You Are the Message

by Roger Ailes

  Control of the atmosphere does not necessarily mean that you do all the talking. In fact, if you learn to ask interesting questions, you can control the topics which are discussed while at the same time opening up the listener and allowing him or her to communicate with you.

  BAR NONE

  Eavesdrop at the bar of any night spot that is popular with single people. You’ll see and hear the difference between control and control of the atmosphere. Off in the corner you may spot a handsome young man who may be alone—relaxed and quiet—or with friends in easy, lighthearted conversation. He is controlling the atmosphere. Some of the women hoping to meet a nice fellow are probably glancing at him. At some point, another handsome young man will come up to the bar. But he’ll try to control the introduction between himself and a young lady. With a cocky air and an arrogant tone of voice, he might use one of those opening lines which young women have told me they’ve heard: “Are you as good as you look?” or “You’ve got thirty seconds to convince me to stay here.”

  People who struggle to control the atmosphere like that never can, much as people who work too hard at trying to be likable usually aren’t. The line of demarcation involves the balance between how you absorb and how you project. If that can sometimes be unclear for you, try this approach: Almost everybody likes a person who is sincerely interested in them and does not dominate the conversation, so start there. A Washington Post reporter once told me that the first time she interviewed Henry Kissinger, he thoroughly disarmed her by smiling warmly and saying, “Before we get to me, why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

  DEPTH CHARGES

  Among many young executives, there is confusion about the use of control in communication. There is a dark side to the very real achievements of some of the young urban professionals or “yuppies” who make up much of the up-and-coming executive corps today. The complaint I hear most often from older executives is that a number of the younger people—particularly the MBAs from the top business schools—are brilliant but smug. They are knowledgeable but are often glib and arrogant. “What’s missing when they communicate with you,” says one of my clients, “is the depth which experience brings to the facts. No one expects young people to be anointed with that special depth at such an early age—but many of them act as if they have it. They lecture you like you’re an idiot.”

  Another client told me, “Some of the whiz kids come across as hard—but without density. Once you get past their analytical, numbers-crunching pyrotechnics and surface bravado, you often find they’re bright but shallow. If they don’t improve their people skills, they’re going to spend their careers alienating others—with disastrous results. The pity is, many of them never understand—or admit—that their insensitive style of communicating is the problem.”

  This obviously isn’t true of all ambitious young people. The classic clash between young and old has gone on for centuries, but I am hearing a growing number of complaints like the ones just mentioned. If you know someone who fits the description, perhaps it’s time for a friendly chat to cool him down.

  It can be a subtle process to communicate effectively when you’re a junior person in the same room with senior executives, but it can be done. If you do it in a way that doesn’t offend your superiors, you will eventually become a senior person. That’s the trick. A lot of it gets back to how people feel about you. They have to be comfortable with you. If you have any doubt about how comfortable you make others feel, be sure to take the self-assessment test at the end of this chapter.

  CLIMATE CONTROL

  Let me describe a situation where it’s the senior person who is in poor control of the atmosphere. Imagine that a boss walks into a conference room. He’s got a frown on his face. The staff sits at attention. The boss, visibly irritated, sits down and demands, “Give me the report from St. Louis.” The whole room is tense. This may be appropriate on occasion. But if he comes in and puts others at ease with a few casual comments or questions, he creates a more comfortable climate and people will respond more openly. That’s really “you are the message” in its simplest form. According to motivational speaker Zig Ziglar, winners are thermostats—they set the right temperature. Losers are thermometers—they go up and down according to conditions they think are outside of their influence.

  UNSPOKEN GIVEAWAYS

  With many people who don’t control the atmosphere, you notice it first nonverbally. They stand up to address a business meeting, and their shoulders hunch and their eyes shift. They look in one of three directions: at the floor, as if hoping an escape hatch will open and swallow them; at the nearest exit, as if wishing to get out fast; or at the ceiling, as if praying for divine guidance. What interferes with the comfortable use of their body is that they become self-conscious because the atmosphere has changed. Originally a part of the group, they’ve separated—physically—and they feel exposed and vulnerable. People who control the atmosphere recognize that moving away from the group actually puts you in a position of leadership. Others are following your moves.

  SPACE AND TIME

  Good communicators control space. It takes time to get control. If you stand up to speak to a group at a meeting, move to the front of the room confidently. Take the home base position, which is with feet balanced about six inches apart. If there is a lectern, rest your hands comfortably on each side of it. Look directly at your audience, and then take a second longer than you think you should to start. Smile as you begin. Remember, smiling is in the brain, not in the facial muscles. Gesture freely, spontaneously, and fully, without planning to “move your arms.” Gesture above the waist so your audience can see your physical expressiveness. Return to home base between gestures. Speak with feeling, from your heart as well as your head. Use a conversational style. Above all, you must believe what you are saying. That’s controlling the atmosphere.

