Craving Redemption: Forbidden Series #4

by Lorraine, Tracy

  “Yeah, and I’d appreciate it if you didn't break it.”

  Laughing at the two of them, I buckle myself in and sit back. My head’s still feeling a little weird, but I’m hopeful some fast food will sort me right out.

  We all meet for burgers before heading towards the bowling alley. I’ve no idea why Ben decided on this. I haven’t been since I was a kid, and that was only for friends’ birthday parties. Sadly, this kind of thing wasn't an everyday occurrence for my family.

  Ben and Lauren bicker as they put everyone’s names into the little computer ready for our game to start, while Joe finds all the heavy balls to show off with. Rolling my eyes at him, I allow Trey to pull me down onto the bench beside him.

  “I can't remember the last time I did this.”

  “Me either. It should be fun.”

  “You don’t look like you mean that.”

  Plastering a smile on my face, I look up at him. His brows are drawn together in concern as his eyes flit all over me, trying to find what might be wrong. “I do. I think I’ve just eaten too much,” I say as my stomach turns over once again. The burger and chips might have been a little too much after only eating a few biscuits all day.

  “Okay,” he says, although he doesn’t look like he means it. “If you need to leave, just say.”

  “I’m good, I promise.”

  I manage to do my first couple of throws fine, although I totally miss each time—unlike Trey who, after only the first round, was already topping the leader board. It seems he might have a hidden talent for bowling.

  My body temperature suddenly spikes and my mouth waters like I’m going to throw up. I suck in a deep breath and fan my hand in front of me.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  “No, no. I’m having fun.” My argument is weak at best. The only thing I want to do right now is curl up in my bed but I don’t want to let anyone down.

  “It wasn’t a question.”

  Trey stands and says something to Ben and Lauren who both turn to me, concern written all over their faces. They smile, but they’re nowhere near genuine. I can only imagine how bad I must be looking.

  I’m pulled up against Trey’s side and, after saying quick goodbyes to everyone, we change back into our shoes and head out towards his car.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper once he’s backing out of the space.

  “Don’t be silly. You’re ill. Everyone can see that.”

  “Brilliant,” I mutter, a humourless laugh falling from my lips.

  “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You look as beautiful as ever.”

  I scoff at his comment but don’t respond. Instead, I rest my head back and will my stomach to settle.

  “What are you doing?” I ask when Trey pulls the car to a stop out the front of a row of shops.

  “Do you need anything?”

  “Sleep.”

  “Okay, wait here.”

  I don’t get a chance to demand that he stays put and just drives me home, because he’s out of the car and marching towards the shop doors before I have a chance to think.

  He’s not gone all that long. I watch his every movement as his long, denim-clad legs carry him back towards me. I run my eyes up the fitted t-shirt that shows off his sculpted muscles beneath and, despite feeling like shit, tingles erupt between my legs at just the sight alone.

  “Here,” he says, dropping into the driver’s seat and passing me a bag.

  “What’s this?”

  “A few things to make you feel better.”

  Opening the bag, I stare down at the contents. Instantly, my eyes fill with tears and emotion burns my throat.

  “You—” I don't manage to get any more words out, the giant lump clogging my throat stopping me.

  “I what?” Trey starts the engine before turning to look at me. “Shit, what’s wrong?”

  Fighting against the emotions warring inside me, I swallow and force out some words. “You bought all this for me?” My voice is barely above a whisper, and it gives away everything I’m feeling.

  “Yeah, I wanted to do something to make you feel better. Is that…okay?” He hesitates as my first tears fall. Dragging my eyes from his, I look back down into the bag. There’s some medicine to settle my stomach and some painkillers, but it’s the giant bar of chocolate, tub of ice cream, bottle of bubble bath and candles that do me in.

  A sob rumbles up my throat and I’m powerless to stop the tears that follow.

  “Fuck, I was only trying to do something nice. I can take it all back?”

  “No, no,” I manage through my sobs. “These are happy tears.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. This is just…it’s everything.”

  “It’s just a few things from the corner shop. I didn't exactly go to a lot of effort.”

  “Effort doesn’t matter, Trey. It’s the thought behind it. That’s…well, it’s more than I’ve ever had.”

  His face hardens and I kick myself for once again revealing a part of my past I’d rather no one knows about.

  “Erica,” he breathes, reaching over and taking my hand in one of his and wiping my tears away with the other. “You deserve so much more than what you’ve had in the past. Let me in, let me show you how it should be.”

  My tears almost immediately dry at his words, at his demand for me to drop the walls I’ve spent so many years painstakingly constructing.

  Shaking my head, I watch as his features darken with disappointment. “I can’t,” I whisper, ripping my eyes from his and staring at the dark night surrounding us.

  My stomach turns over, but this time it’s not with whatever bug I’ve picked up, it’s with the regret that floods me the second those two words leave my lips.

  Trey deserves more than me. He deserves someone who can allow him into her life, to show him exactly who she is. Tears burn again, but this time I fight like hell to stop them from dropping.

  I don’t register any of the trip home. The next thing I know, Trey’s warm palm lands on my thigh, and when I look up I find that we’re parked in front of our building.

