The Last Heartbeat

by Katerina Simms

  Luke’s hand slid from her knee and up her inner thigh. She sucked in a breath. Love may or may not have been off the table, but her body sure as hell still knew how to respond.

  He parted her legs, his fingers finding her sex. His light caress poured heat over the anguish-driven chill in her bones.

  She writhed against him and let sweet pleasure wash over her, like a gentle wave from a lake stroking the shore. She liked that image. A gentle lake. Gentle, like the sultry kisses he trailed from her navel to her neck. She could be that lake, right? Calm and non-thinking. Luke could be her shining sun. The light to ward off her darkness. The first spark of life in a place once thought barren.

  She arched against the sensation of rock-hard man pressed to her. “I want you now.”

  His mouth found hers, offering his answer, and in one fluid glide, his generous length filled and stretched her. Her world expanded, shook, and glowed. Each new thrust delivered its promise, and hot tingles ran through her veins.

  Happiness and joy danced behind her closed eyes, painting a vibrant world where death didn’t exist. A world where belonging and tenderness were hers again, where she and Luke grew old together, with a grown-up Elsie by their side. Imagine that.

  “Luke.” His name fell from her on a pleasured cry, while her heart broke and sang all at once.

  “I’ve got you.” His hands cupped her face, his beautiful gaze prying her broken heart open and pouring in a silent wish. A wish for trust. A wish for her to be his.

  A small rip formed within her, one that tore at her defenses one painful millimeter at a time. She found herself breathless in the best kind of way, longing for this moment to last forever, the movement of his body in hers bringing forth the truth she’d denied.

  He did have her. In so many ways. He had her.

  Tears trickled down her temples, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to close her eyes again. To shut him out.

  “More.” Her voice quivered, but his movements stayed soft.

  His gaze fused with her; the unshakable nature of his stare imploring her to feel, to let him in on some deeper level. He wouldn’t grant her the distraction of a faster pace. He wouldn’t grant her any kind of quick, climactic release. He wanted her. Body and soul. And he wanted her tonight.

  His fingers brushed her cheek, a series of light touches, his pupils wide. It seemed as though he lay in awe. A man enchanted by some precious and priceless thing.

  In all the time she’d known him, he’d given her so much, a safe place to talk, along with his willingness to meet her right where life had dumped her. And she’d rarely taken a moment to appreciate all his giving.

  Maybe she owed him remorse, a moment of vulnerability. Maybe she owed herself.

  So, she opened to him. Allowing her muscles to relax, she arched into him, taking what he offered and giving of herself too. Honestly. Wholeheartedly. A shimmer of need burst forth from her center and awakened every last inch of her body.

  In that moment, she asked for things she didn’t deserve. Tenderness. Security. Devotion. Luke’s gaze answered in return.

  You can have all of me. Just give me your heart. Your trust. Your future.

  She sank further, wrapping her legs tight around his hips, demanding more. More sensation. More release. Every muscle in her body shook, until surrender and release converged into one, unbuckling every last one of her reservations, while she clenched around him.

  She clung to his shoulders, his hard thrusts drawing from her a desperate cry. Intense pleasure broke within her, so violent and all-encompassing, by far surpassing anything she’d ever felt before.

  She moaned, urging him to surrender right along with her. She didn’t want to experience this alone. And as always, he gave; his lips finding hers again, as though he drank her in.

  Another wave of satisfaction swept her up. He swelled, reaching his own peak, and from his beautiful emerald gaze, came the inescapable magnitude of this moment.

  “This isn’t enough, is it?” His voice rang rough and ragged. He drew back a little, his features wrinkled, his pupils dark and probing. “Agathe, it’s not enough.”

  The hole in her heart tore bigger, spilling a deluge of unfulfillable promises. She had no words of undying love. No offer of a promising outlook. Hell, she couldn’t even predict how she’d feel about him tomorrow.

