by Gerri Hill
“Yes,” Jo breathed. “Come for me.”
Her hips rose up, meeting each of Kelly’s thrusts, now harder. She felt Kelly tremble in her arms, and she watched Kelly’s face contort and strain as each breath tore from her.
The muscles in Kelly’s arms stood out with each roll of her hips, and Jo again rose up to meet her.
“Come on,” Jo whispered.
Kelly’s hips now writhed against Jo, faster and faster, until at last Kelly groaned deep in her throat, one last thrust, then another, finally collapsing on top Jo.
Their bodies damp with perspiration, they lay together in the glow of the fire, and Jo soothed Kelly’s back with gentle hands.
“Okay?”
“Mmm.”
Kelly rolled off her, resting on her side as her leg still pinned Jo to the rug. Her mouth went to Jo’s breast as her hand slipped between Jo’s thighs.
“Oh, you’re so wet,” she murmured.
Kelly cradled Jo’s head on her arm, her lips moving back to Jo’s mouth. Her thigh nudged Jo’s legs farther apart. Her tongue was hot inside Jo’s mouth, and Kelly’s fingers moved through Jo’s wetness, slipping inside her, letting Jo set the rhythm as her hips rose and fell, pulsing against Kelly’s fingers.
“Yes,” Jo breathed. “Harder.”
Kelly moved over her, her fingers diving deep inside Jo, thrusting into her wetness. Then she moved down, her mouth joining her fingers, sucking Jo hotly into her mouth as her fingers delved deeper still.
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“Kelly!” Jo cried, and her hands in Kelly’s hair forced her mouth down hard. She cried Kelly’s name again and again as her orgasm ripped through her, and she screamed with pleasure.
“Dear God,” she gasped. “Come here.”
She pulled Kelly on top of her and held her. She was trembling but she couldn’t help it. Each time, she felt like she would explode from the feelings surging through her.
They lay quietly until Jo's breathing finally slowed. She brushed Kelly's hair softly, again and again, her eyes closed.
"Okay, honey?" Kelly finally asked, and Jo smiled at her endearment.
"Very much okay."
They rolled over, and this time, Jo pinned Kelly with her leg. She kissed Kelly’s cheek lightly and smiled. It was very much okay, indeed.
"My turn," she sighed into Kelly’s ear as her tongue slipped inside. She was always filled with such a need to please Kelly, and Jo let her body slide over her. Lovemaking had never been this way before. It had always seemed hurried and rushed. With Kelly, it was anything but that. Jo took her time as her lips touched Kelly’s face, her eyes, her nose before finding her waiting lips. Their kiss was hot and wet, and their tongues danced together.
Jo pressed her thigh hard between Kelly's legs, feeling Kelly’s wetness and rubbing against it. Kelly's legs opened wider, and she arched into Jo's leg, her hips rising and falling in rhythm. Jo's mouth found Kelly’s breast, the nipple hard and swollen, and she took first one, then the other into her mouth. Kelly held her tight, her hands pressing Jo closer.
Jo’s mouth opened, and her tongue teased the taut peak before sucking the nipple into her mouth again, and Kelly moaned with pleasure, her hands on Jo's face.
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Jo's hand moved down Kelly’s body, and she quickly slid her fingers deep inside her.
"Oh, God, yes," Kelly breathed, and her hips pushed up hard, shoving Jo deeper inside. Jo moved quickly in and out, plunging her fingers deep into Kelly’s wetness and Kelly stilled, already near orgasm.
But Jo wasn’t nearly through and she quickly pulled away and again pressed her thigh between Kelly’s legs, her mouth still at her breast.
"Jo, please," Kelly begged her.
“I want to taste you.”
Jo moved down slowly, her mouth open as she pushed Kelly’s legs apart. Kelly was so wet, and Jo's tongue moved into her, over her, and her lips took Kelly into her mouth.
Jo’s arms wrapped under Kelly’s legs, holding her tightly as her tongue stroked Kelly to orgasm. Kelly cried out loudly, and Jo pressed her face down into her, her cheeks wet with her.