  “How are you feeling?”

  Numb. “A little better, thank you.”

  The genuine concern on his face has my heart aching. I so badly want this thing between us to be something. I’ve refused to allow myself to fantasize about it for fear of it not happening, but little thoughts about him being the one for me keep creeping their way in.

  “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

  He has my door open and my hand in his before I get a chance to think about it. He leads me up to my flat and takes the keys from my hand once I’ve dug them out of my bag.

  He doesn’t once let go of my other hand, and the second we’re inside with the door shut he pulls me up against his chest.

  His thumb brushes my cheek and he tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “What do you need?”

  Well, if that isn’t a loaded question. I have a million answers on the tip of my tongue.

  I swallow them all down and squeak out a safe one. “A bath.”

  “You go and get sorted and I’ll run it for you.”

  I stop when I get to my room and watch as he continues down the hall to the main bathroom.

  Chewing on my bottom lip, I wonder what it would be like to let him in. To tell him all my dark secrets that I keep locked away from everyone.

  He must feel my stare because when he gets to the door, he stops and looks over his shoulder. The intensity in his eyes makes my breath catch. Where I’m doing my best to hide what he does to me, how he feels is written all over his face.

  Maybe trusting him wouldn't be so bad.

  * * *

  “That was quick,” Trey says, poking his head around my bedroom door after I’ve finished my bath.

  “I got a little hot,” I lie. In reality, I just hated being in there alone while he was sitting on my sofa, but I daren’t tell him that I missed him. That’s crazy.

  “Feeli
ng any better?”

  “I am, actually. I might give that ice cream a try.”

  “You must be feeling better,” he says with a laugh as I follow him out to the living room. “Sit down. I’ll get it for you.”

  Relaxing on the sofa while he crashes around in the kitchen feels surreal. Since the day Sam and I moved out of our family home, I’ve only ever looked after myself.

  “I’m assuming you want the tub?”

  “How else would I eat it?”

  “Here.” He passes the tub and a spoon to me as he falls down beside me with his own.

  “Uh…what are you doing?” I ask when he moves to take some ice cream.

  “I was going to have some. Am I not allowed?”

  “How much do you know about women?”

  “Not enough, apparently. So…I can’t have any?”

  “Just because you were really sweet and got it for me, I’ll allow it. But,” I say in a rush, “not too much.”

  A wide smile spreads across his face as he digs in.

  “Whoa, whoa, I said not too much.” My eyes almost pop out of my head when I take in the giant lump of ice cream on his spoon.

  “This is it. The rest is yours.”

  The second his lips wrap around the spoon, I forget all about sharing ice cream. He knows I’m watching and makes a show of licking the spoon clean and ensuring his moan of pleasure is loud enough to hit exactly where he intends. My thighs clench and suddenly the only thing I’m interested in having in my mouth is him.

  “So your sister’s getting married.” I get whiplash at his sudden change of topic. My brows draw together in confusion until he helps me out. “The invite is on the front of your fridge.”

  “Oh right, yeah. It feels like she’s been planning it forever. I can’t believe it’s almost here.” I shovel a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, my eyes flutter shut and a moan rumbles up my throat as the sweet creaminess melts on my tongue.

  Trey shifts in his seat beside me and I look over, a smug smile on my lips.

  “What about your family?” Somehow I’ve revealed much more than I intended to with his visit to the care home car park and knowing a little about my sister.

  “Um…” he mumbles as he continues his attempt to get comfortable, “my parents both retired and moved out to the Cotswolds a few years ago, and my older brother is an investment banker, total workaholic.”

  “Is he married?”

  “He has been,” he says with a chuckle. “She was just after his money. It didn't last long.”

  The conversation flows easily between us as we both reveal little bits of our lives. Trey seems totally relaxed as he tells me about his childhood and his career, whereas my muscles lock up tight every time he asks me a question.

  “What about your dad?”

  “He’s gone. Walked out years ago.” I don’t intend on explaining any more, but when he turns his eyes on me the words just keep flowing. “He wasn’t a nice man. He controlled every aspect of our lives and kept Mum in line with his harsh, belittling words. Life at home was never great, but when I was nine, it all went downhill.

  “I came home from a friend’s house earlier than planned and walked in on Dad with another woman. Everything got a whole lot worse after that. He blackmailed me, told me no one would ever believe a child, that they would all think I was a liar because he loved my mother—that’s what the outside world thought, anyway. He never physically hurt any of us that I’m aware of, although if he stuck around any longer I’m sure it would have happened. He was a monster, and only the beginning of a long line of them.” I regret the final words the second they slip out, but it’s too late now. Although he’s never said anything about the reason behind the business’ failings and how I played a part in it, I’m under no illusion he must know what went on between Nick and me. “I told myself I’d never be that weak again. After being used and abused more times than I can count, I told myself I’d give up on men. And then…”

  “Here I am.”

  “Here you are.” I put the empty ice cream tub and spoon down on the coffee table and Trey takes my hand, stopping me from getting up and instead turning me towards him.

