Not Yet

by Alexa Riley

  “I made us shirts!” We both turn around at the sound of Lindsey’s voice. She’s running toward me with a bag in hand. She doesn’t hand it to me when she reaches us but opens the bag herself and pulls out the shirt.

  “Happy birthday.” She pulls me into a hug and smushes the shirt between us. “I knew you wouldn’t pull out the team spirit, so I did it for us.”

  She leans back so I can get a look at the shirt. Now I know why she was texting me so much last night. She had her hands full. I turn the shirt to see Hawthorne written across the back. I know it’s meant for Drake but it’s my last name too ever since Dad adopted me years ago. She put a lot of time and effort into them and somewhere a unicorn is missing its glitter.

  “I like it,” Drake says from beside me. He’s fighting a smirk and I’m not sure if he’s lying.

  “I thought we should represent for you guys since we’re all going to the dance together.” She turns and I see Liam's last name on hers.

  “It isn’t like a date,” I blurt out, still feeling self-conscious about this morning. What if Drake sees I’m starting to feel something for him that I shouldn’t?

  I would be utterly mortified for him to set me down and have the same type of conversation I’ve heard he’s had with other girls in school. That his focus is football and not pussy. Although I’m sure he wouldn’t word it like that with me. I’ve never heard him use that word but I’m sure he has. All hope of us ever having any kind of relationship would be ruined because I’d crawl under my blankets and never come out.

  I can feel Drake stiffen beside me and it makes me fidget as I tuck my hair behind my ear. I’ve been wearing it that way lately and nixing my glasses too when I don’t need them. I’ve been coming out of my shell more and more. At least that’s what Lindsey says. I think it’s like my mom said, I’m getting more comfortable in my own skin. I stopped trying to hide my body so much and have been wearing more form-fitting clothes. I’ve been more comfortable but now I’m unsteady again and I know it’s because of Drake.

  “Come on, let's go change, birthday girl.” Lindsey locks her arm with mine and pulls me with her. I glance over my shoulder to see Drake watching us go and this time I can’t read his face. It’s not anger, but whatever it is, it’s intense.

  Chapter Ten

  Drake

  I saw Ali a few times throughout the day and I know that isn’t exactly my name on the back of her shirt, but it is my number. There have been a few girls around school wearing pride shirts and painting numbers on their cheeks, but seeing Ali with the number seven across her chest made me walk around with my head held high.

  When she got to school I decorated her locker with streamers, balloons, and a sign so people would know it was her birthday. Then at lunch I paid a freshman to sneak out and grab her favorite food because I knew people would be watching me. The quarterback leaving campus right before the game would have been prime gossip material. I caught sight of her eating it when I was leaving the cafeteria and the smile she gave me was worth it. I even got Dakota’s boyfriend Wes to give her a shoutout over the morning announcements, and though I wasn’t in her class, I heard she blushed and buried her head in her hands.

  My classes were short because the team wanted extra time to go over plays before the game tonight. I spent hours in the locker room anticipating the game ahead and getting ready to go on the field. My mind was sharp and focused but Ali was never far from my thoughts.

  Something’s changed between us and it’s not like before. We pushed one another away but this morning when I was lying there next to her, I could feel something shift. When she smiled at me I didn’t feel the same tension, like a wall between us, but instead there was a look in her eyes I hadn’t seen in years.

  “Hey Drake,” Court coos as I step out of Coach Chris’s office and into the hallway.

  We’ve just finished going over some last-minute changes to the roster tonight and I wanted to be ready.

  “Hey.” I go to walk around her and she side steps in front of me.

  “Notice anything?” She looks up at me with her lips parted and I glance down at her cheerleading uniform. She’s got my number painted on her cheek and a button on her uniform with my name on it.

  “Thanks,” I mumble because what else should I say? “I’ve gotta get to the locker room.”

  “I bet you do.” She makes a show of looking me up and down and it makes my skin crawl.

