She sat there, for how long she didn’t quite know. It only felt like it had been twenty minutes or so since she’d sat down, but the sky was getting noticeably dark, night was definitely descending. She looked at her watch and sure enough, it was now nearing 4 o’clock. Even if it wasn’t cloudy, it would be dark as the sun was most surely setting by now. She stood up, and felt how stiff the cold had made her legs sitting on that bench for so long. She began walking briskly down the path, not quite sure which direction she needed to go. Eventually she saw Winter Wonderland in the distance and headed in the direction of Marble Arch Station. She checked her phone as she neared the station and saw a text from Jonathan:
When will u be back??? I know we said takeaway but feel like getting out of flat. Carluccio’s at Brunswick? Let me know when.
Before heading into the Underground, Eleanor quickly tapped her reply on her phone:
Catching Tube at Marble Arch. Meet you in 15? Get us a table if u get there first.
She stowed her phone back in her pocket and fished her Oyster card out of her handbag. She headed down to the Tube and let herself get lost in the evening crowd of post-Christmas shoppers.
* * * * *
When she came back up above ground from the Tube at Russell Square Station, and caught sight of the Christmas lights at the Brunswick Centre, she thought about how much she was going to miss all the festive lights and displays once they started taking them down in a few days. She walked across the street and as she walked up to Carluccio’s she saw Jonathan standing at the host’s stand just inside the entrance. She walked in and joined him.
“Hi, you made it,” he said with a smile.
“Yep, doesn’t look like you’ve been waiting long.”
“Nope, perfect timing.”
They followed the host back to their booth and settled in, shedding their coats and relaxing into their seats. It was pretty quiet in the restaurant, as it was now only just before 5 o’clock, far too early for the dinner rush. Eleanor suddenly felt very tired. The server came over and they quickly ordered their meals.
Jonathan noticed the look on her face, “It’s been a long day hasn’t it?”
Eleanor laughed, “Well it was fine until I woke up.” Jonathan laughed as well. Eleanor continued, “Ok, seriously, it really wasn’t that bad, but definitely interesting. I might have slept an extra hour if I’d known I was going to wake up to my picture in the tabloids and have both Mark and Patrick pitch up unannounced on my doorstep.”
Jonathan laughed in response, then asked, “Was everything ok with Patrick?”
“Yeah, he was just concerned about my reaction to the photos and wanted to make sure I was ok and not mad or something.”
“Are you mad?” Jonathan asked gently.
“Noooo,” Eleanor responded slowly. “Not mad. A bit…disconcerted maybe. Patrick seemed upset at the thought that they clearly were waiting outside his home and that they obviously followed us back to the flat. And I won’t lie, the pictures definitely look more scandalous than they are. Leaving his place New Year’s morning in what clearly looks like my New Year’s Eve party outfit. And from the street at our place, that angle at that particular second, an innocent kiss on the cheek looks like much more. I’m sure I’ll hear about it at school.”
“Are you worried about that?”
“Not really. I mean, I was, at first. But after talking to Patrick, I realized his friendship is really important to me. And being friends with him means I’m probably going to have my picture in the tabloids from time to time and things speculated about us. It’s not ideal, but I think his friendship is worth it. And you know, I really can’t complain, I feel like I brought this on myself.”
“How do you mean?”
“After I said goodbye to Patrick, I walked to Hyde Park and wandered around there for a while just thinking about everything that’s happened since last New Year’s when you and Aunt Vickie were visiting us. It’s been such a crazy year. Last winter and spring when I was in Arizona I kept wishing that something exciting would happen, that my life would get more interesting and I’d have a new opportunity for something. I think I’ve gotten what I wished for. I shouldn’t get upset if it’s been a little more dramatic than I anticipated. I’m just sorry that your friendship with Mark has gotten mixed up with all of this. I should have never pursued something with him.”
“It’s not your fault. I encouraged you. And I warned Mark. I told him I wouldn’t defend him if he hurt you. That if he did anything and it came down to choosing sides I’d always choose you. I just never thought he’d be such an arse. I thought the worst that could happen was that you wouldn’t be interested or that you’d date for a bit and then break up with him. I’m sorry for ever encouraging you to give him a chance in the first place.”
“You couldn’t have known. I don’t blame you. What happened with you two after Patrick and I left?” Eleanor asked gently. She had been worried that their talk hadn’t gone well after she’d left them at the flat.
A sad look spread across Jonathan’s face and he sighed. “He’s angry. He thinks you led him on. I told him he’s wrong of course, and that you’d been right when you told him that what you did and who you saw was none of his business. You never made him any promises and were free to see whoever you wanted. I also told him that I felt that Patrick had nothing to do with your relationship with Mark, that Patrick hadn’t come between the two of you.”
“You’re right, they were two separate relationships. From the very beginning.”
“I know. Unfortunately Mark doesn’t want to believe that. He thinks he’s the wronged one. I gave him several chances to see how he’s gone too far. He should have backed off and left you alone ages ago. I’m so sorry Elle. I’ve never seen this side of him. I would have never encouraged you if I’d known he’d be like this.”
