I walked him out to the Bronco, since he’d been forced to park his bike for the winter.
“See you after work?” Jesse said, curling his arm around my waist and pulling me in close again. He nuzzled his way up my throat.
“Sounds good.”
He grinned down at me, then took my mouth in a breath-stealing kiss. “Don’t want to leave town tomorrow without properly saying goodbye.”
I wanted to ask what he’d be doing, but whenever I’d asked about the things he did for the club, he changed the subject. “You’ll be safe?”
“Always.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know you’re curious, but it’s nothing to worry about. I usually only go away on club business a couple times a year, if I’m lucky. Usually, things are cool, no drama, just working, partying, hanging with my brothers. After this run, things will die back down, okay?”
I nodded. I wasn’t big on secrets. I hated them, in fact. But I was new to this whole biker club thing. And yes, I trusted Jesse, but it didn’t stop me from worrying. “You’re not doing something…illegal, are you?”
His gaze stayed locked on mine. “You don’t have to worry. I promise.”
Not a no. He was avoiding my question.
He kissed me again. “I’ll come around to your place as soon as my last client leaves tonight, yes?” His hand slid down to my butt and he squeezed. “No panties remember. I’m gonna add the ones in my pocket to my collection.”
“What do you mean, collection?”
He chuckled. “I may have picked up another pair a little while ago.”
“What? When?” I all but shrieked.
“From your laundry, the first time you had me over for dinner. Polka dots. Sexy as fuck.”
“Oh my God, I wondered where they went.” My face heated. “Why the hell did you want my underwear?”
His gaze went all dark and dirty. “So I could smell your pussy while I rub one out.”
I went from flushed to nuclear.
Jesse laughed. No, he laughed his ass off.
I slapped his arm, mortified.
“What was I supposed to do?” he said when he pulled himself together.
“Not steal my dirty undies.”
“It wasn’t my fault. You’d just worked me up to the point I thought my dick would snap off. Then I saw them in the bathroom.” He shrugged. “In my defense, I didn’t know they were dirty until I had my dick in my hand and pressed them to my face. It was just dumb awesome luck.”
Now I was getting turned on again. The mental image he created had me clenching my thighs. “You’re a sick man, Jesse Thomas.”
“And you love it,” he said.
I did.
He grinned, seeing it written all over my face. His nostrils flared and he squeezed my butt again. “I need to leave before I take you back inside and fuck you again.”
One hand on my ass, the other cupping my jaw, he laid one on me.
Then his eyes caught mine. “Later, Bambi.”
He sauntered around his truck and climb in and I waved to him as he drove off, then headed back inside.
Thankfully it was nice and warm in here, because the temperature had dropped outside. I quickly disinfected the table, unable to hold back the smile as I did. Then I hustled back to the front. I’d rounded the counter, jiggled the mouse to wake up the ancient computer so I could finish checking in the books that still needed to be put away, when someone walked in.
I glanced up.
The book in my hand dropped, hitting the desk, the sound loud in the silence.
“Hello, Lila.”
“W-what are you doing here, Jarod?” My ex stood inside the door, a wary look on his face.
“Your mother sent me to check on you. You haven’t been answering her calls, she’s worried. I told her I’d talk to you.”
My back straightened and anger shot through me. “My relationship with my mother is none of your business.”
His mouth twisted cruelly. “I’m glad I came. Or I wouldn’t have seen the reason you’ve been distancing yourself from your family.”
Dread shot through me. “You need to leave.”
“You always were a wild one, Lila. I tried to guide you, keep you on the right path, but that wickedness was too strong, even for me.”
My stomach twisted and churned. “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Cussing as well? Your mother won’t be happy.” He slid a hand into his pocket and moved closer.
I stood my ground.
His gaze moved over me as he ran a hand over his hair. I caught site of the purity ring on his finger. He still wore it. He followed my gaze and held up his hand, flashing it to me. “Yes, you tempted me into sin with your shameful lust, Lila, but I still believe in saving myself for my future wife. And what we did, it barely counted…it was nothing.”
