Surrendering To Him

by Hope Jones

  Hux rolled his eyes, a grin still present on his face. “Pick one or I’ll do it for you,” he said.

  “Hux!” I cried, turning completely to face him.

  “Phoebe,” he warned.

  “Fine!” I yelled. I looked at his phone and picked the first female therapist I saw with the best reviews. “That one. Happy now?” I asked, fuming.

  I wish I could say I wanted to research therapists and find the best fit for me, but truly, I was trying to put off going in the first place. Huxley had to know, which was why he was pushing it so much. It was rather irritating how well he could read my mind at times.

  “Very good,” he answered, tucking me back into his side and kissing my forehead like I was a dog who did something good.

  I glared.

  He ignored me.

  I glared more.

  He still ignored me.

  I groaned in frustration and struggled out of his arms.

  “I need to go home,” I stated.

  “No,” he said.

  “Yes,” I replied. “I need to be there when the insurance agent arrives.”

  With both of us struggling, I ended up lying on top of him, flush against him. All his hardness was below me and it was distracting.

  “Stay, I’ll get Roman to go,” he ordered, thrusting his hips into me, alerting me to the hardness between his legs.

  “Hux,” I whispered.

  I was slipping into a Hux Fog and needed to get up.

  “Stay,” he repeated.

  “I’m not making Roman handle my business. Let me up.”

  Hux’s eyes started turning that dark shade of mossy green, and I knew he wasn’t letting me go.

  “You can be ten minutes late,” he told me, dipping his head so close our noses touched. One of his hands left my back slowly and settled on my hip. The other hand gripped my hair in his fist.

  I moaned.

  His slow movements caused goose bumps to break out across my entire body, and I could already feel my clit pulsing.

  “N—” I started to refuse, but Hux took my mouth in a bruising kiss, silencing me. His tongue darted in my mouth, encouraging me to open more and give him access.

  I granted that access with fervor.

  As much shit as I was giving him, I wanted him.

  All of him.

  I was tired of being cock-blocked.

  With my hand on Hux’s chest, I could feel the growl work up his chest before escaping his mouth and entering mine.

  Damn but I loved that sound.

  The fist in my hair pulled tight, yanking my head back and giving him access to my neck and throat. His lips devoured my exposed skin, eliciting a moan from me. The tightening of his hand on my hip told me he liked my moan.

  Our kiss became deeper and our movements were jerky. I pulled him forward so I could rip the shirt over his head. I wanted to touch him and feel him skin-to-skin.

  As my hands ran down his chest and over his stomach, I could feel every muscle clench in response to my touch. There was also a smattering of hair below his belly button, leading into the waistband of his jeans.

  I needed those off too.

  I started working on his belt while he unhooked my bra then ripped my shirt over my head. My breasts bounced free and Hux took advantage. He leaned up, cupping both but taking my right nipple in his mouth while pinching the left in between his fingers.

  My head fell back, and my movements stilled.

  The need between my legs was growing and I needed friction. Much to my embarrassment, I started dry humping Hux’s thick thigh. Well, I wouldn’t say dry humping, since I was very much wet. It was almost painful.

  “Hux,” I pleaded, needing something, anything.

  “I got you, baby,” he mumbled around my nipple.

  Fuck.

  The vibrations from his words worked around my nipple and caused my need to grow even more. With more determination than I’d ever had, I stopped humping him and went back to his button and zipper so I could free him. Hux had other plans.

  In one sudden, swift movement, he had my back on the couch and he was on top of me, switching our positions. He captured my wrists in one hand, pulling them to the top of the couch and pinning them there.

  I tried to get free so I could escalate things at my pace, but he also pinned me with a look that made me pause.

  “I’ve got you,” he reiterated.

  Realization dawned on me.

  He wanted to take care of me and not rush this.

  I nodded my understanding, and he let go of my wrists, but I kept them above my head as a show of faith. With all my previous lovers, I was always in control. I was always on top or the one calling the shots. It felt amazing to relinquish that control to Huxley. I knew he would take care of me.

  With both his hands free, he kissed the side of my jaw then slowly worked his way back down to my breasts. Taking the left nipple in his mouth this time, he sucked deep, and my head flew back.

  My nipples were a hot spot.

  Clearly.

  The ache between my legs grew even more, and I tried to rein in my patience.

  Hux said he would take care of me and he did. His free hand moved to the button on my pants and he had them off in a millisecond. My black lace panties were ripped off my body in one swift movement too.

  “Fuck,” Hux moaned.

  Finally lifting my head, I gazed down at him, and he was hovering over my sex. I’d never seen his eyes so dark with lust before. He was absolutely mesmerizing. I could get lost in his eyes.

  I lost sight of his gaze when his head dipped and his mouth landed on my pulsing clit.

  My head flew back again, and I gripped the arm of the couch.

  His tongue moved over me and he nipped at my clit. He paid great detail to my breathing and how I was reacting to him. He knew when I was getting close to coming and would pull back just enough to stop my orgasm.

  It was so aggravating and amazing at the same time.

