I don’t spot her until she’s carrying a tray toward a table in the cafeteria at lunch. Ignoring the guys around me, I push from my seat and head over.
“Rae.” She stills at the sound of my voice but refuses to turn. Instead, she lowers her tray to the empty table in front of her and sits, never once even glancing over her shoulder at me.
Dropping down beside her, I wait to see if she’ll even acknowledge she has company. “Rae, I’m sorry. I—”
“Not fucking interested,” she barks, staring down at her plate and poking at a fry. “What the fuck are you even doing here? I’d thought you’d be too ashamed to be seen with me.”
“I didn’t mean it. I’m not—”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have fucking said it, eh?” She finally turns her dark stare on me and my breath catches when I find tears pooling in her eyes.
Fuck. My chest aches and my hand twitches to reach out to touch her, to do anything to show her that I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, that I didn’t really mean any of the fucked-up things I’ve said and done to her since she arrived here. With that, she stands, snatches her uneaten food up and dumps it in the trash on the way out. She passes Camila and Amalie, who don’t have a choice but to stand aside. They look to her before their eyes find me. Both sets narrow slightly before they turn on their heels and follow her.
“Fucking hell,” I shout, causing a few others to look my way. “What?” I bark, getting up and storming from the cafeteria.
I head straight for the gym, ignoring anyone who calls out to me as I pass. The only person’s voice I want to hear just ran away from me as fast as she could. Rightly so. I’m just surprised that her lunch made it to the trash and didn’t end up on my head. It’s what I deserve. I know that.
I go straight for the weight bench and lie down, ready to distract myself with the burning of my muscles. I wrap my fingers around the cool metal bar, but at the last second, I release it knowing that I’ll never forgive myself if I push too hard and fuck up tonight. There’s too much riding on it.
“Fuck,” I shout, my voice echoing around the empty room.
I pull my cell from my pocket and find her name. I want to call her, demand she tells me where she is so I can find her and ensure she listens to me, but I know it’s pointless. Even if she agreed, I have a feeling that Amalie and Camila wouldn’t let me within a mile of her right now. They want me to talk to her, sure. But not when we’re both this angry.
Instead, I find someone else’s number and hit call.
“Ethan?”
“Mom.” My voice breaks, and her gasp of shock sounds out loud and clear. “I’ve fucked up.” It’s painful to admit, but I need to get it out.
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“The girl I mentioned. She’s her daughter.” Mom’s breath catches once again, telling me she knows who I mean. “I’ve… I’ve done some stuff that I’m really ashamed of. But I was so fucking mad. So fucking angry for how he treated you, then he had the gall to move them in and I made her the target of all my hate. It was wrong, and fucked-up, and… and… fuck.” I drop my head into my hands as memories of all the despicable things I’ve done and said to her play out in my mind.
“Ethan,” she says softly, dragging me from my turmoil. “It’s going to be okay. The most important thing is that you know you were wrong. You can only right something if you truly accept you made a mistake in the first place.”
“She’s never going to forgive me… and…” I trail off, not knowing if I should, or even can, voice the next bit.
“And what, sweetheart?”
“I… I need her.” My voice is barely a whisper, the honesty behind my words slamming me in the chest and making it hard to breathe.
“You’ve really fallen for her, huh?”
“I know it’s wrong, but… fuck.” The image of her laid out naked on her bed before me fills my mind. “She’s never going to forgive me. And she shouldn’t. I… I…” I can’t even bring myself to say the words out loud for what I fear I did that night. “She’s got a rough past, and the way I’ve acted toward her. How I’ve treated her. I… I think I’ve…” My chest heaves as I fight to drag in the air I need.
“Ethan. Ethan. Just breathe,” Mom says softly. “Calm down. Take a moment and tell me as much as you like. I’m your mom. Judgment free zone here, remember?” It’s the same thing she’s said to me time and time again over the years when I fuck up. And I know it’s true. She’s never judged me when I’ve made a mistake. She’s only ever listened and supported me. And fuck if that’s not exactly what I need right now.
I squeeze my eyes shut, blocking out everything around me and force the words out. “I think I might have forced myself on her.”
The halt in Mom’s breathing shatters me. I hate that I’ve shocked her, that she’s now going to think differently of me. That I could be that kind of man.
“Okay, start from the beginning. Tell me everything.”
And so I do. Much to her horror, I’m sure. I explain about how I’ve treated her, what I’ve made her do. I hold nothing back, including what I know about her past.
“I wish you’d have told me this when you were here,” Mom says when I’ve eventually finished.
“I-I just couldn’t,” I admit. The only reason I can now is because I’m on the phone. It makes it just that little bit easier to handle.
“I understand. You need to talk to her. Not in the middle of school, or before tonight’s game. You need her to be somewhere she feels comfortable, safe, and you need to listen to her. I mean really listen to her. There’s a very good chance that a lot of this isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
“And what if it is?” I ask, terrified of what the reality could be.
“We’ll deal with that when we get to it. But the facts remain that she’s done nothing to show that she thinks you did anything wrong. She could have reported you. This could be a bigger issue than what it appears to be right now.”