He took his shot, trying to hurt me.
Fear over what my mother would do when she heard about me and Jesse, along with anger over Jarod coming here, trying to absolve himself of the part he’d played the night we had sex, had me shaking.
“You’re right, it was nothing,” I said.
His mouth tightened and his nostrils flared. “Are you having sex with that guy, the one I saw you with?”
“That’s none of your damned business.”
“You’ve let him between your thighs, haven’t you? Did you beg him to fuck you like you did me?”
I flinched, noting how his breathing had grown heavier, the hunger in his eyes. He was getting off on this. I glanced down and felt sick to my stomach. He was hard.
“Why did you volunteer to come here, Jarod?”
“Because your mother…”
“Bullshit,” I said, purposely cussing again. What did it matter now, the damage was already done. He’d say what he wanted about me and there was nothing I could do. “You were hoping you’d come here and I’d still want you, didn’t you? That I’d sleep with you, and you could blame me again for tempting you?”
He flushed an ugly crimson. “No…no, that’s not…”
“You’re standing there with an erection, Jarod. Your eyes have barely left my breasts since you walked in.”
He sneered. “What do you expect when you act like a whore? Just how many men have you fucked, Lila?”
I hadn’t given him the reaction he wanted and that pissed him off. “Again, none of your business. But we can definitely scratch you off the list, because honestly, those sad three seconds of you jerking and gasping on top of me, then crying like a baby, were definitely not fucking.”
He advanced, fury in his eyes. “You’re a damned slut. You want it. You wanted me. I’ll give it to you properly this time.”
“No, you won’t,” I said, letting him hear the anger in my voice as I shoved him back.
He flinched, startled, like he truly believed I’d just lie back on the desk and let him have his way with me.
He took another step toward me.
I lifted my hands to ward him off. “If you dare touch me, my boyfriend will beat the shit out of you,” I said, fear pounding through me.
His nostrils flared. “He’s not here.”
“He’s a biker, did you know that? You lay one finger on me, and he’ll hunt you down and kick your ass. I can promise you that. He’s good at hunting people,” I said, shaking harder. “I’ve seen him beat a man bloody. It wasn’t pretty, Jarod. All it takes is one word from me.”
He stood there, breathing hard, red and sweaty and angry as hell. “You did this to me,” he hissed.
“No. You did it to yourself.” I picked up my phone and clicked it on, showing him the screen. I hovered my thumb over Jesse’s name. “Leave or I’ll call. He works just down the street. He can be here in minutes.”
Shaking with rage, Jarod took a step back. “I’ll let your mother know why you’ve been ignoring her. That you’ve turned into a whore just like your sister.” Then he turned and stalked out.
I put down the phone and gripped the edge of th
e desk, fighting back tears.
He was wrong about me, about everything. I knew that, I did. But my parents wouldn’t feel the same way. They would never forgive me after this.
They were terrible parents. The way they’d treated Kate and me wasn’t something I would ever forget. But they were still my parents, and yes, I wanted their approval, despite it all. My ridiculous dreams of being a family again one day, after Jarod spoke to them, would never happen.
I wouldn’t have parents anymore.
And it hurt. It didn’t matter what they’d done to me. It still hurt.
The look on Jarod’s face, the horrible things he’d said echoed through my mind, and that hurt as well. He was nothing to me. But they still cut.
Dread filled me. He’d tell everyone his twisted version of my life, the people from our church, people who I used to think of as friends.
My mother would hate that more than anything. It was only a matter of time before she came for me.
Chapter Seventeen
Jesse
I climbed out of my truck, glad to finally be out of it. I’d been gone four nights and had come straight here when I hit Rocktown. All I wanted was Lila.
Unfortunately, my girl was trying to avoid me.
The lights were on inside. So she wasn’t “busy working” like she’d said. I wasn’t cool with that. I thought we’d finally had some kind of breakthrough, and now she was pulling away. Fuck that.