  I needed the release he was promising me then taking away just to tease me. Every time he lightened the amount of pressure, I would lift my hips to encourage him. He’d just look up at me and smirk.

  The asshole.

  “Hux,” I panted, so desperate for release.

  “Open your eyes,” he demanded.

  I did as I was told.

  His eyes stared back at me, his mouth hidden by my pussy.

  I pleaded with my eyes, begging him to give me what I was after.

  “Look at me when you come,” he told me then went back to feasting, this time not letting up.

  The tingling began in my sex and built until it reached the top of my head and exploded behind my eyes. The orgasm ripped through me like I’d never felt before.

  Hux told me to look at him while I came, but there was no way I could have kept my eyes open if I tried. I moaned out my orgasm, coming down from the high, and opened my eyes to find him looming over me, staring at me with a look of complete satisfaction.

  He was proud of himself.

  He was also naked from the waist down now.

  With a condom on.

  I had no idea if I had my eyes closed that long or if Hux was that quick.

  His gaze was hot on me, silently asking if I was ready. I gave him a subtle nod and he gently guided his cock into me. He went in an inch at a time, and I was grateful for it because of how big he was.

  When he was all the way in, he stilled and dropped his forehead to my bare chest. His breath fanned across my breasts and made tingles go up my spine, eliciting a shiver.

  He looked up at me like he was in pain. “Are you okay?”

  “You can move, baby,” I whispered, framing his face in my hands.

  He gave me a tight smile and pulled back a little before slowly moving back in.

  The tightness from his girth began to loosen a little and the discomfort went away, pleasure replacing it.

  “More,” I encouraged.

  I moved my hands f
rom his face, snaking them down his back and gripping him with my nails. He began to move faster, finally finding his rhythm. I was glad for it; I needed more from him. His movements gained momentum, and I locked my legs around his hips, pushing him to me when he pulled out. The building that had subsided when he brought me to orgasm with his mouth came back tenfold.

  When I would come this time, I thought I was going to die, go to heaven, and then come back down to earth. I could feel it. This orgasm would be bigger, better. I tightened my walls, teasing Hux. He growled, picked me up, and got on his knees, gaining more leverage.

  His thrusts became more brutal. I was bouncing so hard my breasts were practically hitting his face. Hux kept one arm around my waist but used the other to bring one of my nipples to his mouth. He teased me then bit me lightly, causing my walls to tighten and my orgasm to come rushing to the surface. Throwing my head back, I moaned through it.

  Hux groaned as he pumped a few more times with his own release. His soft thrusts slowing, he picked me up off the couch and laid us both down on the rug.

  My limbs were exhausted, and I felt like I had run ten miles, so I laid my head on his chest and didn’t move an inch. Hux ran his fingers through my hair, down my back, and then back up. It was so relaxing that I found myself drifting off.

  _______________

  “Please, don’t go,” I whispered to the casket.

  I knew it was pointless. He was already gone. The last person I had left on this too cruel earth was gone. He’d never come back. I’d never hear his voice again. He could never tell me stories about the Vietnam War. He would never hold my hand and tell me it would be okay again.

  I was truly.

  Utterly.

  Alone.

  The realization was devastating.

  A sob worked its way up my throat, and I couldn’t control the hoarse roar that escaped my mouth.

  I felt like a shell of my former self. There was no way to survive this. I’d still be living, but I wouldn’t be me. The last of me was being buried with my papa.

  Turning away and nodding to the cemetery workers, I told them, “Go ahead. Thank you.”

  They solemnly went about lowering my papa’s casket to the ground and then tossing loose dirt on top with shovels.

  I didn’t stay and watch. I couldn’t. I’d watched two other people I’d loved be lowered in the ground; I couldn’t do it again.

  I stepped out from under the tent and lifted my umbrella up to cover my head. How fitting the pouring rain was on the day I laid my papa to eternal rest.

  _______________

  I woke in a cold sweat, gripping the sheets so tightly my knuckles had turned white.

  I hadn’t dreamed of my papa’s funeral in months, probably almost a year.

  I was beginning to think I wouldn’t have the dreams anymore, because it had been so long since the last one. I guess the joke was on me.

  While the dream left, the feeling of being alone and empty didn’t. I usually felt like this for several days after the dream.

  Millie actually helped me stop feeling that way.

  She’d noticed I wasn’t myself and learned that when I had that dream I was different somehow. She’d always do something to cheer me up and bring me out of the lonely feeling. She’d take me to her parents’ house and make me have dinner with them, or she would spend the night and sleep next to me.

  She helped chase the demons away, and I’d never know how to repay her for that.

  Finally fully waking up, I noticed the bed I was in was empty. Hux must have moved me to it after we fell asleep on the rug.

  The curtains were pulled, so I couldn’t tell what time it was. From the pounding in my head, I was assuming it was night. I always got headaches when I slept too long.

  Swinging the covers back, I moved out of the bed gently so not to jostle my head. I needed to ask Hux if he had some aspirin. If I didn’t take something soon, my headache would turn into a migraine and I’d feel weak tomorrow.

