The Unusual Suspects

by Michael Buckley

  “And so am I,” Hamstead added. He reached into his pocket and took out a pair of handcuffs. “I also think you are going to be arrested unless someone starts talking.”

  “We were nearly broke when we found out I was pregnant,” the Frog Princess said. “All of our money was gone; we were worried we’d lose our house. If you go broke in Ferryport Landing, you stay that way. There’s no one to bail you out. You can’t move to another town. We would have been beggars in the street.”

  Beauty broke down in tears, as well. “We were in the same predicament, barely making ends meet on Beast’s teacher’s salary. It was no way to raise a child. He told us he could help.

  “One night, he brought over a spinning wheel and started spinning gold. By morning, we had enough to last us a dozen lifetimes. We sold it to a precious metals merchant from New York City. We were rich overnight.”

  “Who did this?” said Granny Relda.

  “Rumpelstiltskin,” the Frog Princess cried. The Frog Prince took her hand and begged her to be silent, but the tears and truth were already pouring out of her. “We had to come up with an explanation for the money, so we invented the lottery story,” she said.

  “You sold your children?” Sabrina cried. She had never heard a more horrible story in her entire life. “How could you!”

  “He manipulated us,” Mrs. Arachnid sobbed. “I know you don’t understand, but when we gave him the babies it was like we weren’t in control of ourselves. We were so desperate, so full of despair. It was like he crawled into our brains and rewired them so we really believed it was the best thing we could do.”

  “No, I don’t understand,” Sabrina shouted. “You filthy Everafters are nothing but animals! You would hand your children over to a monster so you could cover yourselves in jewels and furs!”

  Mrs. Arachnid looked down at her sparkling necklace and started to cry.

  “Sabrina,” Granny said. “That’s enough.”

  “I agree,” Daphne said. “Take a chill pill.”

  Sabrina ignored them. “No wonder Wilhelm trapped you in this town. All of you belong in a cage!”

  “Sabrina Grimm, you will hold your tongue this instant!” Granny Relda ordered.

  “You got yelled at,” Puck taunted.

  “Puck, that goes for you as well!”

  Sabrina was stunned. The old woman had never raised her voice to her. The girl’s face was hot with embarrassment.

  “If we showed you photos of all the children at the school, do you think you could pick out which ones might be yours in their human disguise?” the sheriff asked, picking up the Ferryport Landing Elementary School yearbook that was sitting on his desk.

  “I don’t think so, Ernest,” Beauty said, trying to control her sobbing. “We haven’t seen them since they were a day old. We didn’t even get to name them.”

  “Well, we will do the best we can to reunite you with them,” Granny Relda said.

  “You would do that for us?” the Beast asked.

  “Of course,” Daphne said proudly. “We are Grimms and this is what we do.”

  “Do you need anything from me?” Hamstead said.

  Granny shook her head and flashed Sabrina an angry look.

  “Actually, can I have a police hat?” Daphne asked the sheriff.

  Hamstead smiled and nodded at the girl.

  “You are so punk rock!” she cried.

  Once the family was outside, Sabrina wasn’t sure which was colder—the bitter winter air or Granny’s attitude toward her. She also knew that Daphne was going to give her the silent treatment again. But it didn’t matter to her anymore.

  “I’m not sorry for what I said,” she declared.

  “Oh, we’re well aware of that,” Granny Relda said as they approached the car. Mr. Canis was waiting on the roof.

  “I heard yelling,” he said, crawling down to help the old woman into the front seat.

  “I bet you’re going to hear a lot more,” Puck said, sounding hopeful.

  “Everything is fine,” the old woman said. “It is late and I think we all need a good night of rest.”

  “Good idea,” Daphne said. “We can search the tunnels tomorrow.”

  “No, I don’t think so,” Granny said as they got settled into the car. “Things have escalated to a point where I don’t feel comfortable having the three of you help out. A few Everafter children are one thing, but Rumpelstiltskin is another entirely. He may be behind these murders, and he’s one of the most deranged and mysterious fairy-tale creatures that ever came to Ferryport Landing. I can’t put you into harm’s way when I have no idea what to expect.”

