A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  He slid onto a stool at the counter and ordered coffee, black.

  The counterman, a pimply-faced kid close to the age he’d been in high school, set the cup in front of him and filled it to the brim. The coffee spilled into the saucer, but the kid didn’t care. Of course he didn’t. A guy that age didn’t give a hoot about the nit-picky things; he was too busy thinking about football and sex. After you grew up, that’s when life changed.

  Looking at the kid made Bobby feel old. He missed the days when all he needed to be happy was Suzanna and the keys to his daddy’s car. Life was good back then. Now he was weighed down with responsibilities: a house, a country club membership, a job where he was constantly on call, and if he wasn’t tied up with filings and depositions then he was expected to scout out new clients. He didn’t have a choice. Brenda wanted things, the kind of things that cost money. He’d thought he wanted the same things, but now remembering how it was with Suzanna he was starting to wonder if he actually wanted this life or had just been sucked into the appeal of it.

  For the past four years he’d believed he had it all, but maybe he was only fooling himself, thinking what other people wanted him to think. Remembering how it was with Suzanna lit a fire inside of him, a fire that wasn’t going to be squelched by peeking through a shop window. He had to see her, touch her, feel her in his arms again. He had to know if she still felt the same about him. If she did, well, then, maybe they could work things out. Find a way to be together.

  He drained the last of his coffee, paid the check, and left.

  He walked back, stood across the street from the shop, and watched the woman he thought to be Suzanna. With his eyes glued to her movements, he failed to see the tall redhead who came from the back. A dark cloud hovered overhead, the wind rattled the barber shop sign, and a roll of thunder sounded in the distance. Moments later the rain began.

  To prevent getting soaked, he stepped back and stood in the doorway of the dry cleaners. As he stood there he became colder still, and a feeling of apprehension settled in his stomach. A second boom of thunder sounded, louder than the first and far more menacing.

  This wasn’t at all the way he’d thought it would be. He’d pictured himself strolling into the shop with his shoulders back and his head high; proud, confident, a man to be reckoned with. He’d imagined Suzanna running to him, her arms open wide, her mouth crushing against his. Instead of it happening as he’d thought, she was going about her business, not seeing him, not even noticing he was there.

  Lightning flashed across the sky, and seconds later the lights in the shop flickered. Cold to the bone, Bobby shivered and pulled his jacket collar up around his neck. He thought of his nice warm office, a job that few men his age were fortunate enough to have, a lifestyle that almost anyone would envy. If he were honest with himself, he’d face facts. He’d be a fool to give all that up. For what? A woman who wasn’t anything like the girl he’d known? No way.

  He moved out of the doorway and crossed the street, heading back to his car, but just then Suzanna stepped to the front window of the shop and looked out. Her face was tilted toward the sky, but he saw precisely what he’d been looking for. It was Suzanna, the same Suzanna he’d loved. As she turned and walked toward the back, he burst through the door of the shop.

  The redhead walked over to him. “Good afternoon.”

  Bobby craned his neck looking for Suzanna, but she’d disappeared behind a rack of dresses.

  “Are you looking for something special?” the redhead asked.

  “Um. Not really.” Bobby turned his jacket collar back down and straightened his shoulders. “I’m an old friend of Darla Jean. I was passing through town and thought I’d stop and say hello.”

  “How lovely.” The redhead extended her hand. “Colette Cavalier.”

  “Robert Doherty.” As they shook hands, he smiled, turning on the charm. “If she can spare a few minutes, I thought maybe we could grab a cup of coffee, catch up…”

  Colette glanced up. “Here she is now.” She raised her arm and gave a wave. “Darla Jean, someone to see you.”

  Suzanna walked toward the front of the store then stopped dead in her tracks when he smiled and said, “Hi, Darla Jean.”

  She gasped. “Bobby. I never—”

  He smiled. “I know, it’s been a long time. Too long.” He walked over put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her cheek. He’d hoped for a warmer response but she stood there like an icicle, her face pale and eyes wide.

