Holy shit, I had just contemplated sex with someone other than Mari. I mean, it was brief, and quickly decided against for the sake of my dick’s health and welfare, but still. Maybe I had finally started to heal from my brief, yet intense relationship.
Huh.
She finally stopped scowling at my menu and turned these shocking moss-green eyes my way. I actually staggered backwards a little bit. Her eyes were stunning. They knocked my breath out of me for a moment, such a sharp contrast to the sharp edges and pain.
“I’d like a low-fat mocha latte with soy, a shot of espresso mixed in with a chocolate and caramel drizzle.”
That was not on my menu. Yes, I ran a coffee joint. I had, however, tried to stay away from complex drinks that took a minor in engineering to construct to the customer’s satisfaction. My goal was to provide caffeine and calories, enough to sustain the most overwhelmed college student through finals and dissertations.
Her eyes were starting to narrow at me again, shooting those mental laser beams at my head.
My dick twitched a little, oddly feeling a mild arousal at how alpha and a little bit scary she was.
“Ma’am, I’m afraid we …”
“Ohmigod, Jennifer, is that you?”
Johnny squealed and wrapped his arms around the pixie mistress of the dark and swung her around a few times, eliciting a smile and bubbly laughter from her. The sound was light and happy, which once again stood out in stark contrast from the rest of her.
I wanted to make her smile.
What the fuck? Where the hell had that thought come from? I stood back while the two of them talked excitedly. Was I attracted to this enigmatic creature?
Uh, no. I was still on the fence of being absolutely terrified by her.
So, what did I want from her, because I sure as hell didn’t want to lead her on to thinking I wanted more, only to end up pissing her off and find her leaning over me in my sleep with an axe raised over her head.
That would suck.
“So, who is this douchebag, and why aren’t you behind the counter taking my order, Johnny?”
She jabbed a thumb in the air in a hitchhiker move, pointing to me.
The Douchebag.
Nice.
“Jesus Christ, lady, do you kiss the devil with that mouth?”
Fuck me, did that just slip out of my mouth?
Three sets of shocked eyes turned my way, but the hint of a smile showed up in The Evil One’s eyes.
“Yup, I sure do, and I slip him the tongue.”
A silence held over our small group before Kay burst out laughing.
“Aw fuck, I can tell I’m going to like you. I’m Kaylie, but my friends call me Kay.”
Jennifer eyed Kay’s outstretched hand warily.
“So, I’ll call you?”
“Your new best friend.”
Jennifer looked as if she was contemplating this turn of events, before grinning and sticking out her hand for a handshake.
Kay eyed the hand like a spider on the wall and sprung on the poor, unsuspecting creature with a hug. Even wrapped her legs around her. I think Jennifer reacted out of shock because she just grabbed Kaylie’s ass and held her in place while Kay planted a huge wet one on Jennifer’s cheek.
“Okay, so, while you both are getting very well acquainted, I’ll slip back here and make your girly coffee drink.”
Johnny walked around the counter, smirking at me as he set about creating this ‘drink’ that had been ordered. Watching his movements, it was like he was a master chemist at work. I looked at him shrewdly. This was not on the menu, but watching him, I could tell he’d made it before.
I wasn’t sure if I should be impressed or write him up.
“Oh, and Jenny-bean, this ‘douchebag’ as you called him is the owner of this joint, and my boss. He’s a good guy, one of the very few left.”
“Huh, if he was such a good guy, why was he undressing me with his eyes.”
All three looked at me, waiting on my answer. I held my hands up in the universal sign for surrender.
“In my defense, I wasn’t actually undressing you. I was trying to determine if you would bench press me or just snap my back in half.”
A slow smile grew, lighting up the darkness in her face.
She flexed her biceps for me, putting on one hell of a gun show.
“Let’s start with bench presses. If you get out of line, I’ll figure out how to break you.”
Kaylie laughed, and crooked her finger at me to tell me to come over.
“Now that you’ve stopped ogling my new bestie, let’s talk about my other bestie.”
