by J. L. Beck
I lounge against her bed waiting for her to come back, but after a few minutes, curiosity gets the better of me and I get up to look for her. I check the kitchen, the living room, and even in the backyard, but I don’t see her anywhere. Maybe she left? Though she didn’t have her wallet, or keys with her when she left her bedroom.
Letting out a sigh of frustration, I tell myself she’s most likely hiding from me. I’m about ready to grab my keys and head over to Clark’s house when I hear voices, they’re faint, but they carry through the house like a quiet gust of wind entering through a window. It sounds like it’s coming from my dad’s office down the hall.
Ava’s voice meets my ears, it’s soft, vulnerable, and for some strange reason, tugs at my heart. My jaw tenses and my heart thunders deep inside my chest. I know I shouldn’t, that I should keep on track with my plans, but I can’t. Something compels me to walk down the hall, like I need to hear what she’s going to say, what she is saying. Stopping a few feet away from my father’s office door, I lean against the far wall.
The door is not closed all the way which lets me hear right in on their conversation.
“I don’t understand why we can’t tell Vance the truth. It was a long time ago, and things have changed so much since then. Please just tell him the truth.” Ava’s heartbroken voice meets my ears.
“I will not tell him anything.” My father’s voice comes through.
“He blames me. He hates me for it,” she admits softly.
Of course I blame her… she’s a lying…
“Well, that’s because it is your fault. What kid comes into her mother’s room in the middle of the night at that age? If you hadn’t snuck in that night…if you would have stayed in your room that night…” My father trails off.
“I’m sorry, okay? It was a stupid game, and yes, I should have been asleep that night, but you can’t really place the fault for what happened on me.”
“Of course I can, you’re the one who told your father. Had you kept your yap shut, I wouldn’t have had to lie to my son. The way I see it, all of this is your fault.”
I blink, the air stills in my lungs and for a moment I wonder if this is real. Or if this is all a nightmare. He lied.
“You were the ones having an affair,” she snaps back, and I hear my father slam something down on the table.
“You’re not to bring this up ever again. You are going to keep your mouth shut about what you saw that night from here on out or you and your mother are going to be out on the street without a penny in your pockets. Do you understand me?” My father’s voice booms through the room and I feel like I just got hit by a bus.
“Perfectly,” Ava says, her voice shaking like she’s close to crying. I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking do anything. A moment later, the office door opens and Ava steps out, her head hung low, her eyes on the ground.
She takes a step toward me, but only notices me standing there when she damn near plows into me. I want her to hit me, hurt me, slice me with her words like I’ve done to her. I’m a bastard, an asshole, and I wouldn’t doubt it if she hates me now. She was telling the truth all this time…she was the one telling the truth and my father was lying. And continuing to lie.
Her head snaps up and our eyes meet. I take in her tear-filled green orbs and forget how to breathe.
My chest hurts. I fucking failed her.
Chapter Seventeen
Ava
He heard everything. I can see it written in his features. The shock, the shame, the guilt. He finally believes me…but it’s already too late. I don’t think I can forgive him for what he did. It took hearing the truth from his father, not me, to make him believe it. How do I let go of something like that? It’s not like what we had was anything special, not to him. He just used my body to hurt me, all while my heart bleeds for the boy I had cared for, the boy who was as close to a best friend as I would ever get.
“Ava,” he whispers, his voice somber and regretful. “I’m sorry, so sorry.”
I shake my head, tears slipping down my cheeks. It’s too late for sorry. Too late.
“I needed you, Vance. I needed you to believe me, but you never did, and when I needed you the most, you turned your back on me. When I was already down and thought I couldn’t feel any worse, you made certain I did.”
A sob breaks free from my throat, and it feels like my heart is going to burst. I can’t do this right now…I can’t. Pushing past him, I storm through the house, grabbing my purse from the entry table before running outside and onto the front porch. Glass shatters somewhere inside the house, followed by the sound of Vance yelling at his father.
Gulping fresh oxygen into my lungs, I let it build and build.
If he would have just believed me a few days ago. If he would have trusted me, I would have forgiven him, but now? It’s too late.
Unlocking my car with the key fob, I speed walk across the driveway and hastily get into the driver's seat. I crank the engine and back out into the road with my tires skidding across the pavement. There’s no way I can stay in that house anymore, not with Henry’s threat looming over me, or Vance’s guilt suffocating me. I need to go somewhere, anywhere, anywhere but here.
Where can I go? I could call Jules, and go stay with her, but I don’t want to involve her in my problems, plus I wouldn’t ever be able to repay her. Then it hits me… hotel. I’ll go to a hotel, the one in town at least for a short time. Until I can figure everything out.
The drive to the hotel goes by abnormally fast, even though I’m driving slow because I can hardly see through my tears that started to fall again. I park in the back of the parking lot and sit there for a few more minutes trying to piece myself back together again. Trying to put together the broken pieces enough so that I look like a normal person, at least on the outside.
When the puffiness and redness around my eyes finally vanished enough to make it look like I haven’t been crying for the last twenty minutes, I get out of the car and walk inside. I’m greeted by an older man at the reception desk who thankfully checks me in quickly. I swipe my credit card and he hands me the key to my room without question.