  “This isn’t about danger,” Sabrina said, shaking with anger and hurt. “We’ve been in plenty of dangerous situations since we moved to this town. This is about me, isn’t it?”

  Granny Relda turned in her seat and eyed the girl. “In the past, I thought you two girls were smart enough to handle yourselves. I thought you might possibly be the cleverest Grimms in the history of the family, but right now, I don’t trust your judgment, Sabrina. You’re not who I thought you were, child. I’m sorry, but this case is closed for the sisters Grimm.”

  Everyone was furious with her, so Sabrina had crept upstairs to her room, rather than hear another lecture. As she lay in bed, looking up at the model airplanes her father had hung from the ceiling, she thought there might be an upside to being the black sheep of the family. While everyone was busy solving mysteries, she could spend more time searching for her parents. Just two days ago, she would have thought this was a perfect chance, but now, with Granny acting so blind to the truth about the town’s residents, she worried the old woman would be their next victim. If that happened, the girls would get sent back to the orphanage and any chance of finding their mom and dad would be gone.

  Daphne entered the room, dressed in her pajamas, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  “Well, we now know what Granny’s like when she’s mad,” she said. “She’s downstairs cleaning the house. She’s been dusting for the last hour. If you get her any madder, she’s going to clean out the closets.”

  “I didn’t mean to make her angry,” Sabrina said.

  “You’ve got to get over this thing you have about Everafters,” Daphne said.

  Sabrina groaned. If Daphne was going to lecture her, she’d be happy to go back to receiving the silent treatment.

  “No, what I’ve got to do is convince everyone to stop being so naïve,” Sabrina said. “But let’s just say I’m wrong about everything. Punishing us for my attitude isn’t going to help solve the case. Granny can’t do it all, and she’s not going to get any help from Charming and the sheriff. We could be searching the tunnels. Who knows how far they’ve dug, or even what they’re digging for? Maybe there’s some kind of monster under the town. I know that sounds nuts, but we used to think the same thing about giants not so long ago. What if the bad guys are doing something really bad down there while Granny is running around trying to find out which of the kids at school are monsters?”

  “So what do we do?”

  “We do what we’re supposed to do,” Sabrina said. “We’re Grimms and something is wrong in this town. It’s our job to find out what it is.”

  Once she was confident her grandmother and Mr. Canis were asleep, Sabrina shook her sister awake and the two of them crawled out of bed. They crept out of their room and down the hall to Puck’s bedroom.

  “Don’t step on the plate,” Sabrina reminded her sister as she opened the door. Inside the boy’s magical forest room, the sun had set, replaced by a sea of stars, each blinking brightly just for Puck. The boxing kangaroo was asleep in his ring and the roller coaster had been turned off. All was still, except for the cascading waterfall splashing into the lagoon.

  The girls crept along the path around the lagoon and then into some heavy brush. Eventually, they came to a trampoline on which Puck was sound asleep. The Trickster King was wearing a pair of baby blue footie pajamas that had litt
le smiling stars and moons on them. Held close to his face was a soft pink stuffed unicorn with a rainbow sewn on its side. If only Sabrina had brought a camera, she could have also recorded his thumb in his mouth.

  “Time to wake up the sleepy monkey,” Sabrina cooed in baby talk, doing her best not to roar with laughter.

  Daphne giggled but held her hand over her mouth.

  “Wakie-wakie, eggs and bac-ie,” Sabrina continued.

  Puck stirred in his sleep but didn’t wake. A big stream of drool escaped his mouth and ran down the front of his pajamas.

  “Does someone have the sleepy-sleepies?” Daphne said mimicking her sister’s baby talk.

  “Time to come back from dreamland, precious,” the older girl said, shaking the boy roughly. Puck sprang from his sleep, with wings extended from his back. He waved his big pink unicorn like a deadly sword and slashed at the children.

  “Nice jammies,” Daphne snickered.

  “I especially like Mr. Unicorn,” Sabrina laughed.