“You’re not responsible for him. But I’m sorry that you’ve had such a falling out.”
“I’m not, I told him you were my top priority. The fact that he can’t even acknowledge that he’s done anything wrong or apologize for his actions is just unacceptable. What’s worse is he’s tried to get the guys on his side. I’ve been getting texts from Zaf, Malcolm, Henry, and Ioan all day.”
“Oh Jonathan—,“ Eleanor burst out.
Jonathan put up his hand to silence her, “It’s ok, they all agree with you and me. They think Mark has been a real jerk in this whole thing. Malcolm and Ioan both called him a ‘bloody wanker’, their words, not mine, Zaf called him something in French that I won’t repeat, and Henry called him something in Nigerian, I’m not sure I want to try to translate it. I’ve told them they don’t have to choose sides, but they’ve all told me that Mark is basically making them choose. They all refuse to listen to him say a bad word about you, but he just won’t let it drop. It’s not going to be fun for him once term starts again. He’s cutting all of us out because of his foolish pride and ego.”
“I know I shouldn’t, but I still feel responsible.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t. It’s not your fault. You were open and honest with him from the beginning. He’s messed things up with both of us. I told him that until he’s ready to at least recognize responsibility for his part of all this, we really have nothing to say.”
“What a mess,” Eleanor said, shaking her head.
“So, forget about Mark. What are you going to do about Patrick?”
“Nothing,” Eleanor laughed. “I mean, we’re friends, we’ll continue being friends, and then, who knows? School starts on Monday, Mom flies home on Wednesday, Patrick starts filming his next project the week after. He and I will both be so busy, even if I was interested in something more than friendship this would be the worst time to test that out. And the future is so uncertain. By the time summer arrives, I might not even be able to stay in London once my program is done.”
“Well I wouldn’t let any of that stop you cousin, life is short. Didn’t you say this first film is being shot
in and around London? And you could very well end up staying here, we both know you’re trying to. You have no real intention of going back to Arizona. Why delay your future? Why not start living it now?”
“You make it sound so easy,” Eleanor said sarcastically.
“It is,” Jonathan replied with a smug look on his face.
“Oh? Well then how’s it going with Celeste?” Eleanor snapped back just as smugly.
Jonathan’s face looked even more smug, if that was possible Eleanor thought, “Quite well actually, we have a date set up for Monday. The club is closed on Monday’s so it’s her day off. We’re going to Winter Wonderland, it will be the last night and neither of us have been this year.”
Jonathan looked so happy talking about Celeste, Eleanor couldn’t help but feel happy for him. But she also felt that twinge of envy, like she felt for that couple walking in the the park earlier. Why did it feel so easy for everyone but her?
As if reading her thoughts, “Ellie,” Jonathan said gently, “It really can be that easy if you just let yourself go. Patrick is a good guy. In all the times I’ve met him, I’ve never gotten a bad feeling off of him. And you completely change when you’re with him, in all the best ways. You’re calmer and happier, much more relaxed. It reminds me of when you were younger, before your parent’s divorce, before New York, and then everything with Michael. You were so naturally happy then. It’s like Patrick brings out the side of you that doesn’t worry about every little thing.”
“You think I worry too much?” Eleanor laughed, trying to make light of the conversation. But Jonathan wouldn’t let her.
“Yes,” he replied seriously. “You worry about everything. School, your writing, your friendships, your parents, Michael, Mark…I could go on. You constantly worry and second guess all of your decisions. You are so much smarter and braver than you know. You don’t have to be afraid. You’ve had some bad luck with men in the past, I get that. Mark, Michael, and we all know what a tosser your dad is. But you also have had some good luck with men. Me, Jack, the guys—they all love you, you know, and so does my dad, he asks about you all the time. There have been so many men who haven’t betrayed your trust or disappointed you. I think Patrick is one of those good guys.”
Eleanor thought carefully about what Jonathan was saying. Deep down she knew he was right. It was fear that was holding her back. But she wasn’t sure how to go forward.
Speaking gently, “Elle, listen. If you’re still working through feelings for Michael and the breakup and still need more time to process all of that, then that’s totally understandable. You were together for a long time and it was your first serious relationship, and it’s only been eight months, which seems like a long time but compared to how long you dated it’s understandable if you’re still dealing with it all. And if that’s the case, starting a new romantic relationship isn’t the best idea. But…if you’re completely over Michael and past that relationship and you’re holding yourself back from starting something new with Patrick, or anyone else really, out of fear that’s not good. Be brave Elle. Trust yourself to make the right decision.”
At that point their food arrived. They started eating quietly before Jonathan said, “Look, you don’t have to say anything right now. But think about what we’ve just been talking about. You don’t have to make any decisions right away but you should think about whatever is holding you back and try to resolve that. And not for Patrick’s sake, but for yours.”
