A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  “You don’t have to come. Go back to bed and get some rest. I can handle this myself.”

  The thought of Ida trying to defend the forged birth certificate was worse than if she herself had to do it.

  “No,” she replied glumly. “This is something I need to do myself.”

  With Suzanna dragging her heels as if she were walking the last mile, it was late morning before they arrived at the school. She suggested it might be faster if Ida waited in the car, but of course, Ida would not hear of it, so the three of them went in together.

  The registrar’s table was set up in the central hall and in front of it a waiting line.

  “Perhaps we should come back later,” Suzanna suggested.

  Obviously overhearing her words, the woman in front of her turned. “The line moves pretty quickly.” A flicker of recognition flitted across her face, then she smiled and said, “Ida? Ida Parker, right?”

  Ida nodded and returned the smile. “And you’re…”

  “Margaret Boden. The Saint Agnus choir, remember?”

  “Good gracious, it’s been years!” Looking down at the little redheaded girl, Ida asked, “Is this your granddaughter?”

  Smiling proudly, Margaret nodded then introduced Becky to the group. “And is this pretty little sweetheart your granddaughter?”

  Ida chuckled. “Her mama’s my granddaughter; Annie’s my great-granddaughter.” She went on to introduce Darla Jean, and a full-blown conversation ensued. Moments later they were joined by another mom who said she was still singing in the choir.

  By the time they reached the registrar’s table, the group of women were crowded together and chattering like a group of magpies. Their laughter grew louder, and the hallway was soon filled with the echo of their voices. When Suzanna finally stepped to the table, she wrote Annie Parker on the registration and listed Ida’s address. But with the commotion going on behind her and her nerves already frayed, her writing was almost illegible.

  “Do you have a birth certificate?” the volunteer at the registration table asked.

  Suzanna nodded, pulled the folded paper from her pocket, and handed it to the woman.

  The volunteer checked the date on the birth certificate. Just as she was moving her finger across to where Suzanna had altered the name, a howl came from the back of the line.

  “She bit me!” a childish voice wailed.

  The volunteer’s head snapped up, and she stood to see what was going on.

  “Quiet down back there!” she yelled. “I will not stand for such behavior when—”

  She was interrupted by an irate mother. “Speed it up, Esther! The kids are getting impatient. They want to get out of here.”

  Several others joined in, voicing complaints. Standing there with a steely-eyed glare, Esther insisted that unless the crowd quieted down, they would be here all day. When the complaints finally ceased, Esther returned to her seat.

  By then Suzanna had snatched the birth certificate and folded it back into her pocket. As she turned to walk away, the flustered Esther called out, “Wait, I need to verify her last name.”

  Almost in unison, the three women who had been chatting answered, “Parker! She’s Ida’s great-granddaughter.”

  With a look of irritation still stuck to her face, the registration clerk gave a nod then waved the next person forward.

  As Suzanna hurried from the building, Ida had to hustle to keep up with her.

  That afternoon as they strolled along Main Street browsing in one shop and then the other, Suzanna began to believe that for the first time in her life this was something she could hold on to. She and Annie would stay here forever. Next week, after Annie started school, she’d look for a job and find herself a small apartment, not far off in New Jersey, but right here in Cousins, Georgia. This was where they’d build a new life, and Ida Parker would be their prestigious family tree.

  Earl

  No More Waiting

  FOR ALMOST FIVE MONTHS EARL Fagan clung to the belief that Suzanna would return. It seemed a reasonable enough assumption since she’d left most of her clothes hanging in the closet, a bunch of crap in the bathroom, and Annie’s tricycle on the back porch.

  He didn’t care a bean about Annie, because the kid was a nuisance, but Suzanna, that was a different story. He’d fallen for her the first time he’d seen her behind the register at the Snack Shop, her belly rounded out and her breasts twice the size they were now. He’d suspected there was a chance she could be pregnant, but she didn’t say anything about it so neither did he.

