The Anti-Honeymoon

by Bethany Michaels

  “You’re not going to freak out mid-flight, are you?” he asked, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling them up.

  “Umm, no,” she said tentatively. “Probably not.”

  Zach raised an eyebrow.

  “No,” she said a little more forcefully. “I’m going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. I’ll freak out tomorrow.” Jenna focused on deep, slow breaths, but visions of every plane crash documentary she’d ever seen were on a loop inside her head, trampling what was left of her nerves to bits.

  “They make medication for in-flight anxiety,” Zach said. “Several different varieties.”

  “It just makes me sleepy. And sleepy is the last thing I wanted to be on my honeymoon. Especially after the money I spent on lingerie for this trip.” She gave a weird barky laugh just this side of hysteria.

  Had she really just mentioned her slutty underwear to a strange man? Yes. Yes, she had.

  Zach stared at her with that intense gaze of his. If Elliot’s superpower was The Schmooze, Zach’s was The Smolder. Jenna imagined it had caused more than one woman’s panties to end up in a tangle around one ankle before she could say “sexy Latin lover.”

  Zach’s voice was low, each word clearly enunciated when he finally responded. “If sex with Elliot puts you to sleep, he’s doing it wrong.”

  “I, um, well. No, it’s fine.” Jenna swallowed hard. “Great, actually. Top shelf on the sexy scale.” She was rambling, making it worse.

  Zach raised a disbelieving eyebrow then turned his attention to reading something on his phone.

  Jenna closed her eyes. Maybe plummeting from the sky and landing in a twisted heap of molten metal wouldn’t be the worst thing that had happened to her that day.

  But at least she wouldn’t have to deal it for very much longer. They would land, say their farewells, and Zach would head back to the city and employ The Smolder on other women, while Jenna grabbed an Uber to the resort and started to sort through the wreckage she’d made of her life.

  Since she was pretty sure Elliot and Zach weren’t going to be on speaking terms if he realized his friend had helped Jenna, it was entirely possible she’d never encounter Zach or The Smolder again.

  The plane started to move, and Jenna made a sound of distress.

  “Hey,” Zach said, closer now. He gently pried one of her hands off the armrest and held it in his. “We’re going to be fine.”

  She opened one eyelid. The plane was moving a little faster now, bumping along the runway.

  “You just need a distraction.”

  His deep voice so close to her ear and the way he was stroking her hand was making all manner of inappropriate distractions flood Jenna’s imagination. And although her mind was in the gutter, Zach was probably thinking of something perfectly logical.

  “Like what?” Jenna managed to whisper.

  Zach’s stroking paused. “A drink?”

  Jenna shook her head. “I’m nauseated already.”

  “How about a movie? Or maybe a book?”

  “Looking at screens will make me sick, too.”

  “I’m out of ideas,” he admitted.

  “Tell me about yourself.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. Damn, he was handsome, even with that worried crease between his brows. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  He let out a small sigh. “You sound like my mother.”

  Jenna was just about to ask him to tell her about his family when the plane’s engine revved in preparation for taking flight.

  “This is the worst part,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut again.

  “Look at me,” Zach said, and something about his tone broke through Jenna’s burgeoning panic.

  “Now give me your other hand.”

  She did.

  His hands were large and warm, practically enveloping hers. That made her feel safer somehow, and she relaxed the merest fraction.

  “The reason I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t date is because I’m terrible with women. People in general, really.”

  Jenna blinked at him, wondering for a second what he was talking about. Ah, they were back to distraction. Jenna went with it.

  “You’re doing pretty great right now,” she said. His eyes were dark, almost mesmerizing, as she focused on Zach instead of the tons of metal and machinery trying to kill her.

  “I have my moments,” he said, his mouth relaxing into a half grin.

  His thumbs moved in small circles on the backs of her hands, massaging the tension from them. She watched the movement. “I can’t believe women aren’t falling all over themselves to be your girlfriend.”

  “I have the tendency to be kind of blunt sometimes.”

  “I can see that.” She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes.

  “In high school, I once told a girl I’d been dating that we couldn’t see each other anymore because the squeaky tone of her voice gave me a headache.” His voice was low and deep. Soothing.

  “Ouch. How did she respond?”

  “She took off her corsage, threw it at me, and got a ride home with a girlfriend.”

  Her eyes popped open. “Wait, you broke up with her at a formal?”

  “Prom.” He gave her a woeful smile as his hands moved to her wrists, still massaging. She felt more of the tension drain away.

  Jenna let out another slow breath. “Yeah, that was bad.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. I was just being honest.”

  “You couldn’t have been honest after the prom?”

  “Like I said. Terrible with women.” He went back to her hands, taking one of hers between both of his and massaging her palm and fingers. It felt amazing. Where in the world had he learned to do that?

  “Yeah, but that was high school. All guys are kind of awkward and clueless in high school.” She settled back in her seat and closed her eyes again. “What about adult relationships?”

  “I tend to avoid those. College was just casual dates or a hookup every once in a while, and as an adult, I’ve been too busy with work to date.”

