Twisted Fate (Fortitude Memories)

by Tracey Jukes

  Nyla senses the atmosphere. “Look, she’ll be fine. Thanks for coming by and checking on her.”

  She walks over to me, wraps her arms tightly around me and rocks with me. I can’t help it. I melt down all over again. Divulging everything that happened doesn’t make me feel better. I know what she’s thinking when I get a look of sympathy.

  “I don’t want a damn counselor, Nyla. It’s just a blip. I’ll be fine.”

  Deep down, she knows I’m lying, but doesn’t question me.

  I’ve shut down again, and she knows it. Nyla is used to my ways and knows when to push and when not to. She stays, we eat pizza, watch girly movies until we realize it’s late and tomorrow’s a work day.

  “You going to be okay for work tomorrow?”

  “I’ve been slowly getting better for a few months now. Today was a glitch, and tomorrow’s a new day.” I smile at her, and she hugs me hard.

  “Nyla, I can’t breathe. Let go of me, damn it.”

  “Sorry. I just needed to hug you. You’re my best friend, and I’m so damn proud of you and how you’ve handled everything these past fourteen months. I’m always here for you, whatever happens, okay? Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.”

  I nod after hugging her back.

  Once she’s gone, I check the locks and go to bed, hoping for a dreamless night. I’ve forgotten what those are since the trauma. I know I’ll never get away from reliving that awful night.

  My alarm is blaring, and rolling over, I see it’s 6 a.m. Ugh, Monday morning. I walk to the kitchen and switch the coffee machine on. Once I’ve woken up properly, I start what is to be my daily routine. Shower, dry, hair, then slide into my navy pencil skirt and quickly button up my cream blouse. There’s no set uniform at the store, but they do say smart attire and to stick to navy and cream, so we may as well wear a uniform.

  I slip on my navy heels and then grab my bagel and cream cheese that I prepared before my shower. By the time I’ve eaten, it’s 7:45 and I need to leave, as it’ll take me roughly sixty minutes in rush hour to get across the city. I head down to the lobby, passing Lance on my way out.

  “Bye, Lance.”

  “Bye, Miss Lewis. Have a good day.”

  As I step out on the sidewalk, I see Smiler and another guy are putting up a sign outside the gym. He notices me and jogs over. I don’t really want to deal with him after yesterday’s fiasco, so I turn and walk away in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop him.

  “Hey, Esme! Wait up.”

  I know he’s close, so I brace myself, thinking he’ll grab my wrist again. He doesn’t. Instead, he puts himself in front of me, and I bump straight into him.

  “What the hell?”

  “Hey. I’m sorry.”

  It’s actually not his fault, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. Maybe I’m embarrassed about yesterday, but he puts his finger under my chin then gently tucks my hair behind my ear. This sends chills down my spine, but not bad ones. And those damn butterflies are back again.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” he says reassuringly. I look into his eyes, and instead of seeing his usual smirk, I see concern. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

  I push his hand from my face as it’s distracting. “It’s okay. I overreacted.”

  “May I ask why?”

  I look at him, contemplating how to reply. I’m not ready to divulge that part of my life to a stranger just yet.

  “Sorry, it’s none of my business. I’m just worried about you.”

  Damn, he really can be a nice guy when he wants to be.

  “I have to go to work.” I turn and walk away, but I can feel his eyes burning into my back as I go. As I round the corner, I take a quick glance over my shoulder, and I wasn’t wrong; he’s still watching me.

  My first day back goes quickly and smoothly, but that’s because Ruby, our boss, lets me go at my own pace. She’s even gone as far as to offer to pay for my counseling, which was generous of her.

  “Esme, please, if you need anything, my door is always open. Do not hesitate to come see me, all right?”

  “Thank you for being so understanding, Ruby. I promise I will.”