  “What do you want, Court?” I say, because I’m tired of wasting time.

  “Just wondered if you were going to Kira’s party after the game tonight. Her parents are gone for the weekend and she’s having a pool party.”

  “I’ve got plans with my family.” We’re all going to Joe’s after the game and it will be like old times. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

  “Yeah, but they close at like eight. The party won’t start until after. Surely the quarterback can sneak away.” She moves in close quicker than I anticipated and I feel her body press to mine as her hand slides up my chest. “I’d love to show my thanks for all your hard work on the field this year.”

  “Whoa—” I go to step back and put my hands up, but just at that moment Ali steps out of the door at the end of the hall.

  One look at the position we’re in and I see the hurt across her face. I call out after her, but she’s already moving in the opposite direction and can’t hear me.

  “Fuck,” I hiss, stepping away from Court.

  Court turns around, sees Ali’s back and waves it off. “I thought it was a teacher. Anyway, come by tonight. I’ve got a brand new bikini and I need you to tell me if I look fat in it.” She air kisses me and walks around me down the hall.

  I didn’t do anything wrong but somehow I know I just fucked up.

  “Drake,” Coach Chris calls and he’s got his clipboard under his arm. “Hustle up, it’s time to go.”

  Part of the deal with Homecoming is before the game starts they announce the winner of the Homecoming king and queen. It’s a big long show when I’m just ready to get on the field and hit something.

  After the team suits up we go on the field and wait for all the girls nominated to walk on with us. The guys stand on one side and the girls on the other as they call out the winners. I haven’t been paying attention to any of it but it’s all the Blonde Brigade can talk about. Kira and Dakota get called first as third and then second runner-up. A couple of the guys on the team get called and they walk them down to the front.

  I scan the crowd the second I’m on the field and see my parents in their usual spot. Both of them have their phones out recording and taking pictures non-stop, which is embarrassing and sweet at the same time. When I don’t see Ali my heart starts to beat faster and my eyes move through the sea of people.

  Relief hits me when I see her and Lindsey making their way down the row to my parents with drinks and snacks in their hands. I take a breath and talk myself back from the panic and try to focus. I need to get my head in the game. Literally.

  Court’s name gets called for the Homecoming Queen and to my complete shock and horror my name gets called as the king. We’ve been told what to do if we get called on, but I wasn’t paying attention to the instructions.

  There’s a slight nudge in my back and Liam nods for me to walk forward. I glance back at Court to see she’s impatiently waiting on me with a tight smile. I step forward and hold out my arm so she can loop hers into it and wave at the crowd with the other. People are clapping and cheering, but the only thing I see is Ali frozen in place halfway to my parents with a box of popcorn nearly falling out of her hand.

  I walk to the front where a teacher is waiting with a crown, and I cringe. I let go of Court the second I can and step aside as she places the dumb thing on my head. The game hasn’t even started yet and it’s already a disaster.

  We all have to stand together to get our pictures taken, but I refuse to touch Court again. I keep looking up at Ali and when she sits down next to Mom,
she’s hidden a little so I can’t see her face. Frustration, annoyance, impatience, all of it rolls across my skin as I yank the crown off and toss it under the bench as the refs call for the game to begin.

  I grab my helmet and do what I came to do. I try and put everything out of my head as I step on the field with my team and with scouts watching. I say a silent prayer to myself that I can somehow explain all of this to Ali. But like the great Paula Abdul once said, we take two steps forward and one step back.

  The game is tough and it’s close the entire time, but with only three seconds left I launch one into the endzone for the win. Liam picks me up and the whole team jumps in a dog pile as we celebrate the victory and the end of the season. The second I’m up in the air I scan the crowd and see Ali on her feet cheering. I point right to her with one hand and pat my chest. That used to be our sign when I played little league. She hesitates for a fraction of a second and then I see her do the same thing back to me. One hand patting her heart and the other pointing right at me.

