“Yeah…” He chuckled. “Ambrose saved the day,” he repeated grinning.
We arrived at the cave and greeted by triumphant cheers. Their hugs and supportive attitude brightened the mood of the exhausted fighters. Ryder was present as well and couldn’t resist looking contented of our victory.
“Any report on the Corps?” Curtis asked when we came near Ryder.
Quinlan was now standing beside Ryder when she replied, “Lord General Ashtra pulled his men out but they’d return to retaliate soon.”
“But it’s all over,” I said hopelessly.
“I doubt Ashtra will give up easily,” Ryder explained.
“Then what are we going to do?” I asked.
“We’ll take one battle at a time. Let’s just hope the Corps would realize they don’t need to fight for the Empire anymore,” she replied.
“And we have friends now helping us and the Prince. I’m sure more Elites will follow,” Curtis added optimistic.
“Yes more will join soon, I hope,” Ryder shared his optimism.
“Definitely, after tonight, our stations are no longer relevant anymore. Now everybody will be willing to fight for that freedom,” Quinlan agreed.
Ryder nodded. “You must be tired. Why don’t you all get some rest and we’ll continue again soon.”
Ryder was about to walk away when Curtis hurriedly stopped her. “Could we talk privately?”
She turned to face him. “Can it wait?”
“No,” Curtis replied.
She glanced at Curtis then at me and back to him again. “Very well, in my office then,” she said.
I went with Curtis to her office and when we entered, Curtis closed the door behind him with us just three inside and I was anxious to know what this was about. Curtis was silent for a while and Ryder patiently waited.
He glanced at me briefly before facing Ryder. “Tell me, did you ever go to the chief programmer?”
Ryder’s face was stunned then she frowned. “What’s this all about?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” Curtis said firmly.
She stared at him then said calmly, “Yes, I might have.”
“Why?” Curtis asked with his voice suddenly sounding cold.
“Maybe we should talk about this another time,” she said dismissively.
“No, we deserve to know,” he said almost angrily.
Ryder paused. “I think you already know the answer,” she said in a low voice not breaking eye contact with him.
“Yes but I need to hear it from you,” he insisted.
She sighed. Quickly glanced down before continuing, “I went there to buy a match...”
“You mean bribe,” Curtis interrupted his voice slightly raised.
I was in the dark of what they were talking about. Why did she need to bribe a match? I knew only Elites and Alphas did that for business reasons or for wealth. I saw no reason why she had to do it also.
“Whose match were you trying to bribe?” I asked puzzled seeking answers from Ryder then at Curtis.
“Yours…” Ryder answered straightforward.
I gasped and quickly turned to face Ryder. Everything came crashing in an instant. I truly found it hard to believe I heard her right. I reached for the nearest chair and sat down before my legs gave out from the shock. A dark shadow casted over me and my mind went blank.
I shook my head and mumbled a few words I could barely muster. “I don’t understand…”
Ryder walked over to her desk and sat on the chair while Curtis stood beside me. Her face became serious more than her usual, but she spoke in a way devoid of emotion which made it disturbing.
“I needed something, anything that will give the Defiers a fighting chance. Then I remembered the glitch that happened before, it came to me this could be a perfect opportunity. Someone who was one of us inside the circle of the Elites, and what better way doing that but by disguising a bribed match into a glitch.”
She paused, looked at Curtis then at me. “It was always you, you were my last hope. It was never our intention for Curtis. The plan was to match you with an Elite and have Olfren contact you instead of him but Olfren had a different idea in mind which I was totally against. He was being convinced by your friend James Conolly that Curtis was the more logical choice, since coincidently he was an Elite with a heart… So forgive me if I didn’t trust you,” she said, her eyes now on Curtis.
“But why us? Why me?” I asked.
Ryder took a deep breath before answering. “It was because of your father. I knew about him and had our eyes on him for a long time, he had a high probability of joining us but when I found out he had a daughter, it was then the idea struck me. I’m sure he had taught you his ideals and values, passed it on to you, so you were the perfect candidate. The thought of a Beta turned Elite was exciting and gave me the confidence this could actually work and turn the tide finally in favor of us. As for Curtis…” she paused then resumed, “I needed an Elite who wasn’t heir to a dukedom, someone who didn’t stood out, someone harmless… The chief programmer suggested Curtis from the records he had of everyone and he was helpful with that, but he only did it to make me, his customer, satisfied of my money’s worth. So I paid the match before the two of you were even out from the Institutes. And the programmer never questioned his customer’s motives.”
“You were using us,” Curtis accused and I heard the disgust in his voice.
“There was no other way. I was only doing it for the greater good,” she said with firm conviction.
Those same words again, ‘for the greater good’ the same words the Emperor spoke. How many more lives had to be sacrificed for the greater good? The Emperor and Ryder believed in very different things but their manner of securing it was no different from the other. Their words meant our lives had no value. Ryder, who had been fighting the Empire for a very long time settled to do something so corrupt and manipulative because she became desperate for change, and it was appalling.