  Glancing over at Colette and then back to Suzanna, he said, “If your beautiful boss doesn’t mind, perhaps we could grab a cup of coffee. We’ve got tons of catching up to do.”

  “Go,” Colette said. “Take the afternoon off. With this weather, I doubt we’ll have many customers coming in, so it will be slow.”

  Bobby flashed her another smile. “Thanks.”

  “Yes, thanks, Colette,” Suzanna said and gave a tight-lipped smile. She excused herself, disappeared into the back room, and returned wearing her coat.

  Bobby hooked his arm through hers, and they left the shop.

  ——————

  SUZANNA FELT HER HEART HAMMERING against her chest as they walked along Main Street. A million questions raced through her mind, and she didn’t have the answer to even one. Yes, they needed to talk but not here. Not in a town where people knew her and would start to wonder who the stranger was. She suggested a restaurant out on the highway.

  “I’m guessing you don’t want people to overhear our conversation.” He grinned and opened the door to a big black Lincoln. Once she was seated inside, he circled around and slid behind the wheel. As soon as they’d pulled away from the curb, he glanced over and said, “Looks like you’ve been keeping a whole lot of secrets, huh, Suzanna?”

  He was the same as she remembered, so sure of himself, tossing out a grin that already felt far too intimate. “Why are you here, Bobby? How’d you find me?”

  “Suzanna, honey, you make it sound like a bad thing. It’s not, I’ve still got feelings—”

  “Really?” Her voice was thick with sarcasm. “After not giving a crap for eight years, now you’ve decided you’ve got feelings?”

  “That’s not fair; I tried to get in touch. I went to your house looking for you, not just once, but a number of times. You know what happened? Your old man told me you were gone. That’s it, just gone. No message, nothing. He wouldn’t say where to find you, just get out of his house, that was it. You think it was easy, Suzanna? Not knowing—”

  “Stop calling me Suzanna!”

  “Yeah, right.” He gave her a slant-eyed look of cynicism. “I almost forgot, you’ve got yourself a new name, and from what I hear a grandma who never before existed. Clue me in, Darla Jean, what exactly are you up to?”

  “Not what you think, Bobby. Mrs. Parker mistook me for her granddaughter, and I…” Her voice faltered, and she turned her face toward the window.

  “You what? Saw a golden opportunity and decided to cash in on it?”

  “Is that really what you think of me?” She didn’t turn or look back.

  They drove in silence until he pulled into a parking space at the Pig n’ Pint. After the engine was switched off, he reached across the seat and touched his hand to the back of her neck.

  “Look, Suzanna, I’m not here to hurt you. I came because I’ve never forgotten that night. I’ve regretted it a thousand times over, but with not knowing where you were there was nothing I could do about it. I had no way to make things right.”

  His words were so sincere, his touch so familiar. In an odd way it seemed as though no time had passed since they were last together. They stepped out of the car and Suzanna offered no resistance as they walked into the restaurant, his hand on the small of her back, steering her toward a booth behind the bar.

  After the drinks were ordered, they began to talk. Bobby explained how his brother had been at the fashion show.

  “You probably didn’t recognize Eddie,” he said. �
��He’s gained weight and now has a beard.”

  “I guess we’ve all changed,” Suzanna said wistfully. She looked into his eyes remembering how, over the years, she’d wished for this moment so many times. She’d imagined it a thousand different ways but never quite like this. “I have a good life now, someone I care for, a beautiful little daughter—”

  He nodded then reached across the table, taking her hand in his. “Eddie told me. She’s our child, isn’t she?”