Ah, yes… the real reason for this meeting. Although, I had been enjoying the casual and easy conversation between the four of us, once the evil pixie thawed a little.
Yet, my tongue wouldn’t work. I had a million questions about Mari. How was she? Where was she? Did she think of me? Would she speak to me?
Had I destroyed every possible chance of us ever getting back to… us?
Kay’s face softened into a knowing smile, as if all of the questions that ran through my mind had also passed across my face.
“She’s getting to okay, Dane, but it’s going to take a bit of time.”
I exhaled, and felt both happy and incredibly weakened. I was glad she was going to be okay, but so pissed off at myself for not being there for her. I had promised her that I would hold her together when she fell apart, and instead I had been working on slowly killing off my liver.
“Should I call her?”
Her shoulders dropped, and I knew the answer before she said the words.
“Dane, no. Just… no.”
I sat back in the chair, I’m sure I looked as if I’d just hit a wall, and truthfully, I felt as if I had. I’d had a feeling that was what she would say, and yet actually hearing it ripped the last thread that was holding my heart together in two.
She didn’t want to hear from me.
I hung my head, trying to take a moment to get my emotions in check before I made a complete mockery of my masculinity.
Her soft hand found its way to my forearm, and I felt her scoot over and rest her head on my shoulder.
“I’m sure there’s a part of her that would kill to hear your voice right now, but it’s too soon. I shouldn’t be sharing this with you, it’s like a girl code or something and by filling you in I very well might be risking getting my vagina punched in by a rabid pack of estrogen filled ninjas who are desperately craving chocolate. You know her history. She got help before, but truthfully didn’t see it through. Once she decided she was ‘better’, she stopped seeing her therapist. Well, she realized what a fucking mess she’d been making of everything, and that she couldn’t seem to get out of her own way. I mean, it was almost as if she was trying to fuck it all up. So, she’s back in therapy, and she means it. But that means you need to give her some serious space. Maybe in a few weeks shoot her a message letting her know you’re thinking of her or something, but you need to give her time to work through her shit.”
Well, damn.
“Thanks, Kay. I do appreciate you risking a bruised vag in order to let me know what’s going on.”
I tried to throw in humor to hide the fact that I was still struggling to hold my shit together. Seriously, how messed up was this? She was the one getting herself right and now I was the one falling apart.
“Anything for you, Dane, as long as it doesn’t involve seeing or touching your salami sandwich. Because, ew.”
I grinned at her and bumped my shoulder against hers.
No matter what happened between Mari and I, I kind of hoped we would get joint custody of Kaylie in the divorce.
Chapter Fifteen
Mari
I sat across from Sebastian, at a little café about a five-minute walk from my office. We had agreed to meet for a sandwich during a lunch break, rather than attempt a full dinner date.
I was a little nervous, because I already knew he was probably
as much a head case as I was. I mean, hell, I’d met him in the shrink’s lobby. But then again, I didn’t have to try to have my head on straight, so that was a bonus, right?
I looked across the small table at him. He was studying the small lunch menu as if he was going to have to give some sort of a report on it in a few hours. Maybe he had OCD.
Maybe I was reading too much into his picking out a sandwich.
I had chosen mine within two seconds. A turkey and avocado club made with Applewood smoked bacon. Seriously, I could probably be a vegetarian if it weren’t for bacon. I would happily eat bacon wrapped in bacon, dipped in some bacon and sprinkled with bacon.
I knew I had to be a little more careful of my eating habits, because there was going to be a day that Swedish Fish and fatty meats would catch up to me, but damn, I did love food. Well, except for when shit was going on and I forgot to eat for days.
I realized while sitting there that I really enjoyed looking at him. I mean, he was pleasant to look at. He kind of looked like a studious, nerdy type, but it totally worked for him. He was greying around the temples, but had a young face, so I wasn’t really sure what his age was. Honestly, I didn’t care. It looked good on him.
Adorkable. Yeah, that was it… he was adorkable.
