Banish Your Inner Critic

by Denise Jacobs

  The most fascinating part of watching Joelle deep in the throes of Creativity Denial was seeing how much of a self-perpetuating cycle it is. The more anxious Joelle got, the more she denied her ability to be creative, and the more she blocked any potential ideas that she may have had by either stopping their flow or by dismissing her ideas before she even attempted to share them.

  It was a textbook case of the Inner Critic in the form of Creativity Denial, in which, despite evidence to the contrary, you are convinced that you aren’t creative at all. It’s a state of self-imposed creativity paralysis that eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  What State Are You in?

  Are you cutting yourself off from your creativity like Joelle did? Are you blocking creativity that could be flowing? Let’s find out by seeing if any of the forms of Creativity Denial ring true for you.

  General Creativity Denial is when you’re in full-on denial about having any creativity at all.

  Have you ever caught yourself saying these things, denying your creativity completely?

  “Oh, I’m not creative at all.”

  “I’m analytical, not creative.”

  “I don’t have original ideas or the creative eye.”

  “I don’t feel as creative as I would expect in order to create.”

  “My family and friends tell me I’m creative, but what do

  they know?”

  Overwhelm Obstruction is when you are so caught up with and focused on the stuff you feel you “have” to do that you don’t have the bandwidth to divert to creative thinking.

  Are you feeling too overwhelmed to create anything and have these thoughts running through your head?

  “Creativity?! Who has time for that?!”

  “With these tight deadlines, I’ll never come up

  with something.”

  “Why bother being creative? I don’t have enough time to create what I envision.”

  “I can’t find the clarity and focus I need to be creative.”

  You may actually think of yourself as creative, but you don’t trust it. You have Creativity Misgivings that cause you to see your creativity as fleeting, unreliable, and capricious. You deeply fear creative drought: that your creativity will run out and that you will lose the ability to come up with any more ideas.

  Do you distrust your creativity and inspiration, fearing that it won’t come back when needed? Which of these thoughts have you had?

  “I won’t find my creative outlet.”

  “My creativity will run out eventually.”

  “My creativity will never hit.”

  “I’ll never fully explore the limits of my creativity.”

  “I’m completely uninspired now, and I’ll be completely uninspired when I need it.”

  Did you see yourself in any of these descriptions? Don’t worry, help is on the way. To reverse these cycles and access your ideas, I’ve got several tools to break through the barriers in your brain to the other side where your creative power lies.

  Confirm Your Creativity

  “The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.”

  — Dieter F. Uchtdorf, aviator, executive, and religious leader

  Although we established in the first chapter that everyone is creative, if you suffer from Creativity Denial, you’re probably a skeptic on this point. Believing that being creative has to look and feel a certain way is narrow, limited thinking that is detrimental to your creative identity. Through self-censoring we create a state in which we feel intrinsically uncreative, and the process becomes so quick and so automatic that we view it as truth. This behavior starts a self-perpetuating habit cycle where the more you believe that you aren’t creative, the less able you are able to come up with original ideas. By holding on to this belief, your negative confirmation bias makes it true, and you block the generation of creative ideas. For the few ideas that do make it through, your self-judgment and self-criticism causes you to dismiss and discount them.

  Part of the problem with seeing yourself as creative may be that you are trying to match the image of creativity in your head with what creativity is in your experience. When the two don’t match, then the obvious conclusion is that you’re not creative, right? Wrong. If you’re plagued with the feeling like you aren’t creative at all, it’s time to expand your definition of what being creative looks like and find

  your unique version of it.

  Acknowledge Your Abilities

  Maybe you’re stuck on the belief that being creative equals being an artist. But let’s look at other ways people are creative. People exercise creativity physically as talented athletes who are able to do things with their bodies that often seem unreal. People practice creativity in business, forming companies from ideas to create products that we use every day and growing the economy by creating jobs. People can be creative in the areas of finance, social solutions, strategy, technology, math, science, food, the environment – the list is endless. Creativity is about bringing something new into the world that didn’t exist before, and it comes in many sizes, flavors, and variations.

  Wouldn’t our lives lack dimension if the only place that creativity happened was through the arts?

  Instead of focusing on if you’re creative, I invite you to look at how you’re creative. Look at the ways in which you’ve come up with something new and really enjoyed doing it, because this is precisely where you are creative. Maybe you are amazing at bringing people together through creating social events. Maybe you are gifted at reusing building materials. Maybe you are a fantastic parent. These are all areas where creativity can, and does, flourish.

  Creative Dose: “Yes, I Am”

  Purpose: To recognize where you are creative and affirm it

  Take several minutes to write down three to five situations where you have created something new and where you have been in a flow state while creating some or all of it.