As soon as I’m in my hotel room, I fall apart. Sobbing uncontrollably, I crawl onto the bed and curl up in the fetal position. He knows the truth, I should feel better now, but I don’t. Instead I feel worse, because he only believed me after hearing his father say that he lied. He doesn’t trust me, he never did, and he probably never will. I don’t know why I’m so hurt by that fact. Maybe because I trusted him, I believed in him and all he did was hurt me in return. I took comfort in his touch while he took comfort in my pain. I guess I’m partly to blame because a tiny part of me had hoped that maybe, just maybe, something would come from me sharing the truth with him, from letting him have a tiny piece of me.
I think back on what Henry said, he threatened to cut my mom off and leave us out on the street penniless. I didn’t tell Vance anything, but he still found out. What will Henry do now? Was he really planning to divorce my mom over this? Did he ever love her at all? So many questions. One more worrisome than the next. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do next, all I know is that my life is a complete mess.
◆◆◆
A loud knocking drags me out of my restless sleep, and I sit up, gazing around the room disoriented. For a moment I forget where I am and how I got here. My eyes are so puffy I have to pry them open. I try and swallow, but my throat is so dry it feels like I’ve swallowed a handful of sand. When the incessant knocking doesn’t go away, I force myself out of bed and stumble to the door. I feel like I’m hungover but without having had a drop of alcohol.
When I reach the door, my gaze drops to my lower half. The events from last night were a complete blur but apparently I had fallen asleep on the bed without changing. Shrug. I don’t care, not about anything right now.
Whoever is on the other side of that door doesn’t need to know that. Straightening, I hold my head up high and grab onto the door h
andle, twisting, and pulling it open.
“Ava…” My mother's voice fills the room right as she pushes inside the room and throws her arms around me, pulling me into her chest. I’m taken back by her presence and just stand there motionless until her warmth seeps into me and her perfume overwhelms my senses. Then I give into her, holding onto her like a small child.
“What happened?” she gasps. “I was looking everywhere for you and only found you when I checked your credit card statement online. Why are you at a hotel?” she asks, guiding me back toward the bed. Releasing me, she turned and closed the door behind her before coming back over to where I was sitting.
She takes one of my hands into hers and the mattress dips as she sits beside me. Never has my mother acted like she cared about me, at least not in the last five years. That night changed everything. It was almost like she blamed me, kinda like how Vance did, and Henry too. It seems everyone blamed me…
“Did Henry tell you what happened?” I ask, those first couple of words gravelly sounding.
“Not really. I came home to Henry and Vance fighting. Vance destroyed his father’s office, he was screaming at him, and accusing him of all these things. None of which make sense to me.”
“Oh, Mom…” I pause, my eyes meeting hers. She truly looks confused and I understand why. Just like Vance, she had no idea that Henry didn’t tell the truth. All along she’s been thinking everyone knew of their affair. But no one did, no one but her, Dad, Henry, and I.
“What is it, honey?” She blinks slowly.
I examine her face, looking at her for the first time in forever. I’m drawn first to her soft blue eyes framed by long lashes. Her hair is styled professionally, glossy, and the same mousy brown as mine. She looks exhausted, worried, but at the same time has a natural glow about her.
“Sweetie, you’re scaring me. Why are you in this hotel and not back at the house? Did something happen with Vance and Henry?”
Do I want to tell her everything? Would it matter if I did? She loves him and has for a long time. Plus, she’s already proven where her loyalty lies. Would telling her change anything? I want her happy, but Henry is vile and mean, and does he really love her if he can toss her out onto the street without a dime?
Or did he just say those things because he wanted me to comply? Maybe he really does love my mom. She certainly seems happy. If I’m being honest, she seems happier now than she ever did with my dad.
And if I tell the truth again of what I know, the secrets, will it shatter everyone’s lives again?
My mouth goes dry, and I lick my lips. “I… I just wanted... wanted some time to myself, that’s all. I’ve been struggling with some school work,” I lie, deciding that if she’s going to find out, it will be from someone else.
“Are you lying to me?” The sternness in her voice grabs onto me.
“No,” I lie again.
The lies keep piling up and I wonder if soon I’ll be able to believe them too.
“When Vance was screaming, I heard him mention your name, and how if Henry ever threatened you again, he would…” Her voice trails off, and I don’t need to hear the rest of whatever she was going to say to know that it wasn’t anything good.
It doesn’t matter though. I don’t want his pity, his protection, his guilt. I want nothing from someone who thought I was a liar up until they heard it directly from the source. I just wish I could convince my heart to feel the same. I’m pretty sure I was falling for him… even with all his antics.
“Did Henry threaten you?” she asks next.
“Would it matter if he did?” My eyes fall to the floor.
“Of course it would matter, you’re my daughter and I love you very much. It might not always seem that way, but I do. If Henry did something, I want to know.”
“Then, yes, he did threaten me.”
Her mouth pops open, shock overtaking her features.
“What happened? Why would he threaten you?”
“I told Vance something, something that Henry lied about.”
