The Last Heartbeat

by Katerina Simms

  “Then let me admit that I’m a mess too.” He drew his face in closer, and her heart hammered. “And that promises mean a whole lot less these days, now I know I’m more whole now with you in front of me than I’ve been in those entire two months without you.”

  Her muscles sagged at the significance of his words; they hinted that maybe her hope wasn’t so misguided after all.

  His brow eased and unmistakable sincerity entered his expression. “Come back to me.”

  A heavy breath, one she had no idea she’d been holding, fell from her and took the strain in her chest away with it. He still wants me. And yet…

  She pulled her hand away from his shoulder. “I can’t come back.”

  His posture stiffened.

  She shook her head and held back a need to smack her own forehead. Her ham-fisted choice of words only made this worse.

  “What I mean is, I can’t return when I was never really yours.” She shot him a look she hoped conveyed a bewildered apology.

  He narrowed his eyes, truly confused.

  “Oh, God, just let me try that again. I mean, I never truly gave myself to you in the first place.” She sank back. His pinched glare settled. There. That’s better. “I don’t blame you for getting frustrated, for wanting answers. It wasn’t your job to wait around for me, just as much as I couldn’t hurry along my progress when it came to healing. I held back, you lost patience. It was the natural flow of things between us at the time, and when I didn’t handle my emotions, they ended up handling me.”

  “Agathe.” He tilted his head to one side, as though analyzing the subtext of her words and pleading with her all at once. “You flipped out. Everyone does. You needed to get your life in order, which was more than understandable. And if I had a choice between keeping you in a broken state, or letting you go to work on yourself, as much as it pained me to watch you leave, I’d let you go every time.”

  Despite the sting of his honesty and her need to look away, she forced her gaze to stay on him. “I broke whatever we had before it had a chance to begin. I’ll always be sorry for that.”

  “No. You did what was best for you, and what you thought would be best for me. You should be proud of that. I know I am. And I shouldn’t have pushed for more. Not when on every level, I knew you weren’t in a place to start anything. I’m sorry too.”

  Her heart sank, and the sickness from earlier resurfaced. No matter how she approached this, whatever she had to offer might never be enough. “I’m still not sure I’m ready to start anything with you. Only that I want to start something. Does that make sense?”

  He drew near, nodding. “I don’t expect anything more than us taking this one day at a time. Do you think you could handle that?”

  “Luke.” His name came as a whisper. She couldn’t stand the idea of letting him sell his dreams short for her sake. “You want a wife and children when I’m nowhere near ready for that. I’m not sure I ever will be. I can’t risk failing another child, and I can’t ask you to give up a future that clearly means a great deal to you. One day you’ll resent me for holding you back.”

  Her voice cracked, and tears prickled her eyes. Meanwhile, Luke’s smile fell. She pressed her jaw shut, awaiting his answer, or maybe the sure rejection coming her way.

  “If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I want you more than I want any hypothetical wife or child.” His hand rose, and his thumb stroked her jaw line. “And you could never fail a relationship, Agathe. It’s not in your genes. Just like you didn’t fail the first time with Elsie. You loved that little girl. The troubles you have now, bear witness to that love. What happened to her was a tragic accident, but she wasn’t alone; you were right there with her, holding her, watching over her. I bet you were the best mother a kid could hope for, and Elsie died knowing you cherished her most.”

  His hand gripped her upper arm, like he offered strength and yet more hope. Agathe could feel her muscles turning weak, all while her mind churned with a need to process what he said. “And if we do happen to travel down the path of marriage and children, just know whatever family we create will be different from what you had. I’ll never leave you to deal with life alone. Every joy or sorrow will be shared, even if that means flying you and any child to wherever my work takes me, or failing that, cancelling any out-of-town meetings.” His pupils dilated, and he leaned in, as if imploring her to believe him. “No matter what happens, Agathe, if you’ll let me, you’ll always be the center of my world.”

