Sew in Love

by Debby Lee

  The day was starting out beautifully. Spring was in the air. It made Jeni feel invigorated as she walked to Professor Montgomery’s.

  The past two weeks had been hard and incredible all at the same time. Jeni loved getting to spend a few minutes praying with Philip each morning but found that she longed for more. They grew even closer during that time. Probably because they were growing spiritually.

  Even during their lessons, she found her mind and her heart pleading with God to allow them to be together. She’d laid her heart on the altar and told her heavenly Father daily that she sought His will. But she found it harder to think about letting Philip go. What would she do if God closed this door?

  She’d be heartbroken. That’s what.

  The thought made her shiver. And yet, she’d promised God that she would do His will. No matter what it cost her.

  The past couple of weeks had also seen a change in Aunt Bridget. She wouldn’t stop talking about her friends in Wisconsin. How beautiful it was there. So much more open area and clean air. Did her aunt wish to move there?

  It made Jeni shrug. Perhaps if her aunt wanted to move away, Jeni could grant her that wish. There was enough money saved up to send her beloved aunt to Wisconsin. Maybe she would finally find a bit of joy there. And Jeni would be free to continue her life here. It would take her a bit longer to save up for her shop, but she was willing to sacrifice for the woman who’d done so much for her after her parents died. Besides, the mail route was getting faster and faster. There were also trains. So they could still stay in touch and see one another.

  It was funny … a few months ago, she wouldn’t have been able to stand the thought of being on her own. Or of her aunt leaving. But now she felt confident and hopeful in the Lord. It was a beautiful thing.

  Rounding the corner of the building, Jeni spotted Philip outside the door. He was filthy. Covered in black … soot? She ran the last few steps. “What’s happened? Are you all right?”

  He took a deep breath and shook his head. “The Polo Grounds burned down early this morning.”

  Covering her mouth with her hand, she shook her head and then lowered her hand. “Oh Philip, I’m so sorry. What will happen?” The opening game had been just yesterday.

  “I’m not sure … it’s pretty much gone. But they’re already talking about rebuilding. The owners just need to decide what to do in the meantime for the next part of the season.” He opened the door for her and they entered together, and he steered her toward the stairs. Sitting on a lower step, he swiped a hand at his face. When it came away black, he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. “We—all the players—went down as soon as we could and tried to help, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to come to lessons for a couple days. You continue on without me. At least for now. I’ll send a message soon about when I’ll be back, but the team needs me.”

  “I completely understand. Is there anything you need me to do?”

  “Prayer is the best answer. This is going to be really stressful on everyone.”

  She gave him the most sympathetic smile she could muster. But she really just wanted to sit down and cry. It seemed like so much was keeping them apart right now. She really didn’t want to be selfish, but she wished she could keep him with her. For just a little longer.

  “I better get back. I’ll be in touch.” He stood and let out a long sigh as he turned for the door.

  “I’ll be praying for you … and, Philip?”

  He looked over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  A soft smile spread across his soot-covered face. He took a step back toward her. “I would take you in my arms right now, but I don’t want to get anything on your clothes. Thank you, Jeni. For praying. And for everything.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I love you too.”

  Chapter 15

  Thursday, April 20, 1911

  Kicking a rock with his shoe, Philip stuffed his hands into his pockets. Not only had he missed almost a week of seeing Jeni, but he had been working around the clock with some of the other baseball players. Cleaning, salvaging, trying to help in any way they could at the Polo Grounds. On top of that, they’d played four games since the fire.

  Then he went home this morning and finally had a chance to look at his mail.

  Another letter had been sent. Even more threatening than the last. Saying something terrible would happen if he didn’t stop seeing Jeni. Of course, the writer had used some other distasteful terms for her, but he didn’t even want to think of them.

  So he’d gotten cleaned up and had stewed over the note. But the more he thought about it, the more angry he became. Who dared to think that they could threaten someone like that? It was beyond his imagination.

  To make things worse, the manager of the team told him yesterday that morale was low with the fans because of the fire and the fact that they were having to rent Hilltop Park—an American League Park—from the New York Yankees until their own field was rebuilt. This meant that they didn’t want to wait until June to have the special events for the fans. The team needed his support.

  But Philip was tired. Weary to the bone. The only thing that seemed to be going right was his batting average. What if that went down the drain too?

  As he walked the rest of the way to Montgomery’s office, the stress, weariness, and aggravation built inside him. And he let it. Because frankly, he was tired of all of it. It seemed like he was being pulled in too many different directions.

  His time with God had been limited recently. And his time of prayer with Jeni had been obliterated by all of this. Maybe that was what was wrong with him?

  Climbing the stairs to the professor’s office, he thought about everything else that he had to do today. With only a few weeks to prepare for the first fan event, he’d prefer just running away and hiding. If only he could just play ball.

  But sadly, that wasn’t an option.

  Jeni’s smile greeted him as he entered the office. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” He tried to put a smile behind it, but he just wasn’t feeling it.

  She obviously noticed. “Didn’t get enough sleep?”

