement. She rested her head on his shoulder. He released a contented sigh, resting his head on hers.

  “Always the jokster.” Aerity whispered.

  Siel released a choked sound. “Do you want to know why I do it?”

  She lifted her head to look into his eyes. “I know why you do it. You make the moment light. Deflect. I do it too.”

  “No Aerity. I do it because I’m in too deep." She could hardly hear him over the beating of her traitorous heart. "I’m afraid that if I face all that I’m feeling, it will completely destroy me when I finally accept that I can’t have it.” His hand clutched at his chest like it was breaking and he was trying to hold its pieces together.

  “What do you mean?” She breathed.

  “I get near you and I lose control. Of my heart, my head.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “Then the back of my mind nags that you’re marrying my brother.”

  She glanced down. The pain in his voice shook her and shattered her already battered soul. Deep down she knew he was right. They couldn't keep spending time together only to be ripped apart once they had grown even closer. He had become her confidant, trusted friend. Dare she say more? Her heart argued that she could take it even though she was in full denial....and what of his? Without the notion of everlasting love, whatever their friendship was, it was special. He was there for her when she had no one else. His smiles and laughter kept her spirits high. To think of a life without him in it...she couldn’t comprehend it. Ignoring it all this time was easy while imagining this wedding as a big dream...but now she was waking up from a nightmare and there was no poofing this one away as she woke.

  Glancing up, she opened her eyes, even though she was afraid that his expression would match
hers. It did. Pain. Sadness. Loss at what could have been and yet would never be. They stayed locked in their twirling emotions until footsteps interrupted.

  "I had a feeling I would find you two here." Eli approached and Aerity tried to throw on her best smile in his direction. He searched her face for a moment instantly realizing something was wrong. "Am I interrupting something?"

  She waved her hand dismissively. "You’re fine, what's up?"

  "Damien has been searching for you and had noticed you weren’t the only one missing." Eli jerked his head knowingly towards Siel. Something akin to pity entered in his eyes but Aerity ignored it. “I just thought you would want to know in order to avoid another war.”

  "Well here I am. Tell him to come get me."

  "Aerity." Eli gave her a warning look.

  "I am not a dog to come when he whistles a command. If he wishes to see me, then I am right here."

  He must have realized there was going to be no arguing with her on this matter. He nodded and walked back to deliver the message.

  "It will make things worse that I'm here." Siel spoke as if awakening from a daze.

  "I don't care!" She barked at him not realizing how sharp her tone came out. He seemed taken aback by her aggression. "I’m sorry...”

  She rubbed a hand down her face and frustratingly blurted, “We are both here, sacrificing for his kingdom. His people. I'm giving up my entire world Siel!" She stood and began pacing to release some of the tension in her neck. "I'm so sick of fighting and trying to prove to these people who I am! To prove to him who I am! I used to think that my dad would have wanted this for me, ya know? Wanted me to do what was right and help whoever I had the ability to, but I can't help but doubt it now. If my father saw who I was to marry, he would never allow it. If he saw the war tugging at my heart...?" She paused. What would her dad do? Tears sprang to her eyes. There was no telling what he would do because he wasn't there with her. She wanted to rip her hair out. Her breath lashed out, dramatically panting as she fumed at her predicament.

  Strong arms wrapped around her and she soaked in Siel’s comforting scent. She could get lost in it if she allowed herself to. His arms said what they both couldn’t voice aloud. This was a goodbye.

  Maybe she would still see him around but everything they had, was about to come crashing down. Then she would once again be alone. She felt it in every part of her soul and didn’t know whether she could do it. It was shattering her into fragments. Any part of her that used to function, no longer worked properly. The loss and despair that tore at her chest forced her struggling to simply draw air. She couldn't keep losing people. This was the way of the world but she couldn't accept that. She refused to accept it. Siel rubbed her back as she sobbed into his neck, tenderly stroking her hair with his other hand.

  After a few minutes she heard a soft, “Aerity.” Siel continued to rub circles on her spine.

  “Hmmmm?” She mumbled a slobbery mess into his chest, never doubting that she was snotting all over his shirt.

  “Please look at me.” He gently lifted her chin with two pinched fingers.

  “I’m a blotchy mess.” She tried fervently to swipe off some of the tears streaking down her face and gain some semblance of dignity but Siel didn’t seem to notice as he stared at her with something that looked far too much like love to ignore.

  He pressed his forehead against hers. “You are beautiful inside and out, Aerity. Even though I’m going to have to clean the snot off my shirt later.”

  A soft chuckle sprang from her lips as she gently cuffed him on the shoulder. Now a slight smile graced her mouth, resulting in even more tears cascading down. She glanced up to find him watching her with an intense expression. This was too close. He was too close, yet she couldn’t find the energy to back away.

