I quickly raised my head and faced her, surprised and confused by what she meant. It was then she took her eyes away from me and was staring at the floor looking vulnerable.
“What you did?” I repeated.
She was taking her time to answer until she gazed back at me and said, “When you gave me the choice if I still want to be with you, I never felt so loved by you, the choice you gave me was beyond what I deserve, you sacrificed your feelings… even your happiness, so you could see me happy with whatever choice I make.” She paused then continued, “I never told you this Curtis but… I love you. I want to be with you. I realized every morning when I wake up, I was looking forward to seeing you, and whenever you’re gone, my mind and heart searches for you. You gave me so much affection despite my lack of it. You’ve embraced my flaws including my stubbornness. You gave your life to the Defiers, fighting for a cause you didn’t have to, and you gave up everything for me… I should be the one giving you a choice… I should be the one asking if you still want to be with me… even after…”
Her voice trailed off. She swallowed hard and struggled holding back her tears. She stared down at her fingers, fidgeting them as she always did when nervous. She briefly bit her lips before facing me again. “Even after I’ve kissed Devon…” she confessed. Tears came down her face and her nose, cheeks and eyes began to turn red.
I took my eyes off her, not wanting to look at her and stared at the door in front of me. I heard what she said but somehow I found it hard to understand or even believe. It was like my heart was ripped away from my chest with brute force. I never felt so disappointed and so… betrayed.
Anger started to brew directed at her confession, but most of all at Devon. I knew there was something in him I didn’t like. I saw their connection and didn’t do anything about it. I should’ve been cautious when it came to him but it was too late, it was already done. It was foolish of me to have faith in Ellie’s devotion when she was around him.
I still love her though but was I willing to have a life where I’ll be reminded she betrayed me once? She was the one giving me the choice now, I should be glad it was up to me to choose… but I wasn’t.
I took a deep breath and let it all out, calming myself down. For a second, I thought of leaving her, the treachery was too painful to endure. I know I blamed Devon but she also reciprocated the emotions. She wanted him also. The fact she kissed him tells me she thought of him or probably even considered being with him. Her devotion was tested and she failed but she did mention she knew Devon before me. Their connection could have existed since back then. So who was at fault here? Was it possible I was only the convenience for her that came along to replace him? Or was I the other man who came in between them?
Then I imagined myself without her. I didn’t have the strength to leave her. I’d miss her smile, the delightful way her face lights up whenever she tasted what she called our over the top expensive food, the peacefulness on her when she reads a book, and when she blushes after being complimented, the twinkle on her eyes each time we travel to somewhere new, or even the way she frowns when someone says something not in line with her ideals but then she’d try to smile after, just to be agreeable.
Ellie suddenly swoop down in front and sat on her knees on the floor facing me, holding both of my hands in hers. Her eyes were sore and her cheeks wet from the tears. Her forehead wrinkled with worry.
“It just happened, one thing led to another and it quickly escalated. I couldn’t remember why I even did it and I had no excuse for it but I promise you, the kiss meant nothing. I never felt with him what I have with you… Please… I’m asking you to forgive me and I’m begging for another chance…” she pleaded and squeezed my hands tightly. Her eyes beyond the tears were searching for the answers in mine.
I felt her pain. The hurt on her face was making me suffer with her. I couldn’t bear not seeing her again as well. I was preoccupied of the thought of losing her before all this, more afraid of it actually, and here she was asking me to be with her.
“Please… say something,” she begged.
She actually had me powerless and it was difficult refusing her when she already had me under her spell since the day I fell for her. I admit it’d be hard to ignore what she did but I was prepared to overcome it because she was my weakness, always had been and always will be. But was it enough for me to forgive her?
***
ELAINE
His silence was my punishment. His handsome features were blurred by the tears that kept flowing endlessly. I was facing him… begging for his forgiveness and choose a life with me. Some part of me regretted telling him, now I doubt he was going to stay after this. My body started to shake and if I wasn’t holding his hands, I’d probably have fallen over already. But I needed to tell him, no matter how much it hurts. He had to know what kind of person I was, I needed him to see I wasn’t at all perfect as he had blindingly assumed, and by a long shot, I wanted him to take me despite of my faults.
In a sudden twist of emotions, a change of the tides of circumstances erased all the doubts and confusions of my feelings which led me here to Curtis. I was now certain I loved him but I feared I was losing him instead. The possibility of his rejection made me start to panic inside.
This was absolutely heart wrenching. This wasn’t even close compared to what I felt after I told Devon. Before I came here, I saw him at the farm. I already made my decision and I was sure it was what I wanted. I was walking towards him and saw the uncertainty on his face but he stood there still brilliantly looking with all his positive energy.
I realized Devon was a dream and nothing more. He was someone I admired because he was ideal, but love was never based on perfections. That was why I was attracted to him at first, the thought of being with a man who was suitable for me, but not all wanted to spend eternity with a god, mortals with their flaws and vulnerability were also intriguing. I could live a life without Devon but not without Curtis.