“In what way did he threaten you?”
“Look, it doesn’t matter.” I pull my hand out of hers. “It’s done and over with.” Shoving off the bed, I walk toward the window.
“It most certainly does matter. I will not have my daughter staying in a hotel room. You’ll come back to the house with me and I’ll get all of this sorted out.”
“It’s not that easy, Mom.”
“Please, Ava. Please, come back to the house with me. I’ll talk to Henry, get all this sorted out. You’re doing so well, and you seem so happy.”
I want to laugh. Happy? If she was paying attention at all, she would’ve seen how miserable I was. The only time I wasn’t truly miserable was when I was with Vance. When I was with him, I felt like I was whole, like the storm inside me calmed. I was the hurricane, but he was the eye of the storm and together we barrel toward the shore.
“I… I don’t know, Mom.”
I can’t stay in this hotel forever, I know that, but I also don’t know what the hell to do. Being around Vance is going to be hard, especially when I know that he is going to do everything he can to make up his wrongdoings to me.
But being around Henry is going to be even harder. He showed me his real self yesterday and I doubt I’ll ever be able to see him in a different light. How can I live with someone like that? Someone so selfish and careless that he would lie and deceive the people closest to him.
“Just...just do it for me, sweetie. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make things better for you. I don’t want to lose you again. You just got here.”
The sadness in her voice breaks through the perfectly built walls surrounding my heart. I want to say no, but it’s not like I have any other options. At least not until I figure out another solution. I can’t go back to my father, but I could find a job and get an apartment.
“Okay, I’ll come home with you, for now,” I sigh. My mom’s shoulders sag in relief. “But I’ll be looking for a job and getting an apartment as soon as I can. I love you, but I won’t be living in that mansion with him forever.”
She nods her head but doesn’t protest even though it looks like she wants to. If I’m going to stay, I’m going to have to find a way to get out from underneath Henry’s thumb, and away from Vance. He’s already broken my heart… but I’ll be damned if I let him break me.
Chapter Eighteen
Vance
Blood trickles down my hand and onto the white marble floor. I should clean the wound, patch it up, but I don’t give a fuck. The only thing I give a fuck about right now isn’t in this house, and that terrifies me. The thought of her never coming back. It’s a real fear, something I never expected to feel when it came to her.
How could I be so stupid? How could I be so wrong…so blind? I’ve never wished to turn back time as much as I do now. The mistakes I made. The way I treated her. All those things are unforgivable. I’m so ashamed and the guilt is eating me alive, but the worry I feel for her right now is strongest of all. I’ll take whatever pain I have to, bathe in it, so long as she’s okay, so long as I get to see her smile again.
Sitting down on the cold stairs, I stare at the huge wooden doors in front of me, willing her to walk through them. I don’t know where she went or where she is now. What if she’s so hurt that she decides that she never wants to see me again? Fuck, I couldn't even hold it against her if she did. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.
Thinking back at the words I spoke, the threats, the way I took her body. I curl my hurt hand into a fist, my physical pain reminding me of the emotional pain I caused her. I wish I could take all her pain and make it my own. I would gladly do so if I could.
But I can’t. The only thing I can do now is make sure she is safe and happy going forward. I’ll protect her from my father and anyone else who ever tries to hurt her. I’ll protect her from me if I have to.
There’s a hole in my chest at the absence of her presence. I’m struggling to f
ill my lungs with air, unable to get a full breath in. Will I ever be able to breathe again? Why am I feeling this way? It feels like I’ve lost a piece of my soul. I knew after we had sex the first time that I was ruined for any and all women, Ava had claimed a piece of me that no other woman had before.
Please, let her be okay.
I don’t even care if she never talks to me again, if she tells me she hates my guts, all I want is for her to be back here in this house. For so long, I wanted her gone, and now, now I can’t picture a life without her, now I have to have her here with me. My heart starts to beat profoundly against my ribs.
Then it hits me, all the feelings I felt for her, the hate mixed with need, with something I thought was lust. It never was… it was never lust that I was feeling. It was something else, something entirely different. It was…
The sound of a car pulling up drags me from my thoughts. Standing, I run to the huge window overlooking the driveway, my already accelerated heart rate skyrocketing when I see Laura’s car. Please be inside. Please. I’ve never hoped for anything more in my life. If she’s not in that car, then any chance of making things right is gone. Laura exits the driver’s side, and I hold my breath when Ava’s form appears, exiting the passenger side. My knees buckle under the relief that rips through me. I feel like a fifty-pound weight has been lifted off my chest.
She is here. She is safe.
I’ll fix this. I can’t take back all the words I said, all the things I did, but I can make it up to her. I just have to find a way to get her to talk to me.
“Are they here?” My father’s voice meets my ear and anger bubbles up inside me.
I want to smash his face with a brick, curse him from the heavens but I need to focus on Ava right now. I can always deal with my father.
“Yes,” I grit out. I’d rather him not talk to Ava at all, but he needs to apologize. I don’t want her to worry about anything. “Remember what I told you, play along or I’ll tell Mom everything and if Mom finds out you cheated and lied in court—”