  I keep my eyes down, too afraid of what he’ll see in them after my little trip down memory lane.

  “Look at me,” he demands, and just like the little girl who followed all her daddy’s orders, I look up, immediately finding his eyes.

  “I’m not like them.” His palm cups my cheek as he stares deep into my eyes, willing me to believe him.

  “Everyone wants something,” I whisper, hating that I sound so vulnerable.

  “I do want something, Erica.” My breath catches at his admission. “I want you.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  When I wake the next morning it’s with Trey’s arm laying heavily across my waist and his breath tickling down my neck.

  “Morning.” His deep, rough voice has tingles erupting in all the right places. I grind my arse back into him and he groans. “As much as I’d love that, I’ve got an early meeting to get to.”

  “You should have woken me earlier.”

  “You’re ill. I wanted you to sleep.”

  I pout as I continue to rub up against him. He soon reacts. I’m flipped onto my back and my bottom lip is sucked into his mouth.

  “Ow,” I complain when he bites down.

  “Punishment for teasing me,” he says with a cheeky smile and a wink when he pulls back. “I really need to go.”

  Standing, I watch as he stretches and turns towards me. My eyes run over his exposed skin and down to the very obvious tent in his boxers.

  “I could be real quick.”

  “I don't want to enjoy you quickly, Erica. I want to savour ever minute.” Lust shoots through me but he stands by his words and turns towards his discarded clothes.

  I sit myself up against the headboard with the intention of watching his muscles ripple beneath his skin as he dresses, but the moment I move, my stomach turns over.

  Holding my breath, I will it to disappear before he turns and notices.

  “I’ll make it up to you tonight,” he promises as he turns back toward me. “On second thoughts, maybe you should call in sick.”

  “I can’t, I’ve got too much to do.”

  “You’re better off here if you’re ill.”

  I shrug off his concerns and, after a chaste kiss, I send him on his way. It’s only once he’s gone that I appreciate how terrible I feel. I probably should call in, but I still feel like I’ve got so much to prove, so instead I shove to my feet and push through the sick feeling turning in my stomach.

  * * *

  “You missed a fucking awesome night, E. You should have—fuck.”

  I’ve no idea what comes over me, but the second Ben turns to look at me, I burst into tears. “What’s wrong?” He walks over, throws his arms around me and pulls me against him. It only makes me cry harder, but I’ve no idea why. I’m not a crier. I’ve perfected the art of putting on a brave face and battling my way through.

  This. Is. Not. Me.

  He doesn’t let up until I’ve got my breathing under control, but even then he hardly releases his hold as he pulls back to look at me. “What’s wrong? Has Trey done something?” Anger twitches at the sides of his lips and the muscle in his neck pulses.

  “What? No, no, Trey’s not done anything. He’s good, really good, actually.”

  “So what’s wrong? The last woman I knew who burst into tears like that was pre—” The look of pure horror on my face is enough to cut off that final word, but I hear it loud and clear. His arms release me and I stumble backwards, my chest heaving.

  “Fuck.”

  “Erica?”

  My trembling hand comes up to cover my mouth as I think back over the previous few days. The sick feeling, the light-headedness. When was my last period exactly? I rack my brain but come up empty.

  “No, no. I can’t be. I’m on the pill. It’s just a bug.”

&nbs
p; “Stranger things have happened.”

  “Fuck.” Resting my palms on the counter, I drag in a few deep breaths. This cannot be happening.

  “Why don’t you take the day off? Go figure out what’s going on. Get some rest, you look exhausted. I’m sure Lauren would come if you want some company.”

  “No, it’s fine. I think I need to do this alone.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.” Glancing over my shoulder at his concerned face, my heart drops. I hate being a disappointment. “Please don’t shut us out, Erica. We’re here to help you.”

  “I know, and I promise I won’t. This is just something that I need to get my head around myself first, if it even is a thing.” Even as I say the words, I know I’m only lying to myself. How I didn’t suspect anything before now is beyond me. All the signs have been there. If I’d just pulled my head out of my arse and used my brain instead of pining after Trey like a love-sick teenager, I might have seen this coming.

  “Call us if you need anything,” Ben shouts as I get to the door.

  Looking back over my shoulder, I manage a weak smile before turning back the way I came only minutes ago. I grab my bag from where I dropped it on my desk and walk straight out.

  Lauren’s walking around the side of the house as I leave, but I don’t acknowledge her. I don’t need to. Ben will tell her everything in about thirty seconds, I’m sure.

  I should probably call a taxi—it will get me where I need to be faster—but at no point do I reach into my bag for my phone. Instead, I just keep walking. I walk, feeling totally numb and utterly stupid for being so blindsided by this. I’m an intelligent woman. It should not have taken my male best friend to point this out to me.

  By the time I stumble across a chemist, I’ve convinced myself that this is all one big joke. So what, I’m a little emotional? It doesn’t have to mean anything.

  I can’t look at the cashier as she scans the test and asks me if I want a bag. I decline the offer and shove the box straight into my handbag—out of sight, out of mind. I throw some cash at her and get the hell out before anyone sees me.