iRobotronic

by Bella Street

  “Do you take anything in yours?”

  He shook his head.

  “Me either.” Olga handed him a mug and sat opposite him in a wing-backed chair. She took a sip, regarding him over the rim of her cup. “So, what is this about?”

  “Have you received any blood work results back yet?”

  “No, it will be a few days yet.”

  Trent cleared his throat. “Okay, um, here's the thing. I'm worried about Seffy...about her mental state.”

  “Hmm. What are her symptoms?”

  “During the day she seems okay, but at night she has nightmares that leave her crying and totally out of it. Sometimes she talks to people only she can see, people who are dead.”

  “How do you know this?”

  Trent returned her steely look. “I just do.”

  She tilted her head, studying him. “She's been through a lot.”

  “I'm aware of that. But maybe there's some kind of help.”

  Olga set her cup on the coffee table. “The compound brought in a neurologist and a psychiatrist for that very reason. She didn't cooperate.”

  Trent tried to suppress a smile. “That sounds like her.”

  “So, what, you're asking about medications?”

  He balanced his mug on his knee. “I don't know. I don't want to see her doped up with pills, but there has to be something that can calm her nightmares and give her a chance to work through everything.”

  “Of course there are sedatives that could ease the worst of her symptoms, but with her apparently changing blood chemistry, any medication could have unpredictable results.”

  He sighed, toying with his cup handle. “So there's nothing then? She's just on her own?”

  Olga leaned back in her chair. “What about friendship? A lot of what she's experienced can be talked through. Things she didn't want to discuss with a professional stranger she might be inclined to confide in a friend.”

  Trent snorted. “I don't think she's talking to her friends much. Apparently when they were drugged they said some pretty harsh things to her. I think it affected who she can confide in.”

  “What about Gareth?”

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “He doesn't seem to be coming through either. Probably has a bug up his ass.”

  Olga sent him a lowering look. “Okay, then, what about you?”

  “I'm trying. That's why I'm here.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it. Trent didn't know what she meant to say, but he was somehow glad she'd reconsidered.

  “I think we should wait until we have blood test results before taking the next step to medication. Until then, just be there for her.”

  Been there. Done that. Trent said thanks and left, leaving his coffee untouched.

  ***

  Gareth smiled when he saw her. “Hey.”

  Seffy smiled back, her anxiety easing a little. “Hey. I was hoping to catch you before you...went anywhere.”

  He opened the door. “Come in.”

  “Are you sure? I'm still under quarantine.”

  “They just don't want you around the regular residents.”

  Seffy wanted to ask if he wanted her...at all. She followed him into his room. When he closed the door and turned to her, she realized his dark hair was damp from a shower. He wore a black shirt and jeans, but was still barefoot. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “No. Have a seat.”

  She had a choice between a chair and the bed. She chose the chair. He sat opposite her on the bed. Now that she had his undivided attention, she choked. How could she just bring up the subject of their troubled relationship out of thin air? Why was it troubled in the first place? She'd never doubted his support before ending up in the compound. And he seemed to be slipping further and further away from her.

  “So what's up?”

  Seffy glanced at her hands, marshaling her courage to just lay it all out. “Gareth, I know we've found ourselves in extraordinary circumstances and that I've made some bad choices in the course of those circumstances, but I really need to know where I stand with you.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean? We're still friends, right?”

  She bit her lip. “Honestly, I'm not even sure of that much.”

  “How can you say that?” His features shifted. “I mean you can't count what happened when me and the girls were being drugged.”

  Can't I? Seffy had been drugged a lot and yet had never turned against her friends. “Fine. Then going on hard logic and not emotion or pharmaceuticals, is there any chance of going back to the way things were?” She released a shaky breath, relieved she'd been able to say the words, but terrified of his answer.

  He seemed to consider his words carefully. “Okay. Let's think where we were before the whole apocalypse thing. We had a very close but basically platonic relationship, right?”

  She nodded.

  “Why do you think that it never went further? Before the blast.”

  Seffy didn't know what to say. She remained silent, hoping he would fill in the blanks.

  “Think about it. We were obviously attracted to each other. Hooking up would seem like the foregone conclusion.”

  Her pulse jumped.

  “I made a few overtures, but you didn't respond.”

  “Overtures?”

  “Well, maybe I wasn't as obvious as I thought.”

  Her face grew hot. Is it possible my wishful thinking was based on more than just longing?

  “But I was fooling myself that we'd ever have a future together. What's happened here has only confirmed that.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but shut it with a snap.

  His shoulders tensed. “I think there's just too much water under the bridge for us to get beyond it.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say there wasn't too much water under the bridge for Alternate Gareth. “Oh.”

  What else could she say? Apparently Gareth wasn't willing to let go of the past and give her another chance. But she also realized she was the one who'd made the choices—mostly—in the first place.

  “And that's damaged even our previous relationship. I don't think we ever can go back to the way things were.”

  Seffy's brain raced through the implications. “I don't understand. Aside from the blast, what really changed? Are you still mad about the directors? About Clay? Is that the water under the bridge?”