  They got friendly and went out half a dozen times—movies, dinner at the Chinese place, an afternoon at the county fair—then she told him. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing that he hadn’t expected. He’d gone into the Snack Shop figuring to get a Ring Ding and a Coca-Cola and there she was, standing at the counter, red-eyed and teary.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, and she burst out bawling.

  That’s when she told him a boy from school had gotten her pregnant then and would soon be going off to college.

  “And as if that’s not enough,” she sobbed, “Daddy said he can’t live with the sight of my big belly anymore, and I’ve got to get out of his house.”

  “So, do it. Leave. Move out.”

  Suzanna grabbed a napkin from the counter, blew her nose, then tossed it in the trash can.

  “Oh, just like that, move out?” she repeated. “And where I am supposed to go?”

  “I got a house off Shady Creek Road. You can come stay with me.”

  With the cynicism still crackling through her words, she said, “Yeah, sure. And I’m supposed to believe you ain’t looking for something in return?”

  “I’m not,” Earl said indignantly. “I got an extra room I ain’t using. You can have it for as long as need be.”

  Two days later Suzanna moved in with him. She slept in the spare room for the first three months, then a month after Annie was born, she painted the room pink, turned it into a nursery, and started sleeping in Earl’s bed.

  As far as Earl was concerned, it was good back then. Annie was small enough that she slept most of the time, and Earl had what he’d wanted all along: Suzanna. Their problems didn’t start until the kid was about three; that’s when Suzanna began harping on him about drinking and cussing.

  “How’s Annie supposed to grow up respectable when she sees you acting like this?”

  She didn’t say it just once, she said it over a thousand times. The same thing, again and again, like a stuck record.

  When Earl had had enough, he laid into her, punched a hole in the wall, and walked out. From then on he did most of his drinking at Maloney’s, but even that wasn’t good enough.

  Suzanna was always on his back about something. The arguments turned violent and began to happen more frequently. Usually they ended with him passing out or her saying she was going to leave and take Annie with her, but as far as he was concerned those were nothing but empty threats. The truth was she had nowhere to go, no job, and no money. A number of times he’d laughed in her face when she said it, but back then he never dreamed she’d actually follow through.

  Now, after five months, he was genuinely worried. Suzanna could be irresponsible about a number of things but never about Annie. Earl believed that if she were coming back, she’d have done so in time to register Annie for school.

  Sticking to that thought, he’d tidied up the house, gotten rid of the beer cans and whiskey bottles, and cut back on the drinking. For almost two weeks he’d been painfully close to sober, but now school had started and there was still no sign of Suzanna.

  The second week of September he got caught behind a school bus, and as he sat there watching kids scramble on and off thoughts of Suzanna overwhelmed him. That was the day he broke down and cried. He called the bowling alley, said he was too sick to come to work, then bought a half-gallon of whiskey, went home, and drank himself into a stupor.

  Three days later, he decided that he was going to
find Suzanna and bring her home. He’d do whatever he had to do to keep her. If it meant giving up drinking, he’d do it. If it meant getting married, he was willing to do that too. Despite the never-ending arguments and having to put up with her kid, his life with Suzanna was a lot better than life without her.

  Without much to go on finding her was not going to be easy, but Earl believed anything was possible if you set your mind to it. He started by going through the things she’d left at the house; he was looking for a name, address, or telephone number. After two days of emptying out every drawer in the house, checking the pockets of her jeans and jackets, and paging through her books, he tried asking neighbors along the road. He showed the picture he carried in his wallet and asked if they’d seen Suzanna coming or going.

  Most shook their head and answered no, but the Widow Hawkins gave a nod and said she’d seen Suzanna at the library.

  “That was some time ago,” she added. “Not recently.”

  Figuring this might turn into a lead, Earl dredged up a tear, then with a great deal of display brushed it back.

  “Sorry to be so emotional,” he said, “but she took my little girl, and I’m trying to find the child.”