It was getting hard to breath. Our match wasn’t even random but planned even before we became eligible. We were pawns used in a strategy that would further the fight. I knew it was for the cause we were fighting for but it also felt terribly wrong using us like that. It was bad enough the Numen dictated our match but to be exploited was far worst. I didn’t feel human but a piece of property made to play a role, an altered destiny, manipulated without my knowledge and it was making the hair on my skin prick up.
Then suddenly it dawned on me, maybe the Numen system found my match and the chief programmer kept on rejecting it, waiting for Curtis to be eligible since he was younger than me, and it sickened me thinking about it. Curtis may not have been my original mate after all. Our paths crossed only to satisfy the greed of the person sitting behind the computer.
“What about the first time?” Curtis asked, his question sounded more like a challenge.
By his statement, my confusion and questions had no end as I felt like falling into a deep dark hole with no way of ever going out.
Ryder stared at Curtis her expression dark. I thought she was going to be mad at him but she responded nevertheless, “The first try was a failure obviously.”
“What happened?” It was my turn to ask.
“We chose the wrong kind of Beta. It was when she ascended to the Elites that she lost sight of who she really was. She showed great potential and wanted to prove herself but she became too absorb with her new life in luxury as an Elite… she basically gave in to them.”
“Wait a minute... Prove herself? You mean she knew you were using her?” I asked puzzled.
Ryder nodded. “She was my daughter…”
I gasped and in the corner of my eye, I saw Curtis stiffened as he stood.
“So do you understand now the sacrifice I had to make?”
I said nothing. No words could be form to describe what she might have gone through, losing her daughter like that… The Beta before me who I was looking for, the one Miss Pattilyn t
old me about how she was lost and forgotten by completely transforming herself into an Elite was a Defier, and she knew she was part of a larger plan but chose a different path instead. What kind of person would do that? When everybody was counting on her…
“Still you had no right, what you did to us…” Curtis insisted.
Ryder didn’t comment right away and her lips forming together in a firm straight line. “I know what I said is hard to grasp but think of it this way…” Ryder leaned forward and placed her elbows on the desk with her hands entwined and said softly almost sounding sincere but unlikely, “You saved the citizens, the Empire, and saved the Premortals, because of you their lives will prevail for generations to come... You made all this possible.”
To me, everything she said now was an illusion to pacify whatever doubts we had of her intentions. To make us feel contented and accept the nature of the choices she had to bear, validating it to be righteous when in truth it was shrouded with lies and deceits.
Then Ryder placed both her palms on the surface of the desk and slowly stood up. “Well, I don’t know about the two of you but we all need some rest after today,” she said and walked around her desk then passed us without waiting for our respond and left us in her office with no departing words of sympathy.
I didn’t know how long I sat there staring at the wall. It was when Curtis knelt on one knee in front of me that I wondered what he also thought about all this.
He was gazing at me with the warmest eyes and I could tell he was worried with the creased forming on his forehead. He carefully placed his hand on my leg.
“It’s okay Ellie,” he comforted.
I shook my head. “No, it’s not okay…” I replied honestly, struggling to speak.
He sighed. “Ellie… I need to tell you something.” He looked down briefly then back at me. “I know what Ryder did wasn’t right, manipulating our lives like that but… Does it make me an awful person if I didn’t find her actions terrible as it should be? I mean… I agree what she did was wrong but somewhere inside, a voice keeps telling me that if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have found you…”
He looked at me with those loving eyes, the way he always did whenever we were alone together and then he added, “I’m telling you how I feel but I don’t expect you to feel the same… After today, our lives are reset and the matches would mean nothing now. No more stations or anybody deciding our future by pressing a button.”
He slowly took both of my hands and held it on his and continued, “You were deprived from the choices you deserved to have, and I love you so much it’s only right to give you your freedom for a new life whichever you imagine yourself in. I promise I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore but I want you to know my feelings for you will remain the same no matter what you choose.”
I sat quietly, confused. He was releasing me. I was free to choose whoever I want to be with. Then I remembered Devon, the first time I saw him back home and how I’d lie in my bed dreaming of him. The unexplainable feeling in my stomach whenever he was around and his presence brightened my mood when I saw him every morning from across the street. It was wonderful back then, more simple and it felt natural at the same time exhilarating even though I struggled to say a single word to him.
But what answer am I going to give? Should I tell him that at first, I was never quite sure of my feelings for him unlike what I had with Devon? What I felt for Curtis was probably my way of coping after I lost Devon? Everything in me was in shambles, my thoughts and my feelings, never amounting to a single answer. Who knew when I was finally given the freedom to choose, I couldn’t even decide what choice to make.
Then I was suddenly dismayed. I realized even if I chose to be with Curtis, I didn’t deserve him after what I did behind his back. I’m not even certain if I was right for him, I was unfaithful and Curtis should never be treated like that. If he knew what I did, he wouldn’t be here giving me choices.
“Look Ellie, you don’t have to answer right away. Take your time and think about it,” he offered warmly.