  This wasn’t enough. But not because of Luke. He was most definitely enough, but no matter how much emotion she wanted to give to this relationship, sex was all she had.

  Because she wasn’t enough.

  And she was the mess. An unfixable mess.

  So, she would have to find it in her to let him go.

  But how?

  She lifted her forehead to the heat of his shoulder, eyes squeezed tight to hold back her tears. How long had it been since she’d cried this much?

  Around this man, she was an open wound, weeping and pained, because in just being him, he’d gotten to her. He’d made her want to stay.

  But if she didn’t end this, he’d leave her. No doubt about it. She had nothing he needed. He’d get tired of waiting and never getting the kind of love and softness she just didn’t possess.

  “Agathe, I want to mean something to you.” His quietly spoken words rattled against his hard breaths.

  She blinked up at his slack expression, his pleading gaze adding proof of what being with her cost him. And even with that proof, she clamped her jaw to keep from talking. If she didn’t remain silent, she’d speak words that would damage them both. Words she had no place saying.

  Oh, but you do mean something to me.

  Even though no relationship could flourish with her, dragging him along just wouldn’t be fair. She’d waste his time, he’d get needlessly invested, and then she’d break his heart.

  You mean so much more than I ever intended. More than I thought possible. And if I could, I would cut away the pain and be the woman you need.

  But she couldn’t be that woman. Because she was her pain. And Elsie was her pain.

  She also couldn’t lie and say he meant nothing.

  Because now, against all odds, she loved him.

  But love wasn’t enough, and she simply couldn’t have him, and that was the cold, tragic, truth.

  So, she’d say nothing. She’d let silence be her answer.

  The adoring glow in Agathe’s eyes dulled and frosted, and Luke’s heartbeat shrank to a labored thud. He pressed his eyes shut and fought for his next breaths.

  Despite her body having only just stopped shuddering around him, her vacant expression offered all the answers he needed.

  All the wrong answers.

  He rolled onto his back and hooked his elbow over his eyes, forcing a few deep breaths and the bogus impression of calm. He needed to escape her emotionless gaze. Needed to disappear to somewhere a heck of a lot less painful than here.

  Her invitation into her house wasn’t the welcome step forward he’d hoped. Her request for tenderness now seemed more of a bitter goodbye. He’d asked if he meant something to her, and she gave him nothing.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice came as a soft whisper.

  His stomach constricted. Even that whisper confirmed the same consistent result. Nothing. Nothing he offered would be enough. She’d never step from the shadows of her past. Not even for him. Because she didn’t love him. Maybe couldn’t love him. She never would.

  Her emotional scars. Her tragic past. He regretted his impatience now and didn’t want her apology. He wanted her.

  The light touch of her fingertips met with his forearm. He shifted away and sat at the edge of the bed, back turned to her, depriving her the chance to look at his face. “I need to clean up. Is that the bathroom over there?”

  He pointed to a door to his left but didn’t wait for a reply, launching himself forward, too emotionally raw to linger in her bed.

  Tonight had cost him. He’d caved to her request for warmth and softness, and she’d repaid him with a
non-reply. He didn’t blame her, truly he understood, but he also didn’t have to love the result.

  The door he’d pointed to thankfully did lead to a bathroom, and he closed the door behind him, soon resting his hands on the white stone vanity, while glaring into the mirror.

  A forlorn face with dark shadows stared back at him. A man he barely recognized. Or maybe a man he didn’t want to recognize. A haunted man he thought he’d left behind the day Max had tumbled down that cliff and a new Luke had needed to step forth.

  What have I done?

  He’d made a desperate fucking fool of himself, that’s what. But then, nothing could have made him say no. Not when she’d looked at him with her wide, pleading eyes on her front doorstep. Her expectant stare had conveyed a desire to try. As if she’d genuinely thought she might conjure the ability to be what he needed. To be fair, so had he. And his own stupid weakness had dropped him into his disappointment now.

