Banish Your Inner Critic

by Denise Jacobs

  A Change of State

  By recognizing and claiming our creativity, establishing our value, getting the upper hand on overwhelm, and beginning to strengthen and flex our idea muscles, we move to a much more empowered place: a state of flow-ful creativity.

  Congratulations! You are well on your way to returning to your Creative Self.

  Chapter 8 | Step Into

  Your Creative Power

  This chapter examines:

  Self-fullness

  Supporting Others

  Being Your Brilliance

  Finding Your Strengths

  Sharing Your Expertise

  Being a Connector

  Sharing Your Brilliance With the World

  Teaming Up For Success

  Giving and Getting Validation

  The Road Home

  “Home is where you go to find solace from the ever changing chaos, to find love within the confines of a heartless world, and to be reminded that no matter how far you wander, there will always be something waiting when you return.”

  — Kendal Rob, author

  You’ve been on a long journey to return to your Creative Self.

  The well-meaning but untrue messages of the Inner Critic forced you to wander far and wide, putting more and more distance between you and your source of power.

  You’ve wanted to get back to where you came from because down deep, you always have known how powerful creativity is. And maybe, just maybe, when you experienced moments of it shining through, you were a little frightened of just how much you could do with this source of power. But there’s been a part of you that has always known that you were capable of more – that life in general, and your life in particular, is about far more than just “dialing it in.” You have experienced the frustration and low-level stress of not exploring your capabilities. And you have felt the underutilized potential inside of you gradually start to fester and contaminate your soul.

  You’ve made the decision to change, to return to your Creative Self so that you can tap back into your creative power. Now every shift in thought from negative to positive that you make to rebuild your brain, every new practice you do that opens your eyes to how wonderfully unique you are, every time you stand up for yourself to the mean inner voice and make it slightly less vicious, has brought you closer and closer to home.

  As a matter of fact, you’re close enough now that you can tune into the station of your Creative Self, and as you continue on, the signal is getting increasingly more clear and static-free. No longer out of range of the voice of your Creative Self, you’re now respectfully listening and trusting it enough that you act upon its directives. Your Creative Self’s message is clear: “Come on home. I’m waiting for you. And I can’t wait to see you again when you get here.”

  Now that your Inner Critic is quieter, you can hear the voice of your Creative Self, and your creativity is starting to flow, let’s look at what we can do to step into your creative power. Here are some final concepts and practices you can incorporate to help you keep on with the process and continue to expand back into your creative skin, start to thrive, and start a ripple effect of the same with others.

  Be More Of Yourself

  “Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who are already and to become it.”

  — Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

  One regret of those at the end of their lives is of not living up to whom they believed themselves capable of becoming – of not fully actualizing themselves.1 So many people spend their lives fighting themselves, limiting themselves by being self-judgmental. They spend their time and energy trying to change and improve themselves, because they want to be someone, anyone, other than who they are. It’s no wonder that they are unhappy and unfulfilled.

  You, however, have committed to a different destiny. Through the process of banishing your Inner Critic, you’ve recognized where and how you’ve been beating yourself up, and you’ve been able to send kindness and compassion to the battered and bruised parts of your psyche in order to start feeling like it’s okay to be you again. You’ve become more aware of your self-critical thoughts and are now managing them better through refocusing your attention and also thinking kinder, more supportive ones. Both your tendency to compare yourself to other people and your wish that you were better are starting to fade in the face of seeing your value, getting in touch with your deep desires, and taking action. Your reserve of emotional resilience and self-trust is deepening. And you’re starting to appreciate yourself, your skills, and your talents so much more – to the point that your creativity is starting to flow.

  You are becoming more of who you are, and by starting to expand and push the limits of your creativity, you will continue to bring the fullness of all that you are to the fore.

  In positive psychology, the focus is on achieving maximum human potential by actualizing ourselves – becoming fully who we are. I think of this as thriving. When we silence the Inner Critic, we can begin to dive into the wellspring of power that is creativity and lose ourselves in the process of bringing new ideas into the world. When we emerge from the other side of the creative process, we come out as an enhanced version of ourselves – as more of ourselves, with much more to give to the world. In other words, we start to thrive.

  Become Self-full to Become Self-less

  “Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.”

  — Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun and author

  When you’re on an airplane, you know what to do when the oxygen masks fall from the ceiling, right? Of course you do: put the mask on yourself first, and then assist anyone else who needs it. I like to call this approach the “Oxygen Mask Theory.” I also refer to this as “self-fullness.”