I blow out a long breath I didn’t know I was holding, because she’s right. If I really did force her that night, she would’ve have told someone. Reported it. I’d have been hauled off in the back of a cop car by now and questioned.
“I know it’s hard, but focus on the game. It’s only hours away. Do what you need to do. Take the win. Then go and find your girl and get everything out on the table.”
“Okay.” I nod, her words settling into me. I can do that.
“And Ethan?” she quickly adds. “Don’t pussyfoot around how you feel. If you’re falling for her, then damn well tell her.”
“Okay. Okay.” My heart pounds at the thought, but I know she’s right. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Always, sweetheart. I’m always here, no matter how many miles are between us right now.”
“I miss you,” I admit. I’ve already laid my heart and fears on the line, I may as well be totally honest.
“I know. I miss you too.”
We say an emotional goodbye before I fall back onto the bench once again and allow my eyes to close as I think about everything she just said to me.
34
Raelynn
“Jesus, it’s even quieter than two weeks ago,” I complain as we look around at the empty diner. “Guess I’ll make the most of the time.” I pull a couple of books from my bag and hop up onto one of the stools at the counter to get some work done. “Chocolate milkshake would be a real treat right now,” I say, glancing at Cody.
“Guess I’ve got nothing else to do,” he mutters before disappearing back to the kitchen.
I sigh and flip my book open. Half of the town has headed to Thunder Valley to watch the Bears thrash the Bobcats, and those who’ve not gone apparently don’t care for a night out.
Five minutes later, Cody places my drink in front of me. “Thank you,” I mumble. Lifting my eyes from my chemistry book, I find a somber look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling guilty that I didn’t notice h
is mood before.
“Nothing.” He grabs a cloth and starts cleaning down the already spotless counters.
“Cody?”
He blows out a breath. “I’ve just got a date after work. I’m… uh…”
“Wait. Are you nervous?”
He stills and looks up at me. “I’ve been chasing her for a while. I didn’t think she’d ever say yes.”
My heart swells for the sweet guy before me.
“Why don’t you get out of here and head home to get ready?”
“No, no. I can’t leave—”
“Of course you can. We haven’t had a customer for thirty minutes. We’re hardly going to get a mad rush this time of night. Harry is in the kitchen. I’ll be fine.”
His eyes flick to the door and then back to me. He really wants to do as I suggest, but being the good guy he is, he doesn’t want to leave me alone.
“I’ll be fine. Go and make yourself sexy.”
His chin drops. “You mean I’m not always sexy?”
Laughing at him, I shoo him toward where his stuff is and watch when he returns with it a few moments later.
“Call me if you have any issues,” he says, stopping by where I’m still sitting.
“I will,” I promise, but like fuck do I mean it. I’m more than capable of closing this empty diner up for the night.
“Thank you.”
“Have a good night. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He looks back over his shoulder and laughs before pushing through the door. I hope the woman he’s meeting knows how lucky she is.
As expected, the rest of my shift is dead. Even Harry comes out from the kitchen to sit with me when he gets bored of sorting shit out back.
“This is bullshit,” he complains.
“I think we call it a night. No one’s going to turn up now, seems like a waste of both of our lives being here.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more. If we close now, I might get home in time to put my kids to bed.”
Smiling at him, I jump up. “Let’s do this then. You get your stuff and go. I’ll cash out and then head home.”
“I can stay.”
“No, no. I insist. Your kids will love it.” His wide smile as he thinks about them only goes to prove that I’m right.
He helps me sort some closing duties out before I walk with him to the main door with the intention of locking up behind him, putting tonight’s measly takings in the safe and heading home myself.
As I stand in the doorway, the moon sits high in the sky and the light reflects in the inky black ocean below. I blow out a breath as I stand there for a few moments, allowing the serenity to seep into me. It was raining earlier in the day, and the scent from that downpour mixes with the fresh sea air. There might be so many things about this place that haven’t been all that welcoming since I stepped foot in town, but being down here by the sea, I feel more at home than I can remember feeling in any of our previous places.
I take a step back inside, reaching out to pull the door closed behind me when it happens. A body, dressed head to toe in black, slams into me, sending me careening back into the diner. I slide across the tiles before crashing into one of the booths. My head hits the corner of the wooden benching and my vision blurs from the impact.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I will myself to focus, to try to figure out what the hell to do. Loud footsteps get closer, and I fight to keep my breathing steady. I don’t want to show whoever this motherfucker is that I’m scared. I can only assume that he’s been watching and now knows I’m alone. Fucking pussy.
Dragging my eyelids open, the bright lights above burn, making the place of impact on the back of my head pound.
He’s right in front of me, crouched down by my side, but all I can see is his eyes. The rest of him is covered in black fabric, hiding his identity.
“Give me whatever cash is in this place and I’ll have no reason to hurt you, princess.” His voice is low and calculating.
I scramble to sit so I’m not in such a vulnerable position.
“Fuck you,” I spit.
His eyes crinkle at the sides, making me assume that a smile is currently playing on his lips.
“Oh you’re going to regret that.”