  Good speakers control their rate of speech because they’re comfortable with silence. Most of us are not. We feel pressure to say things as quickly as we can, or we have a rigid, slowed-down process of thinking things through so we don’t make a mistake. Those are two common extremes, and the result is someone who speaks too quickly or someone who speaks too slowly. In fact, free-form phrasing is preferable. Audiences don’t mind watching you think on your feet, as long as you signal that you’re in control of your time and space.

  John Wayne had a great film presence, in part, because of the way he controlled the rate of his speech (time). The Duke described his trademark speech pattern this way: “I cut each sentence in half. I say the first half, stop, then say the second half.” Movie buffs will recall specific lines where that distinctive rhythm helped make Wayne’s delivery so memorable. The point, though, is for all of us to be aware that time (rate of speech, pausing, silence) can be used dynamically when we communicate.

  PLAYING FOR TIME

  Here’s a trick I sometimes use when I give a speech. Someone introduces me and I move to the lectern. There’s a definite time when I should begin speaking. I take one extra beat before beginning. Now the individuals in front of me become an audience because they all are focused on the same thing: When is this guy going to say something? Most speakers rush to the lectern, rustle around with their papers, and never take control of the time or space. They mumble under their breath, “Good evening, it’s nice to be here,” and they never look at their audience. Or they glance up and then right back down to read an introduction. They’re off to a weak and stumbling start.

  SOCIAL SECURITY

  People who control the atmosphere don’t change according to who’s in the room. They are aware of the interests of the audience. But if they’re at Windsor Castle, they don’t grovel before the queen, nor do they talk down to the gardener or shoeshine man. They act comfortably, pretty much the way they would in the living room, no matter who they’re with.

  You can always tell if people are comfortable with their situation and with who they are by noting whether or not they try to adapt to each person
in the room according to his or her social station. People who control the atmosphere don’t act threatened, frightened, or superior. They treat everybody with the same comfort level and the same goodwill.

  Betty White, star of the “Golden Girls” television program, is one of the nicest people in show business. She’s a very private person with a great sense of humor. Essentially she is a very kind, intelligent woman. I first met her twenty-five years ago. She treated everyone—whether it was the prop boy or the executive producers—with the same openness and friendliness. There was never any distinction because somebody was powerful. When I first met her, I was the gofer for “The Mike Douglas Show.” Many stars walked in and gave me orders, like “Get me a cup of coffee.” They reserved their smiles for the more important people. But Betty White took as much time to talk to me as she did to anybody else. A few years later I became a producer, and often when we needed a guest on the show, I’d ask, “Is Betty White available?”

  PULLBACK GESTURES

  It’s also important to have an air of certainty about you in order to control the atmosphere. Use graceful gestures that are in sync with what you’re saying, and move in a gliding motion, rather than clumsily or self-consciously. FDR had great control of the atmosphere, even though he was confined to a wheelchair.

  I believe the way you move has to do with confidence and an inner sense of yourself. For instance, watch people gesture in meetings. Some will make weak or halfhearted gestures, or what I call pullback gestures. They half raise their hand and then pull it back, or they’ll weakly wave a limp hand or finger to get attention. When I see someone move forward with a gesture and then pull it back quickly, that signals to me that this is not a confident person. It’s a subconscious signal to others, and it can kill your control of the atmosphere.

  HAIL AND WELL MEANT

  If you’re committed to what you’re saying, you don’t pull back halfway. It’s like hailing a taxi in New York City. I once heard a woman say that she could tell whether or not she wanted to have a second date with a man by the way he hailed a taxi in New York. This is one instance where there is no way to be too aggressive. She said she once went out with a man who, when he saw a cab, raised his hand weakly and quickly, then pulled it right back, saying, “Taxi?” in a tentative voice. After five or six cabs went by, she pushed him out of the way, moved into the middle of the street, shouted, whistled, flagged down a cab, opened the door, and threw the man in. But that was the last time she ever went out with him. In New York, there’s only one way to do it. You put your hand up forcefully, wave, and yell, “Taxi!”

  We often see someone hesitantly raise a hand, then pull it back. We see people start to speak up and then trail off, or muffle their voices with their hands in front of their faces. That kills the command presence which is part of controlling the atmosphere. Nobody’s going to follow a tentative person. You can be calm, cautious, and deliberate, but not tentative. There’s a certainty to people who control the atmosphere. Whether they’re right or wrong, at least they’re certain; so people follow them. I wouldn’t say it’s essential to move like a boxer or a dancer, but it doesn’t hurt to have that kind of grace. In any case, when you do move, do it with certainty.

  The same thing is true of the eyes, by the way. There are people who will start by saying something very strong and looking right at you, but three words into the sentence, they break eye contact and look at their shoes or out the window. In a tough negotiation, I watch that very carefully. If the other guy can keep looking right at me as he sells his point of view, I know he’s committed to it. He may be right or wrong, but I know he’s someone I have to deal with. He’s formidable. If somebody starts off very aggressively and then backs off with his eye contact or body language, I know I’ve got room to move, to be aggressive myself.