I wondered if he was into Star Wars. Dane was into Star Wars.
Fuck. No, Mari. Do not think of Danish.
“Hmm, you’d like a Danish?”
Shit.
“Uh, no. I mean, yeah, a Danish is always a tasty treat, but I think it’s better I have something a little more substantial.”
He nodded his head at me, solemnly accepting what I had said.
“I agree. You should always have a meal that is nutritionally balanced to make sure you are able to perform at your optimum capacity every day.”
“Yeah.”
My voice trailed off, not completely sure I wanted to proceed with my order as I had planned. But then again, turkey was healthy. Avocado was healthy. Bacon made me happy, which meant endorphins. According to Legally Blonde, if I’m flooded with happy endorphins, that meant I wouldn’t get all stabby. That meant the bacon had to stay.
Fuck, I should eat bacon every day based on that rationale.
I would switch the bag of potato chips to a little bitty side salad, even though I truly believed that salad was equivalent to sadness. I sat up a little straighter, proud of my healthy choice.
See, Sebastian was a good guy to be around. Yeah, he was kind of dry, but his adorkable ways just made me so much healthier. And I had no burning need to drag him into the nearest closet or restroom and fuck him silly.
No burning need in any way, shape or form.
Upgrade.
I looked at him again, seeing a glint of satisfaction in his eyes as he resolutely closed his menu and looked around pointedly for the waitress.
“I’ll have the garden salad please, with grilled chicken on top. I’d like the balsamic vinaigrette on the side, please.”
I was incredibly proud of my restraint in not yelling out ‘salad equals sadness’, but that was short lived once I realized it was my turn to place my order.
“Um, yes, I’d like the turkey, bacon and avocado club, on multigrain bread please. With a side salad. Oh, and dressing on the side.”
I made sure to stress the words ‘avocado’ and ‘multigrain’. Because I was starting to think that I was going to have about as much fun eating around this guy as I would with Tom Brady. I mean, yeah, Brady was the hot as hell quarterback of my beloved New England Patriots, but geez, he’d probably try to advocate for the benefits of eating avocado ice cream and analyze the carbohydrate to protein ratio of every piece of food I contemplated eating.
Oh, hell, no.
Sebastian was good enough to look at, but he wasn’t a Tom Brady level of hot. If I wasn’t willing to give up Swedish Fish and ice cream for Tom, Sebastian didn’t have a fucking chance.
My lunch date had grimaced at the word ‘bacon’, but nodded his approval with the rest of my order.
I hated myself for the small burst of pride I felt at his approval of my food choices. I shouldn’t be so desperate for a guy to want to be with me that I changed who I was to make him happy.
Next time I was getting the damn chips.
“So, Sebastian, what do you do?”
He blinked at me a little bit, as if personal questions were something he was unaccustomed to.
“For work?”
I clenched every muscle I owned, including the ones that kept my clam nice and tight for some loving, to keep from rolling my eyes.
“Work, fun, whatever. It’s small talk. Totally what you do on a date.”
“Sorry, I’m really not that good at this stuff. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to come, rather, asked you to come. I mean, you know I’m seeing a therapist, right? Shit, of course you are, you saw me there. So, you know I’m not right. And I just said ‘shit’. Fuck. Good God, I shouldn’t be allowed around people.”
My eyes widened a little bit as his tirade continued, silently cheering him for the cussing. I mean, c’mon, if a person never cursed at all they were probably some sort of religious zealot who lived in a commune run by a cult who wore burlap sacks and only washed every third day. Maybe an overly enthusiastic reaction, but damn, it was nice to know he was at least someone normal in his not-normalness.
“Uh, yeah, I’m aware you’re seeing a therapist. But guess what, so am I. Shocker, we all have our own personal shit show that we have to deal with day in and day out. So, what? You have issues? We all have issues. Relax, take a breath, and let’s try this again.”
I looked him in the eye and stuck out my hand.