Kelly's legs fell limply to the rug. She reached for Jo and slowly pulled her up. "I love you," she whispered.
Jo lay still, her heart hammering in her chest at Kelly’s words. She had known it, of course. She just didn't want to hear it. As the light of the fire danced over them, Jo shook her head slowly and squeezed her eyes shut.
"Jo, I can't keep pretending that I don't," she insisted.
"I'm not sure I want you to love me.”
"But I do. I'm very much in love with you. It's never been like this with anyone before," she whispered.
She held Jo tightly to her.
"Please don't say that."
"It's true, honey."
"Kelly, I can't let myself love you," she said. "Everyone I've ever loved is gone. Everyone who's ever loved me is gone.”
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"I'm not going anywhere," Kelly promised and brushed at the tears that escaped Jo's eyes.
Jo said nothing. What could she say? She desired Kelly, yes. She enjoyed being with her. She admitted that she needed her, but love? No, she couldn't let herself love Kelly.
She wouldn't.
"Should we stop seeing each other?" Kelly asked.
"No. I don't want that," Jo said quickly.
"Maybe this is too much, too soon. Maybe we need to spend more time alone or with other people," Kelly said quietly.
"God," Jo whispered. "I don't want that. I'm sorry. I know I'm being difficult, Kelly. I want to be with you."
"Deb has shown an interest in you. Maybe you need to pursue that," Kelly continued.
"And Lucy has shown an interest in you."
"Honey, I don't want Lucy."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"I think you need to ask yourself why you're with me.
Is this all you want? A physical relationship with no strings attached?"
"I don't know what I want," Jo admitted.
Kelly let out a weary sigh. "Then I certainly don't know either.”
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Chapter Twenty-Seven They got home before noon on Sunday. It had been a busy weekend. Thursday, they had joined other tourists at a local beer joint to watch football games and then went to the nicest restaurant they could find for turkey dinner.
Friday and Saturday, Jo dragged Kelly with her through the shops and completed her Christmas shopping. They finished early enough Saturday to take a quick trip to Enchanted Rock, where they hiked the giant granite mound and crawled through the caves at the top. Kelly had been there camping the summer before, but Jo had not been there since her high school days.
Home, Kelly helped Jo unload her things and put all her packages on the sofa.
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"Did you buy me anything?" Kelly asked.
"Now, you're not supposed to ask that. Besides, when would I have had a chance? You were with me the whole time."
"Yeah, well, I bought you something," Kelly teased.
"You did? What?"
"It's a present. You'll have to wait," she said with a grin.
Jo looked at her for a moment, then went into her arms.
"Thank you for taking me. I had a wonderful time."
Kelly kissed her gently on the forehead. "I enjoyed our time together."
"I'm sorry about. . . ."
"Don't. We agreed not to talk about it. So let's not,"
Kelly said. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."
Jo watched her go and stood staring at the road a long time after her truck had disappeared. They had agreed not to talk about it, but it was there between them. Their lovemaking had become more guarded. The love Jo had seen in Kelly's eyes was hidden now. Is this how Jo wanted it?
Just a physical relationship? That's all it had become the last few days. There were no touches, other than in bed. During the days, they had been merely friends, no intimate looks passed between them.
Kelly had suggested they spend some time apart, and judging by the way she had left today, that's what was going to happen. Jo felt miserable. Her heart ached, and she didn't know why.
There were only three more weeks of classes, the last four days of that being finals. It had been a long semester, and Jo would be thankful when it finally ended.
She was behind in all of her classes, and she stayed at the college most evenings until seven. It was to catch up and get her finals organized, at least that’s what she told herself, but she knew it was to keep her mind off Kelly. She had 213
barely seen her all week. Kelly complained of being busy, too, and Jo believed her. What else could she do?
On Thursday, Jo called her in her office.
"Do you want to have dinner?"
There was a long pause. "I can't," Kelly said.
"Why not?" Jo asked.