  “His name is Kraven the Deceiver,” Puck corrected, before realizing what he was holding and who was with him. He tossed the stuffed animal aside and fluttered down to the ground.

  “We’ve got a plan for tomorrow and you’re going to help us,” Sabrina said.

  “Forget it,” the boy answered. “Tomorrow I’m telling the old lady to find another bodyguard for her stinky offspring. It’s beneath me!”

  “But this plan requires a lot of a mischief,” Sabrina said.

  Puck’s eyes lit up. “I’m listening,” he said.

  “We’re going to get into the boiler room tomorrow to search the tunnels.”

  “The old lady will be furious.”

  “I know, but I’m willing to take the heat if it saves someone’s life.”

  “Fine, what’s the plan?”

  Sabrina reached into her pocket and took out her set of keys.

  “Where’d you get those?” Daphne asked.

  “I’ve been swiping them off Granny’s key ring one by one and making copies at the hardware store.”

  Puck’s eyes lit up and he looked at Sabrina as if he had never seen her before in his life. “You stole those keys and made copies?”

  She dropped her eyes. “Yeah,” she said, thinking she felt disapproval.

  “That’s wonderful,” the boy said, eyeing the girl like a child watching a fireworks display. He was in complete awe of her. He grabbed both the girls by the wrist and dragged them through his “room.” “Let’s put them to use, then!”

  Once they were in Mirror’s room, the three children stepped through the reflection and came out into the Hall of Wonders. Mirror was standing in front of his own full-length mirror, sucking in his plump belly and making muscle poses like a body builder.

  “Doesn’t anyone in this house sleep anymore?” he asked.

  “We need some help,” Sabrina said.

  The little man rolled his eyes and let out his belly. “Very well, what’s the scoop?”

  “We need something that will help us get into the boiler room at school,” Daphne said. “The door is locked, so we need something that will turn us invisible or let us walk through walls.”

  “Children, this isn’t Wal-Mart,” Mirror replied. “I don’t have everything, but there is something that might help. Follow me.”

  As they followed Mirror down the long hallway, Sabrina read the golden plaques on each of the doors, a favorite habit developed on previous visits: LEPRECHAUN GOLD; FLOOR PLANS FOR GINGERBREAD HOUSES; TALKING FISH; GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE; TIK-TOK MEN; CALIBAN—the doors went on and on. What was Mirror going to offer them?

  Soon, he stopped at a door with a plaque that read THE PANTRY. He held out his hand and Sabrina gave him her key ring. He searched through her collection and found the one that unlocked the door. Everyone stepped inside where, much to the girls’ chagrin, there stood an old, run-down refrigerator.

  “I’ve never heard of the magic refrigerator,” Daphne said. “Is that a Grimm story or someone else?”

  “There’s no such thing as a magic refrigerator,” Mirror said as he opened the door. “It’s what’s inside that’s important.”

  He opened the fridge, bent down, and rummaged around inside. He pulled out a bag of rotten carrots. “I really have to toss these out,” he mumbled. He opened a carton of milk and took a sniff, his face crinkling up in disgust as he closed the carton and put it back in the refrigerator. Finally, he took out a package of juice boxes and handed them to the kids.

  “Drink me,” Daphne read.

  “This is from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,” Sabrina said, happily. “This will make us shrink?”

  “To about the size of an ant,” Mirror said. “At that size you could just walk under the door and get into any room you want. But you’ll need these, too.” He reached in and pulled out several individually wrapped snack cakes. They looked just like the kind Sabrina used to buy at the deli near their Manhattan apartment, but the label said, EAT ME!

  “These will make you big, but don’t eat too many, they’re not exactly Atkins friendly,” Mirror warned. “Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum sold these for a week at their convenience store before your grandmother confiscated their stock. The town was filled with giant children. It took us a week to sort it out.”

  “We’ll need four of each, I think,” Sabrina said.

  “But there’s only three of us,” Daphne argued.

  “I have a feeling the great detective Wendell Hamelin is going to change his mind about being a loner,” her sister replied.