“My name is Mari, I’m slightly neurotic, and make big deals out of stuff that I probably shouldn’t. My best friend is Kaylie, and she’s like a sister to me. We are a package deal. I like to eat junk food. Like, totally prefer it. So, you’re going to have to get used to that if you hang with me, because salad just isn’t right. I have trust issues, shit went down when I was in college and it messed me up. Thought I was fixed before, but I’m not. So, I’m there getting a mental tune-up. I say ‘fuck’ a lot and have the mind of a fifteen-year-old boy. I’m also a graphic designer. Nice to meet you.”
He stared at my hand at first as if it would electrocute him if he touched it. Slowly, however, a smile grew on his face until it met his eyes. My God, my lady parts damn near had a standing ovation for him when his eyes lit up with a smile. It may not be the chemistry I was hoping to feel for him, but at least the small showing of physical attraction finally decided to come to the party.
“Hi, Mari, I’m Sebastian. I’ve got some weird anxieties about social situations, so it makes me pretty awkward. I really don’t have a ton of guy friends, but I have a sister that I hang out with because she’s always had my back, and it’s good to have people like that in your life. I actually don’t like salad, but I didn’t know if you had any weird food allergies, and you’re so fit looking that I figured you might be a health nut, so I thought you might freak out if I ordered something that had fat grams. I work in IT, writing programs for medical software.”
His hand slipped in mine, the contact almost shocking as I hadn’t touched anyone except Kaylie since I had my one and only night with Dane. His hand was sturdy and felt safe, like I could probably trust this guy with my life. But other than this odd sense of security and warmth, I felt nothing. No lightning bolt, swoon-worthy moment.
That voice in the back of my head spoke up, reminding me of what had happened before when I felt electricity, chemistry and lightning bolts. Yup, explosions and heart break.
And multiple tests for sexually transmitted diseases.
“So, what are you doing this Saturday evening, Sebastian?”
“Wait a minute, he said what?”
“He ordered a fucking salad because he thought I was a health nut and would get all judgy.”
“Jesus Christ, are you sure he’s a dude? I
mean, seriously, that’s been the go-to first date move of women since men stopped dragging us by our hair to get our freaks on in the cave.”
“He’s kind of cute, though, I mean, in a really studious sort of way. I think you’d like him. He’s… nice.”
Her lip curved upward as if she had stepped in a steaming pile of dog shit. Not a Pomeranian sized pile. Nope, she looked as if she’d gone full Saint Bernard.
“Well, this won’t last.”
“Jeez, woman, way to be positive and supportive.”
“I’m sorry, yeah… you’re right. That was incredibly insensitive of me. I’m absolutely positive this isn’t going to last.”
“You’re a whore bag. Eat a dick.”
“Lick a slit.”
“You two are so fucked up.”
Okay, so Mariana was there. As always. I really liked her, I did. But I really missed time alone with Kay. And now that she had her lady lover moved in as her own personal sex slave full time, I never ever had alone time. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understood. I tried not to think about the fact that they’d probably scissored on this couch.
This.
Very.
Couch.
Ewwwwwww. I tried to nonchalantly get up and just stroll around the room, not touching a damned surface.
Mariana smirked at me, a knowing look on her face.
“Mari, the kitchen chair is safe from lesbian love goo. We haven’t hit it yet. No, not that one, the other one.”
Busted.
I handled the situation in the best way possible and stuck my tongue out at her.
“So, you’re going to date this Sebastian guy, even though you’ve pretty much given him the kiss of death by calling him ‘nice’? Am I hearing you correctly?”
Had I mentioned yet that Mariana was our grown-up voice of reason? She was a couple of years younger than us, but definitely the adult of the three of us.
“Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“And by dating, you mean go out to eat at restaurants, possibly consume adult beverages, with the mild expectation that when the bill comes, he will pull it over to his side, whip out his card and pay for your meal. After approximately three such encounters, you will be willing to strip down all naked and ride his pony. Is that right?”
Until We Fall (Trust Duet Book 2) Page 9