Banish Your Inner Critic

by Denise Jacobs

  Retroactive thanks go to Krista Stevens, my original editor for the article “Banishing Your Inner Critic” in the webzine A List Apart in 2011, Jeffrey Zeldman for giving the article the green light, and Carolyn Wood for inviting me a year earlier to submit an article idea. Deep thanks go to Alec Matias and his heartfelt email to me about how much my 2014 Web Standards Sherpa article “Breaking the Perfectionism-Procrastination Infinite Loop” helped him actually change his habits and perspective.

  Many thanks to Stephanie Fernandez and Cristina Nostra at Books and Books for starting the process of creating a really different and wonderful book launch event for the book. I’m so excited! Thanks to Mitchell Kaplan for great conversations about the writing scene in Miami, and for having an awesome independent bookstore and giving Miami’s intelligentsia a place to gather. Thanks to Rebekah Monson of Miami New Tropic for being a friend and for being willing to support the book event.

  Even though she wasn’t a part of this book process, I have to thank Nivi Morales for introducing me to the artwork of her brother, Americo Morales. He is the maestro behind the watercolor art that graced the cover and influenced the interior chapters. In fact, his piece “Untitled” has inspired me from the very first moment I saw it, and is the energy and spirit that I hope will permeate my work and my brand forever. I encourage you to visit AmericoMorales.net to be inspired by this remarkable artist yourself.

  Deep thanks go to all of the people who have attended my keynotes, talks, and workshops through the years. I do this work because I love it, and your interest and participation inspire me to keep going, and to want to give you even more content that will help make your lives better.

  And last, but not least, even though they can’t read, I’d like to thank my office feline moral support staff members, Aashika and Zealand. They have been the ones who have worked (read: slept and been petted) tirelessly, spent late nights at my side, and been adoring and loyal companions.

  About the Author

  Denise R. Jacobs is a Keynote Speaker + Author + Creativity Evangelist who speaks at conferences and consults with companies worldwide. As the Founder + CEO of The Creative Dose, she promotes techniques to unlock creativity and spark innovation in people, teams, and workplaces, particularly those in the tech world. She teaches game-changing techniques for busting through creative blocks, developing clear and effective communication, cultivating collaboration, and up-leveling productive creativity.

  Through speaking, writing, training, and consulting, Denise shares big concepts that challenge the status quo and lead to “ahas” that translate into immediate actions, skills, and new habits to transform all aspects of people’s work lives with focused creativity and improved productivity. Her objective is real-world results where teams work better, produce more, and skyrocket their company’s success. Denise has presented at events and organizations worldwide such as Google, Facebook, Automattic, GitHub, the BBC, South By Southwest Interactive, NDC Oslo, UX Week, The Society for Technical Communications, various chapters of The American Marketing Association, Creative Mornings, The Future of Storytelling, The Future of Web Design, Inbound, CREATE Fest, AdobeMax, and TEDxRheinMain.

  Denise is a Web Design & Development industry veteran and is the author of The CSS Detective Guide, the principal book on troubleshooting CSS code. She co-authored the Smashing Book #3: Redesign the Web and InterAct with Web Standards: A holistic guide to web design, and was nominated for .Net Magazine’s 2010 Best of the Web “Standards Champion” award.

  Denise is also the founder of Rawk The Web, a movement focused on changing the face of the tech industry by increasing the numbers of visible diverse tech experts, and the Head Instigator of The Creativity (R)Evolution, a movement to spread the force of creativity around the world as a vehicle for positive change.

  When not traveling for speaking, leading workshops, coaching or writing, Denise tends to the organic garden that is her whole backyard, designs and makes handmade earrings, dreams up and produces new handmade herbal soap flavors, and gets lost in speculative fiction and magical realism books. Denise resides in Miami, Florida.

  Notes

  Notes: Introduction

  1 Gwendolyn Bounds, “How Handwriting Boosts the Brain,” Wall Street Journal, accessed January 10, 2017, http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704631504575531932754922518.

  Notes: Chapter 1 – Why Banish the Inner Critic?

  1 Kotler, Steven. “Flow States and Creativity.” Psychology Today. Accessed December 16, 2016. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-playing-field/201402/flow-states-and-creativity.

  2 Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (New York: Harper & Row, 1990), 48-67.

  3 Kotler, “Flow States and Creativity.”

  4 Kotler, “Flow States and Creativity.”

  5 Anne McIlroy, “Neuroscientists Try to Unlock the Origins of Creativity.” The Globe and Mail. Accessed December 16, 2016. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/technology/science/neuroscientists-try-to-unlock-the-origins-of-creativity/article565081/.