  She choked back a fearful sob. His promises cut deep. They raised the stakes and gave her yet more things to lose. How could he offer all those things? How could he be so damn sure?

  “I’ll ruin this chance too.”

  He shook his head. “No. You won’t.”

  Her leg muscles coiled like they prepared to run, to spare him the giant sacrifice he was about to make. “My heart’s too broken. I still have so much emotional baggage to sort through. My past will resurface, and I’ll—”

  “Listen to me, you won’t.” His fingers applied more pressure to her upper arm, imploring her to listen and stay. “Your past is your story; it’s who you are, and it will always be there. I don’t want you any other way, you hear me? I’m a grown man, Agathe. One capable of owning my own choices. It’s not your job to save me from having a relationship with you. You’ve tried that, and look where it got us. We’re both bloody miserable when we’re apart.”

  His strong tone resonated through the air around her, and all Agathe could do was stare, her world completely still and quiet. He’d knocked down her last protest, and what’s more, he displayed zero doubts.

  She’d been the one to walk into this encounter secretly hoping to win him back, and now he was the one trying to convince her.

  He’d drawn out her every truth and flaw when they’d been together and rewarded her with support and acceptance. Maybe he had a point. Maybe he could handle whatever she threw at him. Maybe her only task was to accept what he offered and hold him to that challenge.

  So, she lifted her arms and hooked them behind his neck, tucking her head just under his chin, while her body sank against his. “Don’t let me go.”

  He took in a deep breath and pulled her closer, instant warmth seeping through her muscles and down to her bones. “Never.”

  A long silence drew out while she absorbed this moment and the unyielding feel of him. “Can I have that kiss now?”

  Soft laughter tore through her chest, and she pulled back to find the light of a thousand emeralds glinting in his eyes. No matter where life took her, no matter what Agathe did, Elsie’s memory would always be there; no amount of self-inflicted misery would take that away.

  So maybe it was time for Agathe to be happy.

  She wanted to live. To love. To squeeze everything she could from the life she had, and her daughter didn’t.

  She owed Elsie that. She owed Luke.

  She owed herself.

  Luke’s lips touched hers, gentle as a brush of silk, and passion rose as a tide of emotion swelling hot and wild in her chest. She’d be okay.

  She had inner strength and the lessons of her past.

  She wasn’t alone anymore.

  She had Luke.

  Epilogue

  One year later…

  Agathe lowered the small bouquet of light-pink peonies into a metal vase beside the white marble headstone. Elsie would have loved the flowers.

  Agathe could imagine her now, pulling out a single bloom and running around, plucking petals just so she could watch them flutter to the ground. Heavy tears rolled down Agathe’s cheeks, and she sniffed back a sob, her fingertips pressed to the cool earth as if she were reaching for her little girl. “Happy birthday, sweet child.”

  Her gaze swept out to the rows of graves under the soft spring sun, the cloudless sky so different from the gray day she’d lost Elsie. Everything had changed in equal contrast since then.

  A strong pressure landed on her shoulder; Luke’s hand. He h
uddled down beside her. “Are you okay?”

  His attention danced around her face, before he extended a thumb to wipe the tears off her cheeks. How on earth had she gotten so lucky?

  She nodded, and his soft kiss connected with her forehead, the gentle warmth filling her with a sense of reassurance.

  He pulled away and turned to the headstone, his long fingers making contact with the name depressed in glittering gold. Elsie Roth. A heart-shaped rose quartz lay embedded in the stone, an iridescent reminder of the young soul resting underneath. “Happy birthday, Little Miss.”

  He patted the stone, as though Elsie stood before him, and he patted her head. Agathe’s heart tugged, and tears sprang anew. If only these two could have met. Just once. Elsie would have loved Luke.

  She rose to her feet and swiped at her face. These days her eyes had a hair-trigger for springing leaks, her emotions never far from the surface. Then again, her crying wasn’t such a bad thing, not after of years of holding back. “Let’s go.”

