“Isn’t there some way we could make this work?” he pleaded. “Some loophole here that will let us live happily together in spite of it all?”
She wished that there were... If she had a couple in therapy facing the challenges they were facing, would she see a solution that they were missing out on? But no—not every relationship was salvageable. Not every couple who loved each other could make it last for a lifetime. There were heartbreaking times when love just wasn’t enough.
Ember shook her head and put a hand in the center of his chest, pushing herself back out of his arms.
“No,” she whispered. “There isn’t.”
* * *
Casey put a hand over her fingers in the center of his chest, but she tugged them free, and his heart ached as she stepped back. She licked her lips and looked down at her feet, then limped another step back. Ember Reed was so stubborn, yet so vulnerable. He longed to hold her again, but she didn’t want his touch, and he let his hand fall to his side.
“What makes you so sure?” he demanded. He needed a reminder of all the reasons why they wouldn’t work because right now, he couldn’t remember a single good reason why he shouldn’t gather her up in his arms and simply claim her as his.
“We want different things, Casey,” she said, her chin trembling ever so little. “I want my therapy center, and that goes against everything you want in life! It goes against your vision for this county, everything you value and respect—”
“Then run a ranch with me,” he said. “There’s honor in feeding the nation, in raising cattle—”
“And there is honor in helping families to reconnect!” she interrupted him. “It’s what I do, Casey. It’s not going away!”
“I’m not saying there isn’t honor in what you do,” he said feebly.
“Also, you need a mother for those babies.”
Those words landed more heavily than anything else, and he looked down at the sleeping boys in their car seats, their long lashes brushing chubby cheeks. Will was opening and closing one little fist as he slumbered, and Wyatt heaved one tiny, shuddering sigh. Those boys needed a mother... He needed a woman to parent with him. She was right there. But he’d been watching her blossom with the babies over the last couple of days, and he shook his head.
“Ember, you could love them...”
“I daresay I already do,” she said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “But I can’t do it, Casey. I can’t be a mother to another child. Don’t you understand what I did when I gave up my little boy? I shut the door on motherhood—”
“And maybe that was a mistake!” he countered.
“Mistake or not, it was a choice I made!” she shot back. “And don’t say I was too young to make it, because at the age of twenty I could have joined the army or gotten married! I was plenty old enough to make a life-altering decision. I know you want to think the best of me, Casey, but I had nine months to think it through. And yes, I regret it—deeply. But that’s the choice I made, and I can’t just back out on it. I can’t stand in as mother to your boys, because I wouldn’t be a good one, Casey. They deserve better than what I can offer.”
“You could be—” he began.
“No!” Tears shone in her eyes and she shook her head vehemently. “Because every single time I look at those babies, I think of my own! I can do it for a few days. I can put my heart aside for a little while, but for the rest of my life? I am a mother, Casey, but I’m not a good one.”
“But you love me,” he said, his voice almost a growl.
“I love you,” she said with a teary nod. “But it isn’t enough.”
The church doors opened and the first few people came outside, chatting voices floating over the grass-scented breeze toward them. They weren’t alone anymore, and Casey straightened, then shot Ember one more miserable look.
“So what now?” he asked softly.
“I’ll submit my offer in the morning.”
Casey nodded, a lump shutting off his throat.
“And if you changed your mind and agreed to work for me—”
“No, Ember.” No matter how much he longed to change his mind right now, he knew he’d only regret it. He couldn’t be her manager, her protector, her source of advice. He couldn’t work for her, next to her, feeling as he did and knowing it was hopeless. It would be torture, and he’d get hardened and meaner...or he’d weaken in his own moral resolves. He didn’t want to be that man.
“Then I’ll go back to Mr. Vern’s house and I’ll pack up,” she said with a quiver in her voice. “I got a text from the auto shop before the service started. My car is done. I’ll pick it up in the morning, after I’ve talked to Mr. Vern. I can finish up the sale from Billings. I’ve seen what I needed to see, thanks to you, Casey.”
“Will I see you before you go?” he asked softly.
“If you want to—” she met his gaze, then pressed her lips together as if trying to hold back tears “—if you don’t think it would be hard for nothing...”
“It wouldn’t be for nothing,” he said curtly. “It would be for a proper goodbye.”
“Okay.”
More people were flooding out of the church now, and a few were looking over at them in curiosity. This was a small community, and gossip would fly around the rural community like wildfire. Casey sighed.
“Let me drive you back to the ranch, then,” he said.
It would be a difficult drive, sitting next to the woman he loved but couldn’t be with.
She’d buy the ranch, and Casey would have to build his life somewhere else. Just not next to her, because he couldn’t endure any more heartbreak.
Chapter Fourteen
Ember hadn’t slept much the night before. She’d lain awake listening to the sound of wind outside, the soft moan that echoed her own heartbreak. Falling for Casey had been a bad idea, but it hadn’t been a choice. There was something about Casey that filled a part of her heart that she hadn’t peeked into before. He’d opened his heart to her, too, and that made this all the harder. If a few vital things had been different, she’d have married him.