He reaches behind him and my heart jumps in my chest before he reveals what I was dreading. The spotlights above reflect off the glistening metal of the gun as he moves it toward my head.
My mouth goes dry as he presses it to my temple. Leaning in, his eyes run over every inch of my face. He’s looking for my fear, but like fuck am I going to give it to him. I jut my chin out.
“Now… where were we?” The cold metal presses harder into my skin, and I fight not to react. “Oh yes, you were going to direct me to the safe and open the motherfucker for me.”
I allow him to lift me when he fists my shirt and drags me from the floor. Although he doesn’t lift me enough to be able to find my footing. He pulls to the back as I kick and fight behind him.
When we get to Bill’s office, he throws me down on the floor, my shoulder smarting when it hits the tiles.
“Open it.” The gun in his hand is still trained on my head, but his eyes flick to where the safe is.
“I can’t.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me.”
“I-I’m not.” I hate that my voice wavers. It only serves to tell him one of two things. One, I’m scared. And two, I’m lying. Neither of which I want him to know.
“Liar,” he bellows.
I don’t get to argue my case any more. He steps up to me, his arm lifting before the gun connects with the side of my face. My head snaps to the side with the force, the entire right side instantly burning up. Something cool trickles down and drips from my chin, but I refuse to look to see the blood soaking into my white shirt.
“Now. Open it.”
“No.”
“You’re a real fucking stupid bitch, you know that?”
His gun lifts once more, and, only two seconds later, pain like I’ve never known explodes in my skull and blackness claims me.
I tell myself to fight. I keep my eyes open, but I have no chance.
35
Ethan
“Holy fucking shit, that was something fucking else,” Jake practically squeals as we bound into the Bobcats visitors’ locker room that we’d overtaken for the evening. I can only imagine that the atmosphere in their own is very different, seeing as we just carved them up and served them to their own home supporters.
“Fucking finals, baby,” someone calls before Jake is pounced on by almost all of the team as chants and cheers echo in the room around us.
“Cheer the fuck up, dickhead. We’ve made it.” Mason’s arm wraps around my shoulder as we watch the scene playing out in front of us. It’s basically just a pile of Bears rolling around on the floor.
“You’re gonna be with us, aren’t you?” I ask, turning to look at him.
Hope shines in his eyes. “I really fucking hope so, bro. The doctors aren’t all that happy, but I’ll do anything to be on that fucking field with you guys as we win this thing.”
“Too fucking right,” I shout, and his eyes light up that I’m getting in the spirit of things. “Right, you winning motherfuckers, get your asses up. We’ve got a party waiting for us,” I holler and watch as players begin climbing off of Jake, who’s trapped at the bottom of the pile.
“Cheers,” he mutters when I reach a hand out to pull him up. The wide smile on his face is contagious, and I pull him straight into me and slam my fist down on his back.
“We’re so fucking close, man. How’re you feeling?”
“I can’t even…” He shakes his head, a delighted laugh falling from his lips. “Fuck, I really fucking need Brit. Right the fuck now.”
“Get your horny ass in the shower and you’ll be inside her in no time.” I push him in the direction of the showers and Mason trails behind us, not wanting to miss any of this.
I was half expecting Amalie and Camila to be wai
ting for us and to have to come up with some bullshit excuse as to why the five of us weren’t getting the team bus back, but when we eventually emerge from the locker room neither of them are in sight.
“Where are your girls?” I ask as we find seats on the bus, ready for the journey back.
“They’re meeting us at your place. Insisted we celebrate as a team.”
“Fair enough. Hey,” I shout to the rest of the guys once they’re on board. “Anyone manage to smuggle any beer on this piece of shit?”
A few call back that it was my job before Coach stands from his seat. “Savage, get control of yourself. You’ve all got one more game. One more game to focus on, and that’s what I need. Keep your eyes on that motherfucking trophy and not a can of beer or some skirt. Can you lot do that for me for two fucking weeks?” A series of ‘yes, Coach’ sounds out despite the fact that the entire team is about to descend on my house for the party of all parties.
A pang hits me in the chest that this is going to be the last post-game party I’m going to hold. Shane’s dad announced at the beginning of the season that, should we make it to the state finals, he was holding that party. And with his experience in the NFL and his reputation, no one could really argue with him.
Leaning forward, I hit Shane upside the head. “I hope you’re ready for what’s going to descend on your house in two weeks.”
He turns to look at me, something haunting in his eyes. “It ain’t my fucking house. These guys can do whatever, it was Dad’s dumb shit idea.”
“Okaaay,” I mutter. Shane and I still haven’t discussed that phone call. I was expecting him to accost me when I got home, but he just nodded, gave me the smallest hint of a smile and carried on with his life. It was fucking weird, but then that’s Shane in a nutshell. I’ve never been able to figure that motherfucker out.
The drive back is long as fuck as all of us crave alcohol and girls. Jake is antsy as fuck to get his hands on Amalie, and I can’t say I blame him. If I had someone as hot as her waiting to celebrate with me then I’d be impatient as fuck too.
SAVAGE: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rosewood High Book 3) Page 26