  6 McIlroy, “Neuroscientists Try to Unlock the Origins of Creativity.”

  7 Firestone, Robert, Lisa A. Firestone, and Joyce Catlett. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2002.

  8 David Kelley and Tom Kelley, Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential Within Us All (2013), 6.

  9 W. Timothy Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work (New York: Random House, 2000), 7.

  Notes: Chapter 2 – Take Back Your Creative Power

  1 Sharon Begley, Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves (New York: Ballantine Books, 2007), 244.

  2 Judah Pollack and Oliva Fox Cabane, “Your Brain Has A “Delete” Button--Here’s How To Use It,” Fast Company, accessed January 24, 2017, https://www.fastcompany.com/3059634/your-most-productive-self/your-brain-has-a-delete-button-heres-how-to-use-it.

  3 Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius, Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, & Wisdom (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2009).

  4 Begley, Train Your Brain, 157.

  5 Begley, Train Your Brain, 160.

  6 W. Timothy Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work (New York: Random House, 2000), 44.

  7 Begley, Train Your Brain, 237.

  8 Begley, Train Your Brain, 147.

  9 Begley, Train Your Brain, 140.

  10 Paul Gilbert and Sue Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach,” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 13, no. 6 (2006): 371, doi:10.1002/cpp.507.

  11 Begley, Train Your Brain, 254.

  12 Begley, Train Your Brain, 149.

  13 Carolyn Gregoire, “How To Wire Your Brain For Happiness,” The Huffington Post, accessed January 21, 2017, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/how-tiny-joyful-moments-c_n_4108363.html.

  14 Begley, Train Your Brain, 150.

  15 Hanson and Mendius, Buddha’s Brain.

  16 Hanson and Mendius, Buddha’s Brain.

  17 Begley, Train Your Brain, 141.

  18 Begley, Train Your Brain, 148.

  19 Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind (New York: William Morrow, 2011), 101.

  20 Begley, Train Your Brain, 139.

  21 Begley, Train Your Brain, 148.

  22 Begley, Train Your Brain, 229.

  23 Begley, Train Your Brain, 146.

  24 Begley, Train Your Brain, 9.

  25 Gilbert and Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism,” 357.

  26 Andrew Plotkin, “Jane McGonigal Talk: “Reality is Broken”,” The Games
helf |Independent Game Criticism and Other Interesting Stuff, accessed January 4, 2017, http://gameshelf.jmac.org/2011/02/jane-mcgonigal-talk-reality-is/.

  27 Collen M. Story, “7 Ways to Overcome Destructive Self-Criticism,” Writing and Wellness, accessed January 4, 2017, http://www.writingandwellness.com/2016/03/21/7-ways-to-overcome-destructive-self-criticism/.

  28 Sandra Bienkowski, “5 Ways Self-Compassion Can Turn Your Life Around,” The Huffington Post, accessed January 4, 2017, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sandra-bienkowski/5-ways-self-compassion-can-turn-your-life-around_b_9040752.html.

  29 Neff, Self-Compassion, 47.

  30 Michelle McQuaid, “3 Ways to Turn Self-Criticism Into Self-Compassion,” Psychology Today, accessed January 4, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/functioning-flourishing/201604/3-ways-turn-self-criticism-self-compassion.

  31 Story, “7 Ways to Overcome Destructive Self-Criticism.”

  32 Story, “7 Ways to Overcome Destructive Self-Criticism.”

  33 Robin Nixon, “Self-Compassion: The Most Important Life Skill?,” Live Science, accessed January 4, 2017, http://www.livescience.com/14165-parenting-compassion-life-skills.html.

  34 Gilbert and Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism,” 358.

  35 Kristin Neff, PhD, “What Self-Compassion is Not: Self-esteem, Self-pity, Indulgence,” SelfCompassion.org, accessed January 23, 2017, http://self-compassion.org/what-self-compassion-is-not-2/.

  36 Gilbert and Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism,” 357.

  37 Gilbert and Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism,” 364.

  38 Paul Gilbert and Deborah A. Lee, “The perfect nurturer: A model to develop a compassionate mind within the context of cognitive therapy,” in Compassion: Conceptualisations, Research and Use in Psychotherapy (London: Routledge, 2005), 326-351.

  39 Melinda Smith, M.A et al., “How to Stop Worrying: Self-Help Tips for Relieving Anxiety, Worry, and Fear,” HelpGuide.org, accessed January 24, 2017, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm.

  Notes: Chapter 3 – Judgment Dread

  1 Timothy A. Pychyl Ph.D., “Procrastination and Flow Experiences: A Tale of Opposites,” Psychology Today, accessed January 14, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200805/procrastination-and-flow-experiences-tale-opposites.

  2 “Our Approach — The Compassionate Mind Foundation USA,” The Compassionate Mind Foundation USA, accessed January 13, 2017, http://www.compassionfocusedtherapy.com/new-page/.

  3 Carolyn Gregoire, “How To Wire Your Brain For Happiness,” The Huffington Post, accessed January 21, 2017, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/how-tiny-joyful-moments-c_n_4108363.html.

  4 Roy F. Baumeister et al., “Bad is stronger than good,” Review of General Psychology 5, no. 4 (2001): doi:10.1037//1089-2680.5.4.323.