  Widow Hawkins raised an eyebrow. “If you’re the girl’s daddy, you’ve got every right to know where she’s at!”

  “True as that may be,” Earl said morosely, “I haven’t been able to find her.”

  “Suzanna’s daddy used to work with my Chester; far as I know he still lives over on River Road. Have you checked with him?”

  Earl shook his head. “I doubt she’d go back there. They parted on pretty bad terms to hear her tell of it.”

  A look of doubt tugged at Widow Hawkins’ face. “Family’s family. A spat’s not nearly enough to stop a girl from going home to her daddy.”

  Earl thought about it for a second, then grinned. “You just might be right.”

  With a look indicating she was pretty pleased with her own suggestion, she added, “His place is way down on the eastern end of River. T. P. Duff it says on the mailbox.”

  That same afternoon, Earl drove across town and went in search of the mailbox with T. P. Duff stenciled on it. Three times he drove past the dilapidated two-story house before he caught sight of the faded name on the mailbox. He pulled into the rutted drive that led to a garage behind the house, parked the car, and got out.

  After he rang the doorbell three times, he heard the shuffle of footsteps inside. He waited a minute and, when no one opened the door, rang the bell for a fourth time.

  “Knock it off!” yelled a voice from inside.

  Leaning toward the door so he’d be heard, Earl hollered, “I’m looking for Mr. Duff!”

  Seconds later, the door jerked open. With his hair smashed to one side like he might have been sleeping, the man eyed Earl suspiciously. “I’m Tom Duff; what business you got with me?”

  “I’m looking for your daughter—”

  “I got no daughter.”

  As Duff stepped back and tried to close the door, Earl stuck out his foot and stopped it. “I’m talking about Suzanna; she’s your daughter, ain’t she?”

  “No more she’s not.”

  Trying to sound sympathetic, Earl said, “Look, man, I understand the crap she gave you; it was the same with me. But I still gotta find her.”

  “Why? She owe you money?”

  “Some, but that ain’t it. Look, I got a bottle of Jack Daniels in the car; how’s about I get it, then you and me can have a drink and maybe hash this thing out?”

  Duff wavered a moment then said, “Get the bottle if you want, but if this is about Suzanna thinking she’s gonna come back home, you’re wasting your time.”

  “Don’t worry; it’s nothing like that.”

  Earl scampered back to the car, reached under the seat, grabbed the bottle, and followed Duff into the house. They sat at the kitchen table across from one another and spent the afternoon downing one drink after another.

  For the most part, Duff had no answers to give Earl. He apparently hadn’t seen or heard from Suzanna since she walked out eight years earlier.

  “What about friends?” Earl asked. “She have anybody she was close to? Girlfriends she might’ve gotten in touch with later on?”

  “A few girls used to come around once in a while. Can’t say I remember their names.”

  “What about the guy she was going out with, he ever come around?”

  “All the time, but I ain’t remembering his name neither. He was in her class, a big deal football player. For sure I’d recognize his name if I heard it. Maybe if you had a picture—”

  The mention of a picture gave Earl an idea. “What about a yearbook? Suzanna graduated that year, didn’t she? Did she get one of those yearbooks with all the pictures in—”

  Duff was already shaking his head. “She was two months from graduation when she left here big as a house. I can’t say if she ever graduated or got one of them yearbooks. Damn shame. You raise a kid up for eighteen years, you got a right to expect…” His voice trailed off as he poured himself another drink.

  “Did Suzanna leave anything behind? Stuff she maybe stored in the attic?”

  “Nothing’s stored. A few weeks after she left I figured she wasn’t coming back, so I gathered up her stuff and set it out with the trash.”

  “Too bad.” Earl sat there for a minute then came up with another idea. “I might be able to get one of them books. Say I do, you reckon you could pick out the kid Suzanna used to go out with? The one who’s Annie’s daddy?”

  “Annie, huh? That’s what she named the kid?”