  Think back to how you felt in those situations.

  What did you create?

  What do the situations have in common?

  When you find the thread(s), you have found where and how you are creative.

  Use Your Imagination for Good

  You may be like my friend Joelle at the conference dinner: so convinced that you have not one iota of creativity that you go into a mode of self-censoring creative paralysis, completely blocking any flow of ideas when you feel put on the spot to “perform” creatively.

  However, all of us have imagination and use it at practically every moment of the day, whether we are conscious of it or not. In fact, Creativity Denial is actually your imagination and creativity running wild – but in an unhelpful, negative way! Think about it: what you are doing is envisioning all of the bad things that will happen if you don’t come up with an idea, right? You’re falling into anxious rumination. Your focus on the prospect of not coming up with an idea is what obstructs the flow of ideas.

  Let’s truncate this process by getting you back in touch with the wonders that your brain can actually produce when not forced over to the dark side.

  Creative Dose: What’s in the Box?

  Purpose: To discover the endless nature of your creativity

  Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine that there is a present sitting on your desk.

  Use all of your senses to experience it: notice its size and how it is wrapped; pick it up and feel how heavy it is; smell the wrapping paper, the package, and maybe even the contents.

  Without opening it, imagine what is inside the box. Then, slowly open the box to see what is inside.

  You’re surprised to find the present is not what you initially expected at all!

  What did you think it was, and what did you find instead?

  Look into the box again.

  Guess what? There is yet anothe
r gift that you did not notice before. What is it?

  Repeat one more time. What were your presents?

  Congratulations, you’ve just exercised imagination, the precursor to creativity!

  I recommend using this exercise whenever you feel stuck for ideas, as a way to prove to yourself that your imagination is alive and well: still intact, fully functional, and ready to be put to use.

  Bestow Upon Yourself

  “Quit waiting to get picked; quit waiting for someone to give you permission; quit waiting for someone to say you are officially qualified and pick yourself.”

  — Seth Godin, author, entrepreneur, marketer, and speaker

  For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be creative like everyone else in my family. In the previous chapter, I shared that my father was so passionate about flying that he not only became an aeronautical engineer but also built full-size experimental airplanes in the garage as a lifetime passion project. My mother delighted in spending Saturdays combing fabric stores for interesting fabrics and chic patterns to make into exquisitely tailored outfits for the whole family. My sister showed an early talent for visual art and gourmet cooking.

  I struggled with my own artwork. I didn’t want to be making any old thing – I wanted what I did to be considered “good” by others. My thinking was: “What’s the point of doing something creative if it isn’t considered good?” I was highly protective of my artwork, only sharing it with selective people. I was skeptical of my ideas and distrusted my ability to realize them. For fear of producing something that wasn’t any good, I’d go for months without making anything, and then would produce several sketches in a creative spurt.

  No matter how much positive feedback and reinforcement I got from my drawing, sculptures, or creative writing, I would think, “They’re just saying that to be nice,” or “Thanks, but what do you know?”

  I waited and waited to be dubbed an “Artist” (or more accurately, “A Person Who Does Good Creative Work,” since I create in multiple media) by some all-powerful, all-knowing authoritative source. But that anointing never came.

  The seedlings of creative confidence that I possessed died away until I wasn’t sure that I had much creativity at all. I reverted into being a “closet creative,” suppressing my creative proclivities and only expressing it in fits and spurts with long lapses in between. I was so unsure of my abilities that I still believed that someone outside of myself decided my creative identity. Waiting to be deemed as creative by some panel of extraordinary judges, I dismissed the feedback that actually did affirm exactly what I wanted to hear.

  Until recently, this was my own form of Creativity Denial. It wasn’t until I finished writing my first book and was in the midst of designing the book website that I finally got it: I’m the one who decides! I realized that I could be like the character Eva Luna in Isabelle Allende’s book of the same name, who decided that she was beautiful for the simple reason that she wanted to be2 – I could decide that I was creative, because that’s who and what I wanted to be. Yes, at the tender age of 42, I finally claimed my identity as a creative.

  If only I knew the previous 40-odd years what I know now! In his book The War of Art, Steven Pressfield says, “If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), ‘Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?’ chances are you are.”3 For years I went from person to person seeking validation of my creative and artistic skills.

  But the person who I truly needed validation from was myself.

  Once I truly recognized my creativity as existent and valid, I was finally able to step into my creative power.

  There is no “them”, no magical panel of judges, no moment when you will know you have “arrived.” We need to let go of the story that we tell ourselves that our creativity is determined by an authority outside ourselves. We need to recognize and validate our creativity from the inside out, not from the outside in, and claim what is our birthright.