  I found my robe on the back of the bathroom door and quickly covered myself to ward off the chill that was sinking into my bones. God, I really wished I hadn’t had one of those dreams. Hux and I were doing so good, and that would come to a halt.

  As soon as I opened the bedroom door, I ran into a brick wall. Before I could even get a peek at who it was, strong arms wrapped around me and picked me up.

  My first instinct was to scream.

  I opened my mouth, taking in a large breath so I could scream at the top of my lungs.

  “Baby” was whispered in my ear, and my breath rushed out.

  It was only Hux.

  “Hey,” I whispered back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

  “You okay?” he asked, using one hand to cup my face and sweeping his thumb over my cheek tenderly.

  “Yes, why?”

  “I heard you,” he mumbled.

  “Ah,” I muttered.

  “Again, you okay?” he repeated, more heat in his tone.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, waving his question away as if it was nothing.

  In all actuality, it was everything.

  That dream meant my emotions would be all over the place and I’d feel detached for a couple days. Of course, he didn’t know that, but I didn’t want to tell him either. I didn’t want him to realize how many issues I really had and decide to leave me because it was too much of a burden.

  Hux silently moved us to the bed and settled his weight on top of me.

  “Not asking again, honey,” he told me with warning in his tone.

  “Seriously, I’m fine. Can we stop talking about it?”

  “What was the dream about?”

  My anger bubbled up and I couldn’t tamp it down. I didn’t want to talk about my damn dream. I wanted some medicine for my head and then to go back to sleep and pretend it never happened. I was perfectly happy to pretend I never woke up at all and I just slept through the day and night. Huxley just had to push me though. Him and his damn button pushing.

  Covering my face with my arm, I hoped it would be enough to get him to back off. I should have known better.

  “Baby,” he whispered softly, lifting my arm gently from my face.

  “They started after my papa died,” I whispered.

  Hux’s eyes softened. His hand moved up to my face, holding me gently like he had done so many times before, but this felt more intimate. His tender touch let me know he was there to give me whatever strength I needed.

  “The dreams I mean,” I clarified. “It’s always the same. The day of his funeral. I was leaning over his casket, begging him not to go, which is stupid, right? He was already gone,” I mumbled aloud for the first time ever. I’d always felt like my actions the day of Papa’s funeral were stupid, but I never voiced that opinion.

  “No,” Hux said flatly, giving no room for argument.

  “No?” I repeated.

  “No, it’s not stupid. He was the last person you had. All the loss you suffered before him was shared with him. He was gone; you didn’t have anyone to share it with.”

  “I had Millie,” I countered.

  “I know you love Millie with all you have, but it’s not the same. You share one loss, or multiple in your case, and it binds you to that person. You were bound to your papa by more than just love. You were bound by loss.”

  It was finally registering that he was right. When my mom died, I had my nanny and papa to tell me stories about her growing up, what she was like, how much we were alike in looks and attitude. When we lost Nanny, my papa was left to carry on those stories and traditions. When everyone died, I had nothing and no one to share that with.

  What a lonely world I lived in for so long.

  “Keep going,” Hux requested softly.

  I nodded, drew in a deep breath, and continued. “Every night after the funeral, I would dream about his burial, and I would wake up as I was walking away from his casket. I couldn’t bear to watch him be low
ered in the ground, knowing it was his final resting place. It hurt too much. When I woke up from the dream, I always had a headache that would turn into a migraine and then I felt the need to distance myself for several days from Millie and her family. It was my way of maintaining emotional detachment, so I didn’t get hurt if one of them died too. Eventually, Millie reached me. She did her best to assure me no one was going to die, but she was fighting an uphill battle. They mostly went away a few months after my papa’s funeral, and I only have them occasionally now, but they’re still just as damaging.”

  Hux stroked my cheek, lending me his strength.

  “I have a deal,” he finally said after a few moments of silence.

  “Shoot,” I said cautiously.

  “Don’t shut me out. I can tell when something is wrong with you, so when I come to you to help you work it out, don’t shut down on me. I don’t care how big or small it may seem to you; I want to know. I’ve already said it, but I want to be here for you. I’m not walking out and have no intentions of doing so. Whatever is going on between us, it’s serious, Phoebe. I take your mental health as seriously as I do your physical health. I need you to work through this with me, baby.”

  My heart melted, and I realized that a small part of me was already in love with him while the rest of me was still falling.

  Love. Opening up. It was foreign to me, and I was terrified of it. But I wanted it so fucking badly I could taste it. I could do this. I could heal with Hux by my side, lending me his strength, helping me. I was going to do this.

  “Deal,” I said. “Although, what do I get out of it?” I smarted back.

  “Me,” he said with a sexy smirk before kissing me slow and easy.

  Eleven

  Demand and Expect

  IT WAS TWO days since my dream and I was doing relatively well. Hux had woken me up with sweet kisses on my neck, and my usual urge to run away wasn’t present, shockingly. Not feeling scared was a breath of fresh air.

  Feeling Huxley’s hard-on pressed firmly against my ass, I insisted on moving to the bathroom so we could fool around while I took a shower, killing two birds with one stone. Hux showed me what he was capable of with his mouth before helping me wash my hair and body.