  In that moment I can imagine what it feels like to be a rock star.

  Coach Chris sends us to the locker room to shower and change. Everyone is hyped up and shouting as we get in there. I make quick work of getting cleaned up and putting on a fresh jersey. I grab my bag and jog out of the locker room, my feet light and happy.

  My parents and Ali are waiting by the exit and the moment I see her I can’t help myself. I smile from ear to ear as I scoop her up in my arms and spin her around. She squeals in delight as my parents laugh, and without thinking I kiss her cheek. She freezes against me and I catch myself, realizing what I’ve just done. I laugh it off to cover it up and after a second I put her on her feet. Her face is bright red and she looks away and I hurry to gloss over it.

  “I guess your wish came true,” I say, and she looks at me in confusion. “You mean your birthday wish wasn’t for me to win?” I put my hand over my heart and pretend to be wounded.

  “Shut up.” She rolls her eyes but the look of happiness on her face can’t be hidden.

  “We’re so proud of you,” my dad says as he pulls me in for a hug and breaks the small moment of tension that passed between Ali and me, though I don’t think they even noticed it.

  “And Homecoming King too,” Mom chimes in, hugging me.

  I stiffen at the reminder and out of the corner of my eye I see Ali does too. How do we keep hitting these landmines?

  “Coach says he got approached by several scouts after the game,” my dad says to me in a low voice.

  “Boston College?” I hedge and he shrugs.

  “He didn’t say but he expects to hear more by tomorrow.” I nod as Dad takes my gym bag from me and we make our way to the parking lot.

  “Why don’t you kids ride together and we’ll meet you at Joe's?” Mom suggests, and I look over at Ali.

  Maybe a little time alone would be good. I could explain what happened with Court. “Yeah, sounds good to me,” I offer up quickly before Ali has a chance to disagree.

  This time when we get to my car, I hold the door open for her until she slides in. My body is on a high after playing and winning and I have an abundance of energy to burn off. I take a breath as I walk around to the driver’s side and get in.

  Why do I suddenly have the urge to fuck until I can’t move?

  Chapter Eleven

  Ali

  “That game was crazy,” I say, glancing over at Drake.

  He was smiling wide a few moments ago but now he’s almost unsteady since we’re alone in the car. He wasn’t that way on the field. It was so intense I’d forgotten about everything else. It really did feel like old times when I sat with my parents and cheered Drake on. I forgot about everything else and enjoyed the moment and didn’t let all the crap muddle my mind and ruin what was a good night. One that we will always remember.

  The high of the game is fading and I’m still shocked he picked me up and kissed my cheek. I felt tears prick at my eyes when he turned to look at me while on the field and touched his chest then pointed to me. I couldn't remember the last time we’d done that. Things are changing again, I’m just not sure into what. I should take it how it comes because anything is better than where we’ve been.

  “You’re going to have your pick of colleges.” I smile proudly at him.

  He’s earned it by putting into football what I put into studying. He’s going to make a name for himself and I wonder if, when he finally graces the field of some NFL team, he’ll still touch his chest and point to me. I swallow, thinking that could be someone else he points to one day, but I push the thought away. Tonight is about celebrating and I’m not going to bring us down. For so long we’ve been growing apart, but maybe now’s my chance to pull us together. Soon we’ll both be off to college and we might never see each other then. How crazy is it that weeks ago I wanted just that? The thought now makes my stomach feel hollow inside. It is the same feeling as when I saw him with Court. I really dislike those girls.

  “You pick one yet?” he asks me and I shake my head no.

  I have applications out and a few early acceptance letters. I have my pick of schools, too, but not all of mine come with full rides like Drake’s will. I have my eye on Boston and I was surprised when I heard Dad mention that one to him. They must’ve already talked about it but I didn't think he’d stay local for some reason.

  “Lots of time,” he says as he pulls out of his parking spot. “You’ll let me know though?” he pushes.

