by Gerri Hill
She sat back on the sofa, grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels, finding nothing to interest her. She switched off the TV and sighed. Why hadn't Kelly called her? Why hadn't she come by to see her? Was she waiting for Jo to call her?
Johanna looked at the phone for a moment, then picked it up and punched out her number.
Kelly answered on the second ring.
"What are you doing?" Jo asked.
"Just sitting here," she replied.
"Me, too."
Kelly said nothing, so Jo continued. "I missed you today," she confessed.
"I missed you, too.”
"Would you like to have dinner . . . or something?" Jo asked.
There was silence for a moment and Jo pictured her smiling over the “or something.”
"I could pick up Chinese and come over, if you'd like,"
Kelly offered.
"I'd like that.”
"Good. What kind do you want?"
"Anything with chicken. And an eggroll."
"Coming right up. I'll see you soon.”
Jo put down the phone and smiled. She could always count on Kelly for being there for her. She went out on the 196
deck, sorted through her firewood from last year, and found several logs against the house that were not yet wet.
By the time Kelly got there, she had the fire going, warming the house. She opened the door to Kelly, who was soaking wet.
"God, look at you. Come in," Jo said quickly and took the bag from her. "Ever heard of an umbrella?"
"Didn't have enough hands.” Kelly laughed and held up the bottle of wine.
Jo met her eyes and smiled. God, she had missed her.
Kelly held her gaze and smiled back. Jo finally looked away and went into the kitchen, and Kelly followed.
Jo sat the bag on the counter, took plates down and grabbed a couple of forks, all the while conscious of Kelly watching her. She reached into the cabinet and found two wine glasses, setting them beside the plates. Finally, Jo turned around and faced her.
"The cork screw is in there," she said, pointing to a drawer. She turned back to the plates and began dishing out the rice, chicken and vegetables Kelly had brought.
The cork popped and Kelly reached around her for the glasses, their arms brushing. Jo ignored the thrill that shot through her and put eggrolls on each of their plates before carrying them to the table. Kelly followed with the wine and forks.
"This looks good," Jo said.
Kelly nodded. "Yes."
Jo raised her eyes, one hand resting on the back of the chair. She smiled, then went to Kelly and kissed her quickly on the mouth. "I have missed you," she said softly.
Kelly grinned at her, then sat down, and they ate in silence. After they had cleaned up, they took the bottle of wine and sat by the fire. Jo put on some piano music, turned on a lamp, and sat with Kelly on the sofa.
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"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me," Kelly said.
Jo smiled at her warmly and reached for her hand.
"Maybe I am.”
Kelly's fingers entwined with hers, and they sat in comfortable silence, listening to the music and watching the fire.
"You must think that I'm terribly difficult," Jo finally said.
Kelly laughed. "Now, why would I think that?"
Jo smiled at her. "Why haven't you been by to see me at school?"
"Honestly?"
"Please."
"I had gotten the feeling that you had only been with me because you needed me, or you needed someone," she said, meeting Jo's eyes. "I didn't think that you were really with me because you wanted me. Just me."
Jo nodded and looked away. Was it true? Had she needed someone? Anyone? No. If that were the case, Deb would have been safer. She didn't have any feelings for Deb.
"So you were waiting for me to call you?" she asked.
"Yes," Kelly admitted. "I felt like I was forcing myself on you."
"No," Jo said. "You just scare me."
"Why do I scare you?" Kelly asked gently.
Jo didn't answer, but she laid her head on Kelly's shoulder. Their fingers still touched, and they were silent.
Finally, Kelly asked, "Are you going to the lake tomorrow?"
"Yes. I need to. I can't keep putting it off."
"Do you want some help?"
Jo nodded.
"We can call Betsy and Janis, too," Kelly suggested.
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"Yes, I'm sure they would come."
She didn't want to think about it just now, though. She would call them in the morning.