  5 Rick Hanson, “Confronting the Negativity Bias - Dr. Rick Hanson,” Dr. Rick Hanson: The Neuroscience of Lasting Happiness, accessed January 13, 2017, http://www.rickhanson.net/how-your-brain-makes-you-easily-intimidated/.

  6 “When a Stranger Calls (1979 Film) - Wikipedia,” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, accessed January 18, 2017, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_a_Stranger_Calls_(1979_film).

  7 “After Earth,” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, accessed February 8, 2017, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After_Earth.

  8 Alison Poulsen, PhD, “Criticism and Contempt,” So what I really meant..., accessed January 14, 2017, http://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/articles/conflict/criticism-and-contempt/.

  9 Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (New York: Little, Brown and Co, 2005).

  10 Paul Gilbert and Sue Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach,”Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 13, no. 6 (2006): 363, doi:10.1002/cpp.507.

  11 Gilbert and Procter, “Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism,” 358.

  12 Julia Galef, “Surprise Journal: Notice the Unexpected to Fight Confirmation Bias for Science and Self-improvement,” Slate Magazine, accessed January 14, 2017, http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2015/01/surprise_journal_notice_the_unexpected_to_fight_confirmation_bias_for_science.html.

  13 W. Timothy Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work (New York: Random House, 2000), 117.

  14 Lida Citroen, “3 Reasons to Create a Kudos File,” Unleashing Your Brand, accessed January 14, 2017, http://www.unleashingyourbrand.com/3-reasons-to-create-a-kudos-file/.

  15 Michael Gavin, “Do you have a kudos file? Do you contribute to someone else’s?,” LinkedIn, accessed January 14, 2017, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-you-have-kudos-file-contribute-someone-elses-michael-galvin.

  16 Kristen Tobias, M.A., “Awfulizing time,” The Albert Ellis Institute, n.d.albertellis.org/awfulizing-time.

  17 Marelisa Fabrega, “Ten Strategies for Overcoming the Negativity Bias and Increasing Your Quality of Life,” Daring to Live Fully, accessed January 13, 2017, https://daringtolivefully.com/overcoming-negativity-bias.

  18 Meryl Streep, “A Conversation with Meryl Streep” (lecture, Chancellor’s Speaker Series, University of Massachusetts Lowell, Lowell, Massachusetts, April 1, 2014).

  19 Eric Maisel, Mastering Creative Anxiety: Twenty-Four Lessons for Writers, Painters, Musicians, and Actors from America’s Foremost Creativity Coach (Novato, Calif: New World Library, 2011), 37.

  20 Phil Hansen, “Phil Hansen: Embrace the Shake,” TED: Ideas Worth Spreading, n.d.https://www.ted.com/talks/phil_hansen_embrace_the_shake?language=en.

  21 Jessica Stillman, “5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Criticism,” Inc.com, accessed January 21, 2017, http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/5-ways-to-get-the-most-criticism.html.

  22 Lori Deschene, “How to Deal with Criticism Well: 25 Reasons to Embrace It,” Tiny Buddha, accessed January 21, 2017, http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-criticism-well-25-reasons-to-embrace-it/.

  23 Hugh MacLeod, Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity (New York: Portfolio, 2009).

  24 Margaret Paul, PhD, “Do You Compare Yourself to Others?,” The Huffington Post, accessed January 14, 2017, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/self-worth_b_2855751.html.

  25 James Clear, “Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work,” James Clear, accessed January 14, 2017, http://jamesclear.com/haters.

  Footnotes: Chapter 3

  1 You can download your Commitment to Self Vow here: creativedo.se/commitment-to-selfvow

  Notes: Chapter 4 – High Self-Criticism

  1 Holly VanScoy, Ph.D, “The Many Faces of Shame,” Psych Central, accessed February 6, 2017, https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-many-faces-of-shame/.

  2 Theodore A. Powers, Richard Koestner, and David C. Zuroff, “Self–Criticism, Goal Motivation, and Goal Progress,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 26, no. 7 (2007): 827, doi:10.1521/jscp.2007.26.7.826.

  3 Elizabeth Bernstein, “’Self Talk’: When Talking to Yourself, the Way You Do It Makes a Difference,” Wall Street Journal, accessed February 1, 2017, https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304831304579543772121720600.

  4 Pamela Weintraub, “The Voice of Reason,” Psychology Today, accessed January 28, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201505/the-voice-reason.

  5 Weintraub, “The Voice of Reason.”

  6 Adam Phillips. “Against Self-Criticism.” London Review of Books 37 no. 5 (2015): 13-16, http://www.lrb.co.uk/v37/n05/adam-phillips/against-self-criticism.

  7 Rick Hanson, “Confronting the Negativity Bias,” Dr. Rick Hanson: The Neuroscience of Lasting Happiness, accessed January 13, 2017, http://www.rickhans
on.net/how-your-brain-makes-you-easily-intimidated/.