Grabbing the comforter from the bed and dragging it out to the balcony with me, I wrap myself up to keep warm and sit in the seat closest to the edge. I know I shouldn’t, but I’m a glutton for punishment. Before looking over the edge, I start work on my plate that’s overloaded with pancakes, bacon, and syrup. Exactly what I need.
The water splashes below, and eventually get too much and shift in my seat so I can watch his body cut through the water. He moves so flawlessly as he swims back and forth. I have no idea how he continues for so long, but I’m not complaining. Watching him is almost therapeutic.
I lose count of how many lengths he does, but eventually he comes to a stop and hops over the little underwater wall that separates the main pool from the jacuzzi, and he rests his head back against the tiles behind him.
He shuts his eyes, but he doesn’t look relaxed at all. It’s clear to see from here that the muscles in his neck and shoulders are pulled tight and he seems to have a permanent frown on his face.
I continue watching him as the sun descends in the sky as the day I’ve totally missed comes to an end.
I have no idea if he can sense I’m watching him, but when he eventually drags his eyes open, they lock straight onto mine. I still think that he knew I was here all along. It makes me wonder if he feels the same tingles of awareness that I do when he’s watching me.
Lifting his arms to rest them on the edge, I can’t help but think he’s inviting me to join him. But as much as I’d love to, I sit exactly where I am. Our silent exchange continues for some time as we stay locked in our stare. He’s begging me to believe him, and I’m trying to keep my walls up in an attempt to stop him from hurting me, although I know it’s pointless. I’m pretty sure he’s going to smash them down and force his way in eventually.
When my eyes start to get heavy once again. I give him a weak smile before standing with my comforter around me and head back inside, but it’s not before I hear a loud splash behind me.
39
Ethan
My hand slaps the water in frustration. I’m desperate to go up there and pull her into my arms like I did last night to ensure she’s safe, but I know she won’t allow it. I understand her wanting to keep me at arm’s length. Hell, if she were anyone else, I’d be warning her away from me as well. But she’s not anyone else. She’s mine.
My heart thuds at that thought. Is she, though? Because she seems to be doing everything in her power to stop that from happening.
Frustrated with myself, I push from the water and head inside.
“Would you like some dinner? I just made Rae pancakes and there’s some batter left.”
“No, I’m good. Thank you, though,” I say to Rachel as I pass the kitchen. Could I eat? Yeah, I can always eat, but there’s something I want more, and I need to see what she’s doing.
I’ve no idea if she’s sleeping, but I make sure I’m quiet as I make my way to her bedroom just in case. I can’t help smiling when I find her door open, just like I left it earlier so I could check on her. Maybe she is softening to me after all, because not so long ago, if I asked her to do this, she’d have thrown it back in my face.
I push the door wider and poke my head inside. She’s facing away as I walk into the room, but I make quick work of rounding her bed so I can see her. I half expect her to look at me and rip me a new one, much like I did every time I came in here to check on her earlier, but to my surprise, she’s asleep once again.
It’s dark out now, but I close the curtains she left open and flick off the sidelight so it doesn’t disturb her. I desperately want to pull the covers back and slide in, but the scent of chlorine on my body stops me. Not for long though.
After having the quickest shower of my life, I walk straight back into her room and lie down with her. My need to be close and to make sure she’s okay is too much to deny. There’s a very good chance she’ll wake up and freak out, but as I lie there listening to her shallow breathing and being surrounded by her sweet scent, I couldn’t care less.
She’s still out when I stir awake the next morning to head for practice with the guys. I’m not sure what Jake is trying to achieve, but with both him and Coach riding our asses, half the team is going to be dead by Friday. I quickly shut off my cell alarm when it starts blaring, not wanting it to wake her. After everything she’s been through, she deserves this time to recharge.
With a gentle kiss to her head, I slip out of her room unnoticed and get ready.
I’m the last one out on to the field, and I get a dirty look from Jake for being late. He soon puts it to one side when Mason asks how Rae is.
“I left her sleeping.”
Mason’s brow rises. “And you know that how?”
“That’s enough, girls. There’s plenty of time for gossip later. We’ve got shit to do,” Jake barks, totally focused on the job at hand. He shouts orders for everyone to start warming up, and, like a good little team, everyone hops to it, despite it being the ass crack of Sunday morning and really, we should all still be in bed.
Mason strips his hoodie off and joins me as we start sprints. It’s the first time I’ve seen him join in since his accident.
“Bro, tell me you’ve been given the all clear to play?”
“Not officially, but I’m not missing it for the fucking world, so I need to get back into shape.”
We set off again, and although he covers it well. I still see the pain etched onto his features. I want to tell him that he’s pushing too hard and he should still be healing, but I know it’s pointless, and I also know that if it were me in his position I’d be doing the same right now, so I can hardly criticize.
We continue until we’ve got sweat pouring from us and the sun has long risen above the horizon. My muscles ache, not helped by my lack of sleep the last few nights, and my lungs burn as I drag in the air I need.
“All right, ladies. Let’s call it a day.”