  “Not for a week.” He knew his tone was gruff. What was wrong with him? The woman he loved was standing in front of him and being kind. “I’m sorry to be such a grump.”

  “It’s all right. Let’s get in for the lesson. The professor has been quite difficult to work with without you.” Her light laughter floated over him but didn’t stick. Oh, how he wished he could go back to different days. Or just start today over. With plenty of sleep beforehand.

  “All right, Mr. March. Your manager sent over the specifics about your speech being moved up to the middle of May, so why don’t we start with some work on the actual script you will be reading.” The professor turned to Jeni. “I need you to listen and tell him what you hear. Are you able to understand what he’s saying? Is he reverting back to his old habits? Be specific about what you hear, because this is just as much a benefit to you as it is to him.”

  “Of course. I’ll do my best.” She sat up straighter in her chair and clasped her hands in her lap. A trait that had endeared her to him.

  Lord, help me. Please. I’m afraid I feel like a bear today.

  Montgomery handed him the script. “Whenever you’re ready, Mr. March. Start at the top. Speak slowly and think about your words. Enunciate clearly. The listeners need to understand you.”

  Philip gave him a nod. He could do this.

  Thirty minutes later, he took the sentiment back. He couldn’t do this. It was ridiculous to even think that he could. For one thing, he was so tired the words almost blurred on the page in front of him. And for another, with everyone correcting and nitpicking every little thing, he couldn’t remember how to say anything correctly. But he kept going.

  “To all the fans out there, we want to thank youse for bein’ supportive—”

  “Youse is not a word, Mr. March.”

  “Yo
u dropped another g.” Jeni and the professor spoke at the same time.

  “That’s it.” He stood up and threw the paper at their teacher. “I’ve had enough. I don’t need anybody tellin’ me what I’m sayin’ wrong and when. I’m exhausted, I haven’t had any sleep, our ball field is in shambles, now I’m expected to talk to crowds even sooner so that the fans can have their spirits boosted, and oh, while I’m at it, I’m supposed to keep hittin’ home runs so I can break my own record.”

  Jeni reached out to him. “Philip, we were just trying to help, don’t—”

  “No. Don’t say it. Don’t tell me one more thing I’m doin’ wrong. This was a bad idea. I don’t know why I even thought it would work.” All his frustrations were coming out of his mouth, whether he wanted them to or not. And his voice kept increasing in volume. Like he was a volcano about to explode. “It’s not like you can help me anyway. This was stupid. I can’t deal with any more expectations. I’m sorry. I’m not perfect. I can’t be the perfect man. I can’t protect you. I can’t deal with any more threatening letters. All because of us spendin’ time together.”

  Jeni stood, a fire in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before. “Well, forgive me for helping you. You’ll be good to remember that it was your idea that we work together.”

  “It was a sorry idea…. I need to be focused more on my job, anyway.”

  “Far be it from me to keep you from your precious baseball! It’s obviously where your true heart is anyway.”

  “Don’t go comparin’ baseball to our friendship. That’s not fair!”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought we were working together and learning from one another quite well. But I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you any further, Mr. March.”

  “Maybe I should just leave.”

  “Maybe you should!” Her eyes narrowed, and she grabbed her handbag. “You know what? Maybe it’s best that we don’t continue. I don’t think I want to see you again, Mr. March. Good day.” She stormed out of the room, the feathers atop her red hat bouncing along with her.

  The slamming of the door knocked a bit of sense back into him. What did he do?

  Chapter 16

  Stomping out her fury on the sidewalks, Jeni marched her way to the shop. Stubborn and foolish man. Why had she ever given her heart to him?

  When she entered her workroom, she took off her hat and gloves and slapped them on the table. Well, she would just show him that she didn’t need him. She didn’t need anybody. And she definitely didn’t need love. Forget the linguistics lessons. She could speak just fine. If Philip wanted to continue them, well, by golly, he could very well do them without her.

  She was done.

  But as soon as she thought it, tears sprang to her eyes. Her stupid temper. Why had she blown up like that?

  She wanted to sit down and sob.

  No. She wasn’t going to let herself get all melancholy over a man.

  A man she loved.

  A man she missed already. A man she had just pushed away.

  But he pushed first.

  The argument went round and round in her head.

  Stop. The only way to get over the ache in her heart was to pour herself into her work.

  She looked down at her hat and gloves and went to move them to the cupboard where she kept her things. But underneath them was a note. In a dark envelope with block script.

  As she looked around the room, she noticed that two of the hats she’d been working on yesterday were slashed. Practically in half.

  With shaking hands she opened the letter.

  This time the threat wasn’t against her.

  Stay away from Philip March. If you don’t, I’ll ruin his baseball career and he’ll go back to the gutter he came from.

  The sender was after Philip too.

  Someone was serious about keeping her and Philip apart. But why?

  Feeling defeated as fear and worry crept into her limbs again, she could only pray and pour out her heart to God.

  Then there was work. Whoever it was wanted to see them both fail.

  Well, Jeni was too stubborn to allow that to happen. She wouldn’t let a bully win.