We’d planned to spend the night together before I left, but she’d canceled on me—Addie had needed her due to some drama. Had that been all bullshit?
I’d been gone longer than I’d planned, tying up the last of the loose ends left by Trip, and the texts, and one call she’d actually answered, hadn’t cut it. Not when all I wanted was to kiss her, touch her, slide inside her and forget all the bullshit I’d had to deal with because of my useless brother.
I knocked on the door.
The relief when it finally opened and she was standing there hit me with force.
Christ, she was beautiful. Lila took my breath away, had from the moment I first saw her.
Her head tilted back, looking up at me, and she pushed her glasses up higher on her nose. “You’re back.”
I walked straight in, kicked the door shut behind me, and backed her up until she was pressed against the wall. “What’s going on, Lila?”
She looked up at me, those gorgeous eyes making my damned heart skip a beat. “What do you mean?”
“The whole time I was away, all I could think about was getting back here to you. I sure as shit didn’t get the goodbye I’d planned. Then I’m finally coming home and you’re busy. Work? Seriously? You telling me there’s some kind of fucking book emergency?”
She blushed.
“You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not.”
“Bambi, you are.” Her breath hitched when I leaned closer, my lips brushing hers. I gripped her hip, soft and round, and tugged her closer. “Talk to me.”
Her eyes slid shut for a moment, then lifted back to mine. I couldn’t read what I saw in them, but I didn’t like it. “Fine,” she burst out. “You’re right, I have been.”
“Talk to me,” I said again. What the hell was going on?
“I don’t want to,” she whispered.
Because I wouldn’t like it. She was worried how I’d react to whatever this was. “Fucking talk to me, Lila.”
She released a shuddery breath. “Fine. The day you left, after you stopped by for lunch…Jarod, my ah, ex-boyfriend, came into the library.”
I froze, my fingers digging deeper. “What did he want?”
“He said he came on my mother’s behalf, but he…” Her gaze slid away. “I…I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” My heart sped up. She was going to dump my ass. She wanted to be with this Jarod asshole and not me. I was going to throw-the-fuck-up.
“Jarod used to say things, he wasn’t always…nice to me.”
Every muscle in my body clenched tight. “He hurt you?”
She shook her head quickly. “Not like that, not the way you’re thinking. But when I saw him, the things he said, what he tried to do, it brought a lot of it back up that I’d tried to bury…”
I gripped her shoulders. “What did he try to do?”
“He called me some names, wanted me to…”
“Tell me.”
“Have sex with him, and I thought for a moment that he might force me.”
The rage that fired through me made it hard to speak, to open my mouth and not lose my shit completely, and the way Lila’s eyes widened, she saw it too. I clenched my jaw tight, trying to breathe through it. What was inside me scared her. And I never wanted to scare her. I’d rather die.
“H-he didn’t touch me, I promise. I threatened him, told him you’d beat him up if he did anything, and he obviously believed me because he left.”
“Give me his name, Lila. His address.”
She jolted. “Why?”
“Why the fuck do you think?”
She shook her head again, almost desperately. “No. It’s over. This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d go after him and then you’d get into trouble. And I knew as soon as I talked to you, saw you, you’d know something was wrong. That I wouldn’t be able to hide it.”
“You don’t need to worry about me; whatever happens, my club has my back. He won’t get away with fucking with you. I plan on teaching that motherfucker a lesson.”
“No,” she said more forcefully. “I mean it. I just want to forget about it.”
I wasn’t letting this go, no fucking way, but she was upset, so I wasn’t leaving her, even to beat the shit out of her ex-boyfriend. Not yet, anyway. I forced myself to calm down, outwardly anyway, and tucked her hair behind her ear. “That’s the reason you were avoiding me?”
She nodded, her face darkening. “I was shaken up after seeing him, and I…I got all in my head. After that guy at the party…the way you went after him…” She looked up at me. “I’m not used to being around…seeing things like that. Your world is so different from mine, and I knew you’d react like you did just now, that you’d want to hit Jarod, too. I got scared. I didn’t want you to do something and get in trouble.”