  He stared at her lips as he traced her bottom one with his finger. “Please don’t ever lose your smile. No matter what happens, don’t let it change you.” He begged. “It makes you shine brighter than any flame and lights the path further than any torch.” His finger traced a pattern up her jaw, to her cheek, then just by her eyes as he swiped at her tears. He seemed to be having an internal debate just before he whispered softly. “Just one-time Aerity. I need to know what it feels like one time.”

  Before she could process what was happening, Siel cupped her face in his hands, crushing his mouth to hers. No no no no…her mind screamed to step away. Shove him off but she found herself locked in place. This would only make things worse! She was marrying his brother. Now she would forever remember the feel of his soft lips on hers. He tasted like a rainbow over a waterfall. Hope and sunshine. Happiness and laughter.

  Pinpricks pierced at her chest with the thought of never feeling this again. That this would be the last chance she had to be held by someone who loved her. She didn’t need to wonder if that’s how Siel felt. It was apparent in the desperation of the kiss, in the way he held her as close to his body as she could conform. He shook in desire and pain. Heartache and loss as he deepened the kiss. She needed to pull away. It would only hurt more in the end, but it just kept circling in her head, over and over again. Damien would never love her like this. She would never know what it felt like to fall in love or give someone the power to break you so completely as she could feel radiating from Siel. She was about to give up everything. Her home, her family, friends. For people that weren’t hers.

  Allowing herself one final moment of self-pity she basked in Siel’s touch, gripping his shirt in the same desperation that he held onto her with. She allowed herself to experience the same love her parents had. The kind of love that was soul shattering and world destroying. Opening her mouth at his insistent demand, he devoured every inch of her that she willingly offered. His mouth moved and melted against hers like a candle melting in flames. The warmth of his breath caressing hers in a tender embrace.

  Love like this you couldn’t force or shove. Bend or mold. It simply is.

  She let all her anguish and regret filter into his lips just as reality struck her like a bolt of lightning.

  And as much as she wanted with all her heart to have that kind of love, it couldn’t ever be. She loved him with every part of her soul. He had sunken into her bones and become a part of her marrow. Something that could never be retracted or replaced. The thought of not being able to openly give her heart to him every day of her life, rubbed her raw until her insides were cracked and bleeding. She was to be bound to another whether it had been her choice or just a role she fell into. It was her fate and there was nothing they could do about it.

  With new moisture saturating her face, she slowly released herself from his lips. Struggling to catch her breath, she took a step back, his arms loosened their grip but remained wrapped around her waist. They stood like that for what seemed like hours, yet she was sure was only a few minutes as she attempted to choke out the words that desperately needed to be said.

  He needed to know. He needed to hear the words fall from her lips.

  Every action between them had proven it. Every soft word spoken, or laughter shared had all led up to that one emotion that could rip your heart out and make it beat at the same time. This was the last chance she would ever get to say it and then it would all be over, and her new life would have to commence, whether she wanted it to or not.

  Gathering all the courage she had, she opened her mouth. “Siel...I...”

  "Well well. Look what we have here. How shocking it is indeed to find you both in, yet again, another compromising position." Although spoken dryly, Damien’s unexpected voice scrubbed at her wounds with lemon and salt.

  "Not now Damien." Siel’s low harsh voice vibrated through their connection.

  "Oh, not now. That's wonderful. So later then? When I find you wrapped around her in our bed?"

  Digging her fingers around Siel’s shoulder, Aerity fought the desire to scream, claw Damien’s eyes out, take from him all he was trying to take from her. This was her future. A future with a beast. She
could no longer deny what she had been fighting all along. She had once told Eli that she could tame the prince. He was simply a wild horse needing to be broken in but she was wrong. The only one who would break in the end was her and she was just so tired. Emotionally spent from the roller coaster of her life, she had nothing left to fight with. No arsenal remaining in her vault. She was an empty canister that had been drained dry. Emotions eluded her. Numbness was all that remained.

  "I said not now!" She had never heard Siel angrier than at that moment, which only fueled Damien's fire more.

  "Oh, did you suddenly become the future king? Telling me what to do? Are you plotting to murder me so you can take wife?"

  Siel’s hand tightened on her back as if he too saw the beast and was protecting her. "How do you have such little regard for her feelings? She's giving up everything for you!"

  "Well she must do that a lot because it seems like she's giving it all up for you too.” She soaked in his words as he turned his animosity towards her. “You were so hurt by my comment earlier about you not being a good wife and low and behold, you prove me right. So what? I reject you and you go running into another man’s arms? Tell me Aerity, am I that unagreeable that you feel the need to whore yourself out to everyone, including my own flesh and blood?" His words made the blood drain from her face, leaving her cold. The numbness only spreading deeper, taking route inside every crevice she now had opened and laid bare. As much as she knew she should be yelling and screaming, she simply couldn’t express it. No anger began to stir. She silently undid her fists and placed a hand on Siel’s chest. He got her signal of "enough" without words.