Looking for Love

by Linda Mayes

  ***

  Grace and the kids had lunch and she helped them put away their things they had brought from Idaho. It wasn’t much; they’d had to leave a lot behind. Grace gad packed their favorite toys and clothes, but most of their lives had been left behind in a storage shed until they were able to get their own place. She hoped that wouldn’t be long, and after they were unpacked, she sat down in Maggie’s dining room to look through the local newspapers she had picked up while they were in town. She had just started when she looked up and saw Macy looking at her. She was holding Grace’s iPad in her hand. “It doesn’t work here,” she told her mother.

  “No, baby. I don’t think Grandmother has the internet.”

  “I am going to die here,” Macy said, dramatically. Lucy and Brock came out of the bedroom then.

  “Can we play outside?” Lucy asked.

  Looking at her older, drama-queen daughter, Grace said, “Macy, will you please take your brother and sister outside to play for a while?”

  “Serious?” Macy asked.

  “Dead serious,” Grace said, trying not to smile.

  Macy sighed and looked at her siblings, “Come on, dorks.”

  Normally, Grace would have told her not to call her siblings names, but she let this one go. She watched as the three went out the front door. Before getting back to her paper she told them, “Be careful out there and listen to your sister.”

  Grace had gotten the small, neighborhood paper while she was in Belt, but as far as jobs went, it wasn’t worth much. The paper was more local gossip and fluff than serious news. It made Grace wonder if any serious news ever happened there. She picked up the next paper. It was from Great Falls, which was much larger than Belt and a short commute. She laughed at the thought, since she had nothing in which to commute. She needed a job though, so she searched through the classifieds, finding two jobs that she thought she might qualify for; an office position and a waitress. Grace wrote the numbers down for both and went to get her cell phone out of her purse. She sighed when she looked at it. Feeling like Macy, she said out loud, “I’m going to die here.” Her phone had no signal at all. She hadn’t thought about it, but she doubted there were many cell towers way out here. She went back into the sitting room and looked around. Her mother had called her monthly when she had lived in Idaho; she had to have a phone.

  She looked around the room and didn’t see one so she made her way to the kitchen. Not seeing one there either, she went down the hall to her mother’s room. The door was cracked just a bit, and she felt like a criminal as she pushed it open. It squeaked on its hinges, and as it opened, it revealed an old iron bed covered with a beautiful quilt. The room was as neat as a pin. There was an oak dresser with a mirror on it. The top was covered with her mother’s things, things that Grace remembered from her childhood. She went over and looked at the brush with the silver handle. It was the same brush that Maggie had used as far back as Grace could remember to brush her long, reddish-gold hair. Grace touched it lightly with a finger and smiled at the memory of watching her mother and wishing her hair was straight and not curly like her father’s. She turned back toward the bed and that was when she saw the blue phone sitting on the bedside table. She smiled again when she saw that it was an old rotary. She hadn’t seen one like it since she was a kid.

  Grace went over and sat on the edge of Maggie’s bed. She picked up the receiver, but there was no dial tone. Instead, she could hear a voice. It sounded like Louise, the woman she had met earlier at her mother’s store. The woman was talking about making pies. Grace wasn’t even convinced that anyone was on the other end, Louise was rattling on and on. “Great, a party line,” Grace said aloud to the empty room as she replaced the phone in its cradle. “We’re living in nineteen seventy.” Grace pushed herself up off the bed and that was when she noticed the small picture album sitting next to the phone. There was a picture of Grace in the front of the book, taken when she was only about two or three years old.

  Grace sat back down and picked up the book. She smiled at her curly, tow-headed self on the cover. She opened the book and was surprised. There were pictures of her own children. Pictures that she had sent her mother over the years. She had imagined her mother looking at them as she took them out of the envelopes and then sticking them in a drawer or box somewhere out of sight. Instead, here they were in a picture album next to her mother’s bed. She continued to flip through the book, smiling at the pictures of her babies. As she did, an envelope fell out. Grace bent down and picked it up. It was yellowed with age, and addressed to her mother. The return address said ‘Sam Payte’ and it was postmarked Idaho. It was from her father.

  Grace sat holding it, looking at her father’s handwriting. It had been a long time since she’d seen it. The last letter he had written her had been when she was only fourteen. By that time, he had been living in Nevada and, although the letters were fewer and further between by then, he was still sending her empty promises that someday they would be together again as a family. Grace had already stopped believing it, and it was a good thing since she had never heard from him again.