Eleanor just nodded, and wiped away a small tear. Jonathan reached across the table and squeezed her hand. He then switched the subject to talking about something lighthearted, Eleanor couldn’t even really remember what later, but it made her feel better and she was able to enjoy the rest of dinner.
They eventually walked home together. Eleanor talked on the phone with her mom, who was still at the hotel in with Aunt Vickie. She quickly mentioned the tabloid pictures so her mom wouldn’t worry about her. She and Aunt Vickie hadn’t seen them yet, so she was glad she had mentioned it. Her mom was concerned but reassured. They made plans to go to a service at St. Paul’s the next day, Sunday, and then to meet for tea at Bea’s in One New Change after school on Monday. By the time she got in bed she was looking forward to spending time with her mom. She knew her mom wouldn’t let her off easy, just as Jonathan hadn’t. But they were the two people she trusted the most. She fell asleep feeling numb and more confused than ever, but she just couldn’t stop thinking about Patrick.
Chapter 18
Sunday with her mom had been nice. They attended the morning service at St. Paul’s and then spent the rest of the day wandering around the City and along the Thames. They talked about everything and Cassie gave Eleanor a lot of good advice, even if it was hard to hear. She’d exchanged a couple texts with Patrick, each asking how the other was doing. Eleanor did have to admit, it was nice to have someone—who wasn’t a family member—interested in how her day was going. She also had some texts from Jack, who was back in London after spending New Year’s Day and the rest of the weekend with his family in Sheffield. She was excited to see him at school the next day. He’d found out about the tabloids, but typical Jack, he found it all a riot and said he hoped Eleanor would remember him when she was famous. Eleanor had just rolled her eyes at that text.
Monday arrived and it was time to go back to school. The time off for the holidays had been good, just what she needed. Despite the drama she had made good progress on her book and was more or less on track with where she should be. It was going to be a busy spring term.
As she walked up the steps of the school, she saw some girls she knew and waved. But when they waved back they also laughed and whispered to themselves. Eleanor had a weird feeling about it. That weird feeling was confirmed when she saw Jack in the lobby, he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat and held up a tabloid. She saw another ridiculous headline about “Patrick’s New Love.” She held out her hand for the rag, and began flipping through the pages as they walked to the lift. She scanned the story, which was thankfully short. They still didn’t know much more about her beyond her name and where she studied. But there were pictures of her and Patrick walking near her flat from after they had left Jon with Mark, and more pictures of her walking down Oxford Street. Those ones made her uneasy, she didn’t like thinking that she had been watched and photographed while she was on her own.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Patrick had texted her, worried about the new pictures. She told him it was fine, she wasn’t terribly worried and that she was sure it would pass, especially once he started filming. She met her mom for afternoon tea at Bea’s. It was so close to the Harrison and had become one of her favorite places and she was excited to share it with her mom. They enjoyed tea and then did some shopping there at One New Change. They were starting to take down the decorations, the holidays were officially over. Now London was just cold and dreary, but it didn’t bother Eleanor, after years of living in the desert, she thought it would be awhile before she tired of the London weather.
She went with her mom to Heathrow on Wednesday after her classes. It was hard to say goodbye to her mom, it had been so nice having her close during the last couple weeks. To not have to deal with a seven-hour time difference or poor connection FaceTime calls. As she took the Tube back to the flat from the airport she couldn’t stop herself from crying and immediately missing her mom. Jonathan was waiting when she walked into the flat and he quickly wrapped her in a giant hug. They spent the rest of the afternoon on the sofa watching movies on Netflix and eating popcorn and leftover Christmas chocolate. It was just what she needed.
Eleanor spent the rest of the week writing and meeting with her professors. They all agreed that she was making good progress and that her work had improved since the beginning of the program when she had been struggling. She also spoke with a couple of the recruiters in the career services office and there was talk of arranging interviews with companies the school was connected to and the possibilities of h
er getting a job somewhere after she completed the program. Her previous teaching experience was an advantage she was told, as well as the part time tutoring work she was doing. She tried not to get her hopes up, but the thought of staying in London, or even moving elsewhere in the UK after graduation was everything she wanted. Jonathan had been right, she couldn’t bear the thought of going back to Arizona after everything she’d experienced in London.
On Friday Patrick called, he asked if he could come over. He would start filming on Monday and he wanted to spend some time together before then. Eleanor was excited to see him, but also nervous. Something in his voice on the phone sounded different. Hesitant. Uncertain. Eleanor couldn’t help but feel the same.
* * * * *
Patrick arrived right on time, carrying takeaway from Rock & Sole Plaice, the fish and chips place in Covent Garden they both loved. They ate in the lounge, sitting across from each other at the dining table, drinking cider from bottles. They filled each other in on what they had both been up to that week, Eleanor telling him about her meetings and discussions with her professors, and the possibility of a job after graduation.
“You know if you want a job I can connect you with tons of different people, all you have to do is tell me what you’re looking for.”
“Be careful what you offer,” Eleanor laughed. “I just might take you up on it.”
Patrick laughed back. “I hope you do. London suits you. You shouldn’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”
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