  She hummed as he focused on a particularly wonderful place on her palm. “You don’t want a family?”

  “Sure. I mean, my parents are happy. My sister is, too, even though her husband is deployed.” He paused. “I guess having a family isn’t the issue. Getting there is.”

  “Well, you can’t get there if you never date.”

  “Therein lies the problem.”

  “Maybe you should go on Millionaire Matchmaker or something.”

  “That’s my nightmare. Millions of people watching me be awkward on a first date with a woman who mainly is interested in my bank balance? No, thank you.”

  Jenna didn’t miss the irony of the fact that she was advising him on his love life when she’d just left her fiancé at the altar. She looked at him. “I’m probably not the best person to be giving relationship advice right now, but I think you need to get out there. Hiding in your ivory tower is never going to bring you what you want. Take some risks. Break out of your rut. Put yourself out there. When you meet the right woman, you’ll know the right things to say. And your bluntness will be an attraction, not a detriment. Some of us aren’t into games and just want to play it straight.”

  She smiled at him, hoping she hadn’t said too much or overstepped in some way. She’d just met the guy, after all, and was babbling every self-help mantra she’d ever read. But he didn’t feel like a stranger.

  His face softened, and he said nothing for a heartbeat as he studied her face, his gaze roaming from her hair to her lips and finally back to her eyes. He continued to stroke her hand with his thumbs, and the cabin of his private plane suddenly felt a lot smaller.

  She swallowed, the moment intense. “There are a lot of women out there, Zach
. You’ve got potential. Don’t give up.”

  “Potential.” He seemed amused by that. But then his face suddenly got dark again. “I should be the one telling you that there are plenty of fish in the sea,” he said.

  She shrugged. “Well, maybe it’s good advice for both of us.”

  She tugged her hand free of his and removed her engagement ring. She looked at it for a moment, thinking of all the times she’d gazed at the too-big stone, planning the life and the family she desperately wanted. It seemed farther away than ever now, but she knew that she had made the right decision. She tucked the ring into her purse.

  When she looked back at Zach, she saw he was following every movement, though his face was unreadable.

  “Can I get you anything?” the flight attendant asked, startling Jenna.

  She realized that the plane’s take-off was long since over and they were cruising through the skies all in one piece. Her stomach had settled, and the raw panic that had clawed at her nerves had retreated. Because of Zach. Jenna let out a deep breath. Maybe it really would be all right.

  “Got any mai tais?”

  Chapter Five

  Paradise Island was exactly as cheesy as all the online reviews Zach had read on the flight down had suggested. He could hardly believe that Jenna would actually choose to honeymoon here or that she thought Elliot wouldn’t take one look at the place and immediately insist on going somewhere else, sexy lingerie or no. But when somebody allowed sentimentality to trump logic, this was the result. Had she even read any of the reviews when she’d planned the trip?

  To begin with, it wasn’t a hotel, but a cluster of small huts, which were probably supposed to suggest some kind of alone-on-a-tropical-island fantasy, on which continent, he had no idea. From the pictures online, it looked like someone had bought up all the set pieces from Gilligan’s Island, stuck them on sketchy dock structures the middle of a shallow inlet, and opened for business. Each cluster of huts had its own pier leading from a main building where the shops, restaurants, and spa were located, and each individual hut was spaced along the pier far enough from its neighbor to guarantee “privacy.” In other words, honeymoon gymnastics could take place without couples in the other hump-huts having to listen.

  The flight had worn Jenna down, and she’d hardly argued at all when Zach insisted on making sure she got to the resort safely instead of sticking her in a cab and immediately getting back on the plane to fly home. By the end of a long cab ride and a hike to the check-in desk, she seemed ready to pass out.

  The main building looked like the jungle had eaten it, but Jenna didn’t seem to notice. Dark circles under her eyes, and a subtle slump to her shoulders told Zach that the day was finally catching up to her. Even though she was a day early, they had Jenna’s room ready. The desk clerk handed Zach the room key and welcome packet and wished Mr. and Mrs. Hansen a good week, but Jenna didn’t even bother to correct him.

  Zach led the way out of the building and down a paved path, pulling Jenna’s bags behind him. He would just get her settled, make sure the place wasn’t crawling with bed bugs, and then head out. Lush greenery and tropical flowers grew tall on both sides of the path, making it seem like they really were in Gilligan hell. It was dark outside, but the paths were illuminated by strings of white Christmas lights and occasional poles crafted to look like a torches. Really. Torches. The kind that traditionally came with pitchforks and angry villagers.

  They came to a crossroads, and he had to consult the paperwork to figure out which hut was Jenna’s. “You’re in Lovers’ Lagoon,” he said. “Not to be mistaken for Kissing Cay, Ardor Isle, or my favorite, Passion Pools.” There might have been a little bit of sarcasm in his voice. But really, who would find this kind of thing romantic?

  Jenna huffed and moved ahead of him on the path. “I think it’s cute.”