  This was his own idiotic fault.

  Agathe had always been one massive fucking risk. And any person with his life experience would know, not all risks paid off. He’d also encountered enough emotionally scarred individuals to know some people recovered from hardship, and some didn’t. And of those who didn’t, the people closest to them paid the highest price.

  His moment of reckoning with Agathe had arrived. He couldn’t stick around and play her emotional whipping boy. He needed to step away, even if he ached for her, even if he would potentially always ache for her.

  Her moments of sunlight were too few and far between. Whatever help he offered didn’t work, and his continued presence seemed to cripple her ability to deal with her problems.

  Maybe it was time for her to sink or swim. On her own.

  He groaned, turning on the tap and hating to admit defeat. But the sting of her brush-off still hung too fresh in the air. He had no other choice.

  He cleaned himself off, waited for the darker of his emotions to pass, then marched back to her bedside.

  She sat bolt upright, startled, the cream-colored bed sheet gathered around her chest, as if linen could hide his memories of what she looked like underneath. “Luke?”

  He tugged on his pants, avoiding her furrowed frown. “I need to go. We have a big day tomorrow.”

  “Luke,” her voice twisted and pleaded. “Stop.”

  He buttoned his shirt, fingers not as coordinated as he would have liked. If he’d intended a calm escape, he fucked it up royally.

  “Why? Do you even care about having any kind of future with me?” He waited a beat, hating the harshness in his tone. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but hell, he couldn’t hold back either.

  Her mouth hung open, but no words came out. Maybe he should stop. Maybe he should shut his mouth and just go home. But screw it, she’d crushed his hopes with every tenderness given, only to lead him down a path of cold rejection tonight. “This is cut and dried, Agathe. I shouldn’t have walked through your front door tonight.”

  He felt deceived. He felt like a fool. Even if she’d never intended that he feel either.

  God, he needed to get away from here. Needed to think. And so he pushed himself out her bedroom door and down her staircase. The icy night air kissed his cheeks, pushing him to march faster toward his car.

  He couldn’t stay here. Couldn’t hold on any longer. Loving Agathe Santos was just too damn painful.

  26

  Agathe clung to her morning coffee, the heated paper cup offering none of its usual comfort on her tram ride into work. Last night had left her shaken to the core; today’s upcoming Schneider visit left her scattered and lost. This meeting meant everything—her giant career leap and a golden promotion, even though moving onto bigger things meant her exit from Tiluma loomed ever closer.

  Her tummy hollowed at the impending loss. She didn’t have the same connections with her colleagues at Slate and King as she did at Tiluma. Even with Luke’s now-rightful anger, the thought of leaving his office still made her feel sick.

  Or maybe it’s because you’ll never see him again?

  Her phone rang in her hand, and she frowned at the name on her screen. “Hello?”

  “Agathe.” Sue’s direct tone cut through; unfortunately, this woman never missed an important event. “I wanted to wish you luck today. Is everything in check for a successful meeting?”

  She scrubbed a hand over her forehead and weighed up how much honesty to give. “Luke has his doubts.” Her gut churned at having to mention his name, much less that his doubts weren’t limited to just his company. “But I’m confident we can put on a competent show.”

  Sue clicked her tongue, followed by a weighty sigh. The woman never took well to anything less than guaranteed success. “Let me guess, the brother’s still a wild card?”

  “Yeah.” Agathe huffed out a breath, at the same time blowing a loose strain of hair from her cheek. “But he’s improving.”

  “Well, let’s hope you’ve made a deep enough impact to pull this off. I don’t need to remind you how a win here will look in regard to any promotion.”

  Agathe gritted her teeth. “No. I understand.”

  “Great.” Sue’s tone brightened. “Then give me a call when Schneider leaves. I’d like to know how it all went.”

  Agathe hung up and then took a long swig of her coffee. The tram dinged, and she turned to her left, her stomach sinking for a whole other reason now. Tiluma’s building stood just outside her window, a huddle of employees gathered with dumbstruck gazes glued to the office door.