  Luke stood and loomed above her, his hand hooking around her elbow, “Hang on a minute, not just yet.”

  His eyes sparkled green, like glass under a bright midday sun; his jaw pressed in a granite line, signaling he had something to say.

  She frowned, conjuring a million dreadful scenarios. Clearly, some habits stuck around, including her habit for pessimism. “What is it?”

  He blew out a forceful sigh. “You’ll either think this is a brilliant idea, or you’re going to run to the car and leave me to walk home.”

  Her lips twitched with a smile, but the mystery in his words kept any real sign of happiness at bay. “Just tell me.”

  He peered down and gave a surrendering sort of nod, then reached behind him and pulled out an envelope from under his sports jacket. “I got Elsie a birthday present.”

  Agathe’s heart stumbled, and her cheeks contracted into an even bigger grin. “You got her a card?”

  “It’s more than that.” He nodded at the envelope. “Open it.”

  She grabbed the envelope and ran a shaky finger under the closed flap. A glittery pink card soon sat in her hand, looking completely unlike anything Luke would pick out, with its white dancing unicorns and a multi-colored rainbow.

  Tears sprung anew, and she tried to focus past the water in her eyes. “What is this? I don’t understand.”

  Her hand met with the hollow at her throat, her fingers brushing the purple scarf she’d bought when she thought she’d never again feel liberated enough to wear anything so vibrant.

  Luke stepped forward and cupped his hands to her elbows, taking some of her weight while she tried not to fold into a pile on the lawn. “Thanks to your advice, Tiluma has succeeded in ways I couldn’t have imagined. In a strange way, Elsie tore us apart, only to bring us back together, and because of her, we’re stronger now.”

  He nodded at the quiet grave, its white marble glowing like a mini celestial being watching over them. “I once said that she was lucky to have you as a mother, to have you there in her last hours, but I also know a lot of children don’t have that.” He turned to the envelope. “I want the extra profits we’ve made as a result of your changes to go to a new program for seriously ill children in foster care. They’ll get the best help money can buy, and we’ll fund programs to provide things such as magic shows, assisted day trips, in-hospital entertainers. Max is in on the idea, too, though I suspect we could save money on clowns and just send him into the hospital wards instead.”

  A laugh broke through her tears, and she blinked up at Luke, her mind still reeling.

  “I want these children to have as much joy in their lives as possible.” His thumb traced gentle circles over her elbow, and his stare deepened. “As much joy as I know you gave Elsie every day.”

  She bent forward with a laughter-filled sob, the rapid assault of her heartbeat halting her ability to count just how many zeros were printed on the paper. She’d felt lucky already, but Luke’s generosity and thoughtfulness now were more than she could understand.

  She peered up at the sky to compose herself. He’d invested a crazy amount of effort into improving her life already. He’d encouraged her to open her own business, a city-based store dedicated to exotic teas and beautiful tea sets. Her years as a corporate consultant had given her more than a few invaluable business skills, and she loved her new venture.

  He’d also been true to his word about keeping her nearby. Together, they’d been on numerous trips around the world. She’d even visited York to meet his mother and sister Sophie.

  And despite Luke’s praise, she couldn’t take full credit for Tiluma’s new success. Max’s suggestion of Bret Lowell as a new investor had been an unexpected stroke of genius. Bret’s loony persona was a perfect fit for Tiluma’s fun reputation, and that same loony persona brought in great publicity. The fact Bret also hid an astute knowledge for all things profit-making meant the business went from strength to strength.

  She dropped her attention back to Luke and shook her head. “This is too much.”

  “Donating this money is the right thing to do.” He sent forward a gentle smile. “You’ve had to overcome a hell of a lot of trauma, Agathe, and I want to add some positivity back into the world in Elsie’s name.” He shrugged. “Besides, I have you, and you’re everything I want and need. This money will do far more good to those children’s lives than it will to mine.”