  I decide not to deal with clients today. I’m not quite ready for that, so I work more out back, sorting and stocking up the new travel brochures that are getting ready to be released. That’s the joy of working in a travel store. You can always work out back should you need to. I’ve been there for five years, and one day, I want to run my own store. Making people’s holiday dreams come true gives me a fuzzy feeling inside. One day, I dream of traveling more myself and heading for Australia.

  Walking past the gym by my apartment, I notice a poster advertising self-defense classes. The first session is tonight, and it’s free. It’s exactly what I need, so I sign up then head back home.

  While getting ready, my nerves start getting the better of me, but I push past them.

  I decide on leggings and a t-shirt, and I throw my hair up into a messy bun. I don’t eat until later, as the last thing I want is to over-exert myself and vomit.

  I head outside and stand across the street from the gym, staring at the door.

  You can do this, Esme. You can do this.

  I take a deep breath and head over.

  It’s so quiet in here. I don’t know why, but I expected it to be noisy. I approach the young girl at reception, who tells me to go straight through the double doors. As I do, I’m blown away with the noise hitting me. Men are everywhere. Some are using punch bags and doing push-ups. Many are on machines, their feet slapping hard on the treadmills, and there’s a huge boxing ring in the center. I look to my left and see a couple of women gawking, a bit like myself, really. I mean, these men are all sweat and muscle. Who wouldn’t stand and stare at them? Someone shouts, and I flinch. It must be the noise and my non-familiar surroundings making me edgy.

  There’s a calling for all those here to attend the class to follow the instructor.

  We file into a room and find a space. The guy who I assume is the instructor for the class has his back to us and is chatting to someone. He then turns to face us, and it’s Smiler. I don’t want him to notice me as I don’t want to explain why I am taking these classes. I try to hide behind another member and keep my head down, but that isn’t going to work. I just pray he stays professional throughout the class.

  I’ve survived the first half, and so far, so good, but he will come over, I just know it. I’m talking to a couple next to me. The guy, Jake, thought it was a good idea for his girlfriend, Sophie, to know some self-defense, and she agreed to go if he went too.

  Goosebumps prickle my skin, and I know someone is standing behind me. Jake looks over my shoulder, and when I turn my head, there he is. Smiler.

  “Is everything okay? Anything you need help with?” he asks.

  Jake quickly replies, “No, we’re all good.” He grabs Sophie, continuing with what we’ve been shown so far.

  I stand, staring. It’s like my feet are frozen solid.

  “You got a partner?” he asks me.

  “No,” I tell him.

  I can’t seem to take my eyes off his body. It doesn’t help that he’s only wearing gym shorts. His body is well-defined, something I’ve only ever dreamed about and never seen up close. He laughs deeply, which infuriates me, making me blush. I instinctively turn on my heel and storm toward the changing rooms.

  “Hey, where are you going?” he calls out from behind me.

  “Home!”

  “Why? You were doing so well in there. Just because you were checking me out and I caught you, doesn’t mean you gotta leave.” I stop dead.

  “Who said I was checking you out?”

  “Well, do you always stand there looking at a guy all glassy-eyed like you wanna eat him?”

  This guy really is a cocky bastard. Who am I kidding? I was so checking him out. He has abs to die for, and I wanna see what’s underneath those shorts, but to
just come out and say it is a different matter entirely. I’ve never had these tingling feelings before. It’s obviously his doing, and I want more. I turn to walk away, but he blocks me, and before I can register anything, he leans down and kisses me. His soft lips are pressed to mine while his hand caresses gently through my hair. I feel like I’m walking on air.

  The kiss is rough, but also gentle, and after my initial shock wears off, I kiss him back. A fire explodes through my body, one I haven’t felt in a very long time, and I become breathless. He slows the kiss down then pulls back slightly and looks down at me.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  All I can do is nod because I’m lost for words as his body pins mine against the wall. I know the kiss must have affected him too as he looks at his crotch then back at me.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you outside the apartment.”

  I giggle, unsure of what to say. He stands back to look at me, and it’s like he is looking into my soul. He can’t stop staring at me.

