After a little hesitation, they leave.
“What the fuck is Shane even doing here?”
“He was helping us look for the two of you last night. He’s not the dick you guys think he is, you know. I’d kinda hoped that now it’s been proved he had nothing to do with all that shit before that you’d all give him the benefit of the doubt.” The reference to Chelsea has me wondering once again how she is and when she’s going to reappear.
Not being able to argue with them after he did call me with her concerns about Rae, I shut up, sit down, and take a sip of my cold coffee. “Ugh, that’s shit.”
The girls make me a fresh one before sitting down opposite me.
“So…” Amalie starts.
“So?” I snark back.
“You’re an even bigger fucking idiot than I thought you were.” I open my mouth to respond, but Amalie continues. “She likes you, Ethan. Fuck knows why, but she does.”
“Oh yeah, that’s why she freaked out this morning.” I roll my eyes at both of them.
“It was probably exactly that. You’re… you’re a lot to take at the best of times. After what she’d just been through, I’m sure her head was all fucked-up. Just give her some time. Be there for her like you were last night. Show her the real you, yeah?”
“We know you like her too, and we also know you’re scared,” Camila adds.
“Who are you, fucking Oprah or some shit?”
“No, I’m just someone who’s been watching this all play out. Give. Her. Time.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Tough. If you think she’s worth it, then you’re going to have to wait. And no, contrary to your beliefs, I’m sure it won’t fall off through lack of use.” Camila flicks her eyes down to my crotch and lifts a brow. “So how about you try to act like the kind of guy she deserves while you wait, eh?”
“You two are a pain in the fucking ass, you know that, right?”
They both smile innocently. “Now, we’re going to make her a coffee and go and make sure she’s okay. You go hang with the guys. Soak up their advice, although, you might want to ignore most of it. And like we said, give her time. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
I watch as they make Rae and themselves a coffee and leave me with their words spinning around in my head.
After a few minutes, I wander through the house to find the guys. I hear them before I see them in my home gym.
“The girls chewed you up and spat you out, huh?”
“Something like that,” I mutter, sitting on the weight bench.
Jake brings the treadmill to a stop, Mason leans back against the bike while Shane looks totally out of place in the corner.
“You want her?”
I nod at the three of them, no point denying it now. They all know the truth anyway.
“Then you need to fucking show her, bro. Stake your claim.”
“But the girls said—”
“Fuck the girls. We got them, didn’t we? You want her to believe how you feel, fucking show her.”
“How?”
“Fuck knows. You’re Ethan Savage. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
38
Raelynn
I’d been expecting the knock at my door since the moment I shut it. The only thing I wasn’t sure of was who’d be on the other side. I’d hoped that Ethan got the message this morning that I needed some space, but he’s never exactly been one to figure shit out that easily.
Last night was a mistake. I never should have allowed him to take me to that hotel. I never should have been alone with him. Because now? Now all I want is him. More of his touch, more of his kisses. Just more of him, full stop. I feel like a fucking junkie craving my next hit, and just as much as that shit is bad for you, I know sure as hell that Ethan fucking Savage is bad for me too. He sees me as a plaything. He’s made that more than obvious in the past, and just because he whispered some sweet words to me last night and looked after me, it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t all one big fat lie just to make me trust him. If I trust him, if I let him in even more than he already is, then he will have the power to truly shatter me. And I already know I won’t survive it. One man has already tried his best to ruin my life. I will never give another that kind of power, no matter how fucking good he looks with bubbles running down his naked skin or how skilled he is with his fingers. My thighs clench as I remember what he did to me in the bathtub last night. But I soon chastise myself for putting myself in the position in the first place. It’s what he wants. He wants to play me.
The knock comes again, only this time it’s followed up with a soft female voice and words I can’t ignore.
“We’ve got coffee.”
“Fuck’s sake.”
I pull the door open to find two smiling faces looking back at me, although I don’t miss the concern in their eyes. I fucking hate it. It reminds me of the looks I got from the officers and the social workers after Mom came home early that night and discovered what was really going on under her roof.
I shudder at the thought and accept the steaming mug when they pass it over to me.
I stand back and they walk inside. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. We just wanted to see if you wanted or needed anything and then we’ll get out of your hair.”
“I really appreciate that,” I say, taking a cautious sip of my coffee.
I turn my back on them and walk out to the balcony assuming they’ll follow. And they do.
We make ourselves comfortable before the low rumble of male voices sounds out below us as the guys make themselves at home on the loungers around the pool.
“I don’t know what you did to him, girl. But he’s a fucking mess right now.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Yeah, you did. You showed him that for the first time in his life he can’t have exactly what he wants. And it’s exactly what he needs.”
“He doesn’t want me. He just wants to hurt me. Prove that he’s better, stronger, more powerful.”
“You really believe that?”