  TEST OF STRENGTH

  So the first part of eliminating uncertainty is to be aware of your feelings. Do I feel strongly about this? Why am I intimidated? Watch yourself on videotape and determine the following: Do I use pullback gestures? Do I lose eye contact in the middle of sentences although I want people to believe I’m committed to what I’m saying? If these are true, then you don’t have control of the atmosphere. Practice maintaining eye contact under stress. Be cool under fire. Practice making your gestures in one direction and holding them, then releasing them gently.

  I can always tell the ones who treat their eye contact and smiles as a form of gamesmanship, because they’re always beaming at me bright-eyed with toothy, pasted-on grins. Somebody told them they should have this very penetrating eye contact, and that’s as wearing as talking with somebody who doesn’t look at you at all. At yuppie cocktail parties, I always catch these young, up-and-coming executives running around giving bone-crushing handshakes while grinning and locking eyes with me. The type of eye contact that’s best is gentle and comfortable, not one that feels forced.

  CONTROL-OF-THE-ATMOSPHERE QUOTIENT

  Let’s step back, as we did before, to take a personal inventory of what it takes to go beyond charisma. Score yourself on your ability to control the atmosphere, from one (“Not true of me at all”) up to five (“Describes me exactly”).

  When I speak to others, I am always in control of:

  • Time (rate of speech, pauses)

  • Space (where and how I move)

  • Eye contact (not just where I look and at whom, but the emotional messages my eyes send)

  • My voice volume, pronunciation, changes in pitch, and tone)

  • My state of mind (calm, happy, upbeat, self-confident)

  • My attitude (unthreatened, open-minded, friendly)

  • The flow of dialogue (I know when and how to insert my ideas and opinions)

  • The absorb-project balance

  • My feelings (I admit them to myself, understand them, and communicate accordingly)

  There are nine questions and a possible forty-five-point perfect score. If you score over thirty-five on this test, you’re doing an excellent job of controlling the atmosphere. A score of twenty-nine to thirty-five, means you’re good. The range of twenty to twenty-eight is average. And below twenty, you are failing at this very important aspect of communications. In our next chapter, we’ll examine the quality that can turn a good communicator into a great one.

  10

  AN OUNCE OF ENERGY IS WORTH A POUND OF TECHNIQUE

  I can correct fifteen communication technique problems with one ounce of energy. It’s so fundamental to success. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you come on like some used-car salesmen, leaping all over people, because that really turns everybody off. With the right kind of energy, you’re absorbing what others are broadcasting to you. You project enthusiasm, and most so-called speech problems clear up automatically. A good communicator’s energy is perceived as “life force,” vitality—an aliveness and vigor exemplified at its best by very good communicators like John F. Kennedy, Lee Iacocca, Elizabeth Dole, the young Muhammad Ali, Ted Koppel, and Barbara Walters. One of the absolute rules for control of the atmosphere is focused energy. Many people have trouble focusing their energy in formal presentations like speeches. Either they are too inhibited to let themselves go, or they overdo it.

  FOCUSED ENERGY

  Properly focused energy comes across as positive, a magnetic intensity, rather than negative, an overwrought intensity. It is an inner flame that we all display when we sincerely believe something and we talk about it. We’re committed. Intuitively we know true energy when we see and hear it in a communicator. It is the energy associated in its most consistent form with Harry Truman, Martin Luther King, and Winston Churchill. We all have known people who radiate this “life force” in abundance. Maybe it’s a parent, a friend, a coach, a teacher, or a member of the clergy. When people with energy speak, or even listen, they don’t display inattention, lack of focus in the eyes, or lack of interest on the face. People in love have energy. People who truly relish their jobs have energy. Communicators with
positive energy are involved with their audience (whether one or a thousand) and their message. Because they believe in what they’re saying, you believe them. You may disagree with them, but you can’t question their conviction. Keep this rule in mind: If you have no energy, you have no audience.

  A NATURAL STATE

  If your energy is up, your rate, volume, and pitch will be appropriate to the communications situation. If you are enthusiastic, if your posture is good, if you’re friendly, and if you’re comfortable, you have the “right” kind of energy. Here’s the good news: We have all demonstrated energy at some time in our lives. At those times, we’ve been excellent communicators. It is a completely natural state. Remember back to a moment when you know you were communicating effectively because you absolutely believed in what you were saying. Remember how you felt? Harness that power and you will be successful at communications.

  When I first started speech coaching I did it the old-fashioned way: with drills and practice on rate, pitch, and volume. My clients made progress, but it was slow and tedious. Today, I do it organically. I work on the energy level of the communicator. Is it appropriate for the situation? What are his goals? What is he trying to say? What does he mean? How does he feel? How much does he care? If he is in touch with these things, his technique will improve quickly and, often, dramatically. Instead of trying to remember several speech variables—like pitch, rate, volume, and gestures—just remember “energy” and all the variables will take care of themselves. I put the letter E in the margin of all my speeches to remind me of energy.