  “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

  I’m confused because I’ve only ever seen the cocky, arrogant side of this guy. I’ve only seen this soft side maybe once, and right now, he appears to be gentle, kind, and sincere.

  “Smiler, what’s your name?”

  “Smiler? Hmm, why the nickname?”

  “Well, if you must know, every time I see you, you give me a signature smile, or should I say, a smirk.”

  He starts with that same deep laugh again. “Reid Taylor is my name, and I can’t help that every time I see you, sweetheart, I want to smile.”

  I blush at his comment, but I don’t know what to say. I know he won’t let me leave, so I duck under his arm and walk back to the class.

  The rest of the class flies by, and once finished, I gather my things and plan on leaving quickly. Trying to concentrate after that kiss is impossible and having to watch him up front is so damn distracting. I need to get home and grab a cold shower. I’m pretty sure the kiss between us was a normal occurrence in his life. I mean, I’ve seen the way women flirt with him in the gym. He could have his pick, so why settle for me? He’d told me he’d wanted to kiss me since he first saw me, and now he’s got it out of his system.

  Walking out, I see him disappear towards the shower area with another female, and that tells me all I need to know.

  Chapter Four

  The next day at work, I tell Nyla everything. She gets more excited over the events than I do.

  “Jesus, I let a man I don’t know kiss the ever-living shit out of me!”

  “What’s so wrong with that?”

  I stand there with my mouth hanging open, then laugh. “I gotta admit, Nyla, that man can damn well kiss, and damn, he has a fine body.”

  “So, what’s your problem? It’s not like you slept with him. It was just a kiss. It’s good to let loose a little.”

  I know I have to let loose and have some fun, but I don’t do fooling around or one-night stands. I’m pretty much a good girl, or I like to think I am most of the time, anyway.

  My parents were strict where I was concerned. Being the only girl, I had to follow their rules. I even had a curfew unless I was staying at Nyla’s or with other friends. Then I felt a bit of a rebel. My parents pretty much kept me in line, but now I don’t have to follow that line or their rules. I can do what I want, but I’m not quite sure what that is or how to go about it. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be.

  Since seeing Reid, I was having thoughts and feelings like never before. My body was mixed up, let alone my head.

  “Earth to Es. You okay over there? You’re looking a bit flushed. Oh my God, you’re having dirty thoughts about him, aren’t you? Naughty girl! Do not deny it!”

  I look away, my face flushing red with embarrassment. I don’t know what’s happening, but since that kiss, I’m having feelings beyond my control, but I’m also angry because I saw him with another girl. Now I can’t stop thinking how hot he is and how his kiss made my panties so wet that I know I came there and then. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone, and boy, could I use the release. Damn it, I need to stop thinking like this. He’s a cocky player, and I was just a target he needed to hit. He hit me all right, but never again.

  “Es, tell me… what’s going on in your head?”

  “What’s going on in my head, Nyla, is that I will not be going there again.”

  “You are so going there again. Life is for living! Have some fun. If anyone deserves some, it’s you. Plus, if he kisses you again, are you telling me you’re going to just push him away?” She grins. “No, I didn’t think so. Just take him by the balls and have the ride of your life.”

  Jase walks into the break room, narrowing his eyes on both of us.

  “What on Earth are you doing in here? It had better be something good to keep you both gone this long.” He looks between us, and I blush.

  “Oh my God! You were doing the deed, weren’t you? I knew it, I knew it—”

  “You would love that, wouldn’t you, Jase? Sorry to burst your bubble. Es here was getting it on last night with her gym buddy, and now I’m going to make sure she has more fun with him, and you’re going to help me.”

  My eardrums nearly burst as Jase squeals like a girl. He is mine and Ny’s gay best friend and has been trying for months to get me to lighten up and have more fun, in and out of the bedroom. Now I’m in trouble, because once Nyla fills Jase in on last night’s antics at the gym, he isn’t going to let it go. In fact, I wouldn’t put it past him to start attending the damn classes with me now.