  The tram’s brakes sent forth an ear-piercing screech, and she surged out of her seat, eager to know what the huddle was all about. Her first steps onto the street brought her to the side of a red and gray van parked on the sidewalk, an area usually reserved for pedestrians only.

  Daniel stood nearby, and she grabbed his arm, his face a wall of tight aggravation. “What’s happened?”

  He pointed to the van on the curb. Only then did she notice the giant cockroach painted on the side. “We have cockroaches?”

  She sure as hell had never seen any.

  Daniel shook his head. “Fleas.”

  She reeled back. “What?”

  Her recently consumed coffee no longer sat so well in her stomach.

  His expression hardened. “Remember Max’s impromptu bring-your-dog-to-work day?”

  She pressed a hand over her face. “Holy fuck! No. Not the mangy stray?”

  Daniel nodded. “The fumigation process takes five hours, and the toxic gasses need at least another twenty-four hours to settle. Until then, no one can enter the building.”

  Her face turned cold, and her lungs struggled for a clear breath. The Schneider meeting would be cancelled. Tiluma was ruined. So were her hopes for a promotion.

  She focused on Daniel again. “How did we not know about this before today?”

  “Apparently, we did.” Luke sidled up to her, his voice dull, as if something all too meaningful had been wrenched out of his life and left just a husk of who he’d been the day prior.

  Please let it be the fleas, not last night’s tragic ending.

  She jolted at his sunken cheeks and ashen complexion, a major feat given his already light skin, but his skin held a gray tinge now, and he looked about ten years older.

  “That disgruntled employee you warned me about” —he shrugged, shoulders settling into a slump she’d never witnessed on him before— “became a reality, and the landlord got an anonymous complaint. We were given forewarning about the fumigation. We could have changed the date, but when I wasn’t available, the message fell to Max.”

  Her stomach muscles clenched, like bracing to ward off a sucker punch to the gut, but no amount of bracing could stop the truth. “And the date change never happened because Max never passed on that message.”

  Luke shook his head. “No. He didn’t. And now I have to call Schneider and cancel today’s meeting.”

  The inferno in her tummy spiked, and her hands formed tight fists at h
er side. She wasn’t one to give up, but the fumigation process had begun. There was no escape route. But what stung most, was that this disaster could have been prevented. If she’d intercepted that angry staff member; if she’d insisted Max had more in-office help, or heck, if she’d had someone else take his job once and for all. One thing was for sure, her sink-or-swim approach had turned into one big, fucking mass drowning.

  She turned to Luke, perhaps for no other reason than to fill the all-consuming silence. “Any idea who the disgruntled employee was?”

  Luke let out a sigh. “Daniel tells me Tania, Max’s former PA, was pretty bent out of shape about the dog day. But heck, maybe there’s more than one disgruntled employee.” He looked about, eyes clouded and jaw set. The chaos around him seemed to outweigh any hurt from last night, otherwise why did he still speak to her now? “And I wouldn’t blame them.”

  Four men in puffy, white protective suits trudged past, and groups of employees broke from the huddle, probably going home. The whole point of Ernest’s meeting was to show him how well the office ran. Well, now there was no office. And what the hell would she tell Sue?

  Hot frustration seared through her chest, and her muscles fused with painful strain all over. “And what will you do about Max now?”

  Luke dipped his chin, his narrowed stare a slow warning. “Agathe. Don’t.”

  She jerked up her chin. He could shove his warnings and shove his tough CEO act.

  Where was that toughness in all the years Max had been not so silently dismantling this company? Besides, she’d issued her own damn warnings. Numerous times… And now her chance at a promotion lay in ruins.

  “Don’t what?” She glared at him with all the fire she could muster, which turned out to be a lot of fucking fire because she’d reached her limit with this man and the flaming disaster her life had become since meeting him.