  In contrast to being self-centered, where you are completely engrossed in your own affairs at the expense of others, or selfish, where you only care for the welfare of yourself, and therefore withhold from others, “self-fullness” is caring for the welfare of oneself in order to also care for the welfare of others. Banishing your Inner Critic is actually an act of self-fullness, not selfishness.

  The beauty of self-fullness is this: when you feed your soul and fill up your creative well, something amazing happens: self-fullness transforms into selflessness. Take, for example, Tesla Motors founder and innovation wunderkind Elon Musk. By reveling in his passion for tech, business, and physics, Musk has created forms of transportation that rely on clean energy to help combat global warming. Now that’s self-fullness transformed to selflessness on a grand scale.

  Self-fullness is not just a neat idea – it can be seen in brain activity. When we become more aware of our internal environment, such as through paying attention to the breath, we build up a part of the brain that also helps us to become better at sensing feeling. Incidentally, this is also the part of the brain that is important for empathy. Sensing the emotions of others stimulates this feeling part of the brain.2 When we get more in touch with ourselves, we are able to be more in touch with others. It is in developing and practicing compassion for ourselves and our own struggles that we develop the resources within ourselves to be able to give more to others.

  To become more of who we are, we first need to feed our own creative souls. After we’ve done that, then we will be able to feed others.

  Creative Dose: Refilling the Cup

  Purpose: To fill our creative cups so that we have more to give

  Working with a writing coach recently showed me how critically important filling up our creative cup is. To be at our creative best, we need regular sessions of creative expression and regular infusions of self care.

  You may think: Wait! If I use creativity, won’t that use up my reserves? Nope, not really. Creativity is like a self-charging battery: the act of tapping into it and expressing it enables you to tap into
and express it even more. Maya Angelou has put it this way: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”206 As for self-care, think back to the Oxygen Mask Theory. How in the world can you be useful if you don’t properly care for yourself?

  For me, giving myself time to make earrings in the mornings before writing was like taking creativity vitamins. The process relaxed my brain and taught me to trust that ideas would come to me, particularly when I didn’t push for them. And stretching in the morning was like a long hug that I was hungry for, showing me that I was cared for and mattered.

  To make sure you are stoking your creative fires so that you can use your creativity as a force for good, you must take time for creative play and valuing yourself through self care.3 Then, and only then, will your energetic, mental and emotional coffers be full enough to share your gifts with everyone.

  This exercise is adapted from the process outlined in the book Around the Writer’s Block by Rosanne Bane.4

  Step 1: Brainstorm

  Here are a few suggestions to get you started for creative play time:

  Join a lindy-hop dance class • Start coloring in coloring books

  • Take a drawing class • Start tinkering with electronics

  • Develop your singing voice like you’ve always wanted • Take up guitar • Build those raised beds to start your organic vegetable garden • Strap on your rollerblades again • Dust off that novella you’ve put away and design a cover for it while you’re at it • Sketch out those designs you’ve had in your head for years (even if you can’t sketch)

  Just starting to express your creativity will rekindle that dimmed spark back to a brightness that will light you up.

  And here are some suggestions for self-care:

  Take a bubble bath • Go for a walk in the woods • Go to the beach •

  Take yourself to a movie • Have brunch with friends • Make yourself a fancy dinner • Get a massage • Get your nails done • Spend extra time in the gym steamroom • Have a spa day

  How will you feed your creative soul? What creative play and self-care will you schedule and incorporate regularly into your schedule?

  Don’t think I’m going to let you off easy by letting you just think about it. Now it’s time to put your ideas where your creativity is.

  Step 2: Make a List

  Now that you’ve got some ideas about what you could do to for fun creative time and self-care, take a piece of paper and write a list of at least five activities that are creative and fun for you. As a matter of fact, you can start with five, but what you really need to do is to keep a running repository of ideas. Uplevel from the piece of paper to a small notebook that you carry with you so that whenever you think about, see, or hear of something that sounds enjoyable, you add it to your running list.

  Do the same with what feels like good self care to you as well. Start with five items. But don’t limit yourself to only five – as new ideas come to you, add them to your notebook.

  Step 3: Mark Your Calendar

  In order to take this endeavor seriously, making a list is not enough. When the pressure’s on and stress comes up, these items are typically the first to go. But this is precisely when you need them the most! You need to commit to making these activities a regular part of your day (Trust me, it’s true! You can thank me – and Rosanne – later).

  For each item, note what it is and when you will do it.

  Do you plan to sign up for that improv class you’ve been looking at for years? Great. Note what it is and what days and times you will attend.

  Creative play: _______________________

  When? _______________________

  Planning to get a massage once a month? Fantastic! Schedule the appointment, and then mark it on your calendar.