  His face hardened. “Yeah, Seffy. It is.”

  She gulped. Well, I wanted to know. I just didn't realize it would hurt this bad.

  “The thing is, well, there's no way to say this without offending you.”

  She clasped her hands together in her lap. “Just say it.”

  He glanced down. “I think I was over-optimistic about your state of mind.”

  A feeling of dread crept into her heart. “What do you mean?”

  Gareth gazed at her with a solemn expression. “You're broken, Seffy.”

  She froze. Broken?

  “After...the event...”

  What event? Seffy's hand began to shake as she pressed it to her forehead. Broken? Isn't that what Verity said before the blast?

  “I did my best to protect you, but I couldn't mend what happened. I could only help hold you together for a little while.”

  She stared at him, unable to believe his words.

  “We've pretended things were okay for too long. We were fooling ourselves. Since we got here, you've been going downhill even faster, but I didn't want to believe you were taking that path.”

  “Taking what path?”

  He dipped his head. “It's like you can't help finding your way to destruction. I mean, think about it. You allow strangers to...to...”

  All she could do is shake her head in denial and blink away the heat behind her eyes. “There was no actual allowing, Gareth.”

  “You need help,” he said curtly. “And I'm not the one who can give it.”

  “You're the only one,” she said, her voic
e cracking.

  “It's like you're someone else, Sef. I don't even know who you are anymore.”

  She wondered how such cold words could come from the warmest person she knew. “I'm just the same old me,” she whispered.

  “Then maybe we should've had this talk sooner.”

  So this is what rejection without hope feels like. Seffy stared down at her white knuckles, faint with the pain of heartbreak. “When I was back in L.A, I saw you there.”

  “You told me that.”

  “But I left something out.” She raised her eyes to his. “You told me that I was the only girl you'd ever really love.”

  He lifted his chin slightly. “Sef, honestly I'm starting to think all that happened in your mind. It was a construct you created to deal with disappointment—”

  She caught her breath. “Oh, it happened Gareth. Trust me, I was there holding your dead body in my arms.”

  “I know it felt real.”

  Fury eclipsed despair. “You know what else felt real? A bullet to my shoulder, a slash to my back. Tell me that's a construct.”

  “Those wounds could've been self-inflicted. Or maybe you were pretending to be hurt. And we know from experience that pretending is what you do when you can't deal.”

  Seffy jumped up, her heart twisting at his words. “You're the one who's not right in the head. You watched me disappear from the computer lab, right?”

  He rubbed his forehead. “I don't know what I saw. There was a disorienting, noisy burst of light, almost like a magnesium flash used in magic tricks. Maybe you ducked out of the room at just the right moment.”

  “So not only am I 'broken' but I'm a liar, too? You are sitting in 1980!”

  “Look, I don't know what or who to believe around here.”

  Her bottom lip trembled. “So all the torture, terror, abandonment by my friends is just a figment of my imagination?”

  “Seffy, here's what I do know. I love you...like a sister. And if you were my sister, I'd tell you to get help. I think...I think you're becoming psychotic.”

  She stared at him in shock.

  Maybe the only way Gareth would realize he loved her was if she died. That's how it happened in the tangent world. There she'd been gunned down in what was thought to be random gang violence. Here, he knew she was in danger and yet, he was taking a step back. She focused on him once more. “Will you cry at my funeral?”

  He furrowed his brows. “What?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  He held up his hands, his expression reflecting confirmation of his suspicions. “Of course I would be upset if something happened to you. Don't be dramatic.”

  Seffy stared at his soft brown eyes, recalling the sweetness of his lips. And suddenly she remembered the dream about him in the snow. Forcing the image from her mind, she sent him a tight smile and got up to leave. She'd wanted to know.

  Now she did.

  He stood too, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I'm sorry, Sef. I really am.”

  “I asked for your honesty, so...yeah.” She went to the door and grabbed the knob.

  He walked over and reached out to hug her but she avoided the contact. She didn't want any more sympathy hugs. She had a perfectly glorious embrace from Tangent Gareth. That was the one she wanted to remember.

  He sighed. “Now you're mad at me.”

  She shook her head. “That's not it. This is just a formality, because we've already said goodbye.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Trent found Seffy's friends in the cafeteria. He'd wondered if she'd somehow managed to skirt the quarantine. But she wasn't there. Gareth sat pushing his food around on a plate but not eating and Jared was telling him some unfunny joke. Cynthia and Eva were chatting with Addison and Lani about nail polish.

  Trent was suddenly furious that they were allowed to talk about something so shallow in light of their circumstances.

  So where was Seffy? Not in her room. Not in the cafeteria. There were guards posted and she didn't know the wall passages enough to try to get out on her own.

  “Hey, what happened to your face?” Jared asked, staring at him while chewing his food.

  Everyone but Gareth stopped to look at him.

  Trent sent them a disinterested look. “Ran into a door.”

  “What are you doing here?” Cynthia asked. “You never eat with us anymore.”

  “I thought you'd want to know I was over my sickness.”