“Did I really just think that?” she murmured. Morning had dawned clear and unforgiving. She stood in front of a small mirror, checking her makeup. Some concealer under her eyes and some powder seemed to cover most of the evidence of last night’s tears, but she still felt puffy.
Loving Casey wasn’t going to just go away because they knew it wouldn’t work. She realized that. And now, instead of grieving for her son, she was grieving for her son, the man she’d fallen in love with and the tiny babies who had stolen her heart. Vern Ranch would never be the same for her again, because every single inch of this place had Casey’s fingerprints on it.
“But it’s still mine,” she reminded herself. “Or it will be...”
Feelings passed. They didn’t last forever. Eventually, she would be able to put this all behind her. Harper women carried on, even when it hurt.
So Ember went out into the kitchen, where Mr. Vern had just returned from his morning inspection of his land, and she handed him her official offer. Mr. Vern took the papers from her hand, scanned them and then shook her hand with enthusiasm.
“I’m thrilled, I have to say!” Mr. Vern enthused. “I wasn’t sure you’d find what you were looking for on this land.”
“Casey was the one who found the ruins of my family’s homestead,” Ember said. “So we have him to thank.”
“Really now?” Mr. Vern nodded slowly. “And what about hiring him on as your manager?”
“He’s been very clear about that,” she admitted. “I’d love to have him work for me, but he’s not interested.”
“Ah.” The smile slipped from his lined face, and then he shook his head. “All the same, I’m very happy to be selling this ranch to you, Miss Reed. These acres have been good to me, and I wish you only the best in your future endeavors here
.” The older man tapped the sheaf of papers he held in his hands. “I suppose we’ll leave it up to the lawyers now, but I anticipate this being smooth and uncomplicated.”
“I’m sure it will be.” She forced a smile. There were no issues financially, at least. “I got a text yesterday saying that my car is fixed. I was wondering if you’d be willing to give me a ride into town to pick it up? I’ll stay at a hotel tonight, and I’ll be back in the morning to sign any more papers the lawyers send us.”
“You wouldn’t rather Casey give you that ride?” Mr. Vern asked. “You two seemed to have a special friendship.”
“No.” She swallowed quickly and dropped her gaze. “He’s busy, and I’d rather not bother him.”
“Ah.” Mr. Vern looked at her a little more closely. “He’s a good man, you know. Honest, stable, reliable.”
“I know.” Ember looked up sadly. “He’s a very good man. But still, sir, I’d rather just go get my car this morning, if it’s all the same to you. But if you’re busy, I’m sure I can get a taxi from Victory to come out here—”
“No, no!” Mr. Vern said with a shake of his head. “A taxi... Of course I will drive you myself. I only thought—which doesn’t matter. Obviously, I thought wrong. Let’s get going now. I’ll drop you off on the way to see my lawyer.”
Ember smiled. “That sounds perfect. I do appreciate your hospitality, Mr. Vern. You’ve been very kind to host me the last week and a half.”
“It was my pleasure, ma’am,” Mr. Vern said, and he gave her a nod, his eyes sparkling.
Mr. Vern drove Ember into Victory. It was a forty-minute drive, and when they reached the auto shop, Ember thanked Mr. Vern for the ride, then went into the mechanic’s office to pay her bill and pick up her car. It would feel good to be self-sufficient again with her own vehicle, and as she paid with her credit card, the realization that she was about to own all four hundred and two acres of the Vern ranch was just settling into her mind.
It wouldn’t be the Vern ranch anymore. It would be the Harper Family Therapy Center. She’d already decided on the name when her dream for the place took root—professional enough to make the purpose for her therapy center evident, but with the personal addition of her mother’s last name, too. The Harper women were strong—they were survivors. And that was the spirit she hoped to instill in the guests at her new, rural practice. She might have her father’s last name, but she’d been raised by a single mother. Her mother’s spirit was what guided her in her ambitions and hopes, not the Reed money.
Ember was hungry, and she decided to stop and get some breakfast at a diner before she went to find a hotel.
The streets of Victory were narrow, and there only appeared to be two or three stoplights in the entire town. Main Street was lined by clapboard-fronted buildings, and the parking spots in front of stores were all filled with dusty pickup trucks. Her car felt tiny compared to all the other vehicles. Over that last week she’d started to enjoy riding around in a pickup, high above the road. She just might take Mr. Vern’s advice and get a shiny new Ford—not that it would stay shiny for long on these roads.
Pop’s Diner was on the corner, and Ember pulled into a parking spot between a pickup truck and a U-Haul truck. She got out of her car and headed into the diner.
There weren’t many patrons this morning—a scattering of men in blue jeans and trucker hats, and a family over by the window. The mother was facing in Ember’s direction; the father and a boy were sitting with their backs to her. There was something about that family that drew her attention more than the others—the mother’s face. She wasn’t just gentle and laughing at something with a sparkle in her eyes... She was familiar. Ember knew her.
“You can just take a seat anywhere,” the waitress said with a smile on her way past with a pot of coffee in each hand. “I’ll take your order in a minute, hon.”
“Sure. Thanks,” Ember said distantly, and it was then that the woman lifted her gaze and saw Ember. She froze, the laughter slipping from her face. Ember watched the emotions clamber over the other woman’s features—shock, fear, uncertainty. No, seeing Ember was not good news—not to Sue Mitchell.