It was dawn and I was back in my room at the living quarters lying in bed trying to sleep but all I did was toss and turn. My body was tired but my mind wouldn’t allow me to rest. A question kept racing in my head, who do I choose? If I choose Curtis, he’d make me very happy but I’d be living in guilt unless I tell him what I did and I doubt he’d want me after he knows. On the other hand, if I choose Devon, it’ll be a new life, something I often wondered what it’d be like if the Numen never existed, I’d have been with him, living back home in Coastal City. So what do I do now? Should I choose the path Ryder had laid out for me? Or the path I dreamt for myself? After much debate in my head, I finally dozed off after my mind conceded from thinking too much.
I was woken up by a loud music outside my room. I stared up at the ceiling, loud music could only mean that it was two in the afternoon, when some of the people gathered around the center where only the sun touches inside the living quarters of the cave.
I slowly sat up on the bed, contemplating… I felt that I already made up my mind while I was asleep, and it never felt so right. It was clear who I was going to be with. His face was the first image that came to my head, even in my dreams he was there. I was going to tell him today how I truly felt. The outcome scared me but ultimately I was excited for our future, and I wanted nothing more but to spend my life with him.
After a change of clothes, I went out to the hallway, I knew where I was going to find him but my thoughts wandered aimlessly. I walked passed everyone without saying a single word or even returned a greeting. The familiar faces and places, all seemed like a blur to me. The battle within me finally found its end, and answers needed to be given to finally set our minds at rest.
I’ve walked these grounds countless of times, the grasses and trees, nothing had changed but everything else felt insignificant compared to what I was about to do. I followed the narrow road through the forest until I reached the farm and continued to walk between the patches. I was sure this was the place I was going to find him.
I stopped abruptly when I saw Devon coming out from the barn and then soon he noticed me. No smiles were exchanged and no warm greetings, he froze, seeing each other alone, we both wasn’t expecting this... The kiss we shared seemed like a distant memory but seeing him again reminded me of all that, the details and sensations came flooding back. I made my way towards him, taking my time, and thinking of ways on how I was going to tell him...
CHAPTER 13: THE CHOICE
CURTIS
I was alone in my room deep in thought around late afternoon, sitting on my small bed leaning forward with elbows resting on my legs and palms covering my face. I never wanted to leave this room. I wasn’t sure what was waiting for me outside and I wasn’t ready to face it. I’ve never been more afraid of what Ellie thought after she knew our match was fixed. But I saw it on her face… the disappointment. The question was what was she disappointed about? Was it Ryder? The chief programmer? Or our match?
I wanted our match to be at least extraordinary, derived from a random moment that rarely happens and it would have been somewhat romantic but never like this, to be used to fulfill another’s agenda. It took away the notion our match was special and the product of something dishonorable instead.
It felt right giving her a choice of a different life after we were now free from the Numen system. I wouldn’t blame Ellie though if she chose a different path, it’d be the end of me nonetheless, but I couldn’t hold it against her. All that was left was for her to choose, a life with me not of our choosing to begin with or a new life to see other people.
I hate to admit Devon was right. Will I let Ellie go if it was the right thing to do? That was his question and so I released her out of my love for her. But what if she didn’t choose me? I rubbed my hands on my face, horrified by the idea. If I wasn’t, then I’ve to respect that. Suddenly my stomach knotted.
There was a soft knock on th
e door, I wonder who could that be. I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone at the moment, so I refused to answer hoping they’d go away. Then there was a second knock.
What did they need me for? The war was over and I’ve done my part, I just want to be left alone for once.
Suddenly the unwelcomed guest opened the door. It creaked slowly and I got annoyed. I looked up quickly from my hands and in front of me was Ellie standing so radiantly beautiful but her face told me she didn’t come here with happy news.
“Oh Ellie… I’m sorry I didn’t know it was you,” I apologized.
“Is this okay?” she asked hesitantly.
I nodded then she closed the door behind her and came forward, and seated herself on the bed beside me. We sat there for a while not looking at each other or speaking. The silence was unnerving and the room suddenly felt cold. I knew why she was here. She then shifted on the bed and faced me.
“Curtis…” she softly spoke. I turned my head towards her and our eyes met, waiting for her next words.
“I can’t be with you…” she said sadly with her face full of pain.
I froze. With those words, she took away my entire world. I admit I didn’t know what to expect but… I didn’t want this… I always thought we’d be together, I thought what we felt for each other was strong and real. What was it we had then? Was she only with me because she had no other choice? Playing the part of a mate, pretending to be happy?
I reminded myself I wouldn’t hold it against her if she chose not to be with me. But I couldn’t help it… it hurts so badly. My love for her wasn’t enough to keep her beside me, if only she’d tell me what I did wrong that drove her away, I’d promise to do better and beg her to reconsider her decision. But it was too late, I gave her a choice and she finally made one, I had to respect that. I continued to sit silently, sulking, not knowing what to say. I averted my eyes from her with my head down and felt a lump on my throat as I swallowed.
Ellie moved closer. “… Not after what I did to you… I… I don’t deserve you,” she said in a low solemn voice.
The Prevalence: Sequel and Final Book of The Premortals (The Premortals Series 2) Page 23