"I've already got plans this evening."
"Oh. I see."
"How about Saturday?" Kelly asked. "Maybe we could get Betsy and Janis to join us."
Jo wondered if she already had plans for Friday night, too, but she didn't ask. "Okay. I'll call them."
"Let me know," Kelly said and hung up.
Jo replaced the receiver slowly and stared at the phone for a moment. This was what she wanted, she stubbornly told herself.
She spent a lonely Friday night by the fire, a bottle of wine beside her. It was nearly empty, and the book she had started lay opened to the first chapter. She stared into the fire, wondering what Kelly was doing and with whom. It was the “with whom” that bothered her. Lucy? Perhaps. Or maybe someone from San Antonio. Jo leaned her head back, and jealousy consumed her. The thought of Kelly being with someone else was like a knife ripping through her heart, shredding what was left of it.
She finished the wine, knowing she would have a terrible headache in the morning and not caring in the least. Betsy and Janis had agreed to dinner, and Jo had tried calling Kelly but she wasn't home. She didn't leave a message.
Jo slept until nine on Saturday morning, and as she stood, her head reminded her she had consumed an entire bottle of wine by herself. She sat at the table, drinking coffee and watching the birds at her feeder, which was full for once.
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She stared at the phone, wishing it would ring, but it remained silent. Finally, she called Kelly and got her answering machine again.
"It's Jo. Betsy and Janis said dinner would be fine. If you still want to, that is," she added. "I guess about seven."
She hung up and went back to her coffee, a lonely day looming ahead of her.
Kelly called at four.
"Seven?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Okay, that's fine," Kelly agreed.
"Do you want to come here first?" Jo asked.
"No. I better just meet you there. I've got some things to do this afternoon."
Jo bit her lip and nodded. "Okay," she said and hung up.
"God, I hate this," Jo said out loud.
She went to their house about six. She couldn't stand being alone a second longer. They were surprised to see her.
"Jo, come in," Betsy said.
"I know I'm early," she admitted.
"Where's Kelly?"
"She's meeting us here.”
"What's wrong?" Betsy asked immediately.
"Why do you think something’s wrong?"
Betsy raised her eyebrows. "Because I know you, that's why.” She led her into the living room. "Let's talk."
"You're not even dressed yet."
"I've showered. Janis is getting ready," Betsy said. "Now, what's wrong?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"Well, I know what's wrong, I just don't know why," Jo complained.
"Fredricksburg went okay?"
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"Yes and no," she said.
Betsy just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
"We had a good time, I guess.” Jo looked away. "Oh, Betsy, I just don't know. I like being with her, but she wants more. I told her I couldn't. That I wanted things to stay the way they were."
"Which is what? Strictly physical? Sexual?”
Jo nodded.
“And?”
"And she said that maybe we needed to stop spending so much time together. Maybe we needed to see other people since I wasn't ready for anything more with her."
Betsy didn't say anything.
"I've barely seen her this week. I asked her to dinner Thursday and she had plans and I guess last night, too. She didn't even want to come to my house tonight. She said she would meet me here," she finished in a rush.
"And this isn't what you want?"
"I don't know what the hell I want," Jo said.
"I think you do, but you just won't admit it," Betsy said quietly.
"No.” Jo shook her head.
“You obviously enjoy your time with her,” Betsy said with a slight smile.
Jo blushed. “Yes. The sex is beyond compare. But I don’t want more.”
"You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else to, either?"
"Betsy, she told me she loved me," Jo whispered.
"And you freaked?"
Jo nodded.
"Honey, I wish I could tell you what to do. I know you feel something for her."
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"I like her a lot, yes. But I don't love her. I don't want to love her," Jo insisted.
"Maybe you forgot to tell your heart that," Betsy said quietly.
"No," Jo said stubbornly. "We enjoy each other, yes. But I'm not in love with her."
"Okay, if you say so. You should know.” Betsy looked at her for a long moment. "Then what's wrong? It shouldn't bother you if she goes out with someone else."