  “Esme, I want details, babe. The nitty-gritty. Was it hot, sweaty, and pulsating? What’s his body like? I need to know everything.”

  Looking at Jase, you would think Christmas had come early, he was that excited. I can’t let him down now, can I?

  I chuckle and sit down. He drops down next to me, and Nyla closes the door—this is something I don’t want others in the building to be privy to. By the time I’m done, Jase is fanning his face.

  “My God, Esme. I need to see this guy that has you all wet and tingly.”

  “He does not have me wet and tingly.”

  “Erm, those were your words, not mine. Every time you talk about him you get redder and redder, and you haven’t actually complained about what he did. In fact, by my guess, you enjoyed it. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Esme Lewis wants more. The only problem you have is the other woman you saw him with. That could mean anything or nothing. You gotta ask him, girl.”

  Jase is right. I was annoyed at seeing him walk away with someone else but really didn’t have any right to be annoyed. I can’t help how I feel. But damn it, I want to feel those lips on me again. The way he kissed me had me soaking in seconds and how his body reacted to the kiss meant I affected him too. But I know I can’t just let it happen again. Random hook-ups and kissing guys I don’t know? Nope, definitely not me. Getting to know guys first before I go on dates is me, but when I look back at how that’s worked out, I laugh because it hasn’t worked out at all. I’m twenty-six years old and have had only one serious relationship that lasted all of six months.

  My parents made sure they intervened. My boyfriend knew I was a good girl and that there was no sex before marriage. They even asked his intentions for the future regarding me. Lucas seemed keen at the way my parents were interested in my future until he decided to cheat on me after six months. So, after that, I met guys at Nyla’s place to avoid my parents and the embarrassment of them again, but I still didn’t want to do hook-ups til I got to know them, which never happened. I always felt there was something wrong with me. There must be, as I never seem to get anywhere with guys, so why would Reid be any different? When he finds out that I freak out over noises and random things, he will run for the hills, thinking I’m a crazy bitch.

  Nyla thinks I just need to loosen up a bit and not over think everything when I’m out with a guy, so when Reid kissed me last night, I suppose that wa
s me not over thinking. But it scared me. What if we hadn’t stopped? How far would someone like him go? I mean, how far would I have gone? It was like he had me under a spell. I just melted into him, and it felt right, but it shouldn’t have. He was a stranger, for God’s sake, and I didn’t even flinch. I know I could easily get hurt. I saw how quickly he moved from me to another in a matter of minutes, and I won’t become another notch on his bedpost.

  “Okay, Jase. Yes, I enjoyed it. It felt good to be spontaneous for once and let my guard down. But it also scared me, and I didn’t like that because I won’t be another one of his pawns.”

  Jase laughs at me. “Have you heard yourself? You make it sound like from a kiss you’ll start tearing each other’s clothes off and have mad passionate sex exactly where you’re standing. Oh my God! That’s exactly what you want, you filthy girl. You want to get down and dirty with fighter boy.”

  I feel anger building because I know, deep down, he is right, but I don’t want to admit that.

  “No, Jase. You’re wrong. What I want is to get back work. Now, come on, before we all get into trouble for being missing off the store floor.” I walk out of the room, leaving Nyla and Jase lost for words.

  The rest of the day goes by without another word mentioned about Reid, which suits me just fine. But in the back of my mind, I can’t stop thinking of that damn kiss and what I wanted to happen, and why he walked away so easily with another woman minutes later.

  “Jackass,” I mumble under my breath.

  When we leave work, the weather outside has really picked up, and it’s a lovely warm evening.

  “Who wants to grab some ice cream before heading home? It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

  Nyla seems hesitant about heading home. When I query her about it, she just shrugs me off, so for now, I leave it. The three of us head to Angelo’s as he has the best ice cream around, and we sit outside as it’s so warm. Nyla hasn’t really joined in the conversation, and most of her ice cream has melted.