  Earl nodded. “The girl’s seven years old and supposed to be in school, but Suzanna took off. Now, I’m thinking maybe she’s back with that guy. The one who’s Annie’s daddy. So if you could point him out, then…”

  “I could pick him out all right,” Duff said, “but you’re wasting your time. He ain’t gonna help none with the kid. Way back when, he told Suzanna he’d get her money enough if she wanted to get rid of it, but if she had that baby she was on her own.”

  He drained the glass. “The boy ain’t the one to blame. He was looking to make something of his self before he got tied down with a family. Suzanna, she’s the one. She wouldn’t listen to reason. She wanted the baby, and that’s all there was to it.”

  Segueing into a tale of how his daughter’s life could have been different, he continued on, but by then Earl was no longer listening. He was thinking about how he could get his hands on a yearbook and wondering if Suzanna had indeed left him to be with the kid who was Annie’s daddy.

  He could still remember how she’d cried hysterically when that kid left for college. She’d shed all those tears over the football player but not a single one for him. Earl was the one who’d taken her in, given her a home, provided for her and the kid all these years, and this was the thanks he got? Her leaving without so much as a goodbye? He deserved better. Yeah, they argued from time to time, and he probably said some things he shouldn’t have, but that was no reason for her to run off. They could’ve talked it over, worked it out.

  As he thought back to that last fight, Earl could hear himself telling her that if she wanted a new life, she should find Annie’s daddy and have him give it to her. She must’ve known he didn’t mean it. She’d driven him nuts with her harping, and he was pissed off. You piss a man off, he’s bound to say things he don’t mean. That ain’t cause enough for leaving.

  If Suzanna thought she could just take off and give Mr. Football a chance to play the daddy card now that he was done with college, she had another think coming. Earl wasn’t going to stand still for it. He’d been the one who was there when she needed somebody, and he wasn’t about to step aside now.

  He’d never really wanted kids, but he’d put up with Annie for Suzanna’s sake. Mr. Football wasn’t willing to do it, but Earl was. If Suzanna couldn’t see that was the true measure of love, then he’d have to find a way to open her eyes and make cer
tain she saw it.

  Whatever he had to do, he’d do it. He was not going to lose out to Mr. Football. No way. No how.

  Suzanna

  The Decision

  ONCE ANNIE WAS SUCCESSFULLY REGISTERED for school, Suzanna found moments when she could almost believe they actually were Parkers. No one—not the shopkeepers, not the doctor who gave Annie her vaccination, not even the school registrar—raised an eyebrow when Ida Parker said Annie was her great-granddaughter. True, there was always a chance Darla Jean would show up, but it had been 25 years since her family moved away. The likelihood of her returning now seemed so remote that Suzanna could sometimes push it to the back of her mind and pretend it didn’t exist.

  With each passing day, the pieces of Darla Jean that had settled inside of her grew stronger. She began thinking of William not only as Ida’s deceased husband but as the kind-hearted granddaddy who’d waited for her return. She’d see Annie chasing Scout across the backyard or traipsing up and down the wide staircase and picture what her Darla Jean childhood would have been like. Instead of living with a daddy who could barely tolerate the sight of her, she should have been here, sleeping in the canopied bed Granddaddy had promised.

  For the first time in years, Suzanna felt happy about who she was. It was the same sense of contentment that came with being Bobby Doherty’s girl, the feeling of being a person who was well-liked and respected. She no longer saw herself as simply a survivor; she was now a respectable mom and treasured granddaughter. Like a snake, she’d shed her skin and been born anew. The tarnished reputation that dogged her steps for years had been left behind in Sun Grove and was all but forgotten.

  ——————

  THAT SEPTEMBER, ANNIE STARTED SCHOOL. For two weeks, she’d been chattering away about how excited she was, but when the morning finally arrived she was strangely quiet. She turned her nose up at Ida’s banana pancakes and claimed her stomach was hurting.