  She sat there now, holding the letter written in her father’s hand, telling herself that it was wrong to invade her mother’s privacy. She was kidding herself, though, if she thought she had the self-restraint to put the envelope back in its place and leave the room. Instead, she slipped it open and pulled out a letter from inside. It was written on plain white paper in blue ink.

  Maggie my love,

  It has been much too long since I have seen your pretty blue eyes, or that silky red hair I love to bury my face in. I am working hard to get things ready here. It would be one thing if it were only going to be you and me, but this place was not built with babies in mind. My farm hand, Lucas, is helping me add on a little room. We can make it into a nursery when you get here, and you can decorate it however you’d like. I hope it’s a girl, Maggie. I hope she looks just like you. The world needs another smile like yours. It would make it a happier place, that’s for sure.

  On a less happy note, I know that you won’t be able to hide our secret much longer from your Mama and Daddy. I really can’t imagine that they would turn their backs on you, Maggie. I’ve seen how much they love you. I know you worry about it though, so I’ll hurry and come get you. We can get married as soon as I do, and no one ever has to know that our little love child was made out under the moon that night. Don’t worry, baby. Everything will be okay soon.

  I am counting the hours until you are my wife, and we are a family.

  All my Love,

  Sam

  Grace had tears in her eyes when she finished reading. She had always wondered about Maggie’s folks growing up. Maggie only talked about them from when she was a young girl, and only during those times that she and Grace were sewing and she had opened up a little. Maggie had loved her father a lot. Grace had been able to tell that from the look Maggie had gotten in her eyes when she spoke about him. It was a really happy look, one that Grace hardly ever saw on her mother.

  She also hadn’t known that her parents had married after she was conceived. Grace couldn’t recall either of her parents ever talking about their wedding, or even ever seeing any photographs of them. She sighed and tucked the letter back in the envelope. There was so much she didn’t know about her mother, her own past.

  She put the letter back in the photo album and picked the phone up again. She rolled her eyes; Louise was still talking, now about canning preserves. She hung the phone back up and went outside to check on the kids.

  By the time Maggie got home that evening, Grace had dinner ready and the kids were bathed and watching a DVD. She had finally gotten through to see about the two jobs she had found in the paper. Louise had been on the phone for hours, but just before five she had finally hung up. Grace had begun dialing as soon as she had heard the tone, but before the call had connected she heard a man’s voice.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.”


  “Oh, I’m sorry, were you trying to use the phone?” the man asked her.

  “Yes,” Grace told him.

  “I’m very sorry. I hope you haven’t been trying for long. My housekeeper, Louise, she’s a talker.”

  Grace stifled a laugh and lied, “Oh no, I had only picked up the phone just now.”

  “Well then, I’m the one holding you up. I’m assuming that you must be Grace, Maggie’s girl?”

  “Yes, and you are?”

  “I’m John,” he told her, “John Harwell, your neighbor. I’ll let you get back to your call. Welcome to Belt,” he said.

  Grace thanked him and hung up. Waiting a few seconds, she picked the phone back up and heard a dial tone again. It wasn’t nearly as pleasant as John Harwell’s voice, she caught herself thinking. She shook that off, and the image of those aqua blue eyes along with it, and had made her calls. The hiring managers for both jobs had gone home for the day. Grace told them she would just call back in the morning. She didn’t want them to call her back and end up with chatty Louise on the line. She’d just have to try and beat the talkative woman to the phone in the morning.

  Grace had found a chicken defrosting in the refrigerator and had baked it along with some potatoes and squash that looked fresh picked. She found some apples in the refrigerator too, and had sliced and baked them with cinnamon and sugar for dessert.

  When Maggie came through the door she sniffed the air and said, “Something smells good.”

  “Thank you. I hope you don’t mind that I made dinner?”

  Maggie looked at the kids all huddled together on the couch. “The kids gotta eat. I’ll get washed up.”

  Grace watched her mother go to her room, barely acknowledging her grandchildren and wondered if it would always be this way.

  They all ate dinner together, mostly in silence. Lucy and Brock chattered about things they had seen or done while out playing that day. Maggie would nod in their direction every so often, or answer a question with a yes or no, but that was all that she offered. Macy ate quietly. She wasn’t talking, but Grace noticed that she was at least not quite as sulky as she had been the night before. She must have had fun playing outside, even though she hadn’t said so.

  After dinner, the kids went back to their movie and Grace and Maggie cleaned up the dinner dishes. “I called about a couple of jobs today. They’re both in Great Falls. Belt didn’t seem to have anything,” Grace told Maggie as they washed.

  “Belt isn’t a town that advertises much. If someone needs a job, or has to give one up for some reason, most everybody knows without reading the paper. You know, I was talking to Charlie on the way home. He has a clerk job opening up at the grocery store. There’s a girl ready to have a baby.”