  Suzanna hesitated a long time before she answered. She could say no, end it here and now, and hold on to the life she’d built. It was a good life; the life she’d dreamt of having. Telling the truth would complicate things. Once Bobby knew, the others would find out and it would be like opening up Pandora’s box. The lies would come tumbling out, one atop the other, destroying everything she’d worked so hard to build. She’d be branded a liar and the people she loved would turn away with a look of disappointment or, worse yet, disgust. She would no longer be Darla Jean Parker, she’d lose the grandmother she’d come to love, and Gregg also, maybe even her job. Once she opened that door, there would be no closing it. The word no lingered on her tongue for several minutes, but it never came out.

  This wasn’t about her. It was about Annie. Good or bad, she deserved to know her father.

  Suzanna gave a weary sigh, one weighted with the knowledge of all she was risking.

  “Yes, Annie is our daughter,” she said, “but she knows nothing of you or the circumstances of her birth.” She continued on, explaining how with no place else to go, she’d moved in with Earl. “He was good to me when I needed somebody to lean on, but he was never good to Annie. He barely tolerated her. Last summer I finally realized he was little more than a carbon copy of my daddy, and I wanted something better for our daughter.” She went on to tell of Earl’s drinking, the subsequent abusiveness, and how one morning she and Annie left, hitched a ride, and landed in Cousins, Georgia.

  As she spoke, a pained look settled on Bobby’s face. “I’m sorry, I had no idea…”

  “That’s not true, Bobby. You knew I was carrying your child, and you turned away. When we passed one another in the hallways, you looked the other way and started laughing it up with your buddies. I wanted to be there for graduation, but I couldn’t stand the shame so I stopped going to school. A week later, my daddy told me to get out.”

  “I’ll make it up to you, Suzanna. I’ve got money now. I can help out.”

  Suzanna pulled her hand away from his. “Money? Is that what you think this is about?”

  “No, of course not. I want to pick up where we left off, Suzanna. We were good together, you know that, don’t you?”

  “Good together, how? In the back seat of your daddy’s car?”

  “Of course, there was that, but there was a lot more. We had a connection, like this feeling we were supposed to be together.”

  “Then why did that great connection end the minute I said we should get married?”

  He gave an almost imperceptible shrug. “It wasn’t because I didn’t love you, but the timing and the circumstances were wrong. We were too young, I had my scholarship—”

  “So, what’s changed, Bobby? Is this where you tell me you want to start over and make things right?”

  Instead of answering her question, he leaned forward, so close that she could feel his breath on her cheek and when he spoke, his voice was as soulful and intimate as a kiss. “We belong together, Suzanna. I know it, and you know it.” He smiled, brushed his fingertip across her lips, then nested her chin in his hand.

  It was a thing he’d done a thousand times before, and the memories came rushing back. She’d told herself that she’d moved on, forgotten about him, forgotten about the way it once was, but all of a sudden she was no longer sure.

  “Things aren’t the same, Bobby. We’ve got a little girl who needs a mama and a daddy. Do you think you’re ready to settle down, get married, and be the kind of daddy Annie deserves?”

  “I’d like nothing more, but you’ve got to realize, Suzanna, things like that take time. I’ve got responsibilities. In a few years I’ll make partner in my firm. That’s not something—”

  She gave a cynical snort. “Not something you can walk away from the way you walked away from me and Annie?”

  “I’ve changed, Suzanna. I’m different now. I know what I want, and I want you. I realize we’ve got a child to think about, and I’ve offered to help out financially, but where we go from here is up to you. If you give it a chance, I think you’ll see the passion is still there. It won’t always be easy, but we’ll work it out, find a way to be with each other.”

  He lowered his eyes and his voice grew softer, threaded with what Suzanna believed to be the sound of regret. “Unless you’re willing to try, we’ll never know if this was meant to be.”

  She felt a tiny bit of her resolve slip away. After all, he was Annie’s father, and they did have a history together. Everybody made mistakes; she’d made plenty of them herself. There was a very real possibility that Bobby regretted the way things ended, that he had looked for her, and that he actually did want them to be a family. If it was true, didn’t she owe it to Annie to at least give it a try?

  She raised her face and looked into Bobby’s eyes. “Would you like to meet Annie?”