  The next day at school, the trio walked down the crowded hallway toward the boiler room. Sabrina scrutinized every kid along the way. Any one of them could be a giant spider or a frog-girl, but besides being exhausted, they all looked just like every other kid Sabrina had ever seen. At least her suspicions about Wendell proved correct. He was waiting for them by the doorway with a handkerchief and a runny nose.

  “I’ve been doing some thinking and I believe that joining forces might be a great idea, but under a couple of conditions,” he said, rushing to join the group.

  “What conditions?” Sabrina said.

  “I handle all the dangerous work,” the chubby boy said, puffing up his chest like a tough guy.

  The children looked at one another and fought off a laugh.

  “Fine,” Sabrina said. “I think we should have a look in the tunnels right away.”

  “I agree, but there’s a problem,” Wendell said, wiping his nose again. “They changed the locks on the boiler room door.”

  Sabrina reached into her backpack and tossed the boy an Eat Me cake and a Drink Me juice box.

  “What are these?” he asked.

  “The key to the new lock.”

  “You want to do it now?” Daphne cried. “Ms. White will notice I’m gone and come looking for me.”

  “We’ll worry about that later,” said her sister. “Lunchtime is too busy and the bad guys will probably be watching after school. We’ll wait until the bell rings for class and once the hall is empty, we’ll get started.”

  Soon enough, the bell rang, and the kids filed into their classes. Sabrina, Daphne, Puck, and Wendell milled around, trying to appear as if they were on their way to class without actually going anywhere.

  Once they were alone in the hall, the children took out their Drink Me boxes and inserted the handy straws attached to the sides.

  “How much do we drink?” Daphne asked, sniffing at the box.

  “I don’t know,” Sabrina said. “I guess until it starts working.”

  Puck took a long slurp and when he was finished he opened his mouth and belched. “It’s fruity,” he exclaimed. Suddenly, to a sound like that of a squeaky balloon losing its air, his body shrank to half its size. Even his clothes, the Eat Me cake, and the juice box got tiny.

  “Drink more,” Daphne insisted. “You aren’t small enough to get under the door.”

  “And hurry up,�
� Sabrina said, scanning the hallway. The last thing she wanted was a teacher or student to see this craziness.

  Puck took another sip and shrank even further. Soon, he was no taller than a quarter standing on its end. Sabrina bent down and examined the tiny boy.

  “You have no idea how tempted I am to squish you,” she said.

  “And you have no idea how big your nose hairs are,” he squeaked. Sabrina covered her face with her hand.

  “Our turn,” Daphne said. The three other children took big sips out of their boxes and in no time they were all shrinking, too. The liquid did taste fruity, like pineapples and cherry pie at the same time. A cool tingle ran down Sabrina’s throat, into her belly, and then into her legs and arms. The sensation wasn’t unlike having a good stretch after a wonderful night’s sleep. When she finished the box, she was the same size as Puck.

  “Let’s get in there before we wind up on the bottom of someone’s shoe,” said the tiny Wendell. He marched over to the door and looked back. “I’ll go first, in case there’s something waiting for us on the other side.”

  He yanked out his hanky, blew hard on it, then shoved it back into his pocket. Then he walked underneath the door without even having to bend over. Daphne took Sabrina’s hand and together they followed Wendell, with Puck bringing up the rear.

  “I should be doing the dangerous stuff,” he grumbled.

  Once the group was on the other side, the children had a chance to look around. A bucket full of mops sat in the corner, boxes of trash bags and rolls of toilet paper filled a nearby shelf, and an ancient coal furnace rested in the center of the room. Not far off, a brand-new electric furnace clicked and popped as it pushed warm air throughout the vents of the school. But what was bewildering was how gigantic everything was. The mops looked as tall as the Empire State Building in midtown New York City and Sabrina suspected if one of the rolls of toilet paper were to fall off the shelf and on to them, they’d be crushed to death.

  “Look at that table,” Daphne cried, pointing at a nearby desk. “It’s huge.”

  Sabrina nodded in agreement.