Secrets of My Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  Nancy nodded but said nothing. She hoped Gerome had been arrested. She looked at Seth. “I thought you said the army could do nothing.”

  “The major said he could do nothing until he heard from Mr. Brady. Perhaps something changed to allow them to arrest Berkshire.” Seth shook his head. He looked just as puzzled as the ladies. “Or perhaps they figured out a way to offer him a deal. Either way, hopefully he’s no longer a threat.”

  “I must say, this is quite a surprise, gentlemen,” Gerome Berkshire said, leaning back in the leather chair he’d been offered.

  Two men sat opposite him, one in a major’s uniform and the other in a finely cut suit. He didn’t know either one, but when he’d been approached by the major that morning, along with several uniformed soldiers, Gerome had been afraid of their purpose. He had fully expected handcuffs and a jail cell, but instead they’d brought him to this nicely furnished office and offered him coffee.

  A uniformed private came in with a tray. He poured coffee for each man, then asked about cream and sugar. The trio agreed on black, and the private handed out the cups and saucers, then left the room.

  Gerome sipped the brew and glanced over the rim at each man. He was still on his guard. There was no telling what this was about, especially since he’d just threatened Nancy. Had she somehow managed to plead her case to these men? Were they there to threaten him? If so, why offer coffee?

  “Mr. Berkshire, we are well aware that you are one of many citizens in Portland who does not care for the Indians. You are quite vocal on this matter.”

  “Indeed I am. I have little tolerance for their animalistic behavior and murderous intent.”

  The major nodded. “Nor do I. I have fought in far too many battles against the red savage and have little desire to continue fighting them.”

  Gerome smiled. “Well, perhaps if the army were more aggressive in their duties, we would have fewer Indians to deal with.”

  “The army has certain laws by which they must perform their duties,” the major replied.

  “Yes,” the man who’d introduced himself as Mr. Brady interjected. “The laws of this country are important to uphold. I work with the Bureau of Indian Affairs, and we often find ourselves constrained by legal limitations.”

  Gerome frowned. “And what do I have to do with any of this?”

  “Well, the fact of the matter is that we know there are certain men here in Oregon who feel just as you do . . . and as we do. We are wondering what might be accomplished if we were to throw in with such men.”

  Gerome couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “If I did know such men, I think it might be quite interesting.”

  Mr. Brady raised his coffee cup. “To interesting men and the alliances that might be made.”

  Chapter 25

  And what did Mr. Brady say to you?” John Lincoln asked Seth.

  “He told me that after a lengthy discussion with Major Wells, they were convinced they could entice Berkshire without letting him know they already had evidence against him. They were prepared to tell him if he refused, but he didn’t. Just as I figured, he was excited about the prospect of being in the middle of this conspiracy. His thirty pieces of silver, however, is more like a pot of gold. He negotiated a deal for himself that included land and money. The funny thing is, he didn’t insist on a clause that gave him immunity from his role in all of this. But then, he doesn’t believe they know about his illegal activities. He’s foolish enough to think he’s smarter than everyone else and able to keep his role hidden.”

  “Of course he would think that.” John shook his head. “Besides, I’ve never known that man to own up to anything he did. My question is, will it be enough to keep him from bothering Nancy?”

  “Yes, I believe so. Brady convinced Berkshire that they are on his side, that they want to do whatever they can to see the Indians defeated. They took the entire matter in a direction I never considered. Brady sent Berkshire to Sacramento on a fool’s errand. He’s to collect some information there. After that, he’s to travel to Salem, where he’s to meet with a group of men who are in on the ruse. Or will be. Mr. Brady is making his way there as we speak.”

  “And what about your role?”

  “Berkshire is far too suspicious of me, so for the time being I’m off the investigation. I’ll focus on my work here and my new job.”

  “New job?” John frowned. “Don’t I keep you busy enough? What new job are you taking on?”

  “Husband.” Seth grinned. “I proposed, and Nancy said yes. We’re going to be married in a few days at her parents’ farm outside Oregon City.”