They sat for awhile longer, watching the fire, then Kelly moved. "I better be going," she said, standing.
Jo wanted her to stay but she knew Kelly wouldn't offer, and Johanna didn't ask. She stood, too.
"Thanks for dinner," she said.
"Anytime.” They looked at each other. "Call me in the morning and let me know what time you want to go."
Jo nodded. "Okay."
She walked Kelly to the door, hoping she would take her in her arms and kiss her, but she didn't.
Kelly looked at her for a long moment, her gaze dropping to Jo’s lips for only a brief second. "Good night,"
she said and left.
Jo watched her run to her truck in the rain, then closed the door and leaned against it. After all they had shared, why was it so hard for her? Why couldn't she just go to Kelly and hold her? Why couldn't she just reach up and kiss her?
Why couldn't she just ask her to stay? They both wanted it, she knew.
Jo sat on the floor beside the fire and finished her wine.
Is this what she wanted? This kind of relationship with Kelly? One where they only stayed together when Jo needed her? What about Kelly's needs? Didn't they matter?
"I'm such a shit," Jo said aloud.
Why Kelly hung around was beyond her. Because she's in love with you, Jo thought, and she closed her eyes to the tears that formed at the idea. Was Kelly driving home now, hurting? Was she wondering why Jo didn't want her?
Later, when Jo crawled into her empty bed, she reached for the phone and called her.
"Kelly?"
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"What is it?" she asked.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry, honey?"
"Because I'm such an ass.”
"Don't say that. You just do what you have to do, okay?”
Jo nodded into the phone. "Please don't think that I don't want you. Because I do," she whispered.
"Do you?" Kelly asked.
"Yes.”
She could hear Kelly's soft sigh and she smiled.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Kelly said. "Good night."
* * * *
The rain had stopped, but the sky remained cloudy and it was cold out, though not freezing, as had been forecasted.
By the time Jo got around to calling Betsy and Janis, it was over forty degrees and the clouds were breaking up, promising sunshine by afternoon.
"Of course we'll help," Betsy agreed. "What time?"
"I'd like to go before lunch," Jo said. "Afterward, we'll go somewhere for an early dinner. My treat.”
"Sounds good. Should we meet you there or at your place?"
"Out at the lake, I guess."
Next, she called Kelly. She was waiting.
"Can we take your Explorer? I'd like to bag up his clothes and things and give them to Goodwill."
"Of course. I'll come get you.”
Jo waited nervously for her though she didn't know why.
Maybe it was because of her admission late last night. Maybe it was just because she was anxious to see her.
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Kelly knocked on her door at eleven, wearing faded jeans and a sweatshirt. She looked wonderful.
"Hi," she said, when Jo opened the door.
Jo's eyes looked at her greedily, and she smiled.
"Ready?"
"Let’s go.”
By eleven-thirty, she was unlocking Harry's door, and it was cold inside. She immediately turned on the heat and went around flipping on lights. Kelly watched her as she walked around, touching the furniture and looking at his things.
"Jo?"
"I'm okay."
And she was. She would give his clothes to Goodwill, where someone less fortunate could use them. What furniture Jo didn't want to keep here, she would offer to the folks at the Senior Center. If they couldn't use it, maybe they’d know someone who could. Unfortunately, there were a lot of Beth's things, as well. Harry had never had the heart to throw them out, and now that was left to Johanna, too.
"Tell me what you want me to do," Kelly said.
"Clothes, I guess."
Jo opened the box of large trash bags she had brought and handed them to Kelly.
"Do you want to look through them first?"
"No. Go ahead," she motioned.
Kelly walked up to her, lifted Jo’s face and kissed her lightly on the mouth. Jo smiled, then pushed her into the bedroom.
She was sorting through the books in the living room when Beth and Janis knocked. Jo sent them into the kitchen.