  Lani sat up. “You were sick?”

  “Maybe if you showed your face a little more we could keep up with you,” Addison said, her brows arched.

  “Don't want to see Trent's face,” Gareth said under his breath.

  “So where's your other friend?”

  Addison narrowed her green eyes. “Do you mean Seffy?”

  “Duh.”

  “Haven't you heard?” Eva said, snickering. “She's been quarantined again. I think she's just trying to get attention.”

  Cynthia bent her head close to Eva. “I know, right?”

  Lani sent the girls a frown. “She's not trying to get attention. There's really something wrong with her.”

  Gareth stabbed his food with a fork, then shoved his plate away.

  “Like what?” Trent asked, noting each person's expression.

  “She's a mental case,” Jared said.

  “Shut up,” Gareth said.

  “Hey, I heard you say it yourself.”

  “Mind your own business!”

  “But, it's true, right?” Eva said, tilting her head.

  Trent stuck his hand in his pocket. “If it's mental, why would she be under quarantine? Isn't that just for physical sickness?”

  “Why do you care?” Gareth said, his eyes cold.

  “Hey, I just noticed she wasn't here. I thought you guys were always together. What do you call yourselves—the Apocalypse Babes?” He bit back a smirk.

  “We'd be with her but...” Lani began, but glancing at Gareth, she faltered.

  Addison sent her a warning look. Gareth's face reddened and he looked away.

  Trent's mind grappled with the ramifications. If Seffy was upset, she'd be tempted to bolt. She couldn't get outside or to Olga's. Then again, look what happened to her last time—she'd managed to get into a locked and bolted hallway.

  Suddenly it dawned on him. The Light Room.

  He turned to leave.

  “Hey,” Cynthia said. “Aren't you going to eat with us?”

  Trent surveyed the group and snorted. “I've lost my appetite.”

  He went to his room first and looked for the flashlight. It was gone, which probably meant she took it. Trent went to the nearest supply closet and found another flashlight. Checking the batteries, he went back to his room and climbed up into the ceiling.

  He didn't find her. The Light Room was empty. A low grade panic set in. He left the space, wondering where he should try next.

  A loud clatter made him jump. It sounded like something heavy hit metal. Trent cast his beam down the branching hallways. “Is someone up here?”

  “Trent?”

  His heart lurched into gear. It was Seffy, though her voice sounded far away. “Where are you?”

  Several seconds went by before she answered, her voice cracked. “Lost.”

  “Okay, keep talking, and I'll follow the sound of your voice.”

  She just said blah blah blah over and over which gave him some insight into her state of mind. Trent found her lying on her back on a piece of plywood, holding the obviously dead flashlight to her chest. He looked down on her and smiled. “Are you all right?”

  She sighed. “Remember the part where I said I was lost? So, no, I'm not all right.”

  He coaxed her into a sitting position. “Were you trying to get to the Light Room?”

  She nodded, brushing cobwebs from her jeans. “I don't think I have any sense of direction.”

  Trent checked his watch. “How long have you been up here?”

  “Sin
ce about nine.”

  He stared at the pale oval of her face in the wavering, industrial shadows. “Three hours?”

  Her eyes widened. “Is that all?”

  “God, Seffy.”

  “Don't worry, I didn't start foaming at the mouth or anything.” She looked down at the flashlight. “When the batteries went dead, I decided to stay put, hoping you would come looking for me.”

  “What if I didn't?”

  “Uh, I didn't have a Plan B.”

  “Well, lucky for you, I needed your makeup skills again so I came looking. My bruise actually looks worse today.”

  She touched the side of his face, her fingers cool. “That means it's getting better.”

  “When I couldn't find you in your room, I went to the cafeteria.”

  “You know I can't go there,” she said, tucking her hand in her lap.

  “I didn't have a lot of options. Your friends were there. Gareth was sure in a bad mood.”

  Seffy's face flushed deep red at the mention of his name, so his suspicions were confirmed.

  “Can we go now?”

  “To the Light Room or back to your room?”

  She bit her lip. “Are we far from the Light Room?”

  “Not really. You were almost there, you just took the wrong turn and found a dead end.”

  “That about sums it up for me.”

  Her tired voice made him pat her shoulder. “C'mon, let's go find some sunlight.”

  ***

  Ten minutes later, they entered the space. It wasn't as bright as he remembered.

  “Looks like it's overcast,” he said, popping the latch. The air that rushed into the room was cool. He looked over at Seffy, who sat cross legged under the window, her head tilted up to catch the light. That's when he noticed her lashes were wet and spiky. What had gone on between her and Gareth?

  When she caught him staring, she grimaced. “What?”

  He shrugged and sat next to her on the blanket, absorbing what little sunlight leaked into the room.

  “Well,” she said, sending him a wan smile. “Thanks for coming to look for me.”

  He scooted closer to her. “Are you sure you're okay?”

  She stared at him, frowning. “Why wouldn't I be?”

  “Well, it seems like it'd be scary to be lost in a maze of attic crawlspaces with no light for three hours, but maybe that's just me.”