"It shouldn't, should it?"
"No."
Jo nodded.
"Get yourself a beer. I've got to get dressed."
Kelly didn't get there until five minutes before seven, and they were waiting for her. Jo searched her eyes but Kelly's rested on hers for only a brief second.
"Hi everyone," she said. "Sorry I'm late."
"We're just having a beer. Want one?" Janis asked.
"Yes, please."
She avoided the sofa where Jo was and sat in the armchair across from her. "How did your week go?' she asked.
"Busy," Jo said.
"Mine, too. It just flew by."
Jo wished she could say the same. Kelly was wearing slacks and a sweater, and Jo found herself staring at her full breasts where the sweater hugged them. She had to tear her eyes away.
"Do you two have plans for Christmas?" Janis asked.
"I'll be going to California," Kelly said, and Jo felt her heart sink. Would Kelly be gone the entire time?
"Oh, that's right. Your family is out there."
"Yeah. What will you do?" she asked.
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"Oh, we only have a few days off. Betsy's mother always comes and stays, though."
"We bought your book, by the way," Betsy said. "I loved it. Janis just started it."
"And don't tell me a thing. I think the janitor did it,"
Janis said.
Jo and Kelly glanced at each other and smiled.
They went for Mexican food, and Jo had two margaritas.
She ordered the second after Kelly mentioned that she had been at the bar the night before.
"Deb was there," she told Jo. "She said to tell you hello if I saw you."
"How nice," Jo said and forced a smile. That meant Lucy was there, as well. Had she danced with her? Of course. Had she taken her home? Jo refused to think about that.
"We could go out tonight, if you want," Janis offered.
"No. I'm really tired. You all go if you want, though.
Don't mind me," Kelly said.
Why was she tired? Had she made love long into the night and early morning? Jo felt her heart tighten, and she bit her bottom lip hard.
Once back at their house, Kel
ly came in for only a minute. "I've got to get going. I've got some work to do in the morning. Thanks for dinner. I enjoyed it."
She turned to Jo. "I guess I'll see you at school."
"I guess," Jo said and shrugged.
Kelly met her eyes and started to say something else, then looked away and was gone.
"Jesus, what's with you two?" Janis asked.
"I haven't had a chance to tell her," Betsy said to Jo.
"Tell me what?"
"I'll leave you two to discuss my personal life in private,"
Jo said and stood up.
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"Are you okay?" Betsy asked.
"No. I don't guess that I am."
She cried on the way home. It was the margaritas, she supposed. Tequila always depressed her.
"Who are you kidding?" she demanded aloud as she wiped her cheeks. God, she missed Kelly.
Her answering machine was blinking when she got home, and she pushed the button as she walked past.
"Jo, please call me when you get in."
Jo stared at the machine, wondering what Kelly wanted.
She thought briefly that she wouldn't call her, but she knew she would.
She got ready for bed, and as she lay there in the dark, she reached for the phone. Kelly answered right away.
"It's me," Jo said.
"Hi."
"What is it?" she asked.
Kelly was silent for a moment. "I wanted to tell you that I missed you," she said quietly.
"Do you?" Jo asked coldly.
"Yes."
"Is that why you went out last night?"
"Yes, it is," Kelly said.
Jo closed her eyes and she felt tears well there. "Was Lucy there?”
"Yes, she was," Kelly admitted.
"Did you dance with her?"
"Yes."
"Slow songs?" she whispered.
"Yes."
Jo felt a tear escape. "Did you kiss her?"
Kelly paused for only a moment. "She kissed me, yes."
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Jo bit her lip as tears fell from her eyes. Her heart lodged in her throat, and she swallowed hard.
"Jo?"
"Why?" Jo asked with a sob. "Why are you doing this?"
"You don't want me.”
"I want you," Jo insisted.
"You don't want me the way I need you to want me.”
"And Lucy does?"
Kelly didn't answer.
"Please tell me you didn't spend the night with her. I couldn't stand it if you did," she said softly and let her tears fall.