Soon, Harry’s and Beth's clothes were piled in the Explorer, and bags of garbage were sitting on the porch. The kitchen was cleaned, the refrigerator nearly empty. They had 201
a box of dry goods Jo was going to give to the local food bank on Monday, and the rest of the cans were left in the pantry.
She gave Harry’s few plants to Betsy and Janis. She had enough to worry about with her three.
"You're going to keep the house, then," Betsy said.
"Oh, yes. I couldn't sell it. I've spent too much of my life out here. Besides, I love the lake. I can't imagine not having this to come to anymore."
"You could always live out here during the summer,"
Janis suggested.
"Yes. I could.”
The house was clean, but there was still a lot to sort through. Most of which she would need to do alone.
"I really appreciate your help," she told them.
She and Kelly took the clothes to Goodwill, then drove over to Betsy and Janis's house. They would all ride together to dinner.
"How about seafood?" Jo suggested. "Something different."
"Sure. We could try that new Cajun place on Riverside,"
Betsy said.
Soon, they were sitting at the Gumbo Pot, sipping cold beer and deciding between shrimp and crawfish for their appetizers.
They had a pleasant dinner. Jo noticed how well Kelly got along with Betsy and Janis, so different from Nancy.
Betsy and Nancy had never pretended to like one another, and it had put a strain on their friendship.
After they had dropped Betsy and Janis off, Kelly and Jo rode silently back to Jo’s. Kelly pulled in the driveway and left the engine running. Jo looked at her with raised eyebrows. Kelly answered her with the same.
"I wish you'd come in," Jo finally said.
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Kelly turned the key, and the truck was silent.
"Actually, I wish you'd stay," Jo admitted.
Kelly reached out and touched her cheek.
"Thank you," she said softly. "I'd love to stay."
Kelly offered to start a fire and Jo went into the kitchen to make them a drink. They sat on the floor by the fire holding hands.
"Today wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."
"No?"
"I'm glad you were there," she said.
Kelly brought her hand up and kissed it softly.
"Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?" Kelly suddenly asked.
"Not really. Susan invited me, but I don't really want to go there."
"Would you like to go to Fredricksburg? Stay in a bed and breakfast?"
Jo looked at her and smiled. "Just us?"
"Just us.”
"I think I'd like that.”
"I've never been, you know," Kelly admitted.
"To Fredricksburg? Oh, it's a beautiful town. You can do all your Christmas shopping there.”
"Shopping?” Kelly grinned. "That's not really what I had in mind," she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
"No? And just what did you have in mind?"
"Well, I got a room with a fireplace and a very large bed," she laughed.
Jo smiled at her, set her drink down and went to her.
She kissed her full on the mouth, her lips lingering. It had been so long since they had kissed.
"Why don't you show me what you had in mind," she whispered.
Kelly did.
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Chapter Twenty-Six
In the weeks before Thanksgiving, Jo had spent a lot of time at Harry's house, throwing away things she didn't want to keep, getting rid of outdated kitchen appliances, and cleaning out cabinets and drawers, which hadn't been done since Beth was alive. She and Kelly had spent a weekend at the lake when it was warm enough for fishing. Jo had gotten her up before dawn and then sped her across the lake to a favorite fishing spot. They caught enough for their dinner, then went back and spent a lazy day on the deck, reading.
Kelly's book had been published, and Jo read it in one day, much to Kelly's delight.
"I thought the janitor did it," Jo said.
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"The janitor? You were supposed to think the chemistry professor did it. He's the one who knew about the chemicals."
"Janitors have chemicals, too," Jo had insisted. "It was too obvious to be the professor."
"So obvious, it could have been possible."
"I never suspected the wife, of course."
"You weren't supposed to," Kelly preened.
"That's why you're a good writer."
"You think so?"
"Yes, I really do."
They left for Fredricksburg on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, just after noon, when classes let out. Betsy and Janis had wanted them to spend Thanksgiving at their house, but had conceded that Fredricksburg sounded like fun. Johanna had not told Susan that she and Kelly were going together. She had simply told her that she was going with a friend, that she wanted to get away. Susan had understood.