  “Sure.” I shrug.

  I peek over at him and he’s staring right at me. My eyes meet his and I watch as he looks at my mouth. I do the same, wondering what it would feel like for his mouth to be pressed to mine. I don’t get that same gross feeling I normally do when I think about kissing someone. Instead my heart rate picks up.

  “Don’t forget Kira’s!” I hear someone and I jerk my eyes away from Drake to see the Blonde Brigade standing in front of the car. He’s pulled out of his spot but hasn't moved yet. We’re just sitting in the parking lot blocking the way. Court has a smug look on her face as she adjusts the crown still on her head.

  “Move!” Drake shouts back at them.

  Drake’s the one who yells at her, but she narrows her eyes on me until they finally move out of the way. When they do, Drake takes off and I can feel his tension in the air. He has a way about his moods—they can take up a whole room. I don’t think he means to do it, but I can always feel them.

  “You going?” I ask. I know we’re going to dinner but he could be going after.

  “No.” His answer is short and to the point.

  I always assumed he went to the parties after the games but I was never really sure. I only know what he’s doing outside of school and home because of gossip. You have to take that with a grain of salt, kind of like the not dating thing. He’s said for years his focus is on football. At least that’s what I’ve heard some of the girls around school complain about when it comes to Drake.

  People forget I’m his stepsister or don't think I’m listening when they talk near me. I don't run in the same crowd and they probably think I don’t matter. But my ears perk up a little whenever I hear Drake’s name.

  “Where’s your crown?” I ask, realizing he doesn't have it. Court still had hers on and I bet she’s going to wear it for the rest of her life.

  “I think I left it on the field. I don’t know.” He shrugs as his expression turns to one of dislike.

  I can tell he doesn't actually care where it is. I saw his face when they called his name for king. He was as surprised about it as I was. I don’t know why because we should have seen it coming. He’d reluctantly gotten to his feet and did what he had to, but he didn't look happy about it. I even saw Coach give him a hard glare to get it together.

  I let out a small laugh. “I think you have to wear it for the dance.”

  “I’m not wearing that fucking thing to the dance.” He shakes his head adamantly.

  “I’m pretty sure it’s n
ot for the whole time. I mean, you have to during the dance with Court.” My stomach knots as I even say it.

  I don’t want to see them dancing. I hated seeing them standing up there together getting crowned. I hated seeing her lock arms with him and I hated seeing them in the hallway this afternoon. The only saving grace was Drake’s face. He didn't want to be near Court. I shouldn't enjoy that so much, but I like seeing Court get pissy when Drake doesn't give her the time of day. My face falls when I think about how Drake used to not give me the time of day.

  “I’m not fucking dancing with her either.” His hands on the steering wheel tighten so hard I swear I hear it groan in protest. “I walked up there and took the crown. I’m done.”

  He pulls into the parking lot of Joe’s and finds a spot in the back, away from everyone else. I see Mom and Dad’s car is already here and they probably went in to get us a table. He turns off the engine and I reach for the door handle. I’m not going to fight with him about dancing with Court. I’m glad he isn't going to, but we’ll see how that plays out tomorrow. She might cause a giant scene.

  I freeze when Drake’s hand comes down on my thigh. I changed into jean shorts for the game because it was so hot out. His fingers are soft at first but then dig into my thigh in a possessive hold.

  “Tell me you know I’m not into Court or anyone in that brigade. Tell me you know I wouldn't be into someone who makes it their life mission to put others down.”

  I glance up from his hold on me and look into his eyes. He’s right. When he puts it like that and I actually think past the surface of it, I know he’d never go for the likes of them.

  “No, I don’t think you like them like that.”

  “I don’t like them in any way,” he corrects.

  I was trying to be nice about it but leave it to Drake to be blunt. Now I’m thinking about what kind of girl Drake would like. His thumb rubs back and forth on the outside of my thigh and that’s suddenly the only thing I can concentrate on.