  “Really? That might be better at least until I can get a car and someone to watch the kids.”

  Maggie nodded. “If you want, you can come into town with me in the morning and go see Charlie. I’ll bet Louise wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on the kids.”

  Grace smiled. “I’d like that. Thank you, Mother.”

  Maggie only nodded again, and that was the end of the conversation that night. Grace had planned on asking her mother about growing up here in Belt, but the moment hadn’t felt right. Maggie called Louise before bedtime and told Grace she said she’d love to watch the kids. Grace went to bed with at least a little more hope than she’d had the night before. She had dreams of a man with aqua blue eyes. She woke up flushed and feeling like a young girl. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror that morning, she shook her head and said, “Grace Dowler, the last thing in the world you need is to be thinking about a man right now. Any man.”

  Louise came by on her way to the Harwell place to pick up the kids after breakfast. Macy, of course didn’t want to go, but Grace told her she had no choice. Lucy and Brock were both excited to start making friends and looked forward to the day.

  Grace dropped Maggie at her store after a silent ride to town, and Grace continued on to the grocery store at the end of the main street. She went inside and asked the first checkout clerk if Charlie was available. The woman offered Grace a big smile and said, “You must be Maggie’s girl!” Grace smile back. ‘Maggie’s girl’ seemed to be her new name.

  “Yes, I am,” she said, extending her hand to the older woman. “Grace Dowler.”

  The woman shook Grace’s hand. “Hey, Grace Dowler. I’m Sarah. I’ll go get Charlie for you, give me just a minute, he’s in the back.”

  Grace nodded and watched as the woman made her way down an aisle to the back of the store. As she looked around, she could see that the store was much more than just groceries. There were two aisles labeled ‘Hunting supplies’ to her right, followed by ‘Hardware’ and ‘Household supplies.’ She figured during the wintertime it the town could be snowed in. It was good to know that Charlie was keeping the town well stocked, just in case.

  The woman Grace spoke with came back up the aisle toward her then. There was a tall man following behind her. Grace was surprised when she saw Charlie. When her mother had spoke about him, she had gotten an image of a short, older, balding man. Instead, Charlie was at least six foot four and built like a football player. He had brown hair that just looked messed up, but good at the same time, and as he got closer she could see that he also had very warm, green eyes.

  “Grace,” he said with a smile, “I’m Charlie, welcome to our town.”

  Grace smiled back at him; he was definitely easy on the eyes. Extending her hand once more, she said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Charlie.”

  Charlie shook her hand and invited her back to his office. “Your Mama sure is glad to have you and your kids staying with her.” Grace must have looked surprised because he laughed. “Oh, you know Maggie. She acts like nothing is a big deal, but I can see the change in her when she talks about you and her grandchildren.”

  “Well, thank you, Charlie. Yes, Mama is a hard one to read sometimes.”

  “Anyways,” he said with another smile, “Maggie says you’re job hunting. There’s not much here in Belt if you don’t wanna wrangle bulls or wild mustangs, but my niece is getting ready to go out on maternity leave. She’s going to pop any day now and Doctor Thomas, he’s our physician here in town, he said she needed to get off her feet or that baby would drop right here in the store. I couldn’t promise you anything permanent, but I would reckon that she’d be gone for at least a few months. That would at least give you a start.”

  “Yes, that would be perfect.”

  “Well then, welcome to Ford’s.”

  “I got the job?” Grace asked.

  “Sure, if you want it.”

  Grace was surprised. “Yes, of course. I just thought you might want to know something about me or my experience.”

  Charlie laughed again. “No, Grace, I’m good with you being Maggie’s daughter. If you don’t know how to do something, Sarah or I will show you. How about you come in tomorrow morning and we’ll get you started. I have some things to do today, but I’ll be here all day tomorrow.”

  “Yes, thank you, Charlie,” Grace told him, still not believing how easy that was. She knew now that Maggie must have an alter ego she’d been hiding all of those years while raising Grace. Grace could remember cringing at the thought of her mother meeting her friends, or showing up for a parent-teacher conference. She left the store happy. It felt like things would finally start working out. She stopped by and thanked her mother for the job on her way out of town. Like Charlie had said, Maggie acted like it was ‘no big deal.’ She told Grace to take the truck on home and pick up the kids. She would get a ride with Charlie again that night.