  “How marvelous.” John gave him a smile as he extended his arm. They clasped hands. “I’m thrilled for you both. Nancy is a good woman, and I’m sure you’ll be happy together.”

  “I shall endeavor to be worthy of her.” Seth stepped back. “But that does bring me to another point. I would like a week’s leave. That will give us a few days for the wedding and a little time alone afterward.”

  “Of course. You have it with my blessing. Consider it a gift,” John replied. “When will you two head to Oregon City?”

  “Tomorrow. I just came in to put my office in order and let you know what was going on. I felt fairly confident you wouldn’t begrudge me the time.”

  “And if I had?” John asked.

  Seth shrugged and gave a sly grin. “Then I suppose I would have resigned. After all, jobs are plentiful. Good women, not so much.”

  Nancy waited until they were nearly finished with supper to address the ladies about her plans. She could scarcely believe that she had agreed to marry Seth and to do so in a matter of days.

  “I hope you will all bear with me a moment. I have something I’d like to say.” Everyone looked at her, and Nancy smiled. “It won’t take long.”

  Clementine sat smiling. She already knew about the engagement and no doubt guessed what Nancy was going to say.

  “I have agreed to marry Seth Carpenter.”

  Mimi gave a little clap, and Mrs. Weaver bobbed her head in approval. Cornelia Clifton looked to her sister to figure out what her response should be. Bedelia smiled, so Cornelia did as well.

  “I had anticipated this happening,” Bedelia declared. “Congratulations. When is the happy day?”

  “The second of August—this Saturday at my parents’ farm. You are all welcome to join us, but I know the long trip is hardly sensible. Even so, I want you all to know that you are welcome.”

  Clementine pushed back her chair. “I’ll be attending, and perhaps we can host a reception here after you wed. That would let us all celebrate together.”

  “I like that idea,” Mrs. Weaver said, smiling. “Will you be away long?”

  “No.” Nancy dabbed the napkin to her lips, then placed it beside her plate. “We’ll be back by Thursday at the latest.”

  “We?” Bedelia asked. “Do you mean Mr. Carpenter means to live here?”

  Nancy nodded. “He will be my husband, after all.”

  “Yes, but this is a boardinghouse for ladies. It’s hardly appropriate for him to live here.”

  Everything had happened so quickly, Nancy hadn’t stopped to consider that this might be a problem. “But this is my home, and I have no intention of leaving it.” In truth, she and Seth hadn’t spoken about where they would live once they were married. But since she owned this house free and clear, it seemed like the natural solution.

  “I don’t mind living here with him as part of the household,” Mimi said. “After all, our bedrooms are upstairs and yours is down here.”

  “But the bathroom is also upstairs,” Bedelia pointed out.

  “I hadn’t thought of that, but I have enough money that I can have another bathroom built on the first floor.” Nancy thought surely that would be an acceptable solution.

  “That sounds fine,” Mrs. Weaver declared, getting to her feet. She had a plate of food in her hands. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to finish eating in my r
oom.”

  Nancy was used to this and nodded. “Have a good evening, Mrs. Weaver.”

  “Good night, Mrs. Weaver,” Clementine said, and the others joined in. Once the old woman had departed, Clementine looked at Nancy. “Of course I have no issue with Seth living here. Maybe until you can have the first-floor bathroom built, we can arrange a schedule for him.”

  “I’m sorry, but that won’t be good enough. Sister and I believe in living above reproach.” Bedelia looked sad. “Accept this as our notice. I will immediately begin to search for another place to live.”

  “I understand, but would you consider managing the place for me while we’re gone? I’ll pay you, of course, and perhaps that will further assist you in your move.”

  Bedelia nodded. Nancy could see that she wasn’t doing this out of spite, and truly admired her for sticking to her convictions. A part of her would even regret the loss of the Misses Clifton.

  “Come, sister, we should start to pack. I will look through the newspaper and see what postings are available for our needs.” Bedelia nodded to everyone at the table. “Good night.”