Devon was quiet when I arrived and all I could think of was giving him the closure to be fair to him, so he could move on. He was waiting with his deep set eyes squinting from the heat while he was rubbing his fingers together on one hand. We gazed at each other silently, anticipating for whatever words that sounded appropriate without trying to cause more pain than this already was.
“I came here to say goodbye,” I said softly.
His mouth slightly opened then quickly shut. He then rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and said, “Can I convince you to stay?”
Nothing could change my mind but I want this to be easy for him as much as possible. “I’m sorry…” I replied.
He dropped his hand from his neck. “You made your decision then,” he confirmed.
I nodded weakly not taking my eyes off him. “Yes.”
He sighed heavily, briefly averting his eyes before gazing back at me. “Tell me honestly Ellie, did you ever have any feelings for me?” he asked and I could hear the desperation.
I gazed apologetically and hoping he saw this was difficult for me as well. “I did before, but not anymore…,” I said in a low voice.
He bit his lips, not making eye contact. He threw something on the ground. A small pebble perhaps then took a deep breath and exhaled.
He returned his gaze at me. “I’ll never see you again would I?” he asked.
I shook my head slowly. “No…”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking down. He raised his head back up, with a swiping of his hair backwards and his eyes started to water.
“I know it’d be useless fighting for you… Though it’d be worth it…” He said.
“Please don’t,” I said desperately for his sake.
“What changed then?” he asked.
Where do I begin? The letter containing my match? The ceremony? My ascension to the Elites? When I tried to run away? My first kiss with Curtis? Or when I joined the Defiers? I couldn’t think of how and when my feelings changed and it
wasn’t just a single moment, it was gradual and steady, molded into something special making it hard to suppress.
It was difficult explaining it to him so I simply answered, “I guess… time…”
He tried to smile but couldn’t keep it.
“I understand…” He paused. “So this is goodbye then,” he finally said softly.
He sniffled and cleared his throat and turned around to leave, going back inside the barn without glancing back.
I haven’t seen him since then. It was like saying goodbye to my past, to my naive self that would never return. I thought I was going to cry but I didn’t… Maybe because this was inevitable, it was only a matter of time. I only felt sorry for disappointing him like this. His dismayed look was upsetting to watch but it had to be done… he had to move on without me.
Curtis gently placed his hands over mine and held me to stand with him. We were gazing at each other after he released his hands. My tears ceased to flow but my cheeks remained moist. The tears were replaced by apprehension, dreading what words were to come out from those sweet lips.
“Did you have feelings for him before we were matched?” he asked.
What was I going to say to him without driving him farther away?
He noticed my hesitation and said, “You can be honest with me.”
I felt like crying again. “Ye-yes, I thought of him,” I stuttered and wished I could’ve taken it back and lied instead.
The folds in between his brows met. “So what was I to you before?” he continued, slightly tilting his head. I wanted him to stop this. It was getting too hard for me to bear.
Not daring to look at him, I could never lie to his face, even if I wanted to. He deserved to know the truth.
My gaze returned to him. “I was confused at first. Everything happened so fast, the ceremony, the ascension, and I was miserable and scared back then. I didn’t know if what I felt for you was real or… I just missed Devon, but after that everything changed. I’ve never been so certain of my feelings now.”
“You’re only certain of it now… after you kissed him,” he said and his voice was laced with disappointment.
My mouth slightly dropped. Was this the end of us? I was losing him… He was waiting for my answer and I didn’t know what to tell him. I wanted to run away, ashamed of my betrayal.
I swallowed and felt a lump on my throat. “I honestly don’t know what to say… he was there and I was… alone. I don’t have any reason… Maybe a part of me wanted to know how it felt or… wondered what I was missing. I had a moment of weakness…” I shook my head. “I fought hard… but it’s over now… I told him he and I won’t be seeing each other anymore.”
He let out a heavy sigh and was about to speak but stopped himself and paused, quickly looked down then back at me again. “Did he ever mean anything to you?” he eventually asked in a gentle soft voice.
“No, he doesn’t mean anything to me,” I quickly replied, willingly.
He continued to stare with no trace of any emotion. Maybe what I told him wasn’t convincing enough, it then made my heart beat faster.
“There’s no one else but you. It was always you. Ryder may have a doing in our match but it was me who chose you… I let myself fall for you… It might have taken longer for me but slowly it happened, and if we can’t be together, I don’t know what I’ll do… I’ll be lost…” I added more sincerely.
I remained still, silently begging, not taking my eyes off him, fearing this might be the last time I’d see him. If he refuses me, I knew of no other life that’d save me from this one. No more of his sweet whispers and kisses, and his touches sending sparks in me. I’d be thinking of him but he’d never know I was as our worlds would be far apart and our paths never crossing, unless fate was kind to me. The emptiness grew, I wanted it to stay away and it was only possible if he’d give me a chance to atone for what I did. He slowly raised a hand on the side of my face and tucked a hair that was on my wet cheek behind my ear.