I shrug, his sweet words from last night coming back to me. “I have no idea what I believe right now,” I admit. “Last night was… fuck. It was fucking scary. But I shouldn’t have called him to come and help. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You were thinking that he’d look after you in the way only he can. You knew he’d be there in a heartbeat, because beneath all his hard, outer shell is a huge teddy bear who just wants to care for someone and be cared about in return. You knew he’d be mortified if you turned to someone other than him. You knew—”
“I get it,” I say, cutting her off, unable to hear any more. Her words are cutting too close to the truth, and it’s freaking me out.
“He’s been a wanker. We all know this,” Amalie says. “But he really likes you, Rae. Now, all you’ve got to do is decide if you’re willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he’s worth it.”
“I think he is,” I whisper so quietly I don’t think they hear.
“I fucking knew it,” Camila squeals, a huge smile curling at her lips. Amalie shakes her head and laughs at her friend.
“We’ve told him to back off, but—”
“Ethan doesn’t do what he’s told,” I interrupt.
They both laugh. “Exactly. None of those three do things how they’re meant to be done.” They both look over the railing at their guys, soft, happy smiles appearing on their faces.
“Ugh, you guys are sickening.”
“You can join us. It’s not such a bad place to be.”
“What’s the story with Shane?” I ask after a few moments of silence.
“Honestly, he’s a good guy. But as for what he’s up to, suddenly hanging with the team and wanting to get involved in stuff he’s always run a mile from… we’ve no idea.”
“Probably a girl.”
“Ha,” Camila barks. “Maybe he’s hoping to steal you from under Jake’s feet.�
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“I think he’s well aware that won’t be happening.”
“Yeah, could be fun to watch though.”
“Nah, it’s something else.”
They chat away for a while longer before I start yawning. “We should leave you to rest. Call us if you need anything, even if it’s just to put Ethan on a leash.”
“I can handle Ethan.”
“Oh we know, girl. We know.” Camila winks. “Just… make him work for it before you decide to give him a chance.”
“Do you not know me at all?”
They both laugh before saying their goodbyes.
I stay where I am for a while and watch as they approach their guys, who both make space for them on their loungers and immediately wrap their arms around them.
Ethan’s face, however, drops before he looks up toward my room. His body stills when he finds me staring back at him and his chin drops, his eyes lightening a little with hope.
I stand with his eyes burning into me and shake my head slowly. His shoulders drop once more before I turn my back on him and walk into my room, shutting the door behind me so I don’t risk overhearing them talking because I would put money on my name being featured more than once.
Leaving my now empty mug on the side, I walk through to my bathroom with the intention of having a shower before attempting to get some sleep. I know I was supposed to stay awake last night just in case, but it didn’t matter what I’d been through and how exhausted I was, at no point did I switch off. With him beside me, I just couldn’t relax. It wasn’t because I was afraid of him or what he might do, more that I was scared of myself and what I might do. He laid there quite happily in just a pair of boxers, his torso exposed from the waist, his muscles and tanned skin ready for the taking, and fuck if the only thing I could think about was climbing over his body. Those kinds of thoughts should have been the last thing on my mind after the night I’d had, but I couldn’t help it. As my frustration grew, so did my doubt about everything he’d told me. My exhausted brain told me that I was imagining things and that he wasn’t really that gentle with me, that he didn’t whisper the things he did in my ear, that he didn’t touch me so delicately and lovingly.
He’d told me that he wasn’t going to fall asleep so that he could check on me, but that didn’t last very long. It couldn’t have been an hour after I pretended to fall asleep that he started snoring lightly. I was tempted to get up and leave then, but I knew he’d freak out in the morning and that kind of drama wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t until he turned his panicked eyes on me when the sun had risen that I realized I should have done exactly that. The look on his face, the openness, the honesty, the hope, it ripped me wide open and terrified me more than I think I ever have been in my life.
My heart races once again as I think back. I think it was the hope that really did me in. It told me how serious he was about the things he’d said to me about how he really felt, and I panicked.
I have a quick shower. I can’t remember if I’m allowed to with my stitches, but there’s no way I’m not washing my hair. Ethan attempted it last night, but warm water wasn’t much of a match for the dried blood clinging to my hair. I carefully shampoo, making sure I avoid the wound. I immediately feel better knowing that my hair is clean. I have no idea what I’m going to do about my patch that’s missing, because I’m certainly not wearing it down to hide it.
Your hair is so beautiful, princess.
His words hit me all of a sudden, and my knees buckle. Thankfully, I manage to catch myself before I end up in a pile on the floor. I tell myself it’s a sign that I need some sleep and turn the shower off.
I dry off quickly, my headache that’s been throbbing away nicely all morning starting to get the better of me, and I pull on a pair of panties and a tank ready to dive under the covers and hope sleep will claim me now I’m back in my own bed alone.
I just pull the covers back to get in when a knock sounds out. I know who it is, and it’s not just because the girls said they’d leave me to rest. I feel it. The chemistry, the connection, even with the door between us.
Knowing that he’s not going to leave until I answer, I walk over to the door and pull it open. His eyes find mine for a few seconds and my breath catches at the emotion swimming in them before they drop and take in my body.