“Thank fuck for that,” Mason moans beside me with his hands on his knees. “Are you trying to fucking kill me, Thorn?”
“No, but I want you on that fucking field next Friday. And I know all your asses are going to eat your own fucking body weight in turkey on Thursday so I’m planning ahead.”
A series of groans sound out behind me before Jake suggests we all head for breakfast.
“Aces?” Mason asks with trepidation. “Are they open?”
“As far as I know. Let’s go check.”
We all head off in various cars before descending on Bill. It is open, but it’s quiet, and Bill looks a hell of a lot more stressed than usual.
“Savage?” he calls the second I step into the diner. I nod my chin in greeting and walk over while the guys make themselves at home in our booth.
“How is she? I tried calling, but she’s not answering her phone.”
“She’s okay.”
He blows out a shaky breath. “She shouldn't have been alone. I should have been here. I should have—”
“It wasn’t your fault. The others should have still been here, but I understand more than most just how stubborn she is, so I get why they left. Stop beating yourself up about it, there’s nothing you could have done.”
“But she’s really okay?”
“Yeah, it’ll take more than a knock to the head to take her out.”
He chuckles, but he’s far from amused. “I bought her a bunch of flowers and some chocolates on the way in this morning. You think you could take them home for her?”
“You should do it. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
“Um…” he says awkwardly.
“I can do it. I’ll come and grab them before we leave.”
“Thank you. I trust you’re looking after your girl.”
“I’m trying, Bill. I’m fucking trying.” He laughs again, but I can’t find it in me to do so. How does everyone already know that she belongs to me? It’s about time she got the fucking memo.
40
Raelynn
Stretching
out my legs, I roll over and pull my eyes open. I’m shocked to see a huge bunch of flowers on my dresser. It’s not the sort of thing I’m used to, and all they do is remind me of what happened. I yawn and stretch out my sore body, I’m not sure I’ve ever slept quite so hard in my life. My head still hurts, but it’s nothing compared to the last time I woke.
I lie there, memories of my dreams fading, feeling embarrassed that I dreamt of him. That he was here. That he crawled into bed with me and pulled my body to his and whispered sweet things in my ear.
Sitting up, I look to the other side of the bed and my body stills. There’s an obvious head dent in the pillow, and the covers are a mess.
Holy shit. Was it a dream?
My heart starts to race as I try to distinguish what was dream and what was real, but I’ve got no clue.
There’s once again a fresh glass of water on my nightstand beside my painkillers. Reaching for it all, I swallow two before my being awake makes the pain worse and I curl back into the warmth of my bed, not ready to emerge into the real world yet.
I think back over yesterday and the way Jake laid into Ethan, thinking that he did this to me. I’ve never had anyone stand up for me like that before, and to his best friend as well. The feelings it drags up unnerve me, but it also makes me wonder if Ethan’s friends really have accepted me here. If Amalie and Camila don’t just spend time with me because they feel they have to but because they actually want to. Do I actually have friends?
Before I lose my confidence, I climb out of bed and find my purse. My cell is right at the bottom, the battery about to die. Plugging it into the charger beside my bed, I unlock it and find voicemails, missed calls, and messages from Mom, dozens of missed calls from Bill, and a long stream of messages from Cody trying to find out if I’m okay. I feel bad that I’ve not responded, but I wasn’t really in the mood for talking to anyone.
Ignoring them for now, I open up the group chat the girls started that I thought I was just included in to make me feel wanted, and, for the first time, I start a conversation.
Rae: Are you free? Could do with some company.
My heart thunders in my chest as I wait for a sign that either of them are replying. It only takes a few seconds before a message pops up.
Amalie: Free as a bird. Jake’s out putting the guys through their paces.
Camila: Yes! What do you want to do?
Seeing as I’m breaking down all kinds of barriers, I reply with the one thing I never ever thought I would suggest, but with a slight tremble to my hands, I go for it.
Rae: I need to chill out. Forget all the bullshit. You guys know of a spa that will have us last minute?
Little dots bounce for longer than last time, and the longer the responses take the more I regret the suggestion.
Amalie: Hell yes! I’ve just booked us in. I’ll leave the house to pick you both up in 30.
Camila: Yesssssss!
The smile that breaks across my face is so wide and genuine that it actually makes my cheeks hurt. Could this place that I hated so much when I first arrived actually be my first real home?
I think about Amalie and Camila, and then I force myself to consider the possibility of Ethan and the things he’s said to me recently being true. Could this place really be it for me? Could I have a life and a future here?
With an extra spring in my step, I find some clothes and have a very quick shower to fully wake me up before packing a bag and heading downstairs.
The house is in silence, and I love it. Pulling the front door open, I breathe in the scent of the fresh sea morning air, and I sit in the swing seat and wait.
Grabbing my cell, I hit call on Mom’s number. Rachel and Ethan have dealt with her so far, so she’s probably going out of her mind not speaking to me in person.
“Raelynn, thank goodness,” she breathes the second the call connects. “How are you? We’ve tried to get back, but we haven’t been able to get on an earlier flight.”