  “Of course I would, but not right away. It’s too soon. You and I need to spend time together, get back to where we used to be.”

  A prickle of suspicion suddenly crawled up her spine.

  “Back to where we used to be?” she repeated. “Does that mean you getting me into bed, or are you actually interested in being a daddy to Annie?”

  “I won’t lie to you, Suzanna, it’s both. Of course, I want to get to know our daughter, but I also want to hold you in my arms and make love to you. I’ve never stopped wanting that.”

  It was late in the afternoon when they left the restaurant and drove back to Barston. Bobby parked his car in the darkened lot behind the shops then leaned across the seat, kissed Suzanna full on the mouth, and pulled her body into his. She didn’t resist even though it felt wrong and oddly out of sync with her memories. He was the same but somehow different. When he kissed her a second and third time, something stirred in the pit of her stomach and she began to believe the passion was still there.

  It was too soon. Much too soon.

  “Not yet,” she said, but her words had little conviction and were no louder than a whisper. “I think we should wait until—”

  He silenced her, covering her mouth with his. When the kiss ended, he ran his tongue along the side of her throat. With his breath hot in her ear, he whispered, “Don’t think, just relax and let it happen.”

  She forced herself to pull away. “No. Not here and not now. We’re not teenagers, and this isn’t the back seat of your daddy’s car. If we’re going to make this work, it’s got to be different this time.” Before she could say they needed to get to know one another again before they jumped into bed, he cut in.

  “You’re right.” He grinned. “The Ellington Hotel is about 15 miles north of Barston. Next week I’ll check in, and you can meet me there at five o’clock. They have a nice cocktail lounge; we’ll have dinner, dance, and I’ll stay the night.”

  Pushing aside the apprehension she’d felt earlier, Suzanna agreed to meet at the Ellington the following Tuesday.

  “This doesn’t mean I’m going up to the room with you,” she warned, “but it would be nice to spend the evening together and see how we feel about one another.”

  “I already know how I feel about you,” Bobby said with a twinkle in his eye.

  He kissed her one last time. She stepped out of his car and headed over to where she’d parked Ida’s. As she watched him drive away, a warning bell sounded in the back of her mind, but instead of recognizing it for what it was, Suzanna imagined it to be the chime of wedding bells.

  Suzanna

  Shattered Dreams

  WHEN SUZANNA ARRIVED HOME, G
REGG was in the living room working on a Cinderella jigsaw puzzle with Annie. He glanced up, smiled, then looked back to the puzzle.

  “I came by the shop this afternoon, and Colette said you were gone for the day. Where’d you go?”

  Suzanna’s heart twisted, skipped a beat, then started up again, only faster. “It was on the spur of the moment. A friend I knew from high school came by and asked me to lunch. The shop was really slow, so Colette suggested I take the afternoon off.” Not a lie, but not the full truth. “If I’d known you were available, I would have called you to join us.” This time definitely a lie.

  “It was a last-minute thing. The school canceled afternoon classes because the furnace conked out, and there was no heat in the building.” He gave a nod toward the half-finished puzzle and said, “We’re looking for Prince Charming’s shoe. Want to join in?”

  “Later perhaps. I’m going to see if Ida needs help with dinner, then I’d like to freshen up. This rain makes me feel kind of grungy.”

  Suzanna popped her head into the kitchen, said hi, then hurried upstairs. Normally she would have welcomed the chance to sit with Gregg and Annie, but now she simply wanted to be alone. Even though she told herself she’d done nothing to feel guilty about, the guilt was there. It soured her stomach and elbowed her heart with questions that had nothing but impossible answers.

  Yesterday she thought she knew exactly where her life was headed. She was in love with Gregg, and he felt the same about her. It was practically a given; not the fiery passion she’d known with Bobby, but real and filled with promise. Only now Bobby was back, and with him came the memory of all they had once meant to one another. His words echoed in Suzanna’s ears.