  Self-care: _______________________

  When?_______________________

  Do this for each creative playtime and self-care item to show yourself that you’ve got your own back. The payoff for making this commitment is two-fold: first, having fun and taking great care of yourself feels great. Second, in helping yourself by refilling your cup, you end up being able to start helping others.

  Use Your Creativity for Good

  “Creative work is not the selfish act or bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being on it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

  — Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

  In addition to becoming more of who we are, through creativity we also have the power to transform the world around us. This is not just feel-good blather, but profound truth. Think about every single object in your life. Each one of those was first an idea, for which someone then put forth the effort to make it tangible, and then further made the effort to share it with the world.

  Seriously, think about it – I mean everything: from the chair you may be sitting on, your electronic devices, and the clothes you’re wearing, to the sport you play or are a fan of, the books you read – the list is practically endless. All of those items are products of someone’s imagination and effort. If that isn’t powerful, I don’t know what is.

  Moving past the fears that hold us back to exercise and express our unique creativity creates a strong base of “creative confidence.” David and Tom Kelley of the international design consulting firm Ideo, who originated the term, define creative confidence as our innate ability to come up with new ideas and solutions that no one has had before and the courage to try them out. The more our small but regular creative successes build self-confidence and self-trust, the more we come into our creative own. Developing creative confidence starts a cascade effect of good. David Kelley says, “...when people regain this creative confidence...they start working on the things that are really important in their lives. They go in new directions. They come up with more interesting, more prolific ideas, so they can choose from better options. And they make better decisions.”5

  Let’s use our growing creative confidence to start effecting positive change on a grand scale by applying ourselves to envision a better future that we can start bringing into being now.

  Creative Dose: Where Experience, Skill, and Need Meet

  Purpose: To determine how you can use your creative skills for the greater good

  What are you going to do with your newfound burgeoning creative power? Now that you’re nurturing your Creative Self, who else can you help?

  This is a great time to start envisioning where you can put your creative skills to use that will feed your soul and help others as well.

  Take several minutes moments to close your eyes and meditate on these questions:

  What’s something you’ve always wanted to work on?

  What’s a problem that you want to solve?

  Get any ideas? Write down whatever came to you.

  If nothing comes to mind, then try this visualization:

  Imagine yourself in your mind’s eye. Then start expanding your view outward as though you were a camera that’s pulling away.

  What issues really concern you? Can you see anything that moves you to get involved in your neighborhood? How about in your town or city, state, or region? Is there a particular group that you would like to help? Whose pain do you feel that you would like to help because you’ve been there too?

  Keep in mind that you’re not trying to solve everything. You are, however, looking to see where there is a logical fit. Where does what you are naturally good at and how you creatively problem-solve fit with an issue that you could apply it to and feed your creative soul while helping others?

  When you open your eyes, write down whatever insights and ideas came to you:

  People often experience the most profound, self-actualizing, and life-enhancing experiences when they use their skills and talent to help others. Sometimes focusing outside of yours
elf, also causes you to see yourself, your talents, and their power more clearly.

  Shine Your Light

  “Let your light shine. Be a source of strength and courage. Share your wisdom. Radiate love.”

  — Wilferd Peterson, author

  Another wish of people nearing death is that they had touched more lives and had inspired more people.6 By getting to a place of expressing your creativity, you may not only touch people with your work, but you can inspire them to have the courage to share their creative gifts with the world too. In this way, you not only contribute to making the world a better place with your own contribution, but by inspiring others to follow suit, embrace their creativity, and share their gifts with the world, which benefits humanity even more.

  Be Your Brilliance

  “You have brilliance in you, your contribution is valuable, and the art you create is precious. Only you can do, and you must.”

  — Seth Godin, author, entrepreneur, marketer, and speaker

  In his book Release your Brilliance, author Simon Bailey describes being your brilliance as “letting out the genius within you.”7 You may think to yourself, “Brilliance? Genius?! These are not words that apply to me! The stuff I’m good at is easy – anyone could do it!”

  The interesting thing about being your brilliance is that it seems counter-intuitive, because it’s not “hard.” It’s more like breathing: you really have to pay attention to notice it. For example, do you think about your eye color? No, because you can’t see it. However, it is still a distinguishing characteristic about you to others. Similarly, because it is so second nature, your brilliance is probably invisible to you. However, others absolutely marvel at your ability to seemingly effortlessly execute said skill, looking at you with awe.

  Like your eye color, your vocal pattern, and your genetic code, you are 100 percent completely unique. No one has the combination of experience, interests, talents, and skills that you do. They are singularly yours and they endure – your talents and aptitudes are not going anywhere. But if you don’t know what that special something of yours is, it will be that much harder for you to accentuate it and share it with others.