  She held silence for a little while, suspended under another thought. “Why on earth did you think I’d make you walk home over this?”

  He pulled her in closer, thick lines of tension scoring his face. “Flip the card over.”

  She did as told, only to find a yellow diamond ring tied with matching ribbon to the back.

  Her knees buckled, but Luke caught her, his laugh prying her focus from the card. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be on the ground right now, not you.”

  She found her feet, only for him to let go and lower himself onto one knee before her. “Will you marry me, Agathe?”

  “Wait. What?” She slapped her hand over her mouth, her fingers shaking. “You want to marry me?”

  His eyes glinted along with his giant grin. “Heck, yes. If you’ll have me.”

  “But—” Her mouth slipped open. She meant to ask again why he thought she’d make him walk home, but then her gaze caught on Elsie’s grave, and she understood. “You thought I’d be upset about you proposing in a graveyard.”

  He glanced at Elsie’s headstone. “If you say yes, she’ll be my stepdaughter. My family. I wanted her to be part of this too.” His attention returned to Agathe, and he intertwined his long fingers with hers. “I want you both in my life forever. So please, say yes.”

  Her skin turned cold from the trail of tears on her cheeks, but her chest burned in unison with the hot embers of emotion glowing from within. This man had expanded her world beyond recognition, and if anything, she was the one who wanted to repay him.

  “Yes.” She nodded frantically, breathlessness seizing her lungs, while her mind whirred with an inability to process all that he’d done. “Of course, yes.”

  He jumped to his feet and scooped her up in his arms. “I love you. I always will.”

  He pulled her in for a forceful kiss. She laughed, her forehead pressed to his, her heart so full of joy, it seemed to strain against an undeniable truth. A truth she would never again keep to herself. “I love you too, Luke Tindall. Always. Forever. And under the condition that you promise to guard me whenever your brother is holding a ham and cheese sandwich.”

  A laugh rumbled through Luke’s chest and against her body pressed to his, before his lips met hers in another brief kiss. “I promise. Now…” He leaned in, his lips skimming her ear. “Déjame que te lleve a casa.”

  She giggled, his Spanish for once flawless. “Sí, mi amor. It’d be an honor to go home with you.”

  His SUV waited farther down the hill, and he placed her on the ground so they could begin the trek back. All
the while, she held back from pointing out that his home was now her home and had been for the last six months.

  Instead, she decided to one-up him in a different way, slipping her arm around his and leaning her head on his shoulder. “By the way, we’re going to need a short engagement.”

  She smirked as they walked, awaiting the inevitable question.

  “Why?”

  She restrained another laugh. “Because Elsie has a half-sibling due in late May, and I don’t plan on being as big as a house when I walk down the aisle.”

  Luke stopped in his tracks and tugged at her arm, so she had nowhere to go but to turn and face him.

  “You’re joking?” His cheeks paled with what looked like a mix of shock and buried hope. “You’re pregnant?”

  New, blissfully happy tears sprang free from her eyes, and her shoulders shuddered. Her laughter found its own release, and she gave a hurried nod. Luke’s eyelids flared, and his wide grin shone brighter than a cluster of pearls.

  They’d been careful, hadn’t planned on conceiving a child, but a recent doctor’s visit proved that’s exactly what had happened.

  She’d thought getting pregnant would be her deepest fear realized, but her heart soared at this second chance. Fear no longer ruled her world.

  He scooped her up and spun her around this time, delight apparent in the way he rained heavy kisses over her cheeks. A tiny miracle grew within her, all because of his unshakable devotion. He’d nudged her into healing, into believing she deserved happiness and love. A new life awaited her—one that stretched out far ahead, filled with glorious memories of her years with Elsie—a new life brimming with redemption and family, and the man of her dreams. At her side. In her heart.

  She’d found a way to live again. To love again. And she finally knew peace.