  “Come on. Passion Pools? Sounds like something that requires mopping up afterward.”

  “That one isn’t the best. I’ll give you that,” she said. “But I love Kissing Cay.”

  The overgrown greenery ended at a white sand beach, and the bay came into view.

  “See, this is nice,” she insisted, pausing to take in the dark water, rippling softly under an almost full moon. The moonlight touched her dark hair, giving her silvery highlights and making her upturned face glow, erasing all the strain that had been there.

  “Sure,” Zach said, tearing his gaze away from her.

  Not. His.

  Beautiful? Yes. Kind and sweet and funny? Also, yes. Lonely? Yes. And not just because of leaving Elliot. How did he know all this after meeting her only a few hours ago? Not a clue. It wasn’t logical.

  She sighed. “You don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you?”

  “Romance is for people who sell greeting cards and jewelry,” he grumbled. He’d said the same more than once to Marcy and the other women who worked for him on made-up holidays like Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day.

  “Gee, I can’t imagine why you’re single,” she said drily and continued on to the hut. “That’s just what the ladies want to hear.”

  She might have a point. But Zach could see making an effort for the right woman, if that’s what made her happy. He’d just never met that woman. Building a business had always been his sole priority. At first because he didn’t want to starve and later because, well, it had just become habit. It was easier to deal with numbers and data sets than people.

  Jenna unlocked the door, and they entered the hut. It was basically a studio apartment whose main feature was a large bed strewn with the requisite rose petals. Another door, he guessed, led to a bathroom. On the other side of the room was a small kitchenette. A sofa and television with a DVD player took up real estate in the center. The whole mess was decorated in a shamelessly flamboyant island theme—no surprise there. Someone must have gotten a bulk discount on fake greenery and coconut shells.

  “See, this is nice,” Jenna said, walking around the room.

  Zach wondered if she kept saying that to convince herself.

  “There’s a bearskin rug over there on the floor,” he pointed out. “Since when do bears live in the tropics?”

  “Stop,” she said, setting her purse on the bed and sitting down on the edge. She kicked off her sandals.

  “Is it a water bed?” he asked. “Or just one of those you put quarters in?”

  “It’s perfect,” she said. “Stop being so critical.” She brushed aside some of the flower petals and lay back on the gaudy tropical bird bedspread.

  “At first I thought this place was a Gilligan’s Island cast-off, but now it looks more like the set of a seventies porno.”

  That got a giggle out of her, which made him smile, too.

  “It kind of does,” she admitted.

  She sat up. “Well, I think I’m all set here,” she said. “I’m just going to shower and hit the sack. Thanks again for everything, Zach. I really do appreciate it.”

  That was his cue to leave. His mission was done. He’d been her getaway driver, smuggled her out of the city, flew her to an island hideaway she seemed to like, and made sure she was all checked in and settled. It was time to go.

  “Have you eaten?” Zach blurted out, surprising himself.

  “No,” she said, stifling a yawn. “I’m too tired to even think about food right now.”

  “You should definitely eat something,” he said, opening the welcome packet. “I’ll bet there’s a room service menu in here.”

  A piece of pink paper fluttered to the floor, and he leaned down to pick it up. Jenna’s itinerary for the week. Shit. A list of romantic couples’ activities she’d planned to do with Elliot was the last thing she needed to see right now. It might make her rethink her broken engagement or just feel bad about the whole thing. Jenna needed to think about what was ahead for her, not what she’d left behind.

 
; “What’s that?” she asked, going over to him. “Did you find the menu?”

  She plucked it out of his hand before he could stop her. Her face crumpled when she realized what it was. “Oh. I guess I won’t be needing that.”

  Zach took the paper back, folding it up and putting it in his shirt pocket.

  “Here’s the room service menu. Twenty-four hours. We’ve got…” He looked again. “Seriously?”

  He turned the menu so Jenna could see.

  She read the list of available dishes then covered a snort. “It was someone’s job to come up with those names, you know. Someone got paid cash money to sit there and invent filthy names for common food.”

  “That someone was a perv.”

  But Jenna had forgotten about the itinerary that wasn’t and was smiling again.

  “I think I want a Sizzling Threeway,” he said. “With a side of french-kiss fries.” He handed Jenna the menu.

  “Hmmm, the Giant Conch sounds filling, but I can’t do pizza on an empty stomach. I’m going to have to go with the Meat Between the Sheets.”

  “So a burger, fries, and club sandwich,” Zach said, rolling his eyes.

  “You just have to embrace the cheese factor.”

  “That’s a big ask.” He pulled out his phone. “You shower, I’ll order. We’ll eat, and then I’ll head out.”

  “Won’t Billy be waiting for you?”

  “I’ll call. He won’t mind spending a couple extra hours flirting with the women at the airfield office.”

  “Okay. If you’re sure.”

  “I’ll be kicking myself if I miss out on that Sizzling Threeway,” he said.

  With a shake of her head, Jenna gathered some toiletries and change of clothes from her bag and headed into the bathroom.