A shudder runs down my spine and my nipples instantly pebble under his scrutiny. He growls, clearly not missing my response to him just standing there.
“D-did you want something?” I hate that my voice wavers, but I can’t help the effect he has on me.
“Y-you… uh… left these in the hotel. I thought you might need them.” He lifts up the white bag containing my painkillers, and the increasing throb in my head suddenly makes so much sense. It was hours ago I last took some.
“Oh, yeah. Thank you.” I take them from him, my fingers brushing lightly against his, causing sparks to shoot up my arm. He must feel it too, because his eyes widen and he takes the smallest step toward me.
He hesitates, unsure what my reaction will be. His hand lifts, but he never closes the space between us, and whatever it is he sees in my eyes must tell him to back off because his hand never touches me.
“Rae,” he breathes. I hate that my eyes fill with moisture at the broken tone to his voice. “W-what happened this morning?”
“I came to my senses.”
He blows out a breath. “Baby, everything I said to you yesterday was true. You’re fucking killing me right now.”
I still at his admission, and he uses the opportunity to wrap his hand around the back of my neck and drop his forehead to mine. His eyes stay on mine and I fight to hold his stare. I’m so desperate to close mine so he can’t read the truth in them about how I really feel.
“Just give me a chance. Let me show you how it can be.”
“I-I can’t. You don’t want me. You just don’t want anyone else to have me.”
“Fuck, Rae. I want you so fucking bad. Any way I can have you.”
I shake my head against his. “No. No, you don’t. I’m sorry.” I stand back and briefly look at his defeated stance before I close the door. He has to take a step back for me to fully close it, and he refuses.
“P-please. Leave it open. I need to know you’re okay.”
I don’t have the energy to argue, so I do as he says and silently walk over to my bed and climb in. I know he’s still watching me, but I refuse to look his way. If I do, it would mean he’s seeing the fact that I’m on the verge of breaking down. He saw me broken last night. That was enough.
I keep my back to him and focus on my breathing, hoping it’ll relax me enough to send me to sleep. By some miracle, it works, because everything fades away.
When I wake, I’m totally disorientated. Sitting up, my head spins before the incessant banging makes itself known. Everything hits me all at once as I squeeze my eyes shut in the hope of blocking it all out. Sadly it doesn’t work. Looking to my nightstand, I find my tablets where I left them, but beside them is a new glass of water. I try to convince myself that it was Rachel, but I know it’s pointless because it was obviously him making sure I’m okay.
I make use of it to swallow down two tablets before making my way to the bathroom on unsteady legs.
I’ve no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been asleep, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been anywhere near long enough. My stomach grumbles as I sit on the toilet, staring at the wall in a total daze. I haven’t eaten anything aside from a bit of fruit in the hotel room yesterday… shit, was that yesterday?
I find my cell the second I get out of the bathroom and discover it’s early evening. I slept for longer than I thought.
I put it back in my purse and go to grab something to cover up with when some red fabric folded at the bottom of my bed catches my eye. It’s Ethan’s Bears jersey, but a different one than the one I stole yesterday seeing as that’s in the laundry.
Reaching out, I lift it and bring it to my nose. Breathing in, I
allow my eyes to flicker closed as his scent surrounds me. Something within me settles, and I don’t even bother to push it down like I usually would.
Slipping the fabric over my head, I very gently run my fingers through my now dry hair and head for the door.
The house is in silence apart from someone rustling around in the kitchen when I get there.
“Rae, there you are,” Rachel’s soft voice says when I join her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” I admit honestly for the first time since the incident.
“Have a seat.” She pulls a chair out for me and I immediately fall into it. “Would you like a drink, food…”
“Yes and yes. As long as you don’t mind. I’m more than cap—”
“I’d love to.” She squeezes my shoulder gently and walks to the coffee machine. “Ethan told me what happened. That must have been terrifying.”
“Yeah, it was.” Although not as terrifying as what happened after in that hotel room. Just at the mention of his name, my heart begins to race. I know I was the one to send him away, but fuck if I couldn’t do with being in his arms again like last night. Tears burn my eyes as I think back before I shake my head, feeling like an emotional rollercoaster. It must be the head trauma that’s causing it, I tell myself, nothing to do with the man himself. “Uh… where is he? Um… Ethan?”
“Said he was going for a swim, so probably in the pool. What would you like to eat?”
My stomach rumbles right on cue. “I know it’s evening, but any chance of breakfast?” I ask, suddenly wanting her incredible pancakes.
“Sure thing. Pancakes?”
“Please.”
I watch her putter around as she effortlessly makes me some food while trying to keep thoughts of Ethan in the pool from my mind.
“Here you go, sweetie.”
“Thank you. Do you mind if I take them up to my room?”
“Of course not. Just shout if you need anything, I won’t be far away.”
“Thank you.” My voice cracks as tears well in my eyes once more. What the hell is wrong with me?
SAVAGE: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rosewood High Book 3) Page 30