“You get scared, you talk to me. You don’t hide from me.” I led her to the couch and sat down, lifting her into my lap. “You want this, Bambi? Us?”
Her pretty lashes fluttered. “Yes, of course I do.”
If I hadn’t been sitting, my knees would have given out with relief. She could do a lot better than me, and I kept expecting her to figure that out and dump my ass.
She curled into me, her head on my chest, and I rubbed her back. “Jarod comes from a strict, religious family. My family met his at a church in Spring Haven.”
The prick lived here in Spring Haven. Good to know. I kissed the top of her head, encouraging her to keep talking.
“He was controlling, jealous, but it was always my fault. He…he didn’t believe in sex before marriage. A lot of the youth at the church wore purity rings. We’d done…stuff, of course. But he’d always get angry afterwards. Blame me for tempting him. One night, it went too far. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He pushed inside me before I was ready, no foreplay, and came instantly. It was painful, and humiliating, and he’d been so furious that he’d succumbed to temptation, that I’d made him sin, he lost his temper…”
“He hurt you?” I had to work to control my temper.
“He shoved me away,” she whispered. “I fell over, and he called me a lot of horrible names.”
I was going to end him. “What’s he doing in Rocktown?”
“My parents still go to the same church, are friends with his family. And since I’m not on speaking terms with my parents, he volunteered to come and check up on me.”
I bet he did. “He wanted to fuck you.”
“He hates himself for it, you can see it in his eyes. But he tells himself tha
t I’m provoking him to make it okay.”
“He sounds like a twisted little fuck.”
She nodded. “It took me longer than it should have to see that. I was just trying to please my family. Date the right boy, from the right family, you know? It was a mistake.”
I rubbed her back. “What’s the deal with your folks, Lila?”
She lifted her head, her hands resting on my shoulders. “Kate was a little wild as a teen. She met Eric at high school and got pregnant. My parents kicked her out. That’s when we left Rocktown and moved to Spring Haven. They were…strict with me after that. They spied on me, shamed me, and threatened to kick me out as well to control me. It was…bad. Unbearable, for a lot of years. I’d been so alone, confused. I thought there must be something wrong with me.” Her gaze locked on mine. “When I met you, the way you made me feel, the things I wanted with you, they scared me, but excited me more. It’s been hard forcing the crap my parents put in my head out, learning who the real me is, and sometimes I still don’t know. I’m still learning.”
“Lila.” She was killing me. I tugged her closer.
Her thumb glided over my lower lip.
“When you kissed me that first time by the lake…God, I wanted you, Jesse, so badly. I wanted to be like you. You were so…free. But they were still in my head, my mother calling me horrible names if I did anything she didn’t like, my father warning me not to disgrace the family. The awful things they said when I finally got up the courage and left. Meeting Eves changed my life, and it was through her that I met you. Jesse, you showed me that I shouldn’t feel guilty for taking my life back.” She cupped the side of my face. “I was suffocating with them. I’m not the good girl they tried to force me to be. I never was.”
“Fuck, Bambi…”
“Yes, I was thrown off balance, seeing Jarod again. But I’m okay. I am. When I came to you at your club, what we did that night, it was a…a revelation. What we do together, it’s not wrong or shameful.” She smiled, lips trembling. “It’s…it’s beautiful. God, when I took you in my mouth, the look in your eyes when you stared down at me, I didn’t feel small. I felt sexy. Alive. And when I took you deeper…” She squirmed on my lap. “Your skin flushed and your pulse raced at the base of your throat, and your eyes, they were so full of need. I didn’t feel weak, I felt…powerful.” She licked her lips, her hands moving restlessly on my shoulders. “It was just you and me, Jesse. No shadows from my past. Just us. And it was right.”
Bad For You (Rocktown Ink Book 4) Page 14