“What you did Ellie really hurt me but… I believe you, and I can’t stay mad at you. We were both forced to live a life not of our choosing, so I can’t blame you for doubting your emotions. We’ve been through so much together, I think one kiss is hardly a reason for us to be apart,” he said tenderly.
I let out my breath I wasn’t aware I was holding all this time. Something heavy was lifted from my chest and felt like it was the first time I could breathe. There was a wide smile on Curtis’ face and I leaned towards him without hesitation, wrapping my arms around his neck, holding him close.
“You make me so happy,” I whispered in his ear, smiling.
He released me and gently held the side of my face as we stared lovingly into each other’s eyes.
He grinned. “Even when I’m in my brooding mood?”
I chuckled. “Yes especially when you’re in your brooding mood, and besides, I’m used to it by now,” I teased.
He laughed. “Can you promise me one thing?” he requested.
“Yes, anything,” I eagerly replied.
“That you’ll never leave me,” he said.
I moved my face closer to his and smiled widely. “I promise.”
It was like renewing our pledge, not as Elites and Betas but as two people who loved each other deeply. We were finally free of our duties appropriate of our stations, what we had left were our duty for each other the way it should be.
A new life, unlike before when my entire world was suddenly displaced by the match, this I was looking forward to and who better to spend it with than with Curtis. It felt like it wasn’t long ago we were strangers who loathed and blamed each other for our miseries, and my innocent self would’ve laughed if she knew I fell in love with an Elite. Yet here we were, oblivious of our fate that we’d end up together. A sweet ending to what started out as a disastrous beginning.
Curtis slowly leaned forward and we kissed. I eagerly received the taste from his lips. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, and my hands on his shoulders steadying myself as I seek for more of his passionate kisses.
The touch of his soft lips and the teasing motions of our tongues sent electric jolts inside me and I’ve never desired him more than I do now. I love him and it was enough for me wanting to give him everything that I am, including my soul. His kiss and his touch were disarming, and he was the only one who had this effect on me, I ached to find out more.
I slightly pulled my lips away and with our faces remaining only inches apart without taking my gaze off him, I reluctantly began slowly lifting the bottom of his sweater just enough for Curtis to immediately understand what I was asking from him.
“Are you sure?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“Yes,” I replied with my breathing becoming heavy.
He lifted his sweater up over his head and dropped it on the floor and I shyly admired his strong built body while he continued to undress. Awkwardly I did the same, only slowly, with lack of confidence, unsure of showing him who I was without any clothing. I took off my sweater first, then my shoes and pants. The next thing I knew, we were fully unclothed. I suddenly felt self-conscious and timid of my naked body.
He must’ve noticed my insecurities. He gave the warmest smile, came closer with our bodies pressing against each other and whispered, “You look so beautiful.” While he ever so lightly, slowly ran his fingers down my spine and I trembling in his touch.
We kissed then he laid me down on the small hard bed, opposite from what we were used to back in Pinewood but it didn’t dampened my mood, not one bit. He was then on top of me kneeling in between my thighs. He started kissing my lips, my neck and my chest then down to my belly, taking his time. I craved for him, blinded by the surge of raw emotions. I moaned with pleasure, a sound I never knew I could make.
Whenever his lips touched my skin, it only intensified the burning sensation of desire. The physical contact of his warm and hard body made me tremble. I instinctively arched my back, giving myself to him,
hungry for more what he was offering. He in return gave in to my wishes as we moved to each other’s rhythm, a lover’s dance consumed by overwhelming bliss.
EPILOGUE
The white sands between my toes felt warm under the always reliable sun of Coastal City. The waves were tame at the moment and the sound of it embracing the shores was soothing. A little girl’s laughter was carried by the wind as she played with a woman who I assumed was her mother playfully chasing her. There were more people lately ever since the beach wasn’t exclusive anymore to the Elites and Alphas.
The little girl ran happily while the mother amusingly pretended to struggle catching her. The girl could be around seven or eight years old, at this age they were sent to the Institutes for twelve years of intensive learning but it was all over now since Fortis and Yuvaika Institutes were now closed and the mothers and fathers couldn’t be happier reunited with their children after that.
Cheerful couples were walking barefoot on the shores holding hands. Probably their mate from the Numen system before it was destroyed or perhaps were secret lovers finally together at last a new romance, one of their own choosing.
Not all were contented though. I heard stories about how seemingly happy and in love mates chose to be apart after the downfall, leaving children with a single parent. Some simply drifted apart from each other, losing interest now that they were free to be with someone else.
More than a year passed since the Emperor’s death. The moving holograms continued to broadcast what was happening around under the now called New Empire. Resistance had risen but has dwindled in numbers mostly the Corps when they realized their new found freedom was better than serving Lord Generals and Elites.
Lord General Ashtra and Duke Rectner of Sunglow were the instigators along with some of their Elite friends. Their armies became fewer in numbers after most of their servants and guards abandoned them, with only a handful remained who were loyal. But for now there was a ceased fire, and they were hiding in their manors at Sunglow while negotiations were being arranged hoping to end the fighting for good.
The Prevalence: Sequel and Final Book of The Premortals (The Premortals Series 2) Page 24