“I’m fine, Mom. It’s nothing.”
“It is not nothing, honey. Ethan told me everything, he sounded so concerned.”
“Well, he doesn’t need to be. I’m fine.”
Silence fills the line and I begin to dread what she’s going to say next. “Um… Eric said…” She trails off, and my frustration gets the better of me.
“What, Mom?”
“Eric said that Ethan mentioned…”
My eyes roll so hard at her avoidance of whatever she has to say that it makes my head hurt.
“What?” I snap.
“Is something going on with the two of you?” My breathing catches and my cheeks heat, knowing that there’s no way she’ll have missed it. “It’s totally fine if it is. You’re both adults now and…”
“Mom, stop rambling.”
“I’m sorry, I just hate being so far away when something so awful has happened.”
“I’m fine,” I repeat for what feels like the millionth time. “Ethan’s looked after me. I couldn’t—”
“Aw,” she says. “And to think I thought you hated each other.”
“Oh, I do. He’s a total asshole.”
She laughs. “Honey, if I’ve learned anything from all my disastrous relationships, it’s that if you feel that strongly for someone then they’re most probably worth it.”
I mull her words over in my mind for a few seconds before a question falls from my lips that I wasn’t intending to ask. “So if something were to happen, that would be okay?”
“Oh, honey. You don’t need my permission, you know that. If you’ve found someone who’s managed to weasel his way into your heart, then I already know he’s worth it.” I nod as her words settle. “I know I’ve not really been around since we moved, but even from a distance, I can tell the change in you. And the fact that you’re letting people in after all this time… well.” Her voice cracks. “It makes me hope I haven’t totally screwed you up with everything I’ve put you through.”
I laugh at her. “We can only hope, eh?” As I say that, Amalie’s car pulls into the driveway. “Mom, I’ve got to go. I’m going to a spa with the girls.” The words feel foreign as they leave my mouth, but they also feel right.
Mom squeals on the other end, delighted that I’m doing something so normal. “Have a great time. I want to hear all about it when I get back.”
“Will do, Mom.”
I hang up and make my way over toward Amalie’s car, sliding into the passenger seat when Camila climbs in the back to save me doing so.
“So not that I’m complaining one bit, but what’s this all about?”
“Just really needed to get out and chill out.”
“Ethan that annoying?” Camila asks with a laugh.
I’m silent for a few seconds, and it’s just enough time for them to jump to conclusions. “Oh my god, something’s happened, hasn’t it?” Amalie asks excitedly.
“No, no. I mean, yeah, I’m pretty sure he slept in my bed last night to make sure I was okay, but he’d left before I woke.”
“And if he hadn’t?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
I can tell myself all I like that he’s playing me and that I need to stay as far away as possible, but having his hot body for the taking beside me, could I have walked away? I really have no idea.
“You so need to go for it with him,” Camila encourages.
“Give her a break, Cami. You’ll do things at your pace, right Rae?” Amalie asks softly.
“Do you think he really does like me?” I immediately feel stupid and vulnerable for asking the question, but it’s too late now. It’s out.
“Yes, Rae. Yes, he really does.”
Silence hangs heavy in the car around us as I try to figure out what I’m supposed to do with that piece of information.
Thankfully, Amalie pulls up to a fancy hotel and spa, and I’m able to forget about her words in favor of appreciating the lavish building in front of me.
“Should I have given a bud
get for this?”
“Don’t even think about it. The only thing you need to worry about is what color polish you want on your nails. Leave the rest to us.”
I open my mouth to argue, but one look from Amalie stops me. “Okay, okay,” I concede.
We’re directed straight through to a restaurant where we have brunch, followed by every spa treatment imaginable, most of which I never knew even existed. We spend time sitting around the pool and generally chat about random shit. Thankfully, they steer clear of too much Ethan talk and just allow me to think about that in private, and no one even mentions Friday night, which I’m grateful for. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to forget any time soon with the steady throb of my head or my bald patch.
By the time Amalie drops me off later that night, I’m once again exhausted, but in such a good way. I’ve been waxed, scrubbed, plucked, and painted within an inch of my life and I feel like I’m floating on a cloud after all the soft music and essential oils.
Ethan’s car is here, but as I make my way to my room, I don’t find any evidence of him. After a quick change of clothes, I get myself under the covers and turn the TV on.
I find some chat show to watch, and no sooner has the sun set outside am I asleep once again.
I have no idea what time it is when the mattress compresses beside me, signaling that my nighttime minder has arrived. I keep my body still and my breathing slow as he gets himself comfortable. I’m grateful that my back’s to him or he’d be able to tell I was awake, I’m sure.
He lies still for a few seconds before blowing out a long breath and turning toward me. His arm comes around my waist, and he slides his front to my back.
The heat of his bare skin against my barely dressed body burns, and everything in me aches to turn over and see what he’d do. But this isn’t the time. What Amalie and Camila said might be true. All the words he’s said to me in the last few days might be true, but the middle of the night when I’m still in pain isn’t the time to figure our shit out.
SAVAGE: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rosewood High Book 3) Page 31