Now, as they sped through the Hill Country, Jo laid her hand on Kelly’s thigh and smiled. They had had a good two weeks. Kelly had stayed with her a couple of nights each week, but only when Jo asked. When they made love, it was as intense as ever, but they didn't speak. Kelly didn't have to. Jo could see it all in her eyes.
"I'm glad we're going," Jo said.
"Me, too. It'll be good to get away."
"Yes."
"What did you usually do on Thanksgiving?" Kelly asked.
"Harry cooked enough to feed a family of ten," she said and laughed. "Last year, Betsy and Janis joined us, too."
"We could have stayed with them, then come up here on Friday," Kelly reminded her.
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"No. I'd rather be here with you.” And it was true.
When they drove into Fredricksburg, the streets were crowded with tourists.
"I thought this was a small town," Kelly complained.
Jo laughed. "It is. It swells during the holidays. Look at all the arts and crafts shops we can explore."
"Can't wait," Kelly said with a grimace.
They checked into their room, which overlooked Main Street, now crowded with cars and people. They looked at the king-sized bed and smiled at each other. Firewood was ready in the fireplace and there was a neat stack just outside their door.
They unpacked their things, then went outside to join the others, walking the streets already decorated for Christmas. They strolled close together, their shoulders brushing, eyes meeting often. Jo wished they could walk holding hands, as others did around them. Their steps were lazy, and Jo was content just window shopping, but occasionally she would drag Kelly into a shop when something caught her eye. Hours later, when they found a small tavern, Jo’s side of the booth was crowded with packages. They drank large frosty mugs of draft bee
r while they waited for their chicken-fried steaks. Jo was aware that they could barely keep their eyes off one another.
“You made quite a haul,” Kelly teased.
“Okay, I confess. I love to shop.”
“Oh? So the allure this weekend was shopping?”
Jo met her eyes. “Actually, the allure was you.” Then she grinned. “Shopping was just a bonus.”
Afterward, they walked back to their room, silently. The streets were less crowded, and they paused several times to admire the Christmas lights.
“Looks like a postcard,” Kelly observed.
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“Yes. All we need is snow.”
By the time they reached their room, the night air had cooled.
"You can shower first," Kelly offered. "I'll start a fire."
Later, they turned the lights out and sat by the fire on the floor. Kelly leaned back against the sofa and drew Jo to her. They kissed softly, quietly, and drew back. Their eyes met in the glow of the fire and they smiled.
"Having fun?" Kelly asked.
"Yes. This was a wonderful idea.”
Kelly nodded. "And I get you to myself for three whole days."
Jo laughed. "I knew that was your intention all along.
I just knew you didn't really want to go shopping."
Kelly cupped Jo’s face in her hands. "I really want to make love to you," she whispered.
Jo met her lips urgently. Kelly set their wine aside and pulled Jo to her feet. She slowly pulled Jo's shirt over her head and touched her breasts. Jo stood there, eyes closed, heart pounding.
In the quiet glow of the fire, they kissed and caressed their clothes away. Kelly’s kiss was like the sweet taste of winter wine, and Jo drank her fill, exploring Kelly’s mouth with her own.
But Kelly’s hands grew impatient. She knelt on the rug, tugging Jo down with her. On their knees, they embraced, urgent hands touching, arousing.
Jo lay back, her arms reaching for Kelly, pulling her weight on top of her, and Jo opened her legs, letting Kelly settle between them.
“I love being with you, Jo,” Kelly whispered into her mouth.
Kelly supported herself with her arms, pressing her hips into Jo, straining to touch her, wetness against wetness.
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Jo circled Kelly’s hips with her legs, opening wider, wanting to draw Kelly inside her. She heard Kelly’s subtle change in breathing, gasps coming through her parted lips as their hips rolled together, again and again.