  “Good night,” the ladies replied in unison.

  Cornelia gave a little nod of her head and quickly followed Bedelia as she headed for the stairs.

  Nancy began to gather the plates closest to her. “I didn’t anticipate that. It’s too bad she feels compelled to go.” She lowered her voice. “I never thought I’d say this, but I will miss them.”

  Clementine smiled. “I will too. But while I will miss them, I want to know one thing.”

  Nancy looked at her future sister-in-law. “What?”

  “Will you still add another bath?” Clementine put a hand to her mouth to suppress a laugh.

  Nancy couldn’t help laughing too. “Yes, I think that’s the only wise thing to do. That way Seth will have no reason to be upstairs, and it will maintain integrity for all of us.” She smiled. “Besides, one bathroom is vexing to all of us now. A second one is definitely called for.”

  “Or we could put in an outhouse,” Mimi said, giggling. “Just imagine that.”

  “I think we can all imagine that, and I, for one, am happier with the indoor plumbing.” Nancy got to her feet. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to get everything cleaned up so that I can pack for tomorrow.”

  “You go ahead, Nancy,” Clementine said, taking the stack of plates from her. “I’ll take care of this.”

  “I’ll help too,” Mimi declared. “Consider it a gift from us.”

  Nancy was touched that they were so eager to help. “Thank you. It’s much appreciated. I feel like I have a great many details to take care of before I’ll be ready to leave in the morning.”

  “It’s the least we can do,” Clementine declared. “Now scoot.”

  Nancy wasn’t about to argue. She needed the extra time. Seth’s proposal had been a pleasant surprise, but when he declared they should marry within days, Nancy had been shocked. He made a good argument for the haste, however. Gerome would only be away for a short time. It would be better for him to return and learn that their marriage had already taken place. There were also only a few short weeks before the school term would start and Clementine wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding. Added to this was the fact that he didn’t want to wait. He wanted them to marry as soon as possible because he was desperately in love.

  She had to admit she felt the same way. She hated giving her folks so little time to ready the farm for a wedding, but she wasn’t having a big affair. Just family, and most everyone she wanted in attendance either lived at the farm or in Oregon City.

  Once in her room, Nancy looked around. Seth would soon share this space, so first things first—she needed to make room for him. They would need a second wardrobe cupboard. She frowned. That could be purchased and delivered while she was gone. She could leave a draft for Bedelia and instructions for the purchase. She felt certain the spinster would be honored that Nancy trusted her to manage the affair.

  Thankfully the room wasn’t overly feminine. The original draperies were dark green and the wallpaper a gold-and-cream-colored stripe. The rugs were also green and gold and the furniture a dark mahogany. If Seth didn’t care for it, they could always replace it.

  She sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over the quilt she’d made many years earlier. She’d never used it on her bed until after Albert’s death, so she didn’t feel it would be strange to have it on her marriage bed with Seth.

  The thought of being married again made her smile. Seth was so attentive and sweet, as well as passionate. Albert had been none of those things. He had tried in the beginning to show her kindness with lavish gifts. Those gifts continued to come on special occasions like her birthday and Christmas, but the emotions were long absent. Poor Albert. He was so out of place in marriage. No doubt he would have been happier on the river.

  “But he’s gone now, and I won’t think of him anymore,” Nancy said, getting to her feet. “I’m going to start a new life.” She smiled. She had been reborn spiritually, and now in a way she would have an emotional rebirth as well.

  “Thank you, Father, for helping me through. I know I’ve been a less than perfect daughter, and I’ve had so many doubts and unkind thoughts about you. Thank you for your forgiveness. I am so sorry that I couldn’t see the truth of your love through the pain.” She thought of little Douglas and smiled again. “Thank you for the time we had with him, and Father . . . please give him a hug from me. He’s such a dear boy, but no doubt you know that.”