  Grace made the left turn on New Beginnings Road instead of the right this time. After a few feet, the road changed from dirt to pavement and the view was gorgeous. There was a white fence that stretched the length of the road, fencing cattle and horses into a deep, green pasture. There was a stretch of purple hills in the background, and the road ended in front of a
circular driveway that wrapped around the front of the biggest log cabin Grace had ever seen. She parked the pick up and walked up to the front door. There was another sign like the one at the beginning of the long drive that said ‘The Harwell’s.’ This one had four smaller signs hanging underneath that said ‘John,’ ‘Becca,’ ‘John Jr.’ and ‘Patty.’ Grace knew from Louise that John Jr. and Patty were the children she had seen the day before. She guessed that Becca must be John Harwell’s wife.

  She knocked and Louise almost immediately answered the door. The woman wrapped her in a hug, startling her. “Grace! How did it go with Charlie?”

  Grace had to take a moment to get her breath back. “It went great. Charlie hired me right away. He seems like a really nice man.”

  “He’s a great kid,” Louise said. “I’ve known his family my whole life. He took over the store a few years ago. His Daddy and Mama were just tired. They raised four boys and ran that store their whole lives. Charlie was the only one of them boys grateful enough to stick around and help them. Poor boy has been through some hard times, but the Lord blessed him with a great attitude, that’s for sure.”

  Louise hardly took a breath as she talked. She didn’t say what the “hard times” were that Charlie had been through, and Grace didn’t ask. She changed the subject to Grace’s kids and what a good day they had all had as she ushered her into a large living room. There was a massive fireplace and seats in the big picture windows that looked out over the green pastures. It was lovely, and when Louise quit talking, Grace told her so.

  “Yes, it is a beautiful home,” Louise, agreed. “It’s too bad that some people never appreciate what they have.”

  Grace wasn’t sure who she was referring to, but in the next instant she was convinced that it wasn’t John Harwell. John came into the living room and Louise’s entire face lit up. “John!” I’ve almost got your lunch ready,” she told him. “Here, sit with Grace while I go finish it and round up the kids.”

  John only smiled as Louise bustled out of the room. He motioned at one of the comfy looking over-stuffed chairs. “Please, have a seat.”

  Grace sat. “Thank you for allowing my kids to stay here this morning.”

  John sat down in the chair across from hers. “That was all Louise, and she’s a Godsend to me and mine.”

  “Well, I appreciate it just the same,” Grace told him. “Your home is beautiful.”

  John glanced around the room like it was the first time he had seen it. The same sad look that Louise had gotten earlier crossed his face then and he said, “Thank you, I didn’t have much to do with the design or decoration. That was all my wife—ex-wife—Becca.”

  “Oh.” Grace could tell it was a sore subject. She didn’t know what else to say, so she just left it at that. John deftly changed the subject and asked her about her job interview with Charlie.

  “I wouldn’t call it much of an interview,” she said with a smile. “Charlie just sort of gave me the job.”

  “Yes, Charlie is a pretty trusting guy. It makes people want to trust him too.” John looked like he had more to say about Charlie, but stopped. “I guess there’s not much of a market here in Belt. What did you do before you came here?”

  “I was a mom, and a wife. It all ended very suddenly, and here I am, starting over.”

  John gave her another smile, this one empathetic. “I know that feeling well.” Before he could go on, all of the children burst loudly into the room.

  Lucy ran up to her first, talking a mile a minute as usual. “Mama! They have a castle, a real castle, you have to see it!”

  Brock was next. “And a pony and two dogs and a raccoon, Mama! A real, live raccoon!”

  Grace looked at Macy. She was smiling too, an actual real smile. They were all covered in dirt and kid sweat, but they looked happier than they had in weeks. She smiled. “Well, I am so glad you kids had a good time. I hope you were good, and you said thank you to Louise?”

  They nodded. “We did, Mama,” Macy said for them.

  Standing up then, Grace excused her family. “We best get going then and let them have their lunch. Say thank you to Mr. Harwell too, please.”

  John stood up too, and the kids thanked him. “Ya’ll can come over anytime,” he said. “It’s good for John and Patty to have some other kids to play with finally.”

  John walked them to the door, and as the kids ran toward the pickup, Grace turned back to him and said, “That’s the happiest they’ve been in a while. The move hasn’t been easy on them. Thank you, truly.”

  John surprised her then by taking one of her hands in his. He looked at her with those aqua eyes she felt like she could go swimming in. “We’ve all been through a lot lately too. It’s all about new beginnings now. Welcome to our lives, Grace.”

  Grace felt her face flush with heat. She told herself that a college-educated woman like herself should be better at making conversation than she was. There was something about this man though that made her feel like a schoolgirl again. She simply smiled and said, “Thank you,” again, feeling like an idiot as she drove away.