  They might think they could take Philip from her, but they couldn’t take away her ability and talent.

  Four hours later, she’d cleaned up the mess and created the two designs all over again. On top of drawing the designs for three new hats. She found that if she poured herself into her work, she could forget Philip. At least for a few minutes at a time.

  Maybe that was for the best. After their altercation earlier, she didn’t think that anything could fix how her heart felt. Like it was broken in two.

  Footsteps sounded behind her. “Miss O’Brien, I am in need of your assistance.”

  “Of course, sir. How may I help?”

  “I have several extra orders that came in earlier today, and they all need them soon.”

  “How soon?”

  “In the next couple days.” Mr. Crawford handed her a paper with the orders and his notes on it.

  “Oh. Well of course.” She swallowed. “I’ll stay late if I need to.”

  The man beamed a grin at her. “I knew I could count on you, Miss O’Brien.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  “You just let me know of anything that you need, and I’ll make sure you have it.”

  She nodded and looked at the paper. Of course the designs wouldn’t be easy. Elaborate. Large. Full of ribbons, flowers, feathers … One woman even requested white beads that looked like pearls to be woven through hers. Jeni could guess which customer that order belonged to.

  Oh well. If it would help keep her mind off her heartache, she’d work until midnight every night.

  The rest of the day passed in a flurry. It surprised her to discover that as she poured herself into her work, the hats turned out even better than she imagined. Perhaps that might continue. She’d need something to keep her going.

  As she walked home, Jeni dreaded telling Aunt Bridget anything about Philip or her work. But her aunt was a perceptive person. She’d know something was wrong. And Jeni didn’t have the energy to hide it.

  Auntie Bridget opened the door before Jeni could even pull out her key. “Where ya been, lass?” Hands on her hips, the woman looked worried and mad all at the same time.

  “I’ll be needin’ to stay at work a bit late the next few nights. Mr. Crawford has some extra orders that need to be finished fast-like.” Her Irish accent grew strong again. Probably because she was tired.

  “Oh. All right.” Her aunt ushered her in and then closed the door. “Is something botherin’ you, dearie?”

  Jeni collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table. For a moment, she didn’t want to say anything, but then she realized that Auntie Bridget was all she had in the world, and tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh Auntie … it’s horrible …”

  After she’d told Aunt Brig everything, her heart felt even heavier and her eyes burned from the tears. A nice headache was brewing too. A lot of good it did her to get it all off her chest.

  “I can’t believe that someone would threaten you. Why, that’s just awful.” Her aunt clucked her tongue. “What’re ya gonna do about it?”

  “Not a thing. Philip and I had a huge fight this morning, and I told him I didn’t want to see him again. So that’s the end of that. But to think that someone would be so hateful to come into my shop and ruin all my hard work too? Just to be hateful? What have I ever done to them?” Jeni stood up and wiped her nose with her hankie. “I’m afraid I don’t feel up to talkin’ about it anymore. I just want to go to bed.”

  “All right. I’ll see ya in the mornin’.”

  As she walked to her room, her feet felt like lead. Her conversation with Philip washed over her again and again, and she realized she’d been quite harsh and unforgiving. He’d been under so much stress and had lashed out, yes, but then she’d told him she didn’t want to see him anymore.

  But that wasn’t what he
r heart wanted. She wanted to apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. They could face anything together, right? But how would that ever happen? She’d slammed the door on him. Literally and figuratively.

  Tears sprang to her eyes again. She loved Philip. No matter what.

  Had she thrown it all away?

  Philip paced his apartment. The day had spiraled downward as it went on. How had he allowed himself to speak that way to Jeni? He couldn’t believe it himself when he thought back to their altercation at the professor’s.

  What seemed like an unbelievable nightmare had actually happened.

  And now he had to deal with the consequences.

  As his heart ached with the weight of losing Jeni, a swell of determination rushed up, and he took a deep breath. No. He didn’t have to accept that he’d lost her. Yes, he’d been stupid. Yes, he’d lost his temper. But he could ask for forgiveness. Beg for it, if need be. He’d been in the wrong. The least he could do was admit it.

  Scrambling for paper and a pen, Philip looked around the apartment. Words filled his mind. Everything he wanted to say … everything within his heart that he wanted to share with Jeni. With another deep breath, he sat down and prayed for the Lord’s guidance. Then, setting the pen to paper, he poured out his soul to the woman he loved. If he needed to send her letters every day until she forgave him, he would do that.

  Because she was worth it.

  Chapter 17

  Wednesday, May 3, 1911

  Mr. Crawford’s shop was seeing incredible sales—thanks to the number of hats Jeni was cranking out daily—and he voluntarily gave her another raise. But even with that good news, she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering back to Philip. How was he doing? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? She tried to keep track of the baseball games and how he played, but it had been almost two weeks since she’d seen him, and her heart ached for him.

  While she’d continued to practice her linguistics on her own, she missed the lessons at the professor’s. Missed talking with her best friend. Missed their laughter together. Missed the fact that she could simply be herself.