Sue looked toward her husband, murmured something, and then both husband and son turned and looked at her. The boy—he was the one who had Ember’s attention. He had a rumple of curly brown hair and big dark eyes. He looked at her with mild curiosity—obviously not knowing who she was—then turned back to his plate.
“Who’s that, Mom?” Ember heard him say, his voice floating over the din of the restaurant.
Sue got up from their table and came across the dining room toward Ember. She glanced back at her family once, and her husband’s gaze was locked on them, his expression filled with trepidation. What they thought, Ember had no idea. Did they think she’d followed them or something?
“Ember?” Sue said quietly when she reached her. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Ember said, dragging her gaze back to the woman in front of her. “I just put an offer down on a piece of land out here. What are you doing in Victory?”
“You’re...” Sue swallowed. “You’re moving out here, then?”
“Yes.” Ember looked back toward the table. The boy was putting his attention into his food, and Ember’s heart sped up, all of this hammering home into her brain. “Is that Steven?”
“Yes.” Sue took Ember’s arm and tugged her farther away from the table, closer to the door. “He doesn’t know who you are, Ember. We didn’t tell him your name. He knows he’s adopted, but we said we’d tell him more when he got older.”
“I’m not here to find you,” Ember said, pulling her arm out of the other woman’s grasp. “I had no idea you were even located out here.”
Her gaze whipped back to the table. Even though she’d suspected from the moment she saw Sue, the confirmation still bowled her over. That was him? That was her boy?
“We’re just moving into town,” Sue said. “You might as well know that my husband is the new pastor for Victory Country Church. It’s out in the country, about half an hour from town.”
“You’re the new pastoral family—” Ember breathed.
“Yes.” Tears rose in Sue’s eyes. “Ember, I know that when we adopted Steven, we agreed to no contact. I know you didn’t want to see us—it would have been harder, you said. So I never got the chance to properly thank you for the gift you gave us in that little boy. He’s our treasure. And he’s such a sweet kid! He’s smart and kind...”
Ember looked toward the table again. The pastor was dropping some bills onto the table, and Steven was standing up.
“Is he happy, though?” Ember asked suddenly, her throat tightening with emotion. “Is he...? Did he miss me very much? I’ve been worrying about how hard it must have been at first—I know, it was ten years ago, but in some ways it feels like yesterday still.”
“He’s very happy,” Sue replied.
“But that first night—the first few weeks...” Ember could hear the pleading in her own voice. Didn’t Sue understand the misery that Ember had carried with her after that day?
“I stayed up with him all night that first night,” Sue said softly. “And Ted stayed up all night the next night. We just held him and talked to him and sang to him. We wanted him to feel awash in love. We knew it would be hard on him, too, so we did our best to make sure he knew that he was as loved as humanly possible in our home. I promise you that. The third night, he slept, and when he woke up we both got up with him because we just wanted to look at him...”
Tears welled in Ember’s eyes. They’d loved him as hard as they could—that helped, somehow.
Sue looked back at her approaching husband and son. “I’m going to introduce you, but we haven’t told him yet—”
“Yes, you already said,” Ember acknowledged. “Don’t worry. I don’t want to upset him, ei
ther.”
Sue nodded, and as Ted and Steven approached, Sue pasted a smile on her face.
“Ted, you remember Ember, don’t you? Steven, this is an old friend of ours—Ember Reed.”
Steven looked up at her, clear eyes meeting hers. “Hi,” he said and held out a hand to shake hers.
Ember took his fingers in her own and tried to drink in every detail of his rounded, boyish face. He looked like her a little bit—in the eyes, she thought. He didn’t have her blond hair, but he had her cheekbones and fair complexion.
“Hi, Steven,” Ember said, swallowing back her own emotion. “I haven’t seen you in—in a long time.”
“I don’t remember you,” he said, frowning slightly and tugging his hand back.
“You wouldn’t,” Ember said. “You were pretty tiny. But it’s great to meet you now—all grown-up.”
“Almost grown-up,” he corrected her, and Ember laughed softly.
“Almost.” She glanced toward his parents—the couple who had raised and loved him in her absence. She had so much she wanted to say to her son, but now was not the time. Her emotions weren’t his problem, and she wouldn’t make them a burden for him. “What grade are you in?”
“Five,” he said. “Almost in grade six.”
“Do you like school?” she asked.
“I’m starting a new one.” He grimaced. “I don’t like that.”
“Well, Steven and I are going to go get that truck started,” Ted said, reaching out to shake Ember’s hand. Then he stopped short and opened his arms in a hug. He pulled her in close, patted her back a few times, then released her. “Ember, thank you. It’s good to see you again.”
Steven looked up at his dad questioningly, and then the pair walked out of the diner toward the U-Haul, father’s arm around son’s shoulder.
“So he’s doing well?” Ember asked, her voice shaking slightly as she followed the back of her son’s retreating form. Her son. That was him. She felt a wash of pride. He’d turned out well.
Her Cowboy's Twin Blessings Page 16