  She drew a deep breath and let it out. “And, Father, please bless this marriage. Help me be a good wife and love my husband as I should. Let there be no deception, no lies, no reason to lose trust. Let me feel free to tell him all the secrets of my heart, and for him to share his with me. Amen.”

  “You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day,” Aunt Hope said as she greeted the newly married couple. Uncle Lance was at her side and, if possible, his grin was even bigger than hers.

  “Thank you both.” Nancy looked at Seth and smiled. “We were just saying the same thing. It’s not too warm or cool, and there’s no rain. It’s perfect.”

  “May you both be happy and blessed throughout your marriage,” Lance said, leaning forward to kiss Nancy’s cheek.

  “Thank you.” Seth put his arm around Nancy’s waist. “I have no doubt we will be.”

  “But there are bound to be times when you disagree,” Aunt Hope warned, her expression serious.

  “Yes, we had one of those moments just this morning,” Seth replied. “But I brought her around to my way of thinking.”

  Nancy rolled her eyes. “This time. He knows better than to imagine he’ll always get his way.”

  Hope and Lance exchanged a glance, then burst into laughter as Nancy’s mother and father approached.

  Her father gave Nancy a curious glance. “What’s so funny?”

  Hope shook her head. “Your daughter is so much like her mother.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Father replied.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mother asked.

  “I think we’ve said enough,” Lance declared. “Come along, wife. I’m hungry.” He put his arm around Hope and pulled her toward the long food tables.

  “Thank you again for hosting the wedding,” Seth said, extending his hand to Nancy’s father.

  Instead, Alex Armistead pulled Seth away from Nancy and gave him a hug. “You’re family now. None of that handshaking stuff. And you are very welcome. I’d do just about anything to see my daughter happy.”

  Seth stepped back and nodded. “As would I.”

  Grace gave him a hug as well, then put her arm around her husband. “We’re glad to have you in the family, Seth. You always were a favorite of ours.”

  “As I recall, you were always a bit peeved with him for eating us out of house and home.” Nancy couldn’t help but share the memory. Seth and Gabe had eaten anything left out in the open. Her mother h
ad taken to hiding things that she intended to serve for supper or needed later. “I think we all remember your angry tirade when you learned he and Gabe had eaten the coconut cake.”

  “Nancy, you don’t need to tell him that.” Grace shook her head and looked at Seth. “Pay her no attention.”

  “He’d better pay me attention,” Nancy countered. “I don’t mean to be ignored again.”

  “That will never happen.” Seth put his arm around her again. “I’m going to pay you so much attention that you’ll beg me to leave you alone.”

  Nancy smiled and gazed up into his eyes. “I don’t think that will ever happen.”

  That evening, after the festivities of the day were over, Nancy took a stroll out to the cemetery. All day long she had thought about how blessed she was to be marrying Seth and to be so very loved by her family. Now she just needed a little time to herself, and the quiet of the small family cemetery gave her just that.

  Meg had been out to tend the graves again, because they were all neatly cleared of grass and debris, and small bouquets of wildflowers lay atop each stone. Nancy gazed down on her little brother’s grave and thought back to the days before he’d gotten sick. They had played in the fields and had even gone down to the creek to wade, but the water had been too cold.

  Nancy had watched over him like a mother hen. She had loved him more than anyone else in the world, and losing him was like losing a piece of herself.

  “I miss you, Doug. I often wonder who you would have grown up to be. Would you have gone into the lumber business like Gabe or wanted to preach like James?” She smiled. “I think you would have been more like Papa. You loved to explore and wander the property. I’ll bet you would have wanted to go with him on his trips to visit Sam Two Moons in Canada. You probably would have learned to hunt and trap just like our father.”

  It pleased her to imagine such things, even if they would never come true. The thing that pleased her the most, however, was that she no longer felt the terrible anger she had once known. She still felt sorrow at the loss, but it was easier now. Not because so much time had passed or because it was no longer important, but because now she had God to help her through. What terrible pain she had put upon herself by avoiding the One who loved her most. The only One who could take her miseries and turn them into joy.