  Creative Dose: “I dub thee...”

  Purpose: To validate your creative self

  If you are still waiting to be picked before you can allow yourself to be creative, this is what you need to do: pick yourself, and give yourself permission.

  Option 1: Give Yourself Permission

  If you have been waiting for permission to be creative, then you can do one of two things:

  Take permission from me:

  “You now have my permission to be creative.”OR

  Grant yourself permission:

  “I now give myself permission to be creative.”

  You have now been bestowed with the permission to be creative!

  I recommend that you celebrate this new state of being with a ceremony. Print up a fancy proclamation4 and post it in your workspace, take yourself out for your favorite kind of cupcake, or plant a flower to remind you that from this point on, your creativity will blossom.

  Option 2: Dub Yourself a Maker

  If you find that thinking of yourself as creative is too difficult, then try using a term that is gaining popularity, and think of yourself as a “Maker.”

  Try writing it out:

  I am a Maker of .

  Write this out as many times as you can providing a different answer each time. What can you now see that you Make?

  Seeing yourself as a person who makes things may relax any fears you have around creativity performance anxiety or having to fit certain criteria.

  Overcome Overwhelm

  “Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.”

  – Anna Freud, psychoanalyst

  In this age of information overload, overcommitment, comparison-driven ambition, and constant distraction, overwhelm is no longer the realm of Type-A overachievers, but instead is the current spirit of the times. So it’s not surprising that you feel inundated by too many projects to do at work, tight deadlines, and a heavy workload. Of course it seems like 24 hours simply isn’t enough. And naturally you feel angst at the prospect of having to come up with so-called fresh or “cutting edge” ideas at the drop of a hat.

  I refer to this form of Creativity Denial as Overwhelm Obstruction. With Overwhelm Obstruction, we feel too overburdened by work and life to be creative. The problem with Overwhelm Obstruction is that because overwhelm is today’s zeitgeist, people often don’t recognize how much of a creative block it is, and more importantly, that we actually have the capacity to shift our habits in favor of respecting and feeding our creativity.

  Transform Imposition into Opportunity

  Feelings of overwhelm stem from stress, but did you know that there are actually two kinds of stress? There is negative stress, the kind that is the result of external pressures and internal anxieties with which we are all too familiar. However, there is also positive stress, which is called “eustress.” What’s the difference? Interestingly, from a brain and body chemistry standpoint, very little. They both produce adrenaline and both activate the attention centers and reward mechanisms in the brain.

  The difference then, is perception. With negative stress, the pressure, fear, or sense of danger is perceived as coming from an external source, triggering a fight-or-flight response. In contrast, eustress emerges from challenges that we have deliberately taken on, and makes us feel motivated, confident, and optimistic.5

  Because the difference is a matter of perspective, that means that we have a lot more control over feeling stressed than is generally believed. Changing your stress from negative to positive can be done by making a conscious choice. By making a shift to choosing, you will become a stress alchemist, transmuting negative stress into eustress.

  Creative Dose: Word Choice

  Purpose: To shift out of an imposition mentality to an opportunity disposition

  We often talk about how “busy” or “slammed” we are, or how much work we “have” to do. However, these seemingly small fig
ures of speech are indicative of an important perceptual orientation: that of put-upon victimhood. In The Now Habit, author Neil Fiore talks about “the images of powerlessness and passivity...created by negative self-talk.”6 I call this mode of thinking “Imposition Mentality.” We can switch out of the mode of imposed-upon powerlessness and resistance by exercising the power of choice, making up our minds, and fully committing to doing a task.

  The year before last, I joined a local mastermind group which meets regularly for the members to help each other work towards their big life goals. During the first meeting, one of the group members shared how he was training for a marathon to raise money for tuberculosis research. It turns out that he was a shining example of surviving tuberculosis himself. Just two years earlier, he was so weak and near death that he couldn’t move out of his hospital bed and required brain surgery. He asked the group for ways he could motivate himself to train more regularly. I said, “So two years ago, you weren’t sure if you were going to live, right? I offer this: that you don’t ‘have to’ run to train for this marathon, but instead you ‘get to’ run to train for this marathon.” My words struck a chord with him, and he recommitted to running with gusto.7

  The upshot? The easiest way to consciously and deliberately take on a task (rather than feel put upon by it) is to change your language. This exercise is adapted from the book The Now Habit by Neil Fiore.8

  Part 1: Replace

  For what it’s worth, should/ought/must are common cognitive distortions, which the Inner Critic uses to twist reality to fit its means. Don’t fall for it! Make a stronger choice of words.